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Sex with Dr. Jess


April 7, 2023

Hand Fetishes: How to understand, explore & express your desires

Jess was recently asked to weigh in on hand fetishes, which was an absolute pleasure because she has a bit of one herself! (Although she’d refer to it as a kink as opposed to a fetish.)

Check out the Q&A notes below.

What is a hand fetish?

A hand fetish simply refers to attraction to or arousal in response to hands.

A fetish is often described as something that is necessary in order to experience sexual arousal.  But it’s also possible to fetishize non-sexual objects or body parts without an erotic reliance, so you can call your attraction to hands a kink or a fetish according to your personal preferences.

Why are people attracted to hands? 

Hands hold so much erotic power. They have the capacity to entice, stroke, trickle, touch, brush, fondle, arouse and so much more. They are often the first way we connect physically (with a handshake or wave).

They’re visually appealing and there are so many ways we adorn the hands — from jewelry to nail polish to henna and more.

How do you dip your pinkie into hand play if you might be interested?

Take some time to explore photos and videos to see what really turns you on. You might even keep a journal to track your responses to different images and scenarios.

Consider multiple sides of the equation when it comes to hands:

  • Hands as givers of pleasure.
    How can you touch with your own hands to derive pleasure?
  • Hands as receivers of pleasure.
    How can you have your hands touched to create arousal and pleasure?
  • The erotic form of hands — this may be tied to the shape of your fingers or the way they grasp an erotic object/body part.

What are some tips/tricks for better/more pleasurable hand fetish play? What are some variations of things you can try?

Take your lover by the hand and show them how you like them to use their hands. Or ask them to do the same for you.

Play with toys on your hands. Roll a bullet vibe between your palms (The TangoX is my fave.) Dip a lay-on vibe in Astroglide’s Toy N Joy lube and massage is over their fingertips. Blindfold them and play with different toys and textures in between their fingers. (Or ask them to do the same to you!)

Try mindful touch as both giver and receiver. This one is from my Mindful Sex video course, which helps you to slow down and heighten pleasure with video and audio guides:

Find a comfortable position. Relax or close your eyes.

Sit back as your partner strokes and caresses your hand and arm for 5-10 minutes.

Focus only on your own pleasure as you receive their touch.

Tune into the movements, textures, temperature and sensations in your body.

If your mind wanders, don’t worry; simply bring it back to the present and hone in on the physical sensations of their touch.

The next day, switch roles and simply take note of how you respond. The exercise need not be sexual or erotic. It can simply help you to tune into the physical pleasure of your hands.

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How do you talk to a partner about your interest in hands or your hand fetish?

  • You might compliment their hands or pay attention to their hands during erotic play.
  • You might ask them what they think of your hands.
  • You might adorn your hands or ask them if you can adorn theirs.
  • You might ask them to send pics of their hands or send pics of yours.
  • You might text/chat about what you’d like them to do with their hands – and what you want to do with yours.
  • You might let them know how much you enjoy hands more generally — and talk about why. Be specific about what you like. Is it a certain look? A particular movement? A sound you make with your hands?
  • Let the know what they can do to pique your interest with their hands or yours…

Is having a hand fetish weird or abnormal?

Nope! You’re perfectly normal and shouldn’t be ashamed. Nor should any partner shame you for your desires.

What causes the attraction to hands?

We can’t always explain kinks and fetishes. There are many theories.

For example, some people believe fetishes develop as a learned and subconscious response to an early erotic experience (imprinting).

Others theorize that fetishes related to body parts may have to do with the way the brain interprets and processes pleasure.

But for some, a fetish is simply about pleasure and arousal — it requires no explanation. If you’re into something, give yourself permission to lean into it and explore with curiosity.