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Sex with Dr. Jess


April 20, 2023

3 Conversations To Save A Relationship: Why? How? What?

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In this quickie episode, Jess and Brandon reflect upon a recent argument and share three conversations to address relationship issues. They share their personal perspectives and delve into the importance of addressing three main points when you’re struggling: 

1. Why you want to work on the relationship 

2. How you’re feeling vs how you want to feel 

3. What you want & what you’re willing to compromise 

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

3 Conversations To Save A Relationship: Why? How? What?

[00:00:00] You’re listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I’m your co-host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

[00:00:22] Jess O’Reilly: Well, hello. I have a question for you. How. How are your stress levels right now? I’m

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: feeling pretty good. Not very high.

[00:00:30] Jess O’Reilly: Really? Yeah. On a one to 10 today I’m like a three. Okay. What’s your baseline?

[00:00:36] Brandon Ware: A seven. No, that’s what I was gonna say. Uh, the last six months, probably

[00:00:42] Jess O’Reilly: like a five. Okay. And lifetime? Like adult lifetime?

[00:00:45] Brandon Ware: Adult lifetime, probably. Yeah. Probably like a six to seven.

[00:00:49] Jess O’Reilly: Oh man. Yeah.

[00:00:51] Brandon Ware: Okay. I didn’t realize before how high my baseline was until I started to pay attention to it. And, you know, recognizing some of the feelings that I would feel on a regular basis.

[00:01:01] Brandon Ware: The, the, you know, the butterflies in my stomach. I was like, oh, it’s I’m hungry, or it’s whatever. No, it’s like, man, this is

[00:01:05] Jess O’Reilly: stress and has your, Stress overall come down over the last few years as you become more aware of that? Uh,

[00:01:11] Brandon Ware: yes it has, but I mean, it’s obviously spiked at different points because of different things that have happened.

[00:01:15] Brandon Ware: Like I remember, you know, the uncertainty when the, the pandemic first started, like, yeah, I was a bit more stressed out. I remember having some pretty intense dreams those first like four or five weeks or six weeks of the pandemic when it started. Um, and then there have been other things that have happened over the last handful of years that have caused pretty significant spike in stress.

[00:01:33] Brandon Ware: But today you’re three.

[00:01:34] Jess O’Reilly: Today I’m a three man. Why are you feeling

[00:01:36] Brandon Ware: good? You know, I don’t know. I woke up early, got in, um, did a bit of work, and then got in a good workout, which I wasn’t expecting. Mm-hmm. And, uh, after a six hour

[00:01:46] Jess O’Reilly: time change Last

[00:01:47] Brandon Ware: night. After, yeah, after like a really big time change and, uh, just in a general good mood.

[00:01:53] Brandon Ware: So I’m just gonna keep rolling with it. Well, I’m

[00:01:55] Jess O’Reilly: here to ruin it. No, just kidding. What? Thank you. No, there just seems to be a lot of stress [00:02:00] in the world. Like the headlines. Yeah, the tragedy. And I am finding that I’m receiving more and more messages from people in distress about life, but particularly about relationships.

[00:02:11] Jess O’Reilly: And so that’s why I asked about stress, because I, I’m curious, like, does the world feel more stressed right

[00:02:15] Brandon Ware: now? Yeah. Well, when I start thinking about the headlines that I read in the news every day, I. Like a six. So right now, I’m, I’m, so let’s bring you back down three. I’m at, I’m at like a four and a half right now.

[00:02:25] Brandon Ware: So where are we going with

[00:02:26] Jess O’Reilly: this? Oh, no, I’m gonna keep you, bring you right back down. Well, so basically I’ve just received kind of an onslaught of messages in the last, I wanna say 10 days or so from people who are really stressed out and more than anything struggling in their relationships. So I’ve received a whole bunch of messages around it, infidelity.

[00:02:43] Jess O’Reilly: For others, it’s kind of prolonged emotional disconnection from their partner. For some, it’s about compatibility related oftentimes to monogamy versus non monogamy. And all these people, although each story is, is so unique, uh, and so challenging, they’re really all in the same place of kind of wavering between how do we make this relationship work, but also they’re trying to figure out if they can make it work.

[00:03:06] Brandon Ware: Hmm. So

[00:03:07] Jess O’Reilly: there’s some heavy questions. Yeah. It, it’s interesting, of course, not everyone is open to therapy. Not everyone has access to therapy from a practical, from a relational, from a financial perspective, even just access, right? Mm-hmm. Some people are in places where they can’t find a therapist who meets their needs.

[00:03:22] Jess O’Reilly: So a number of people have been asking for strategies, uh, for coaching, tips to kind of get started at tackling these big relationship issues. And of course, you know, there’s no one size fits all approach, and for many of them, they’re kind of just asking. To deal with themselves. I admire this so much. A lot of people are just asking like, how do I deal with the triggers?

[00:03:42] Jess O’Reilly: How do I manage my mood? Mm-hmm. How do I deal with what I’m feeling, even if I can’t fix the relationship first? So, you know, sometimes I’ll share different mindfulness approaches or meditation approaches, other tools. But eventually when they get to the point where they wanna kind of talk amongst themselves, talk to their partner, uh, I’ve been sharing different conversations they [00:04:00] can have again, because it does not.

[00:04:02] Jess O’Reilly: Therapy, but some people just wanna get started on their own. So I’ve got these three conversations that I often use more for preventative work or when people run into kind of small issues of conflict. And some of them have taken these questions and they’re, they start to write down their answers and then they set time aside to kind of go over what they’ve jotted down with their partners and discuss them in greater detail.

[00:04:22] Jess O’Reilly: And then some of. Will actually take these tools to a therapist. So they’re actually taking the tool into therapy and having the therapist help facilitate the conversation, which I think is really cool. I know not all therapists will like this approach, right? Some people don’t wanna take some sort of formula that isn’t theirs.

[00:04:37] Jess O’Reilly: But some people are, some therapists obviously are super open to using tools that clients bring in and adapting them. So I, that’s what I wanna do today cuz it’s a bit of a quickie episode cuz we had some tech issues. So we’re gonna do, uh, a quickie episode and I’m gonna, Approach. Again, it’s not therapy, it’s just one way to have some meaningful conversations when you’re feeling stucked or when you feel like the relationship is in jeopardy.

[00:05:02] Jess O’Reilly: And I think it’s, they’re conversations, but they’re also self-reflection. So even if your partner isn’t willing to engage at this moment in time, I think it’s still super useful. And it doesn’t only apply to intimate relationships. And basically these conversations go, why? And what, so why, how what? The why is where we start.

[00:05:26] Jess O’Reilly: It’s so important and it’s really asking yourself why. Why do you wanna work on this relationship? Why do you value it? Why do you care about your partner or this person or a friend? What are the qualities that you appreciate, that you admire, that you value? So why do you wanna work on it? Why do you value it?

[00:05:45] Jess O’Reilly: Why do you care about either this person or this relationship? And to me, the why lays the foundation for. Goals, right? Improving the quality of the relationship as a team. Hopefully, if you can get them to come to the table. And allows you to kind of state your [00:06:00] intention to invest in the relationship. I think that’s a really good place to start, and you’re really good at this.

[00:06:04] Jess O’Reilly: I noticed, like we had a, we had a fight the other night. Yes, we did. It’s my fault. I’m pretty sure.

[00:06:08] Brandon Ware: I don’t think it was your fault. I’m sure I took, I’m responsible for a large part of it, but yes, we had an argument.

[00:06:13] Yeah.

[00:06:14] Jess O’Reilly: If you count 9% as large, maybe think you giving

[00:06:17] Brandon Ware: me too much

[00:06:17] Jess O’Reilly: credit, but please continue.

[00:06:19] Jess O’Reilly: No, and I mean, it, it wasn’t good like I was feeling. Really bad. And what I noticed was you said to me a couple times, we’re gonna work this out. And I was like, you freaking jerk. I hate you right now. But thank you for saying that. Thank you so much for saying that. Um, so I think the why is important to kind of always start from, and if you were to ask me the why, like, well, why do I wanna work on this relationship?

[00:06:38] Jess O’Reilly: Why do I value it? Why do I care about you? Those are very. Easy questions to answer, even in the heat of anger, even when I’m super triggered, even when I go to that place that is, and I’ll own this for myself, not for anyone else where I’m totally unreasonable, where I’m like just so irate. I was, again, picture that angry rhino with the steam coming outta their nose.

[00:06:59] Jess O’Reilly: Mm-hmm. And that’s me. Even if I’m not yelling and screaming, that’s what I’m feeling. So I think the why is so, so important. Like if you’re simply trying to resolve multiple issues without clearly highlighting the reason. Why you’re doing it. It’s easy to lose sight of your goal, right? Which is to work together for a more fulfilling relationship or to work on yourself for a more fulfilling relationship.

[00:07:19] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I like the idea of focusing on what you can do to change as opposed to focusing in on somebody else. But thinking back about that argument that we had the other night, me making that comment to you was definitely an assurance that, you know, you know, this is important. Why this is important to me, this relationship matters in the heat of the moment.

[00:07:35] Brandon Ware: It’s not that it was difficult to say that. Hmm. But it wasn’t something. You know, immediately kind of popped into my mind when I, when we were having that, that argument. I remember thinking, I need to, number one, this, I do value, I do value this relationship very much, but I also want you to know that like in this moment, I want you to know that this matters.

[00:07:51] Brandon Ware: We’re gonna get through this and we’ll figure out a solution. Did,

[00:07:54] Jess O’Reilly: did I respond positively or was I jerked? Yeah, no, you

[00:07:56] Brandon Ware: did respond positively. But that also wasn’t the behavior [00:08:00] that, that we entered into this relationship that I had. Like, I remember being in this relationship at the very beginning and getting into an argument and for whatever reason growing up, like when it, when there was an argument you dug in, and I know I still do a lot of this, but it’s like you dig in, you defend your position, you defend, you know, your, your, your, your, your, yeah.

[00:08:16] Brandon Ware: Just your position.

[00:08:17] Jess O’Reilly: You get a little aggressive. Not now, but I remember.

[00:08:19] Brandon Ware: No, but I, yeah. Getting aggressive, I guess isn’t the word I would use, but being very stubborn, but then also firing back. Mm-hmm. Like I used to, I, I learned growing up that it was like you fired back if somebody fired at you, even if that.

[00:08:35] Brandon Ware: That argument was, I, I know I’m not articulating well, but the idea that, Hey, you did this wrong. Well, my response immediately as growing up was, well, you did that wrong. Mm. Do you know what I mean? So now it was just like, okay, sit in this for a minute. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I did that wrong. No, no, no. That’s, that’s right.

[00:08:49] Brandon Ware: This, this relationship’s important. We’re gonna work through this. I want you to know this, this matters. Let’s, let’s continue.

[00:08:55] Jess O’Reilly: I mean, I don’t think that was your,

[00:08:57] Brandon Ware: Was it not? It might not have been. No, for sure.

[00:09:00] Jess O’Reilly: But I think that that why is so important. Can you clarify why this issue is important? Why you wanna have this discussion?

[00:09:05] Jess O’Reilly: And I think this guides the conversation and helps to improve understanding. And I, I think it also can, in the long run, in the big picture, help to reduce arguments cuz you might realize that your why. Maybe it’s not reasonable, or maybe the issue may not be worth arguing about. Right. But if we can go back to why we wanna work on it, why you value it, why do you care about your partner?

[00:09:24] Jess O’Reilly: And I’m thinking specifically about all these cases I’ve been receiving in messages as of late. You have to figure out does the why exist? Like do you wanna work on this relationship? Do you value it? And yes, people value relationships for many reasons, like maybe. We’ve put in 15 years together, we have three beautiful kids.

[00:09:41] Jess O’Reilly: We have this beautiful life. But are, is that enough? Well, is

[00:09:44] Brandon Ware: that, does that why matter? Like do you think it matters we’ve put in 15 years? Is that a good why?

[00:09:49] Jess O’Reilly: I think, I think in the right context it is. Mm-hmm. I think in other context it isn’t. Mm-hmm. So if you’re making each other miserable and you just continue to hurt each other and you roll your eyes when they walk in the room and kind [00:10:00] of everything they do pisses you off.

[00:10:02] Jess O’Reilly: I think you gotta go back to the drawing board. I’m not saying you need to break up. Yeah. But I don’t know that the why of, well, we have a great life. You know, we’re a successful family. We’ve got three beautiful kids. That may not be enough. So I think you have to figure out, you know, what your real why is and does it align with your values?

[00:10:18] Jess O’Reilly: And that kind of goes to, I guess, some pre-work, which is knowing what really matters to you, which is. In a culture that kind of dictates what ought to matter for us. Mm-hmm. But I, I think this is a good way to start. Okay. So we’ve done the why and then the how. And when I say how, I’m not talking about solutions, I’m talking about feelings.

[00:10:36] Jess O’Reilly: So how are you feeling? Right. Oftentimes in arguments we focus on winning or making a point, or as you said, returning fire and we don’t address the real issues. And to me, those issues are the feelings. We’re experiencing like the ones we maybe don’t want, and the feeling or feelings that we’re craving.

[00:10:53] Jess O’Reilly: So what am I feeling? What do I want to be feeling? Hmm. So, you know, vulnerable emotions often show up as anger, right? Instead of admitting that we’re scared, that we’re nervous, that we’re insecure, that we feel unstable, that we’re, check the hair’s mine emotionally exhausted, we express. Yeah, because it feels safer, it feels more powerful.

[00:11:12] Jess O’Reilly: It’s, it’s a learned behavior from when we were younger. I think for

[00:11:15] Brandon Ware: me, it, it’s, it’s the, it, it was my default. It was the masculine default. It’s like, I’m not vulnerable, I’m not afraid, I’m not, you know, embarrassed or shameful. It’s like I’m angry. Mm-hmm. Right. And now it’s like, no, no, no. Strip away the anger for a second.

[00:11:28] Brandon Ware: What are, what do you really feel? And it’s hard to get to that, those root feelings sometimes. But it feels good when you do get.

[00:11:35] Jess O’Reilly: Yeah. And I think so many of us kind of grew up in spaces where you could be happy, sad, or angry. Yeah. And that was kind of it. And anger was the one that won in many of our households in many of our mm-hmm.

[00:11:46] Jess O’Reilly: You know, family of Origins. Yeah. Where anger was the one that overpowered everything else. Yeah. So we go to anger and I notice that like sometimes, especially again, I’ve said this before, certain times of the month I just get so angry so quickly about nothing [00:12:00] and. You know, the, the how is, how are you feeling?

[00:12:03] Jess O’Reilly: Can you dig a bit deeper to get it? The fear that underpins your anger? Do you fear being abandoned? Do you fear being seen as weak? Do you fear losing? Do you fear being left behind? And it’s amazing how expressions of vulnerability can save an ailing relationship by just deepening intimacy and fostering understanding.

[00:12:21] Jess O’Reilly: When I say I feel weak, when I kind of admit to something, it can be very dis. Right. So it eases tension during a fight or an argument, and it can turn an argument into a conversation. Mm-hmm. I really think that genuine vulnerable expressions can shift an argument into an actual discussion. And when I reflect back on the argument we had the other night, I think there was a bit of that where it’s like one of us, I don’t wanna share everything.

[00:12:45] Jess O’Reilly: Listen, listen kits, we’re not gonna, sure enough, share everything. Yeah. I know you’re supposed to be totally open, but I don’t wanna get into the details of it. But I do know that when I see vulnerability in. I soften and that anger softens and sometimes it just takes one of you. Mm-hmm. To admit, you know what, here’s what I’m craving.

[00:13:03] Jess O’Reilly: Like, I wanna feel good enough. Um, I wanna feel loved. I wanna feel valued. I wanna feel important, I wanna feel safe. I wanna feel nurtured and maybe. You can’t use the words to express your emotional need, but how is your spar partner supposed to fulfill this emotional need? If you can’t find some way to say it again, I go back to kids, and with kids sometimes, you know, we’ll print out a bunch of emotions with a bunch of kind of emojis and put it on the fridge so that when they are having a meltdown, they can point and say, here’s the one.

[00:13:30] Jess O’Reilly: Can you print one of those for me please? You know what? I think it’s really useful to us. Oh, I’m serious. Like even if I say name 15 emotions. For a lot of us put on the spot, it’s hard to do. So I think that if we had like these lists, I’m so

[00:13:45] Brandon Ware: glad you didn’t just ask me to name 15 emotions.

[00:13:48] Jess O’Reilly: No, I have no time to edit Brandon.

[00:13:51] Jess O’Reilly: Uh, whole lot of ums and ahs, so if you can’t use the words, I think it’s very difficult to get your partner to fulfill this need. And, and [00:14:00] again, it. It’s not your responsibility to cultivate all the feelings that your partner wants. It can’t fall solely on, on you. So I think we both have to look at it. If I, if I’m feeling, I’m trying to think what I was feeling the other night.

[00:14:11] Jess O’Reilly: Oh, it had to do with value. Mm-hmm. Like I, I think I told you it’s something to do with respect. If I’m not feeling the thing that I’m trying to feel, yeah. I can ask you to help me feel that way, but I also have to look at, okay. Why does this deficit exist independently of this relationship? When we don’t get what we need, we so often blame the easiest target, and in relationships that easiest target is like the person you’re living with, right?

[00:14:33] Jess O’Reilly: Mm-hmm. We do it with friends, we do it with parents, we do it with siblings. It’s oftentimes a matter of proximity, don’t you think? Like we just reach for the person who’s there. I can admit that sometimes when I feel disrespected, it comes from all the little micro experiences of disrespect that I experience all day.

[00:14:52] Jess O’Reilly: Right. Like whether it’s a message I receive mm-hmm. Or something somebody else says to me or the way I’m treated. You know, when I walk into a space, I’m not saying that, you know, I’m, I’m disrespected everywhere I go. But there are small things and sometimes, you know, I know it’s for certain reasons to do with my identity, to do with my work and that can add up.

[00:15:09] Jess O’Reilly: And so I can arrive at you to our relationship to our. Maybe already 50% depleted and then you do something small or I perceive you to be doing something. Like when I reflect on what happened, I realized that it was my perception in terms of why I was feeling disrespected. It wasn’t that you were disrespectful, it’s that I was reading something a certain way, and it comes from maybe showing up with that depletion already there.

[00:15:31] Jess O’Reilly: So just kind of thinking about how, how are you feeling and what, what is a little deeper than Matts sad, glad, and we’ve talked about this before, but I think it. It follows really importantly from the why. So why do I wanna work on this? How am I feeling and how do I want to feel, right? And often, two times, those two things are at odds, and I need to figure out, all right, how are we gonna bridge the gap?

[00:15:50] Jess O’Reilly: And then we get into the what. So how, why, what, what do you want? What do you want to change? And is your want or your expectation, is it [00:16:00] reasonable? Can you compromise on this? You can’t have everything you want. So I have to identify what is the change I’m looking for? And if you’re like, again, I think about all these cases that are coming my way.

[00:16:10] Jess O’Reilly: Sometimes it’s very specific, you know, I want my partner to not cheat on me. Sometimes it’s like I want my partner to pull their weight. At home, and sometimes it’s a little bit broader, right? I want to get back in sync with my partner. I want to have deep, meaningful conversations. I want to address this disconnect.

[00:16:25] Jess O’Reilly: And those can be kind of bigger things, but I think if you can write it down, oftentimes it feels a lot less. Overwhelming. So what do you want to change? What are you willing to compromise? Okay, you’re not gonna get everything you want. What are you willing to do to create this change? And again, some things are within your control, some things aren’t.

[00:16:42] Jess O’Reilly: What are you asking of your partner? What can I do right now? Like what, what can I do at this moment to soothe and what can I do? Kind of bigger picture. What are the steps or strategies for, and then what can we do right now if you’re, if you’re dealing with a partner, what are the step strategies we can plan for?

[00:16:57] Jess O’Reilly: And I think there’s a big one. Like what excuses am I willing to let go? I feel like if you can’t answer this, sometimes you’re not really willing to do your part Again, there are exceptions to that. Like I think about all these different situations that I’m, that I’m, uh, dealing with with other people’s stuff.

[00:17:12] Jess O’Reilly: And some of them it is really beyond their control. But I, I do think we have to look at excuses and begin with ourselves. What can you do differently? You can make requests to your partner, but you can’t control their behavior. So we have to start with ourselves and with our own expectations. And of course, Everything with nuanced people.

[00:17:28] Jess O’Reilly: Like if somebody’s hurting you, if somebody’s, if you’re in a situation where there’s a really significant power imbalance, if there’s abuse, I’m not, it’s not about what you can do. Obviously tho those are exceptions. So please hear this with nuance. But I think if imagine, and I, let me just say this. First and foremost, I do not go into conflict with like, all right, why, how, what?

[00:17:46] Jess O’Reilly: I’m like the angry rhinos.

[00:17:50] Brandon Ware: Yeah, I mean, I think, I wonder if people think that we go into arguments and it’s like, well, this is what we need to do, and it’s like, no, we have arguments like everybody else has argument arguments and reflecting back on that argument from the [00:18:00] other night, it is like, I will say that for me it’s very difficult to you, you know that what, like how do you, what am I going to do to, to what can I do right now?

[00:18:08] Brandon Ware: Mm-hmm. To feel better about. About, about this, about how I’m acting in this argument. What could I

[00:18:15] Jess O’Reilly: be doing? And it’s not like we stop and do this. I wanna just like really emphasize that we are unreasonable people, like all people at time. No. You know what I mean? That’s not like I’m like, oh, here’s this tool.

[00:18:24] Jess O’Reilly: Yeah. I think people might get the idea that like, oh, they just sit down and they share their, their, they’re their why, they’re how and they’re what. But I do think we get to this, which is why only like 40 hours. I actually kind of forgot about that argument. I’m only brought it up in the context of this discussion for this topic, but I think the reason we move forward is because we get to these, these tools, these approaches pretty quickly.

[00:18:47] Jess O’Reilly: I do want the emoji thing though. Okay. I’m gonna print you a list. I’m gonna, I’m gonna laminate it. I’m gonna get myself a laminator. Can I ask you, how do you feel like the argument the other night was resolved? Like why did we get. Oh, the

[00:19:00] Brandon Ware: resolution was a little bit of space. I remember, you know, once we got to a certain point in the argument, I didn’t feel like I was being productive.

[00:19:10] Brandon Ware: I, I made sure, at least from my perspective, that things were okay. Mm-hmm. I wasn’t stormy out and, you know, in the middle of a, of some. Point, but we had gone as far as we could. I left, I went into the other room, and I don’t know if you know if you knew this, but I made notes, like I made a bunch of notes and then, uh, that gave me a chance to reflect on what I was thinking, what I was feeling.

[00:19:32] Brandon Ware: And I, and I felt like when I came back to. Um, came back to the room that I came with a bit, a bit of a clearer head and a calmer vibe and a calmer vibe, and we, that I needed rekindled that conversation and we got it as far as we could that night and we went to bed.

[00:19:47] Jess O’Reilly: I think also what I remember is like apologizing on both sides.

[00:19:51] Jess O’Reilly: Like, I remember feeling genuinely badly for my part in it. And I remember also you saying, sorry. Yeah. Like, and it felt genuine and I mean, that sounds so, I don’t know, [00:20:00] oversimplified, but I think it wasn’t just like a one, one way thing where it’s like, okay, this is my fault. This is what I have to do. I think we were like, man, we both screwed this

[00:20:07] Brandon Ware: up.

[00:20:07] Brandon Ware: Yeah, no, I, I agree completely. But again, it was all of these tools. I feel like we use them all. We just didn’t go about it. Where it was like, you’re, why? You’re, how you’re what it was, they were woven into the conversation and there was this underlying, these underlying principles of mutual respect for one another and a desire to rectify or fix the problem.

[00:20:28] Jess O’Reilly: Right? And, you know, I, I actually had not planned at all. On talking about that argument mm-hmm. And the context of this, why, how, what kind of quickie episode, it just kind of came up. Mm-hmm. And so I had thought about, you know, the, the why, how, and what approach for people who are struggling in relationships and the context of all these messages I’m receiving.

[00:20:43] Jess O’Reilly: But I also, um, realized that we sort of use it and you started. With the why. Mm-hmm. The how comes more naturally to us, like I think we definitely say how we’re feeling. I’m not saying we immediately get at the deeper layers, but I mean, all I wanna do in life is tell you how I feel. Like too much probably.

[00:20:59] Jess O’Reilly: So that comes naturally and then was, oh, I remember how we fixed

[00:21:02] Brandon Ware: it.

[00:21:03] Jess O’Reilly: Oh God. Stop.

[00:21:05] Brandon Ware: We did it. Helper

[00:21:07] Jess O’Reilly: halper on that note. Um, yeah, I don’t know. I hope this is helpful for people just to think about why you wanna work on it. How are you feeling and how do you want to be feeling, and what are you willing to do to change?

[00:21:19] Jess O’Reilly: Um, and are you willing to kind of manage those expectations? So, This is a quickie one. I hope you’ll use it or consider it. And, um, I hope we didn’t share too much about Well, you did. We made up. It’s the

[00:21:29] Brandon Ware: end. Hey. I mean, we didn’t, yeah, I guess I did disclose how we fixed it. We’re good

[00:21:34] Jess O’Reilly: now. Yep. All right, babe.

[00:21:36] Jess O’Reilly: Thanks for chatting. Thank you. Thank you for listening, folks, wherever you’re at, hope you have a great one.

[00:21:42] You’re listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Improve your sex life, improve your life.