December 8, 2022
Nipple Orgasms & What To Do When Your Partner Can’t Orgasm
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Jess & Brandon share techniques for mind-blowing nipple orgasms and uncover some of the hottest pleasure-zones, including the F-Spot, the 3-Spot & the R-Spot. They also share strategies for supporting a partner who can’t orgasm because he “gets in his head.”
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Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Nipple Orgasms & What To Do When Your Partner Can’t Orgasm
Participant #1:
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey. Hey. This is Brandon and Jess coming at you from the new Fantasy See podcast studios, the Sex with Dr. Jet Podcast Studios, also known as the tiny guest bedroom in our Barcelona apartment. It’s super high tech. We got pillows everywhere to try and get rid of those pop pops. But I do want to kind of shout out Brandon for changing his intro. Yes. That took a lot of extra planning. He’s been working on it in his little red book for, I don’t know, the last couple of dozen minutes, and he came up with, hey, it’s Brandon. Hey. That’s it. That’s all I got. Today we are talking about nipple orgasms, and I’m going to answer one of your questions about what to do when your partner can’t orgasm, when they can orgasm on their own, but not with their partner. And we’ve talked about this before more from a goaloriented perspective. Like, here are some ways you can learn to have an orgasm with your partner. But I want to talk about it from a different angle because this question came in just a little differently. And beginning of December, we’re here. The holiday season is upon us. People have been throwing holiday parties already from a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, I got invited to a holiday party, I think the end of November. Don’t brag. I’m getting, like, no income. I’m just saying I got one. That’s all I’ve got so far. But you didn’t go. No, I didn’t go. I wonder if people are throwing as many parties because of this terrible cold and flu going around. People are knocked off their feet, sick. So I hope that you are not at home listening because you’re stuck at home sick. But I want to say to everyone, I mean, this maybe doesn’t apply, but I love you, but please don’t come near me if you have a colder you get two random cough or sneezes. Once we get to number three, you’re sick. Stay away from me then. I’m counting. I’m counting. It’s all over. So, busy season. Hopefully a more relaxing season than in previous years. I think that obviously there’s less stress around COVID because most of us are triple quadruple vaccinated, where many of us are still practicing social distancing and wearing masks. It seems like everyone here in Barcelona is sick as a dog. I’m really excited about this year. I’m going to go around licking random objects on the street. Right? If you know Brandon, that’s not true. He does not like germs. Keep the sick people away. But yeah, I’m going to go around licking things. Yeah. Well, anyhow, I hope everyone’s doing well. Hope you’re doing well. I wanted to mention the fact that it was just World AIDS Day a couple of days ago, maybe a week ago for you now, and want to talk about the fact that HIV and conversations around HIV AIDS have really, I guess, fallen to the wayside. In light of the fact that we’re going through this global pandemic and with the focus on the pandemic over the last few years, resources, whether it’s related to press coverage or money or agency supports, have actually really dwindled, which means that millions of more people are at risk. And HIV is a virus that is an epidemic and absolutely, positively does not need to be an epidemic. We have the tools, we have the technology, we have the medical advancements to eradicate this virus. And a big part of why we’ve been unable to do so has to do with stigma and honestly inequities, both locally in our communities, but also across the globe. And these inequities really perpetuate the epidemic in their in, the fact that they hinder access to prevention, to testing, to treatment, especially to new technologies that can be costly and are oftentimes for profit. So we need to address these inequities and maybe that’s not something you can do at this very moment, although you can do it with your vote, I’m sure. But just a reminder that if you get tested and if you talk about getting tested, it helps to break the stigma and I’m talking about safer sex. And of course, yes, addressing the systems that create these health inequities are important, but just a reminder that this is a great time to go get tested and know your status because an estimated 40% of new transmissions of HIV come from folks who have absolutely no clue what their status is. Yes, that was surprising to me. And what was really surprising was years ago when you started talking about Prep and the ability to just essentially eradicate the disease. As you’d mentioned, I had no idea that was something that you could take in advance. Right? So pre exposure prophylaxis. So if you are high risk for one reason or another, you can actually take the pill to reduce your risk of having HIV transmitted to you. So if you’re HIV negative, you would consider prep. If you’ve had an exposure, like if you had unprotected sex and you don’t know your status, you don’t know a partner’s status, you can also take postexposure prophylaxis. So a lot of people will liken this to the birth control as prevention and the morning after pill as another form of prevention. Postexposure. So those options are out there. Many of them are very affordable. There are federal programs across the globe, obviously stronger in richer western countries. So for example, in Canada and the states, because I know, I think that’s where a lot of you all spend your time. There are many programs that are government funded either by the CDC, by the Public Health Agency of Canada, by Canadian AIDS Treatment, and Catey catie.org. You can check out information there and learn more about your options for treatment, prevention and testing. So I just want to kind of put that out there because it’s that time of year and we all, I think, need the reminder. I always need the reminder about testing. And if you’re sexually active, it is good to get tested. I recently spoke to an STI doc around how often you should get tested and she wasn’t able to say, hey, everyone should get tested every three months, or Everyone should get tested every six months or every twelve months. It really does depend on your situation, on how many sexual partners you have, on what type of sex you are practicing. So you should really just talk to a healthcare practitioner about your specific needs. And if you’re not happy with your healthcare practitioner in that area, hopefully you can find someone who is more sex positive. All right, so we’ve talked a little bit about safer sex, and now we’ll talk about another part important component of safer sex, which is pleasure. And I have a question here that I really want to address. I think it’s a great question. I love the way it’s framed. I feel like, like most of you, this person is already really on the right path and just maybe needs a little bit of reassurance and a few specific suggestions. So here we go. This one is about orgasm. I have a new partner and he doesn’t orgasm during sex. We enjoy sex and he orgasms when masturbating. But as he describes it, he gets in his head and has a block when it comes to climaxering sex with another person. He has experienced this for a couple of years, since before I met him, and he’s doing individual work to figure it out. I’m wondering how I can be a good sexual partner to someone who experiences this. Are there things we could try together that might make it easier for him or ease some of the emotions that come up for both of us? Around us, we have a closed bond, open communication, strong feelings of love and safety together. We enjoy sensual, touch and sex. And I don’t feel like every sexual encounter has to end an orgasm, but I would love to experience orgasm together sometime. Any thoughts? So my first thought is that you’ve got something beautiful and amazing and this really isn’t about you. And I think that you already know this. I think that it’s perfectly fine that he doesn’t orgasm during partnered sex. And I also think it’s perfectly fine that you would love to experience that because it sounds like you’re coming at this from a place or from a perspective of zero pressure. You’re not saying like, no, no, we’ve got to do this. I need to have this. This is super important to me. Just sounds like something you’d love to try. And I love that approach. So I think you’re already on the right track. So oftentimes when we hear about a partner not being able to orgasm with another partner, it’s often someone with a clip, someone with a vulva. And so when the roles are reversed, I think there can be additional challenges to navigate around gender roles, right? Around feelings of emasculation, around feelings of what it is to be feminine when you’re in these hetero relationships. So I thought I’d throw it to you, babe, because you’ve had trouble orgasming in the past. And I think we’ve talked about this like, a long time ago. When you were on antidepressants. Yes, it was prescribed some medication back when I was younger and I could not orgasm. It just would not happen. But more recently, over the years, sometimes I get in my own head, like, I find it’s a mental block for me, where I start wondering during sex is like, am I going to have an orgasm? What’s the matter? And then once I go down that rabbit hole, then it kind of just, for me, kills everything. It just destroys the whole experience. So getting over that mental block would probably be the biggest thing. And as you said, the fact that their partner seems very supportive and it’s a nonpressure environment, I would want that going into that, having the sex, I’d want to know that it’s not like, OK, today we’re going to make sure you have an orgasm. It’s like, let’s just see where this goes. And for me, that would remove a lot of the I think the pressure associated with that focus. Isn’t it interesting how the pressure has shifted? Like, when you were younger, you talked about the fact that you were afraid you were only going to live 12 seconds, and then as you get older so I should kind of tell the story. So when you were really young, when you were a teenager, we’re going to share all my stories. Listen, I wasn’t even there, so I don’t know them. Lucky for you. But you talked about not lasting. Yeah, I mean, that was the fear when I was a teenager, right? It was like, oh, my gosh, it’s going to be like ten second stops. And did it happen the first time? Yes. I will not I’m not ashamed to say that. Yes, you look a little ashamed, but, you know, interestingly, the second time I had sex, for me, it felt like hours, but I think it was like 20 minutes. And it was like, why did I go from something so fast to something that seemed like a very long time? Well, do you think it’s because you were in your head? Because you knew that the first time it was quick, you didn’t talk to your partner about it because you were young? You shared with me before that you felt embarrassed that, you know, she was going to tell her friends or something like that. And so then you get in your head about lasting, and then this is where performance pressure comes in. The idea that you’re focused on a specific outcome instead of pleasure. Right. And so it takes away all the pleasure. And I’m wondering, in that 20 minutes scenario, did you really enjoy yourself or were you too busy thinking about how long am I lasting? I’m sure there were points that I was enjoying myself. I just remember listening to the music. I’m like. I’ve been going out for, like, a good handful of songs. Hang on. Was it the doors? Why do I picture it? The doors. It was break on through. I feel like Brandon in your late teenage years, because you were a little older. Right. You were 18 or 19. Yeah, I was. Yes. Thank you. Yeah, I was. I think I can only picture you listening to The Doors, and I picture you with posters of Jim Morrison on your wall. I think you’re mistaken me for my brother. Well, I’ve never done that. I’ve never mistaken you for your brother, but did I picture you with posters of Jim Morgan? Yeah. No, I didn’t. I can tell you what posters. I had one poster in my bedroom, and it was Cindy Crawford. Not when you were 19? No, I was younger. When you were eleven? I was, like 14, maybe. You’re 15. Listen, I’ve been in your childhood bedroom because when I met Brandon, he lived at home. We were pretty young. And I’m trying to think if there were any posters on your wall. No. At that point, I had moved down to the basement. That’s where the magic happens. Super cool. Here’s something funny. So when I remember using your computer, because we didn’t have laptops back then, and there were some how old are we? I’m saying, well, we couldn’t afford laptops. Some people had you had an old 486. And I do remember seeing a picture of Carmen Electra pop up. Okay. Are you a Carmen Electra? I don’t know. I mean, maybe I was. I don’t know. I was a fan of anything I could download at that point. Anything free? Anything free. Okay. So if we go back to it, as I said, I think this person is absolutely on the right path. It’s really not about you. And Brennan is saying that, of course. Think about going in with no pressure. I was also thinking about how do you talk about this? I think you alleviate some of the pressure and alleviate some of the tension and show support by asking them if they want to talk about it. So not insisting that you necessarily talk about it. Although you also have a right to talk about how you’re feeling and what you want and what your desires are. Because we don’t want to make this only about centring your partner. And sometimes when we experience something undesirable or something that might be classified as a sexual dysfunction, I don’t love that language. But oftentimes when these things show up, the focus becomes only upon the partner who is experiencing it, but when you’re in a partnership, you’re actually both experiencing it. So I want to make space for you to also talk about your desires, your fantasies, your boundaries, your interests, your feelings beyond this specific issue, and then also making space for him to share how he’s feeling if he wants to, but maybe not forcing him to. And it sounds like you already have kind of the groundwork laid for this. So maybe just to make space once a week to ask him how he’s feeling, ask him what he’s into, maybe even brandon, you were talking about how it’s helpful to checking in to see how you’re feeling that day in your body. And I know that sounds kind of vague, but there are days where certain parts of my body feel more sensitive. And it’s like, I would like you to focus in on those areas. When we’re having sex, it requires that conversation in advance, but if it means that it’s going to heighten the pleasure yeah, it’s like today I’m feeling like my nipples really loving the feeling. Like, I’m feeling really sensitive here, let’s go with that. Or maybe it’s during sex. It’s like, yeah, that’s feeling really good. It’s that communication about what you’re really into at the moment, in that moment. And that feels like a shift to pleasure. Right? Just like, let’s tune in on what feels good in our body. And I do think that if that becomes the focus, however you define pleasure, I’m going to talk a little bit about physical pleasure that can help to alleviate some of the pressure, maybe distract him from getting in his head. Because we talk a lot about mindfulness and, you know, sensual touch and mindful touch, and that works for a lot of people. But I also want to acknowledge that mindfulness practices can actually be more stressful for some people. For certain types of people, it may have to do with being neuro atypical. It may just be a personal, I guess, difference or idiosyncrasy. And I actually find this for myself, that sometimes mindful breathing helps me to really calm down and be in the moment. And sometimes mindful breathing pisses me off. Like, the idea of doing it just gets me more in my head. So I actually need the opposite of mindfulness, which is an escape. Like, I need to go to a fantasy land that is so far removed from reality. Like, I need to think about something that is so far from where I am right now that it allows me to experience pleasure in my body. And I know that sounds a little bit counterintuitive, but it really speaks to the fact that human variation is the norm. There is no singular path to orgasm. There is no singular path to getting out of your head. And so, having said that, I think tapping into fantasies and kind of playing with escapism fantasies, not again with the sole purpose of trying to have an orgasm, but with the purpose of just tuning into what feels good in the moment. So maybe he wants to share a fantasy with you. Maybe he wants to hear about your fantasies. Maybe you want to read fantasies together. Maybe you want to watch something that turns you on together. And sometimes that form of I guess I could call it escapism or you might even call it a form of distraction can actually allow you to be more in your body. I want to know some of these far out there fantasies you’re talking about. It seems like you’re going real far out. So no, I’m not talking about, like, unicorns and little hobby people or anything. That’s not my thing. Other people, that’s their thing, and I love it. I have a very good friend who is super into unicorns, actually. The idea of unicorns and unicorn dilbos and stuff like that. For me, there’s certain fantasies that take me over the edge. There are things that we could potentially do. Like, they’re not that far out, but we’re not doing them on the regular. They’re not accessible to us on the regular, and they turn me on. And so when I do find myself feeling distracted, when I have days where I’m like, I just can’t orgasm, like, sometimes I just can’t let go. Rather than tuning into the sensations in my body, I actually tune into these thoughts in my head that really turned me on. And I’ve told you that, like, you’re familiar with them. And quite frankly, I don’t feel like sharing them right now. They’re for us right now. But I go to them, and then my body responds. Because sometimes you have to do something with your mind before your body follows. So I want to just suggest that you explore your fantasies together, and there are lots of different ways to do this. I have podcasts on how to talk about your fantasies. It may be that you do, like, a mad libs where you fill in the blanks, where you kind of fill in the nouns and the verbs and the places and stuff like that. It may be that you just talk about scenes that you’re seeing on television or Netflix or HBO Max or whatever it is you’re streaming that turn you on. It may be. One exercise I do with people, and I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, is we draw our fantasies, and both Bryan and I draw at, like, maybe a six year old level. So there’s some humor in it. There’s some levity in it, trying to decipher what the hell it is we’re drawing, because mine always looks like a pony. I don’t even want to insult six year olds. I mean, I can’t even draw that well. That’s true. You’re very talented comparison to what I draw. Yeah. So I think just tuning into fantasies and fantasies that might be about the two of you, they might be about other people, they might be about other locations, they might be about different roles you can play. I think that’s a fun place to start. I’m also wondering if sensory deprivation would help to get him out of his head and into his body. So I think when we think about sensory deprivation, we always think about blindfolds. And sure, that can be really cool, but also sound can be very distracting and you can do deprivation or you can do overload, like playing crazy loud music or turning porn on in the background to hear the sounds if that turns you on. I was also thinking that physical enhancers like a vibrating ring or just a nice tight penis ring might mimic what he’s doing when he masturbates. And then I think that’s a really important piece for the physical side and the practical side to ask him and talk about and consider doing it together, whatever it is he does when he masturbates. So does he use a tight grip? Does he use both hands? Does he use a sleeve? Does he watch porn? Is it darker? Is it lighter? Because if that is his habitual experience of orgasm, the more of that that you can bring into your partner. Play again without pressure, right? Just a little bit at a time, the more you can experiment with those things that he already enjoys, not only not necessarily with the goal of leading to orgasm, but just with the goal of maximizing pleasure. And so I think those are some places to start. Do what he does when he masturbates. Consider physical enhancers. Like it could be a tingly lube, it could be a vibrating ring, it could be a tightening ring. Talking in the bedroom outside in advance. You might also want to explore prostate play because the new sensation, the excitement of that, the taboo nature of that, the more fullbodied pleasure sensation of that, that doesn’t necessarily involve an erect penis. Because sometimes when you play with the prostate, you can lose your erection, but you can still have those orgasmic sensations if you get to that point and you can go back to the last episode. We talked a bit about prostate orgasms and I think we have previous episodes with Luna Matatas and Carlisle Janssen on prostate play. And then sensory deprivation, sensory overload and talking about those escapism fantasies. I think those are some good places to start. Yes. And if nothing else, you’ve just had a number of enjoyable sessions. Yes. And that’s the bottom line. You’re hitting the nail on the head because this is about exploring for pleasure, not for pressure and not for a specific outcome. Love it. Okay, well, I hope that’s helpful. Like I said, I think you’re already on the perfect path. And I think so many folks who engage with this material already kind of have the answers I don’t want to say within them, but I think sometimes we just need the reminder and I think also the validation. We all need it. It doesn’t matter who we are. I struggle with many of these things as well. So last week we and the week prior we were talking about all these different types of orgasms and I want to go through a couple of more types of orgasms now with a focus on nipple and breast orgasms because I get so many questions. People are fascinated by nipple and breast orgasms and Brandon has one very sensitive nipple that maybe he’ll talk about go from zero to ten, go from zero to 100. I also thought we should talk about penis orgasms because in yeah, whatever we want to do, whatever we talked to you don’t want your penis to touch, but like throwing a little nipple play. Woo. OK, what was that? OK, we’re going to go to the nipples. But we talked about clitoral orgasms, gspot orgasms, cervical orgasms and we haven’t and we talked about prostate orgasms and we haven’t talked about penis orgasms. And I think people see penis orgasms as very straightforward. Like you touch the penis, you stroke the penis, suck the penis, you slide the penis. It’s going to create an orgasm. But I wanted briefly to talk about five hot spots to do with the penis that are worth playing with, to either bring the penis to orgasm or to enhance orgasm. And that these five spots are the F spot, the three spot, the B spot, the C spot and the R spot, which is basically the whole penis. I know, but the F spot tends to be the most sensitive and I think we might have talked about this recently to like licking and flicking, maybe a little bit of suction there swiping. And the F spot is the frenulum of the penis. So we have frenulums throughout our body. We have a frenulum under our tongue, which is a little notch that holds it on. And the f spot is on the underside of the penis and it’s where the head meets the shaft. It’s the connective tissue. It’s not kind of it is the connective tissue that connects the foreskin to the penis. So if the foreskin has been removed, you’re still going to have a little notch right there on the underside of the penis. So if you pull the penis out and doesn’t it make a sound? That’s the exact sound. Every time I pull my penis out, I wish there was a warning. It’s like a little notification on your phone. So if you pull the penis out, it’s gonna be on the underside facing the floor. So for sensitivity, that tends to be the hottest spot. And of course we talk about the head of the penis being highly innervated and the F spot is kind of a part of that. Then we have the three spot, which is the lower third of the penis. So the base of the penis tends to be most sensitive to pressure. So you want to be gentle and playful around the F spot, but you tend to want to have more of a grip around the three spot. And most people doing, for example, hand jobs and blow jobs, and even during intercourse, oftentimes there isn’t enough pressure. And in hand jobs and blow jobs, usually there’s not enough pressure because you’re not using enough lube. But if you add some lube into the mix, you can really squeeze around that spot. And even while you’re having intercourse, if you reach down and play with that lower third and stroke it with your hands, if you can reach, it can also intensify the sensations. Yes, I love the three spots. You do like that? Yes. You have bigger hands. Just reach down yourself. For me, that’s the whole penis spot when you put the hand there. Okay, so we’ve got the F spot, the three spot, then the B spot. So the B spot is the inner bulb of the penis. It is the million dollar mark. It is the lower third of the penis that is inside the body. Affiliate maybe spoken about this recently. We have, yeah, I’m not sure when it was, but I recall. So I’m always talking about dick. So I don’t know where I talked about it where I didn’t, so I don’t want to repeat. But basically just behind the balls, if you put some pressure along the spongy tissue of the inner penis, you can really enjoy some sensation right there. Then the C spot is the coronal ridge. So that is the lower part of the head, like the part that kind of sticks out, like the shape of a mushroom. If you like smush a penis against something and it creates that mushroom. What are you doing to penises? What are you doing to art? You don’t have to understand. You don’t have to understand it. It’s a whole lot, just spraying it everywhere. So that part can be very sensitive. Like you can play with your tongue, play with your fingers, play with your nose, play with a toy. And then finally the R spot is the rafi and the rayfi is the line that runs from the butt over the perineum, up on the underside of the penis all the way to the tip. So if you can play with a tongue there, play with your fingers, roll a vibrating toy. Use your breath along that spot, especially during the early stages of arousal. Right, so I don’t think just drawing along a line along the ray fee is going to necessarily bring them to orgasm, but it’s a nice way to roll them up. So I’m going to stop there with penis orgasm. You’re going to stop there, but you should tell everyone to go to Happyercouples.com and take a look at your pleasure. The penis, my workshop, your video. Mind blowing pleasure. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, go on over there. Podcast is the code to. Save 25% happiercouples.com, mind blowing oral for the penis. But the one for the clid is better, so check that one out too. Any tips? Since you have a penis, you know what, experiment on your own. If you don’t have a partner, go into the shower, play around, see what you like. That way you can tell your partner what you do. Like when you start having sex with somebody else, if you’re not knowing what you like, but being willing to kind of expand and try different things, what do you like? I mean, I like the well, we’re going to talk about nipple play in a minute. Yes, go ahead, get right into it. No, but I mean for me it also depends on how I’m feeling that day. Sometimes I find the head of my penis is more sensitive and then other times it might be the lower third. It kind of just depends how I’m feeling that day. Why do you think that is? I’m not sure. I’m not. I just know that sometimes different sensations through the body I don’t think it’s uncommon. For sure. You’re making fun of me for not sure. Okay, big guy. No, I was just curious if you noticed any patterns. Like for me, I know it has to do with my menstrual cycle. Yeah, I don’t have that. But I was thinking that I should probably document it because it might be interesting. For sure. A sex journal, I think could be super useful to see. OK, you don’t have to have an answer to every single why, but to try and understand why does this feel more sensitive at one time versus another? Or even just in realizing what amplifies sex. So even if you’re paying attention to that, where it’s like you might not have a sex journal every single time, but if you have a sex journal every time something is great, then at least you can go back and be like oh here’s, here are the patterns. You know what I mean? It’s got a one page, it’s like three lines. But just understanding that I think might amplify it again. It’s something that I don’t do, but it’s something that I could do. And why not? For me, what makes sex the hottest is almost never physical. It’s all the feelings I’m feeling around it interesting. The excitement for me, for the build up, comes from how you make me feel, how I’m perceiving you in that moment. And then I’ll say that your excitement definitely intensifies the pleasure for me. Like if I know you’re really into it, it’s not the bloop. No, the Bloop is blue is just the beginning. It’s just the beginning. I won’t make sound effects for the other ones. You’re welcome. It’s awesome. What about when there’s an erection? Okay, we’ll record those for a soundboard. OK, well, we’re talking about you and your penis. Great. So let’s talk about your nipples now because we’re going to talk about nipples and breast orgasms, which apply across the board regardless of gender, regardless of genitals. And we know, like for women, breasts are often at the forefront of sex play, and for good reason. So of course they can be a source of pleasure. But many people can actually have orgasms from breast and nipple stimulation alone with no genital touch. And it’s interesting because there is some research in this area. So there were some records, university researchers who used, I think it was MRI technology to get a better understanding of this experience of breast orgasm. And they found some really interesting brain activity when there was nipple stimulation. So the genital sensory cortex, which is the same region that is activated by stimulation of the vagina and the clitoris and the penis, this same area is actually activated through nippleplay. And the hypothesis is that these shared neurons release oxytocin, which induces pleasure and relaxation and actually spikes to peak levels just before orgasm. So there’s the nipple part, and the nipples obviously aren’t the only sensitive part of the breast. In fact, there’s other research suggesting that many people identify the area right above the areola, as I hate that word aureola jam, as the most responsive to sexual touch. And the other thing you have to remember is that breasts actually change during arousal, so they can swell and the sensitivity changes. So you’re the nipple person. It is your left nipple. I always say it’s your right nipple. Giving away my secrets, man. Sorry, man. Okay, tell us about your nipples too. No, that’s it. I got nothing else. Well, what do you like, done to it? Licked. Sucked. That’s it. I don’t think I’m down with the biting. No, not so much. I wish you were. No, I know you want to bite me. I love fighting. Yeah, I mean, maybe I can be into it. But you bite, though. Yeah, I bite. So you think it’s okay for you to bite? Yeah, it’s not being bitten. I’m talking about what I like. Oh, I love biting. It’s so primal. I wish more people would just let me bite them. I’ve had someone you’ve had someone bite you. I know, I had a bruise, and you had a giant mouth bruise on your arm. I don’t want people to bite me. I want to bite them. We’ve got two biters here. So there’s a problem. I’ve bitten people, and I’ve gotten in trouble for it. I think you’ve bitten me and gotten in trouble for it. No, I’ve never bitten you. That hard bit my arm, man. Hurt when? Probably when you’re drunk. But not in a sexual way. No, I don’t want to say malevolent, but it was like, yeah, primal. I really like biting. I don’t just like biting for sexual gratification, although I do like that. I just like biting. Okay, we’ll have to do a whole I need a psychologist to come on. And it’s a primal thing to bite and to suck. So you like your nipples licked and sucked? That’s all you have to say? That is it. That is it. When? How? Tell us more. Jesus. So many details you need. It really could be. Well, once we’re getting into sex, like once, I feel like we’re a handful of minutes in. When we’re done no, not right away. We have the spot again. So not right away. Start having sex. The blood’s flowing. I find that when we’re having sex, it just amplifies. I don’t know how to explain it other than it’s like it takes the sex from a seven to a ten. Yes. And so you don’t like it in the beginning, but I know okay. I don’t know how much I want to say here. I know. With, for example, hand jobs and stuff like that. You also like nipple flesh. Yeah, it doesn’t I just said just got to be like 5 minutes in. Don’t start right away. Oh, I didn’t know that. Don’t start right away. Yeah, well, don’t wait too long, though. Don’t wait too long. Okay. I’ve got my small window. It’s like making kale chips. If you don’t cook them long enough, you just equated my nipple sex with kale chips? Yeah, because if it’s a minute too short, they’re soggy and if it’s a minute too long, they burn from the person that does not want to eat vegetables or who eats vegetables with a glass of water. Not kale chips. I would eat them without water if you made them. Listen, I’ll get your nipple window just right if you can make me some. You know what? Sure. I’ll make some kale chips. Okay. Cut away the stems, though. I don’t like the stems. Okay. Princess and the pea. Okay. So Brandon likes his nipples played with, so I thought I’d share some ideas of how to play with nipples and breasts, since Brandon’s only got lick and stuck in his repertoire. I don’t want anyone coming up, though, and given me purple nipples. No, nobody’s going to touch your nipples without consent. Okay. Just making sure. Okay. Brandon is new to being in the public, clearly. Okay. So actually, why don’t you give me some ideas of how to play with breasts and nipples. Do you have any? You know, I like soft. I’ll touch softly, and then I’ll mix it up with, like, more not aggressive, but a stronger a stronger touch as well. So a bit of both. You do that. You do that so well. I use breath play. I also use my facial hair to caress me, too. I’m trying to grow my neck. Okay, what else? I don’t just go straight to the breast. I might be caressing other parts of the body and then work my way up to the breast. That’s where I’m going to go. And we’re done for today. Okay. I have to refocus here. I’m laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing at my breastplate? No, I’m enjoying it. I’m enjoying it. I think that’s so true. Just kind of teasing the sides, the backs of your fingers along the sides of the breast. Teasing by breathing warm air all around the area until they’re kind of begging for you to kind of suck them into your lips. Sliding your lips over the nipple and kind of twirling your tongue all around the areola with a wide, flat tongue. Or curling your tongue around the underside of the chest while you kind of run the backs of your hands down the sides with the softest touch. Obviously talking to them and telling them how much you like them and they’re perfect, and showing admiration and telling them you can’t get enough of them. You might just start on the outer edges and slowly circle toward the center with your nose, with your chin. Nice if you have facial hair. With your lips, with your tongue, with the backs of your hands. You can also really gently roll their nipples as gently and lightly as possible between your thumb and index finger. You could do a little nibbling as they get closer to orgasm. So not necessarily biting. Some people aren’t abiding again, you just have to talk to your partner. Brendan apparently isn’t into biting, but if you can find a partner who is, brendan doesn’t like to be bitch. What’s this guy’s problem? But what we what most of us find, and I don’t know if this affects you in a similar fashion, but as you become more aroused and oxytocin floods the body, the pain thresholds can double. And that overlap between pleasure and pain, can kind of intensify the sensations. And there’s another part of the brain that they associate this with. They call it the anterior cingulate region of the brain gets activated. So you can do a little more nibbling. You can do like a pinch and release at orgasm. You could play with ice cubes or popsicles and then lick it all up. There are a lot of ideas. These are and essentially that’s what I was saying when I talked about 5 minutes, all that technical stuff you just said. It’s what I meant by 5 minutes. Okay. The other thing that I just remembered that I’ll do is focus on multiple areas of pleasure, where it’s like I’m not just focusing on the breast. I might be touching your inner thigh or touching the stomach or something like that so that the pathways of pleasure are multiple at the same time. I like it. I like it. And then, of course, there are toys, right? There are kind of you can use a tingly lube. So you probably know folks, I work with Astroglide, and they have a fairly new product called Quiver, which is designed to create a little extra tingle all across the body, including your nipples. You can also use clitoral vibrators with more of a tapered tip. And I would say more of a rumbly, deeper vibe. That would be really good for playing around the nipples. You can find nipples suckers online. You can find nipple clamps. As you know, I’ve been working with LoveShop, so LoveShop has a huge selection of nipple clamps and nipples suckers. So you can head to LoveShop CA or Loveshoptoys.com. Probably the easiest one is Loveshoptoys.com. And if you do me a favor so they know that you found it through me, it’s Loveshoptoys.com. Dr. Jess. But justlveshopptoys.com if you use Code Doctor Jess, you’re going to get 15% off. And I didn’t pick any specific ones because there are honestly so many different ones on the market. Like they have pumps, they have kind of wider based ones. They have these silicone little kind of nubbins that look like a door hanger. They’ve got nipple pullers, they’ve got the tighter clamps, they’ve got kinky stuff. So if you just kind of put nipple in the search bar@loveshoptoys.com, you’ll find what you need. And again, if you are shopping, use Code Doctor just to save and so that they know that you heard about it here. Yeah, you’ve got a landing page with Loveshoptoys.com, but they should have one for me with nipple stuff. Okay, I will ask them. Listen, we’ll try and get that set up. I’m not going to say the URL yet. It’s going to be? Not Dr. Brandon. Yes, exactly. Nurse Brandon? Something like that. Although, no, because nurses do serious jobs. We cannot just give you that title. No, do not give it to the nurses who have been listen, we’re from Toronto and they are fighting the good fight and we are losing them because they are being treated like absolute garbage. Their incomes have effectively gone down because of wage freezes. And I am 100% on the side of the nurses and want to thank a nurse today. So if you are a nurse, thank you for the work you do. We are lucky to have you. None of our medical system would operate without you. And I think because it is traditionally a role that has been traditionally taken upon by women and in a city like Toronto, particularly by brown women and women of color, they face so much disrespect. Like, I talked to so many a couple of friends who are nurses and they basically get treated like they’re just there to clean up after you. So did a little left hand turn there. But shout out to the nurses, we appreciate you. Yeah, I’d say go out and buy nurses a coffee, a cake, a tea, just anything. Go rub their feet. Just do something. Oh, I mean, ask them before you rub their feet. Yeah, okay. Just like you have to ask Brandon before you suck his nipple. So I have to ask. I never ask. Yes, you need to ask. I cultivate consent in a different way. It’s a different thing in a longterm thing. OK, we’re going to stop there because that is a lot. Hopefully you go and try some of these things. Curl your tongue under the soft fold or the underside of their breasts. Compliment them, do a little nibbling, slide your lips around and just twirl. Play with the tingly loo. Play with the clamps. Take your time. Don’t worry about orgasm. I know that I said we were talking about nipple orgasms, but this is really about pleasure. And if an orgasm happens to come out of it, all the better. Perhaps. Or perhaps it’s not even the better. Maybe you’re like, oh, no, now I’m done. Do you think you can orgasm from nipple play alone? You know what? I’m willing to try. Hey, how long is it going to take? You know what? 5 minutes. Okay, I’ve got that. And don’t forget about going and exploring all of those spots on the penis, man. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that’s it. That’s the plug for penis. For real? For real. No, I do think we get hung up on stroking the penis and sucking the penis. And I think that if there’s a mistake that people who are good in bed make is that we go right to the heavy stuff instead of riling up and taking your time. Like when you talk about the F spot, you can take your tongue and just stick it out and swipe it over that F spot with, like, a windshield wiper. With the ray fee, you can draw a line with your tongue and leave a wet path and then breathe warm air over it. You can take a vibrator and gently press it all around the balls, or you can roll it up and down the shaft. Or you can let them sit on a vibrator so they get that Bspot. The options are endless. Well, rather than thinking about this, just the ultimate goal of which is having an orgasm. I’m not saying it’s your ultimate goal, but that’s what people generally want. Think about it. As you said, it’s a path down pleasure lane. And with that, thank you so much for being here. Great time. Thank you for listening. Wherever you’re at. Hope you have a great one next week. We are talking full body orgasms, so make sure you subscribe share. If you like it, leave us a review. Thanks, folks. You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, improve your sex life. Improve your life.
Participant #1:
You.
