December 22, 2022
How To Let Go of Judgment & Shame
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Naked News host & producer Laura Desiree joins us to talk about her career in journalism and her journey to living a life free of shame and full of pleasure. She discusses the stigma associated with nudity and the erotic and shares strategies for letting go of the self-judgment that holds us back from living our best lives.
Follow Laura Desiree’s work: Instagram and you can find the Licked and Loaded Podcast here.
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This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
How To Let Go of Judgment & Shame
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I’m your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Happy holidays to you, Mr. Ware. Happy holidays to you, too. I’ve been in the holiday spirit for, like, two months, and Brandon is finally in the holiday spirit. And why? Why? Because you were throwing snowballs at your nephews yesterday. Because my nephews were lobbing us snowballs to whip at them. They’ve got terrible lateral mobility, and I stung one of them right in the butt when he was making me another snowball to throw at him. I caught your brother in the butt when he he was walking out of our house, and I don’t even think he felt it. He has five children, Brandon’s brother, and I think once you have five children, you don’t even feel things hit you from behind. I just want to describe our snowball fight, although it’s totally unrelated to the topic at hand. We had the ultimate snowball fight yesterday because somehow, I don’t even know how this happened, we were standing in our front doorway, like, not even outside of the house, and the kids were all outside making snowballs and gently throwing them to us so that we we could whip them at them. How does that even happen? I have the dream life. That’s the dream life. It was wonderful. We were warm. We didn’t have to make snowballs. The snow was extra hard, so it’s really stung when you hit them with it. And these kids are so polite, they didn’t even throw the snowballs at us. They lobbed them to us so that we could throw them at them. And as I had said, they haven’t really developed all of their motor skills yet, so they’re chucking and jiving and diving just wasn’t on par yet, so we won. Basically. It’s winning anyhow. Makes you want to have kids, if that’s what happened. Kids. That’s what kids is all about. Sign me up. Don’t at me on that one. Okay, so we’re very close to the holidays. If you are in the gifting spirit for yourself or for a partner or for a loved one or for, perhaps your boss, we have some fabulous [email protected]. We have mindful sex. We have how to last longer in bed and get over premature ejaculation. Not for your boss. Unless your boss has expressed, this is my wish list. I’m hoping for a promotion. Here’s a course I thought might help. Yeah, this one’s on blowjobs, and then there’s one on how to pleasure the clip, but you’re familiar with it, so check those courses out. Happiercouples.com. Save 25% with code podcast. And I do think that they’re all really valuable learning opportunities for you, your friends, your family, and maybe not your code workers. It depends on your relationship with your coworkers. If you work in my field, you can buy it for your coworkers. Yeah. And if you work in the corporate environment, you know what? You’ve got Brandon’s endorsement. Do not buy them the courses. Do not do it. Okay, so today we are talking about a number of topics. We’re going to talk about nudity, and we’re going to talk about judgment and how to let go of judgment. And we have a really brilliant guest.
Joining us now is Laura Desiree, host and producer of Naked News, journalist behind the YouTube series Red Umbrella Talk, that I want to ask about the host of Camford Licked and Loaded podcast, where we were just chatting really recently. And you are such a brilliant journalist. I’m sure I’ve been interviewed. I’ve probably done, I don’t know, three 4000, 5000 interviews on the receiving end in my career. I’ve done much fewer as the actual interviewer, but you are in that top 1%. And that was my first observation when we were chatting on your podcast, Licked and Loaded, which people should definitely check out. And I thought, you’ve got to come on our podcast because you’re just you’re a fabulous journalist. And I know that you faced specific, I think, hurdles because you work with Naked News. Anyhow long intro? Thank you so much for being here. Oh, thank you so much for having me. And those are incredible words. It’s better than the biggest paycheck in the world to hear that someone who you admire has this reflection of an experience with you. So. Jess. Thank you. Oh, thank you. I wish I could get you the biggest paycheck in the world. That would be a good thing, too. Well, let’s talk about your work. So, as a journalist, I’m curious how you found yourself working with Naked News. And for folks who don’t know, Naked News is a news program in which the broadcasters are working in the nude. That’s right. It’s a legacy series that’s been going for over 20 years now. I was at the time this must have been 2015 I was working as a burlesque performer in New York City, running in Toronto. Correction there’s been a lot of back and forth over the years. I was producing a cabaret show in Toronto, and I was approached by one of the other anchors on Naked News at the time, and they said, Would you like to come on the show and teach the other anchors a quick burlesque lesson as a segment, as just one of our fun Naked News moves, dance segments? And I said, okay, sure, I’ll come in and do that. Of course, I was then asked, hey, do you want to read a teleprompter, and do you think you’d be any good at it? And I knocked that out of the park and was offered the position immediately. I was 25 at the time, and I was asked why I waited so long to get in touch with Naked News, which I thought, I don’t know if anyone should be doing naked online work before they’re ready. And for me, that’s when I was ready to start doing it. I joined the show and within a couple of months I was writing my own content and leading my own productions. As far as like, what the concept or story was for a certain love or sex angle, that’s really my curiosity, desires and the trends within fantasies we seek to pursue and just seek to simmer on. So it rolled very quickly and very naturally and I was arranging travels around the world to climb aboard vacations with people I know that you know very well. Luxury lifestyle vacations, going on swingers cruises with them, talking with the educators and the experts that they would bring aboard. I found myself in Hedonism in Jamaica a number of times doing the same thing, just really guerrilla styled interviews with people that were there as a sex positive influence to the event. So it’s been about what would it be, seven years now, seven years with the news. And I’ve enjoyed the freedom I have in seeking out the answers I want to get.
There are, of course, some do we call them gentle limitations. We know that the audience is pretty much the middle American man aged 30 to mid fifty s. And within that not everyone is ready to go to some of the realms of sexual exploration that I am and that I’m curious about. So I every once in a while come up against that little back and forth of where I have to kind of surrender it and then I save it for my own podcast or I save it for my own YouTube series. So it’s been a good balance. That makes sense. And I’m I’m curious, you know, because you are a journalist, you’re a producer, you’re writer, you write great stuff, and now you happen to COVID sex and desire and pleasure. But Naked News covers all sorts of topics, right? From sports to current events and what’s going on in the world. But as a journalist working in the nude, I’m curious how you are perceived by other people in your field and I guess more generally, how you’re perceived in social situations. Because we have this not only erotophobia but nude phobia. People are really upset by nudity. It’s been an incredible challenge, actually, to secure some of the experiences or some of the interviews, some of what I need to get the story told. I was producing a segment on Naked News for years called Nude and Improve, and what I wanted to do was try out some strange or otherworldly health and wellness practices that were happening. Whether it’s hallucinogenic electrolyte therapy where you sit and have a simulated acid trip that’s meant to help rewire your brain, or whether it’s cryotherapy, or whether it’s some kind of pseudo cosmetic but ultimately makes you feel good about yourself. Procedure. I would reach out to all these clinics and all these doctors and these medical facilities and say, hey, I’m with the program Naked News. It ended up becoming what initiated a change to our media pack, because I kept getting no from everyone that would then Google Naked News and what you would see even in the banner on the very top of your web browser, it would say, Naked News dash nude anchors. Naked weather women, beautiful women. And I thought, this is all a little this is going to be challenging for the kind of content I want to make when you visit the site. And this is what you’re immediately met with. So it spawned this shift in how we do present a lot of the website and the brand and ended up getting this really slick media package made, because this is an issue. The fight for legitimacy. erotophobia, nude phobia. There’s a huge opinion about any individual that is seemingly comfortable enough to share themself in this way. I mean, we are not performing sexual acts on the show, we are not at all tempting or teasing in that way. It is a playful series, but it’s not meant to be pornographic. And yet we automatically are lumped in with that seedy underworld opinion of pornographic actors and performers. So there’s that fight for legitimacy. And I’ve had to get a lot of no in my own pursuits. A lot of the times, it’s, no, we cannot be affiliated with this kind of content. No, we cannot be affiliated with that brand. Even working so hard to get our place on the Toronto International Film Festival red carpet, I did it. I did it. I had to ensure I would stay completely clothed the entire time, so I opted for a blazer with no top underneath. It’s about being very crafty. Yeah. And it’s interesting. I’m no stranger to those nose. I’m thinking back to a time I was doing a segment on a morning show and we were doing different gifts for the different Love languages. And one of the Love languages was Touch. And I was going to recommend a couple package at a spa. And the spas wanted nothing to do with it. They did not want to take a spot on a morning show that brands pay $1,000 to even get on that show and they’re not even paying. That’s not even my rate to go on as talent. But they said to me, we are not a rubber tug. We don’t do that type of work. And I’m thinking, what does that have to you didn’t even read the email. You didn’t even read the paragraph where we described the concept of the Love languages, which is a whole other story here. But there is this fear, there’s this reaction, and I’m curious why you think people react not only with condemnation, but with this feeling that, to me, is one of the most powerful and frightening and difficult to manage feelings. And that is judgment. Why do you think you are judged so harshly, strongly, however it is people are judging you? There’s this profound historic societal opinion that I know stems from puritanical beliefs which I don’t think make any sense whatsoever in our modern world today. There’s freedom in all aspects of our life today. Yes, there’s controversy, there’s collision of opinion. But with where we are as a developed and modern society, it’s absolutely mind blowing to me that we still hold so strong to these beliefs of a church dominated society when so many of us don’t even follow a sect of religion, a belief that has those values. It’s a conditioning. So there’s that societal impact that’s been this conditioning, but there’s also the personal one. And it’s the reality that sexuality means making a little bit more comfort with your vulnerability. And my God, even putting those words together, you feel a shiver and you go vulnerability. Because it is it’s vulnerable stuff. I mean, it doesn’t always mean that it’s icky or gross, but you’re asking for the most raw and sincere access to yourself, your vulnerability. And I believe that’s where our sexuality is. And that’s why investigating sexuality is so important, is nudity sexuality. I think that having a freedom of expressing yourself is a pride and a sex positivity. And again, it’s vulnerable realms to go to. So we have this impulsive reaction of, no, I’m going to reject it. I’m going to immediately say no to it before even considering it because it means I might have to face my vulnerability, and I don’t want to do that. And then there’s all the societal expectation of me. We all agreed we are not going to welcome this. So I don’t want to be the one that said we’ll welcome it because I’ll be in trouble, I’ll be shamed, I’ll be whatever it might be. We are just so programmed to uphold what keeps us in the clear of our friendships, of our networks, of society as a whole, that’s human beings well, and that’s such a heavy burden to shoulder as an individual. So definitely on your side where you’re facing that condemnation in judgment, but also on the individual side, what folks are doing when they judge you, when they judge me, when they judge anybody. And we all do it like, I’m not saying I don’t judge people, but we’re judging ourselves first, right? When we stop judging ourselves or when we think about how to reduce self judgment, then we can start letting go of our judgment of other people, right? So often with clients, we have this process where if they’re feeling anger, resentment, judgment toward other people, we look at self judgment first, right? What do I maybe not like about myself? What’s holding me back? What am I afraid of? What am I worried about missing out on? When we can identify our sources of self judgment, we can do a little something about them and judge ourselves a little bit less. And that’s when I think we open up and don’t waste as much energy. Judging other people doesn’t mean we never judge anyone again. That doesn’t mean that we’re immune to societal pressure. Of course not. But I’m curious. You’re a burlesque performer. You do naked news. I’m curious how you let go of self judgment.
It’s a challenge. I’m also a content creator. So in this rise of only fans content, yes, I do make naked artful content. I’ve not crossed over into full fledged porn. Trust me, the offers have been there. But erotica and erotic expression is so true to me. It’s so fulfilling to me. Is it because I grew up in a sex positive household? Is it because we weren’t made to believe that the naked form or even the sexual form, we were never made to believe it to be evil. And I know that that’s an extreme privilege. The more that I talk to people about sexuality, I realize they just didn’t have that introduction to the world. So many of us did not have that permission to see sexuality in that way. How do I deal with the judgment? I know that if I pacify this side of myself, it’s so destructive to me. I’ve seen it. I’ve let a few years of my life go by where I try to be something else. I try to follow a different path. I try to compose myself in a different manner. And I’ve tried that out. I’m sure a lot of individuals in this world have also done that in some form or another to see if that is comfortable and to see if that is what brings happiness. And I realized it’s not. For me, this is wholeheartedly who I am. The minute that I dodge it, the minute that I avoid it, I start realizing, god, it feels sick in my body, it feels sick in my mental health. So I would rather face the challenge of having to own who I am in front of the public and in front of society than the other option because I have felt it. And that truly is the bell jar. I do not wish to be back in that state where I am not truthful to myself. So how do you push through? Because I think this is probably going to resonate with every single person out there. I can’t say I’m living my true self all the time. I do a lot, I think, to conform, which I’m sure lots of people would say, like, how does a sexologist possibly conform? But on a more individual and within my family level, I think I do a lot to please and it’s something that I struggle with. So how do you push through to be more true to yourself, whether it’s your behavior within your relationships or the way you express your sexuality? I have so many listeners who write in saying that they feel stuck in relationships because they don’t feel free to express their true sexual self, and they’re happy in the relationship otherwise. But this one thing is holding them back. And I’m not talking about, oh, my partner won’t fulfill my threesome fantasy. I’m talking about really a true part of yourself, a part of your identity feels suppressed. So how do you break through that? How do we push through? So many people have not sought out to know themselves. They just feel unsettled. And we feel there’s something missing in life, in happiness, in our own identity. And for me, journaling has always been so important. And I know we go, oh my gosh, how do I begin that? How do I start my journaling journey? What the hell do I write about dear diary? What do I do? For me, it’s like literally put the pen to the paper. I know some people type, I am such a purist. I need to do pen to paper. And I just let words come out. I try and do it every single day. You’ll be amazed how soon you start talking about what you want with the little markings you make on the page. And if you need to ask yourself what you want, then go forth and do so. But you need to understand what it is that you are motivated towards in this life. What you define as fulfillment, as happiness, as pleasure, all of these things. Once you have that, you’re able to start saying, hey, that’s me. This is what makes up me, and this is what makes up happy me.
This is what makes up fulfilled me. So you have that. You know that you can meditate on it and make it who you are as an understanding. Only after that can you start to go, well, how does this play out in the interactions that I have in my life right now? The dynamics, the partnership dynamics, the work dynamics, whatever it might be. You have to know what you want to be able to start moving towards it. If you’re in a partnership, you have to be communicating these desires and these head spaces that you find yourself in. And trust me, I have not always been that person. I have been very non communicative in relationships in the past, and I’ve wondered, why didn’t that work out? And sometimes it can prolong for years of your life. And I’m telling you, until you have the relationship with yourself, it may continue to do so. And you’ll wonder, what is this numb feeling inside of me? So journaling has been huge. I take a lot of alone time. I’m a huge fan of maybe it’s because I’m a dancer and an artist and I like to express myself as a form of therapy. I will turn on my favorite playlist and perform it in my apartment. I’m serious. I will perform it like I am Whitney Houston at the Super Bowl, like I am Madonna on the Blonde Ambition tour. I’m not kidding. It makes me feel very powerful, and it makes me feel very strong to do so. So as silly as that is, if you have, say, five or ten songs or five or ten imitations that get you excited, then step into it for a minute and feel powerful, I love that you’ve given us I’m just taking notes here. You’ve given us some really specific strategies that people can try. And I’m thinking for myself, I’ve started journaling at points in my life, just kind of point form, one pager style, and then I stop. And I know, Brandon, you’ve started as well, and I know that you found it useful, but you’ve stopped as well. Is that right? Yeah, I’ve been on and off with my journaling. I look back through my book and I’m like, wow, there were some big gaps. But whenever I have gotten back into a groove, I do find it helpful. It’s a form of self. It’s a version of therapy that I can use. I also find just talking it out, talking to no one, talking to myself, recording it, recording my thoughts. And you said something that resonated it’s like you don’t know where to start, but start. You just write down, and if it’s two sentences, if it’s three sentences, whatever it is, at least you’re beginning, and you can build on that. It’s creating that momentum. It’s so true. I have this ongoing recording that I’ve never released. Okay. But I do maybe once a month, I sit down and I create a video for a file on my desktop called Not Laura’s Pity Party. And it’s just me, voicing, whatever it is. But I’ll do it in a zoom room like this, and I’m looking at myself, and I just let it out. I let it out. It has never seen the light of day. I don’t know if it’s going to go anywhere someday, but it’s been really useful, and I think it’s a healthy kind of venting. It also helps you put together the constellation of where you are at that moment. You connect the dots of exactly where you are in that exact point. So, yeah, I’m a big fan of documenting your life as seen through your own experience. I wonder if that’s such a generational thing, because I think about some older people will say to me, like, why do you guys have to put everything out there? First of all, I don’t think Brendan and I put everything out there. I don’t think we even put one person out there 10%, but, yeah, it’s probably pretty private. But I was talking to one of your family members last night, and she was talking about, well, why do the celebrities need to tell you that they have a miscarriage? And I don’t know that she was saying it with judgment, but I know what she was saying underneath it, and I think a big part of the reason people are talking about these things is to destigmatize, obviously. But for those of us who are connected to one another digitally, I think that there’s so much meaningful conversation and connection and empathy that we’re cultivating online. Is there a downside? For sure, right? We’re dealing with judgment. We’re dealing with pressure. We’re worried about how many people are engaging. That’s what happens when you become a content creator and your livelihood is tied to the numbers. But with the downside comes this upside where I can now know a little bit more about you. We can come together when we meet up and talk in a way that we wouldn’t have been able to had I not engaged with your podcast. I’m not saying you need to release the notorious pity Party files, but with all of your videos, I’m learning about you. I’m learning about your perspective, and I think there’s real value in that, whether I know you at an arm’s length or whether we’re really, really close friends. And of course, those things can change over time. I’ve become really, really close friends with people I’ve met online, especially in the industry, right. And I think we feel like we know one another oftentimes. And I don’t mean in the same way that we interact with people, perhaps who weren’t in the industry, but we collaborate in so many ways online before we’ve even met in person. I really encourage and implore individuals who are sharing themselves online to just check in. Are you sharing an authenticity? It doesn’t mean you need to share everything. But for me, as someone who makes a living in online content, I do need that balance, because I don’t only want to share Laura, who makes you drool and feel incredibly aroused, whatever it may be, I need that as a human. And it’s not for everyone. Some people are very happy to present one side of themselves online, but I do ask that you at least consider it. Are you having an authentic outlet? The more that we push into this digital life, this digital world, it’s becoming more of a virtual reality every single day. Are you tied to your authenticity? Are you also sharing that? Are you also using that in the dynamics that you’re in the middle of? Because we do meet online, and sometimes the face to face, when it finally happens, whenever it might, it’s like, wow, you’re not the person I thought you were. So consider that. Are you sharing? Are you sharing yourself authentically? Yeah. And I like that you said that authenticity doesn’t have to be whole, because I think that I feel like everything I put out is me. But there are also many versions of me. If anybody ever comes and sees me speak on stage, I’m really different than I am on the podcast. I’m bigger, I’m louder, I joke around a lot more because it’s a different medium, and I’m getting the energy of the crowd. If we’re one on one, I’m a very different person. And so I think that you can share pieces of yourself and be authentic without sharing everything. And I think that’s a good reminder to all of us. There are so many folks who are in content creation, right, whether it’s their main source of income or it’s a side gig or it’s a passion project. And so I think that that’s a good reminder that we don’t have to do it all. But if we’re coming from a place of being real, it’s going to resonate with some people and some people aren’t going to like us, which is a whole other conversation. But I want to go back to, before I let you go, a couple of things. So you mentioned that you’re on Only Fans, and I’m curious about your work on Only Fans, and you mentioned that you haven’t crossed over into the world of porn performing, and I’m wondering, why not? Right? So the platform I’m on is a competitor to Only Fans. It’s called tempted. So it’s literally just that, though. It’s a fan platform where you can sell clips, content, whatever you want, chat directly, one on one. It’s the same setup. This one was originated from my Naked News family, though. So naked news spawned this project called fanzone, which became tempted content creation. Why haven’t I crossed over into porn? Because I think it’s, for me, a boundary.
When I look at what sex grants me in my life, I am an individual that comes from a very long history of suppressing my feelings, suppressing my authentic. I haven’t always been this authentic person. I lost my mother when I was ten, and ever since then, I had to be this invincible person, right? So I realized, well, why does sex mean so much to me? And I found out, after doing years and years and years of chatting with therapists and experts for my work and for my personal journey, that sex to me is where I’ve always had an honest release, an honest release of what I’m feeling, what’s going on inside. And I didn’t want that to become influenced by I need to create for a demanding public. For me, it’s sacred. And I love porn. Trust me, I’m a huge consumer of it. Most of my friends make it. And I love creating content that plays with the erotic realm. So I’ll do a lot of cinematically inspired stalking. Tears and peels and Mrs. Robinson salutes, and Sharon Stone leg crossing and beautiful oil rub downs. Like, I like to create very beautiful erotic art. But for me, when it comes to actually sharing that moment of genuine climax and pleasure, I just don’t want it to become influenced by the demands of my audience. It’s such a powerful experience, and it means so much to my life. For so many years, it was the only way of actually feeling myself in the rawness of it. And I’m going to keep that protected for me. I appreciate that. I think it’s so important to know your boundaries and know why you’re into things and why you’re not into them. And I asked because your work straddles the industry. You’re still in the adult industry, you’re still in the nude, you still face much of the stigma that your friends who are performing in porn face. Obviously it’s different and I don’t want to ignore the hierarchies. Porn performers obviously face a different level of stigma. But you’re there, you’re in that space, and I think it’s so valuable that you know what your values are. So you mentioned that with journaling that it helps you to understand what makes you feel fulfilled, what makes you feel happy, what brings you pleasure. And I was thinking I’d add to that what brings you meaning. And I can imagine it would be a very powerful tool or exercise for folks to go ahead and write those things down. I don’t know if I can ask you, babe, do you know what brings you fulfillment? Yeah, on the spot. I’m almost at a bit of a loss. I mean, this relationship makes me feel very fulfilled. Adventure and travel makes me feel fulfilled. Connection with people who I genuinely love and care for makes me feel very fulfilled. Those are the first few that come to mind. Well, I think anyhow, I think that’s something for Brandon and I to try and I think for other folks to try as well, to write down what makes you fulfilled. Happy brings you pleasure and meaning. And I was thinking about the fact that in business we tend to have brand values and principles and anytime there’s a gig or a project or a collaboration, I’m always reminded to go back to those brand values and mission and ensure that the partnerships or the programs or the initiatives we’re signing up for align with our brand values and mission. And imagine we did that individually. I always think about how these business tools are really transferable to our personal lives, but we don’t tend to put the same effort into our personal lives, into our personal relationships as we do into business. And you’re really reminding me of that. So I’m going to think about an exercise that goes along with this based on your advice.
Now, I’m sorry I called it only fans. Oh, no. Called tempted. It’s the same thing. I was talking to Lucas. So I ran into Lucas, who’s from Naked News at the Everything to Do With Sex show and he had told me about tempted, so I should have got that brand right. But people can find you there. Can you tell us where people can go watch your stuff, learn from you, engage with you, take a look at some of your art? Absolutely. So you can find me on YouTube. I have a channel there under Laura Desiree where you can find my five part investigative sex work series called Red Umbrella Talk that was filmed at the Museum of Sex. I also have a podcast, Licked and Loaded, that’s found wherever you stream your podcasts. And it really is a totally uninhibited discussion with unapologetic pleasure seekers in life. So, Jess, you were a fantastic guest on that show. The balance of experts and just general enthusiasts. I want to shift that perspective of how we feel about seeking desire and investigating the pleasure that we define for ourselves. Otherwise nakednews.com. Come watch the show. I appreciate that. And you are doing just that. You really are shifting perspectives on pleasure through your work online. I did take a look at the Red Umbrella Talk and do recommend that people go check it out. It’s answering questions about sex work, so about strip clubs, escorting, porn performing, adult performing, and there were two other sections, the Law and professional domination. Yeah, that’s the last one I watched. Really, really good stuff. And obviously you’re a brilliant journalist and writers, so I hope people go check you out. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective with us. I’ve got a whole bunch of notes, and I hope people will take some of your experience and try it out in their lives as well. Thank you so much, both of you. This has been such a pleasure. Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you will take some of Laura’s insights and just give them a try, whether it be journaling to write down what makes you feel fulfilled, what brings you happiness, what brings you pleasure, what brings you meaning. Maybe you try her version of music therapy, just kind of belting it out. Maybe you try the recording to yourself, like a video diary. So she has a folder called Not Laura’s Pity Party, but maybe you call it something else. Yeah, I love the not my pity party idea. Would you talk to video like me? I wouldn’t talk to video. Funny enough, I opened up an old recording on my phone yesterday, and it was me doing a journaling entry. But we were on a holiday, and it was really cool because we were just talking about what we had done that day and, you know, what? Had I done that every single day? It’d be great to reflect back on. I know. And the positive too, right? Not just the things where you’re trying to figure feelings out or where you’re trying to process things. Sometimes it’s like, hey, I just had a great day. I made a key lime pie today. Yeah, I ate a key lime pie today. This is true. This is why our relationship works. Okay, folks, so do check out Happiercouples.com. If you’re shopping for last minute gifts, we’ve got those video courses that I think really make the perfect gift for any loved one in your life and use code podcast to save 25% sent. Otherwise, I’m sure you are very busy. The season is busy. I hope it is happy, harmonious, and all the things that bring you fulfillment, happiness, pleasure and meaning. Wherever you’re at, have a great one. You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Improve your sex life. Improve your life.