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October 13, 2022

Better Blow Jobs Pt I

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Boost your confidence and skills when it comes to giving (and receiving) oral sex. There are no sure-fire tips or techniques for better blow jobs, but Jess & Brandon have some insights to help you discover new pathways to pleasure.

From the “Liquid Trace” to the “Air Head” to the “F-Spot”, tune in to discover novel approaches to blow your lover’s mind. And if you want to take your blow jobs to the next level, check out our Mind Blowing Oral video course and use code PODCAST to save 25%.

Thank you to Womanizer for their ongoing support of our podcast. Use code DRJESS to save at Womanizer.com and be sure to check out their SALE section this week.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. Find the podcast on Apple PodcastsSpotifyPodbeanGoogle Podcasts, Amazon MusicStitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Better Blow Jobs Pt I

Participant #1:
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I’m your co host, Brandon. We’re here with my lovely other other half, dr. Jess. You’re smiling. Is it because we’re talking about blowjobs? Tis is it? It’s one of the many reasons I’m smiling. Why else are you smiling? Because our conversation has us very close together today. We are coming at you recording in a very different spot. Today we have to sit very close to making it work. Studio is very different. Today. When we say studio, we use that term quite loosely. I can feel his breath on my cheek. I can feel your heat. Something like that. But we are we’re talking blow jobs? Let’s do it. You like blow jobs? You know, they’re all right. Okay. One to ten. Not in comparison to any physical experience. Like a kick in the balls, for example. One to 1010 being the greatest. One being the least greatest in terms of sexual acts and sexual pleasure and things you’ve done. Where does the blowjob register? People are going to judge me. I’m going to get some hate comments here. I’m probably like a six and a half or seven. That’s actually not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of me, the blowjack. I know, and I know that that’s where it’s going to go. It’s just that there are other things that rank higher for me. Okay, what’s higher? The sex. Oh, like intercourse? Yes. Okay, what else? The sex. Anything else? It depends how I feel. I mean, I love a good handy. More than a blow job? It depends on the day. For real. Okay. And the sensitivity. Okay. Yes. All right. So we’re going to talk about blow jobs and some techniques. I got a whole bunch of questions on blow jobs. Let me find them here. Okay.

I got a message from someone who wants to know how important are blow jobs? How long should they last? What position should I be in? What techniques are best? How do I use my hands? Should I avoid the balls or go right for them? That’s a lot of questions about it. I like the last part of that. Just should just get right at them. Should I stab them, or should I do give them a good tug, just give them a flick. Well, it’s interesting because obviously all these answers are highly subjective. What did you put? Blow jobs that on a scale of one to ten, make a six and a half to seven. Okay. All right. And so other folks can send us their numbers. Nice, simple, short emails and messages. Where does the blow job register on my end in terms of blow jobs? Obviously, I don’t receive blow jobs because I don’t have a dick, but I like them. I like them. I’m glad that you put them higher than you. Really? Okay. But I mean, if you’re not valuing them, I’m going to put them back in the drawer and just let them sit there. After my comments today, it’s now a three for you. It’s a one and a half. Well, that’s hard because I wouldn’t really rate anything as a one. Well, I guess things I don’t really like. It depends. Are we starting at one being neutral or one being the lowest on the pleasure scale? I don’t know. Anyhow, before we jump into blowjobs, let’s talk about something else in our bedside drawer. Womanizer. I was checking out what’s going on on the womanizer.com site and they have a bunch of cool products on sale. And you know that I work with Womanizer and I have a small discount code for you, Doctor Jess, to save a few extra dollars [email protected] But I see that they already have a bunch of stuff on sale. So the sale set that I was looking at is the Womanizer Starlet Snow, which is that smaller, smaller one along with the Arc Wave Void, which is yeah, it’s a toy for the penis. It could replace a blowjob if you’re lucky. Good. If you’re sans partner, yes. Or if you’re with a partner, you can use it together. We’ve used it together. So this one looks like a camera lens. That’s the best way to describe it. And the beautiful kind of I don’t know how to describe the texture of the inner lining that wraps around the shaft in the head. You can twist the outer part and it tightens that really nicely textured inner lining for a really nice handy blowy sensation. So that’s a really good one that’s on sale over there. Super convenient for going through security. You just tell them it’s a camera lens. Well, and this one’s actually not motorized. So the Arc Wave boy is not motorized. It’s a stroker. And they’ve got a package. It’s called the womanizer booster bundle. I also see they have the All About US collection. So there’s one toy for the clit, one toy for the penis. The toy for the clit is the ion. So that amazing Womanizer technology that sits around the head of the clit and then a similar technology being used in the arc way of kind of signature toy. So the Arc Wave is really cool. It’s a stroker, and it’s using that same pleasure air against the frennulum of the penis. So I’ve gone on and on. So womanizer.com code Doctor Jess. Go check out all the things that are on sale. Plus use Code Doctor Jess to save a little bit more now, depending on when you’re listening because I hope you all tune in right when the episode is released. This weekend, I am heading back to Toronto. I’m not there yet, but I’m heading back to Toronto for the Taboo Show. And the Taboo show is formally the having to do with sex show. And I’m going to be there with Silken TITRA. So Silken TITRA has its own seminar theater, and Silken has a broad range of products from hair removal to toothbrushes. And I’m going to be there with TITRA, which is really cool. This technology that can be used internally for improving issues around incontinence, urinary, incontinence, vaginal, laxity, all of that good stuff. I’m going to be talking more about their technology at the show, but also I’ll be talking about a number of different topics. On Friday I’m speaking and Saturday and Sunday I’m speaking about bigger, better orgasms brought to you by Tetra. I’m also doing a session on Passion and relationships, the Science of Passion and Boosting libido. So if you are in the Toronto area, check out Taboo Productions. The Taboo show is really, really cool out at the International Center, so right next to the airport, and I’ll be there all weekend with TITRA, so come check it out. Brendan’s going to be there too. I am always looking forward to the shows. They’re lots of fun, lots of interactive workshops, lots going on. Yeah, and they have a dungeon, they have kink demonstrations. Honestly, it’s going to be really cool. And it’s brought to you by Bad Dragon. This year, I’m kind of looking forward to their very fantasy based toys. I’m not as familiar with them, and I’m going to be getting to know them and hopefully you will too. So if you’re in the Toronto area or the southern Ontario area, come down and say hi and introduce yourself. And if you need help with tickets or anything, just shoot me a message over on Instagram is probably the easiest way.

All right, let’s dive in to blow jobs. So I already asked you how important blow jobs are, and this listener wanted to know how important they are. But ultimately, for some people they’re going to be a one or a zero. Some people are going to be at ten, some people are going to exaggerate and say they’re at eleven. The research shows that most folks actually enjoy a blowjob, but they don’t rank them as essential or highly important to a satisfying sex life. Now, obviously the value of any sex life act is going to vary from person to person. I think that porn, of course, has normalized blow jobs, as always, the precursor to intercourse for hetero couples. But really it’s up to you to decide whether blue jobs are a regular part of your sexual routine or if they’re like a special occasion thing, kind of whatever you’re into. I will say this, that the more variety you inject into your sex life, the greater the sexual satisfaction. So whether it’s your hands or your mouth or a toy or changing up locations, it’s all going to be good for your sex life. So let me ask you, since you’ve got the deck attached, last time I checked, it was there. Yes, I checked as well. I’m glad it’s still there. So what makes a blow job good? What do you enjoy about a blowjob? The anticipation is something that I enjoy. Seriously? What do you mean by that? Just the lead up when you know that it’s going to happen, but it hasn’t happened yet, where it’s like somebody like you might be kissing my thighs or something like that, and I’m kind of like they get a blowjob. What’s happening? Sometimes, depending on how I’m feeling, like, the sensitivity is amplified. So there are times where it just feels really good. Everything is just heightened. I don’t know how else to explain. Do you know why that is? Like, does it vary from day to day? Is it about your mood? Is it about the build up? It’s something that I haven’t tracked or that I haven’t really paid attention to, and I don’t know. I just know that some days I’m much more sensitive than others. Oh, okay. Like physically sensitive? Yeah, physically sensitive. Okay. And so just general tips. What do you like in a blowjob? Always on the spot. I like soft touch, not a lot of teeth. That’s just not my thing. Okay, obviously for you, but it is very sensitive. Why? Have you had blue jobs with teeth? I have, yeah. Wasn’t my cup of tea. Like I said. Not going to yuck somebody else’s yum, but, you know, that just wasn’t my thing. Yeah, I like lots of lubrication. How about those three things to start? That’s where you’re going to begin? That’s where I’m going to start, yeah. Okay. And no techniques you want to share. Don’t steal mine, obviously, but you know what? Just for me, it’s the frenulum. Okay. If that is focused on yeah, I’m good to go. Okay. How do you know the name of it? Because I’ve paid attention to some of these discussions that you’ve given over the years. Okay, so then why don’t you tell folks what the frenulum is and what to do to it? It’s the little piece of skin right, where the head of the penis connects to the shaft. Okay. And what’s a function? For me, strictly pleasure. Just touch it. So the frenulum is the tiny notch on the underside of the penis that holds the foreskin on. So you have a frenulum under your tongue. You know that little notch of tissue? I mean, it doesn’t just hold it, but it’s part of attaching it. And you have frenzy limbs throughout your body. And so if the foreskin has been removed through circumcision or an unfortunate snowboarding accident, it could happen. So you’re still going to have a little notch under there that’s very sensitive, and it tends to be most sensitive to, like, licking and flicking and swirling. I’m laughing right now, or I’m smiling because I always associated the frenulum with the penis. So if somebody were to come and say, hey, you’re frenulum in your mouth, you didn’t know there’s a Pennsylvania. It makes sense that there’s a frenulum there. But even though, like, I talk about it all the time in myself, just because I only think about the penis. You got that one track mind. Okay, so the frenulum, what about the lower third? So Brandon has already brought up, I think, the part of the penis that you focus on for the more gentle, light flicking, targeted touch. What about the lower third? Like the very base of the penis? I thought you were talking about the internal penis. Oh, we can talk about that after that’s where most of my penis is. Where is it? It’s inside. You just can’t see it. But that actually is true that about a third of the penis is inside the body. And so if you only focus on the outer parts of the penis, you’re actually missing the very sensitive bulb of the penis. So that spongy tissue of the penis, if you reach behind the balls to the taint, the gooch, the choed, the perineum, that’s where you can access the bulb of the penis and just put some pressure right behind the balls there. And the bulb of the penis can be very, very sensitive. A lot of people will say that when they have their orgasms, when they ejaculate, that’s where the contractions or the tension and the release is felt most intensely. I think we should immediately go right there and talk about that. The lower third of the penis great for me. Not as much sensitivity there, but if you go down to that taint, that gooch, and give it a little rub, a little pressure oh, yeah, that’s where it’s at. Okay, it’s done. Go back to watching Mad Men. Yeah, exactly. And I kind of, like, kind of explored it’s. Like, I lit some candles and some rosemary scent and went there the other day and yeah, it’s great. Yeah. No, I like it. Do you really like candles? I did. Rose petals everywhere. I’m just kidding. I know he’s making this up. I don’t think he knows where the matches are. No, I don’t. And plus, I was trying to think of certain herbs. Should we talk about the fact that you hit a certain age where you start to really enjoy a good candle? 100%. Making fun of me. Yeah, man, I enjoy a nice candle. I don’t know when that became a thing. What is the scent? I don’t know. We had a friend buy us a candle as a gift, and I was like, I’m really enjoying this candle. What is up? It’s like good sheets on your bed and a candle. There’s an age you hit where those things start to age. Those things start to bring you a ton of pleasure. I’m going to start making my own candles. Anyway, moving on. Actually, during COVID, during the pandemic, I made a candle. There was like an online workshop from St. Germaine. They make a liqueur, and they sent us all this stuff for free. So we watched it, and I made a candle. Brandon signed up four times. Laura Ingles Wild are right here making my own candles.

Okay, so let’s go back to the hot spot. So you mentioned the F spot, which is the frenulum. You mentioned the B spot. I call it the B spot because it’s the bulb of the inner penis. Naming something after me? No. And so you can press back there. Then there’s the lower third of the penis. You said that’s not as important to you, but we hear from a lot of penises that they like a lot of pressure right there that they need. I mean, I don’t want to say too much for you, but you do like a little more pressure there, right? Yeah, I do. It’s just that if I had the option as to whether or not it was the B spot, with the lower third, I’d be the B spot. But yes, the lower third pressure feels good. Okay, so that’s three spots. It’s pretty much the entire penis. Yes. Touch everywhere. So you’ve kind of covered the spots. You also mentioned anticipation, and I think that’s such an important piece around blowjobs. And I think people who are really good at blowjobs, this might be the one piece that gets missed. Because anticipation, of course, is not the precursor to pleasure. It is the experience of pleasure in and of itself. And I think that when you’re really good at blowjobs, or you really know what your partner likes, you go straight to the things that you know they like. But if you want to intensify the sensations associated with whatever move they enjoy, if you can make them wait for it, make them not know what’s coming next, that’s when it can feel all the more exciting. And that’s why I asked you if some days, is it more sensitive because it’s been a while? Is it more sensitive because you’ve been forced to wait? And there’s a bit of kind of preedging, I think we often think about edging in terms of genital contact, but nongenital edging, where you’re getting riled up and not quite getting what it is you’re anticipating right away. And from, I guess, a neurochemical perspective, we also know that the research shows that dopamine levels are higher when you’re anticipating a reward or pleasure than when you actually receive it, and when that reward becomes unpredictable. Right. That’s when those dopamine levels actually double. So they have these studies where a monkey gets a treat for pressing a button an undetermined number of times versus consistently retrieving a treat for pushing it three times. The dopamine levels are higher when it’s that they don’t know, is a treat going to come after three presses, after twelve presses, after 15 presses, and that’s when dopamine levels actually double. And so the takeaway is that giving your partner exactly what they want immediately can actually be less pleasurable than teasing and building tension and kind of alluding to pleasure. So that building of anticipation from your side is very exciting as the person with the penis and for the person who’s giving. I think it’s also really important because blowjobs are physically demanding, right? Like they’re actually very tiring. You can only for so long in your mouth and your throat against your cheeks. So if you rile them up first with moves and touch that are less physically demanding, like you’re not sticking the thing in your mouth before you get to those more challenging finishing techniques, it’s also going to be more pleasurable for you. And that actually brings me to my next point, which is if you want to be really good at blowjobs, if you want to give a really good blowjob, I often suggest that you focus on your own pleasure first. So rather than performance, rather than worrying about, oh, am I touching the taint? Am I getting the f spot? It’s great to be a generous lover, but you’ll likely find that you both derive more pleasure from the experience if you allow pleasure to supersede performance. So one way to focus on your own pleasure as well as your partners is to wear a vibrating toy or rub yourself against their legs, or touch yourself, or fantasize or even use a blindfold on your partner because they get the visual deprivation that heightens the sense of touch and can lead to a more mindful and sensitive experience. But you also can just enjoy yourself and not necessarily worry about them watching. Like especially as we get into some of the blowjob techniques, it can feel selfconscious to try something new in such a, I think, visible environment, right. With blowjobs, the penises on the outside, so your partner is more likely to be able to see what you’re doing versus when you’re going down on a Volvo because it’s just a little flatter and it’s kind of more between the legs. So when I think about what makes for a good blowjob and I’m a solid six and a half, folks, so you really want to take my don’t cut yourself some days. It’s a second I think about. First of all, you mentioned lots of lube. The three ingredients for me are lots of lube, building anticipation and then tuning into your own pleasure. And I think you can probably attest to the fact that if you know somebody is enjoying themselves, you enjoy yourself a lot more. Absolutely. And I like that point you made about the anticipation and leading your lover down that road. I think you don’t have to do much. You don’t have to give me a very long blow job if you thank God, touched my inner thighs, just kind of caressed and done that. At a certain point, I don’t even want the blue job as much as I just want to have sex. You really like the sex you keep going to. That the intercourse. I mean, it’s all sex. Blow job is sex. I know that for you, clearly. Well, in this case I’m thinking P to V. It’s very subjective, of course, because for some people, like, they’d rather get a blowjob. Was there ever a point in your life where you would rather get a blow job? Like when they were more less available to you? I think when everything was less available, I would have taken anything. I think somebody could just blow some cool air on my groin, I would have been happy. Take a couple of hands and smack it around like a cat.

Yeah, it’s fine. Just batt it around like one of those little tugs. Okay, so back to this kind of summary. Be selfish. Route them up slowly, focus on all those different spots. Use lots of lube. And I usually suggest that you begin with these playful techniques and actually you’re echoing the same thing, which is to touch the thighs, breathe over it. I think in the podcast about clitoral oral moves, I talked about the Liquid Trace, where you simply create a wet line, a wet path or a wet spot using your tongue. And then you breathe warm air over it. And anything you can do with your tongue, you can also do with your fingers. If you use lubrication, your saliva is almost never going to cut it to simulate like an actual blowjob because your saliva will dry out where the lube will kind of keep going and stay wet. So a fun one is you simply lick a line from the very bottom to the very top. So over the base, over the coronal ridge and over the head. And then you open your lips wide and you breathe warm air over the wet path you’ve created. Again, you could use your tongue or you could create the wet line just using loo. And I suggest you do this kind of slowly and centrally, almost a featherlightte touch. I really like this one because you don’t have to be hard, right? The depictions of blowjobs, of course, always include a big hard penis. But the penis isn’t always hard right away. So you can kind of draw that line. It could be describing you could start all the way down under the balls as well. That’s a really nice way to start with the Liquid Trace. Another option, especially if they’re erect or semiarat, is to do the airhead. And for the airhead, you simply lick your lips and you lower your lips over the head of their penis as you exhale. And you don’t close your lips, so you’re not sucking it into your mouth yet, you’re just kind of teasing as you exhale down and then inhale on the way up. So that one is called the airhead. While you’re doing the airhead, you could do the fire starter where you slather your hands in lube and you just gently roll the shaft between your palms, sort of like if you pretend you’re starting a fire, you’re rubbing your hands together because you’re excited about something, but more slowly, more essentially a ton of lube. Because if you don’t use lube, the head could pop right off, and we don’t want that. Or you could start a fire. You could start a fire? Yeah. Penile chasing yay or nay? For me, it’s an egg. What about ballplay? I’m not super huge on ballplay. No, you like it very gentle, right? Yes. That’s all you’re going to say. I can tell from the look in your eyes. Okay, so Brandon and I obviously have been together a very long time, so I have an idea of what he’s into. It’s changed over time, right? Like, the certain parts of the body you’re more into than you used to be. And I’m sure it’s the same for me, but, I mean, the key here is that if you are having sex with someone who has balls, ask those balls what they’re into, because don’t be like, no, no, brandon said don’t touch them. Who the hell is Brandon? That guy doesn’t know anything. I’m gonna go start a fire now.

Right? And some people like their balls sucked right into your mouth. Some people like kind of tongue all over the balls. Some people actually like kind of wet, wet kind of lubricant lubricated nails over the balls but without scratching. Some people like you to pull down on their balls to slow them down. Some people like you to press up on their balls gently to kind of intensify orgasmic sensations. But again, every penis, every set of balls is different. So I’m just sharing ideas here, and you’re going to do what your partner or partner is like. You’re actually going to have to communicate with them. And I’ll just add because obviously this is an audio nonvisual medium. I have a course [email protected] and over there. You can check out mind blowing. Oral. This is the one for the penis. I know I talked about the one for the clip before, but mind Blowing Oral Penis Blow His Mind Edition. It’s a video course. I think there are five different videos, starting with communication and then working the penis up with the starter moves, the heightening moves, and the finishing moves. And in the videos, I kind of talk you through them. And a model demonstrates on a carrot and a banana. So if you’re interested, head over to Happiercouples.com and use Code podcast for a big discount. I think it’s 25% off. So podcast is the code. The website is Happiercouples.com, and I go through, obviously, these techniques and many, many more. All right. As you’re continuing to rile them up, basically what you want to do. And again, everyone is different, and every session is different, but you generally want to start slow and gentle, and you’re slowly increasing the pace, the pressure, the intensity. So if you’ve started with either the liquid trace or the air head. Maybe you’re kind of tracing your fingers all around their thighs. Maybe you’re tracing your cheek against their shaft, kind of dragging it there. Maybe you’re using the tip of your nose as you breathe heavily. Maybe you’re alternating between hot and cool air with your mouth. I’ve spoken about this before that I believe that your breath is one of the most underutilized tools in your sexual toolbox. So wide open mouth is going to give slow warm air and if you purse your lips it’s going to cool the air a little bit. Again, you’re not blowing out a birthday candle. You’re just kind of providing this sensual indulgent sensation of your warm and cool breath. Then you may want to put your hands around it. And I love the loose job. So for the loose job, you slather your hand in lube. You wrap it around the whole penis and you stroke really, really slowly without grabbing a hold of of it. You’re just teasing like it’s going to be bouncing against you, it’s going to push against you. I know like that’s your move. You just kind of bounce the penis in your face or against your hand but you’re just teasing still you’re stroking with your hand in the loosest possible way. Maybe with a little twist over the head so that they get a little extra stimulation over the coronal ridge. Which is that bulgy bottom part of the head and a little bit of extra sensation against the frenulum as loosely and gently and slowly as possible. And then when you feel it’s time to really get into it and they want more pressure, you can try the like of prayer. I also call it the flying V. Your hands basically go in prayer position. Try it right now. Put your hands in prayer position and smush them together. And you’ll feel that it creates a little bit of tension, pressure and suction between your hands, right? So again you’re going to slather your hands in lube and you’re going to bring your hands down over the penis so that your hands are parallel with the penis. So you’re enveloping the entire thing. I have pretty big hands so it depends. Some of you have cute little hands that may not envelop the entire penis, but it comes down in that prayer position and you open up at the bottom and go right back to the top.

So what you’re doing is you’re giving a firmer than usual handjob that really creates a pocket right around the penis. You can also try adding your hands as an extension of your mouth so you can create a tunnel with your hands and slather your hands in lube. Warm them up so they feel like your mouth and then breathe on your way down so that your hand feels like a continuation of your mouth. And that way you can get a lot deeper without actually bringing your mouth all the way. Down. My ultimate hand job move and blow job move really is the Claudia. I call this the hand job to end all blowjobs. And it is so good, so tight, and all it is, is you slather two hands in lubricant, like twice as much as you think you need. You wrap your hands around the shaft with your fingers interlaced, and you stroke with more firm pressure. Now, most of us are not using enough pressure in our hand jobs and blowjobs, and that is usually because we’re not using enough lube. You can use a tighter grip if you use a more generous amount of lube. And you can give a little extra squeeze at the bottom of the shaft. Anyone? I teach this too, because get to work with big groups and hear back from people. So many of the penises are like, why have I been giving myself? Why have I been jerking myself off with one hand when I could have been using two? Because this move really just feels like a mouth. Because it’s really warm and really tight. Yeah. And I want to comment to all the penis owners out there, make some noise. Yes. Because I know that I was in the habit of not saying or moaning or doing anything. And I think that your partner doesn’t know if you’re enjoying it, if it’s good and if you’re liking it, let them know. Let them know. Yes. That’s a big thing. I think in porn, women are taught to make a ton of noise, but in porn, men are like super silent until the end when they’re like at the very end. Is that what we all do? Pretty much. I don’t know. In porn, it’s like the sound they make at the end. But yes. Be effusive in your expressions of pleasure if something feels good, like, let those sounds flow freely with no inhibition, with no editing, with and with no censorship. Breathe a little more deeply, even just a smile. Like if you smile as you exhale. I’m doing it now. You are. Anything I’m missing as we go through some of these techniques? No, I think they’ve all been fantastic. What do you like? I really like the claudia. I’m a big fan. And I like it when you get creative with a liquid trace and think about painting a landscape, a coastal mountain. You do like to really tune into the sensations. You’re not just like a hey, get me off person. Oh, yeah. And I’ve played around with speed, with hot and cold. This is going to sound ridiculous, but there have been times where we’ve been in a very cold room. Like you’re in a hotel room and there’s air conditioning and just noticing and tuning into the sensation of the hot versus the cold. When you’re having sex and slowing down breathing, like even for the recipient to focus in on how you’re breathing and how that changes the pleasure. Yes. There’s a lot that you can do to really amplify your own experience. So here’s what I’m hearing from you, that it’s partly your partner, but a big part of how a blow job feels for you is what you’re doing yourself, for sure. I mean, even if you know that you’re going to get one, you can take 510 minutes before and get into the head. Get yourself into that headspace. It’s like preparing for a sport, but take a few minutes and just start relaxing on your own so that when you begin, you’re already in the right, you’re in that headspace where you’re really going to enjoy the experience. I love it. So you have to do part of the job. Now, what’s interesting is the guiding part. You can guide your partner’s movement and pressure and speed and rhythm. And I think that there’s a tendency for some penises to just, like, stick their hand on their partner’s head, their hands, and try and control them. But not everybody likes that, right? It can feel very intimidating. And the thing about blowjobs is that there’s this potential for power play, right? So I’m down between your legs, so there’s a subjugation. I’m servicing you. So there is this I could be being submissive even though I’m in an active role. But there’s also the thing that, like, your penis is between this person’s teeth, so there’s some power there. Similarly, on the flip side, your penis is in their mouth, so you could shove it into their throat, which obviously wouldn’t do unless that’s something that you’ve predetermined you both enjoy. But there is this threat that you can play with. There is this like, well, I’m not going to give you what you want, or I’m going to be good, or I’m going to use my teeth or be good, or I’m going to shove it down there. That you can play with in the context of a consensual, caring, understanding relationship. And that doesn’t mean it needs to be a long term relationship, but just that you’ve cultivated that dynamic between the two of you. Okay? There is so much more to talk about when it comes to blow jobs. I’ve really kind of focused more on the hands and the Riley. But next episode, next week, we are going to talk about the finishing techniques for the mouse. We’re going to talk about the tight tunnel, the game changer, my absolute favorite. And we’re going to answer some more questions around like how to touch balls. I got questions on whether you should touch the anus. We’ve got some different techniques for the butt as well. Would you like a finger up your butt? I will try anything once. It depends. Okay. Would you try it again? Try anything twice. Do you like it, though? Again, it kind of just depends how you’re feeling. Okay. It depends on your mood, of course. Okay, so next week we’re going to talk more about that. We’re also going to talk about positions. I have some more questions here on the gag reflex that we’re going to cover. So that’s going to be part two of Blowjobs, because we have to run now because my parents are coming over. I know they’re coming to say I need to make the bed for them.

But a couple of reminders. I will be at the Taboo show in Toronto this weekend. We will be. And I’ll be on stage on the Silken TITRA seminar theater. Make sure you’re there. It’s Friday, Saturday, Sunday. If you need anything, holler at me in advance. I won’t be able to answer on the weekend because it’s going to be a very busy show. This is a huge consumer trade show. I want to say that it’s very tasteful. Right? It’s the type of thing that my neighbors come to, my mom will come to. It’s very, very cool. So check that out. A reminder that we’ve got that discount on the womanizer site, Dr. Jess, and come back for more blowjob tips next week. I’m going to prep Brendan a little more and make him share, because I know you have more to say. Oh, you want me to share more? You want me to share more? Yes. You did not sign up for this. No, but I’m loving the ride. But you’re here now. All right, thanks for chatting and sharing information about your balls, your taint, my pleasure. Your temperature play, your lighting of candles. Thank you for listening. And make sure you share. Send in your feedback if you want to tell me what your number is in terms of blow jobs, regardless of whether or not you have a penis. Like, how important are blow jobs? Yes, you can absolutely weigh in on these listener questions. So somebody says I have a really active reactive gag reflex. What should we know to avoid vomiting on your partner’s dick? That’s actually what the question says. This person wants to know about position recommendations for oral. This person wants to know, should you explore your partner’s taint or anus? How should you use your fingers? Should you use your mouth? Why are these both such pleasure centers? This person another question about the balls. Why should you touch the balls? And what are some ways you might touch your partner’s balls if they’re into having their balls touched? So you can go in and weigh in on all those questions as well. So thank you. I look forward to your feedback. And we’ll be back next week. Next week with a brand new episode. Have a great one. You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, improve your Sex life. Improve your life.