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Sex with Dr. Jess


August 18, 2022

Sex Q&A Quickie

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  • Should I use Kegel balls?
  • What’s a good prostate toy that’s not too big?
  • Can I isolate my vaginal and anal muscles in pelvic floor contractions?
  • Do I have a wedding ring fetish?

Jess answers your questions on this week’s quickie episode.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Sex Q&A Quickie

Participant #1:
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey, Jess O’Reilly here for a quickie episode of the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast, and today I will be answering your questions. If you have questions, head on over to Sex with the Doctors and send them in, and I will do my best to get to them in the upcoming weeks and months. Today we’re going to be talking about the pelvic floor vaginal eggs. I have a question about prostate toys and looking forward to hopefully sharing some useful insights that benefit everyone, whether you are the person who sent in the question or not. Before we get started, I want to mention that I am running a promo on my website,, and you can save 25% off all of the video courses, so mindful sex last longer in bed. The oral sex course is all about blow jobs, hand jobs, touching, cunningas, going down, and anything else you see on there that might interest you. So use code podcast to save 25% at Let’s dive into these questions.

The first one is short and sweet. I love it. Do vaginal eggs work? Okay, so vaginal eggs or balls are inserted into the vaginal canal and people usually use them to work on their pelvic floor. But here’s the thing. Eggs or balls, what they do is they help to give you some biofeedback so that you can actually feel your pelvic floor muscles and identify them. They give you something physical to feel inside of you, but they’re not necessary. They’re not actually doing anything on their own. So it’s not as though or doing kegels with a pelvic floor ball or egg is more beneficial. That’s not the case. People just find them useful because it helps them to identify those pelvic floor muscles. But once you’ve learned to identify your pelvic floor muscles, they’re really not necessary. And pelvic floor therapists will tell you to use them with supervision because they are not good for all conditions. So, for example, they might maybe recommend them for someone with weakness, but they definitely wouldn’t recommend them for someone with pain or tension oftentimes. And again, I’m not a pelvic floor therapist. So if you find them useful and they’re not causing any issues for you because some people will find that they are more prone to infection or pain, you know your body best, right? So if it’s working for you, sure, go ahead and use them. But if possible, please see a pelvic floor physiotherapist so that they can tell you if they’re going to do more harm than good. And they can also show you how to use them and how not to use them. Next question is actually from the same person. They say when I do a kegel, I can’t help but tense my anus. And I’ve heard that I’m supposed to relax my butt when I do a kegel. How do I separate the two? Okay, so the information I think the instructions you hear around this can be confusing. You are supposed to tense your anus in a kegel. The urethra, the vagina and the anus, or the euthra, the penis and the anus, depending on your anatomy, they all work together. So when you can track or release one, they’re all going to do the same. You are not actually supposed to isolate them. And trying to do so is going to be hard and not beneficial. So when you hear people say, don’t tense your butt in a keto, they’re actually talking about your glute muscles, like big butt, not your anus itself. So go ahead, contract your anus. When you contract your penis or your vagina, it’s all good. And of course, don’t just be doing kegels unless they’ve been assigned to you by a Pelvic floor therapist or they’re indicated for your condition. Many, many people, myself included, should actually avoid key goals because they, or we need to learn to relax more as opposed to contract. And kegels can do harm if just everybody’s doing them for no reason at all. So if they’re indicated for a condition you are dealing with, then go ahead. But don’t just assume that everyone should do keygles. That’s misinformation that. I was taught that when I was in school. Everyone should do kegels. But we know more now, and we are learning from Pelvic floor therapists. And if you want to learn more about Pelvic floor therapy, I have multiple episodes you can go back to with mechiko, caringle who I absolutely love with. Kate, a physio in Toronto. We had a number of Pelvic floor therapists on the program before. So if you want to learn more, go back and have a listen to those episodes. Next up, we have a question. I’ve got to pull this one up because this one came in on Instagram. All right. They have a question about they label it fetishes. When my wife gives me a hand job, specifically teasing, I really enjoy the sensation when I can feel her wedding rings. I would say it’s kind of similar to the feeling of someone using their tongue ring during a blow job. Have you ever heard of this before? Or am I a total outlier? OOH, this is common. So common. I hear about this all the time for both blow jobs and tongue rings and hand jobs. And not just wedding rings, but different props, different things you can buy to put on your hands. So super common. It’s oftentimes the texture and temperature dissonance for many people. So warm hands, cold rings, soft, supple skin, hard rings in terms of being a fetish.

So if you find you need the rings to get aroused, and it’s the object itself that you’ve created this erotic association with, which is perfectly fine, then you might consider it a fetish. If it’s just something that feels good for you, it might just be a matter of personal preference for a specific physical sensation. So you do you and you might want to look up different products that you can wear on your hands for different sensations that might be really fun for you. Slightly different. I saw some kitty claws that you can wear, not the same as wedding rings, but it can be very sexy for that kind of rougher play or Kinky play. And I love those kitty claws. And you can get them from multiple brands. All right, speaking brands and products. This person writes in and says, I need a sex toy for the prostate. I ordered the Loki I saw on your show, but it’s way too big. Okay, so Loki is a really cool product and it has this kind of come hither motion, but it’s too big for this person. And they ask, Any recommendations for a smaller toy for beginners? Yeah, for sure. So I’m a big fan of the brand andros Aneros, and they have a number of, I guess, more beginner products or smaller products. They have the Anaros Progasm Jr. They have the MGX triton and they have the Helix sin. And if you just go on the website Anaros, you’ll see the different options that are a little bit smaller for people who are perhaps just beginning with Anal Play or Prostate Play. Now, Anaros, well, they do make vibrators, but these ones that I’m referring to are not vibrators. They actually allow for self pleasure. They provide stimulation internally against the prostate and externally along the perineum and beyond. And they’re hands free toys because what they do is they respond to even tiny contractions. So if you move a little, if you contract your butt just a little, which most people naturally do when something’s inside of them, they’re going to create extra sensation internally against the prostate. So you have your hands free to wander all over the body. You can touch your penis, you can touch your nipples, you can touch your earlobes, you can touch your inner nostrils, if that’s what you’re into, whatever you’re into. The aneras toys are really cool. They do make some vibrating ones as well. Otherwise, I’m going to go back to my favorite brand, which is We Vibe. And the Wevive Vector is a prostate massager and perineal massager. It is a vibrator. It’s really compact and it’s silky smooth and tapered, so it’s really easy to insert. Of course, you’re going to be using lube with all of these products, and it vibes directly against the prostate through the anal wall because the prostate and the anus are actually next door neighbors and it also vibes externally against the perineum. So for me, that’s a really good, great choice. So you can check out the Narrows products and of course the We Vibe Vector. And I always have a small discount code, and that discount code is Dr. Jess because all these brands are amazing and keep it simple for me because I need it. I have to keep it consistent. Okay, well, keep those questions coming.

Thank you for hanging with me for this quickie episode. For once, I actually stuck to the quickie timing for fun. Wherever you’re at, I hope you’re having a great one. A quick reminder that I’m offering a sale on my website for podcast listeners. we’ve got multiple courses. I’m going to recommend the Mindful Sex one because it really is about slowing down. Dealing with distractions. Getting rid of. Not getting rid of. But managing intrusive thoughts. Being more in your mind and body so that you feel more connected to yourself. More connected to a partner or partners if you’ve got them and can experience more pleasure kind of across the board. Not just when you’re having sex. Really just tuning into the sensations in your body. So That’s the mindful sex course. 25% off that one as well as the others on the site with Code podcast. Thank you so much for being here, wishing you a wonderful day, a wonderful week. And I’ll be back next Friday with a brand new episode. You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Improve your sex life. Improve your life.