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July 28, 2022

Sex playlists!

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What do sex and music have in common, and what’s the best music to enhance your sexual experience? Jess and Brandon explore the erotic-musical connection and share their ideal sex playlists. Check out Brandon’s playlist here (remember to sign into your Spotify account to access the playlist) and enjoy Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture here.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Sex playlists!

Participant #1:
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Doctor Jess Podcast. I’m your co host, Brandon. I’m here with my lovely other half, Doctor Jess. Hey, how are you? I’m good. I’m ready to talk music and sex. This is going to be a quickie episode. You’re going to be getting many more quickies over the course of the summer. YouTube. Brandon well, thank you for that. I thought I was doing the intro today. But before we jump into things, let’s give a shout out to Adam and Eve and their discount code for anyone shopping online for sex toys, lingerie, things that tickle, things that vibrate, things. What else tickle? Your pickle, rub your nub. These are all my one liners. Adam and Eve.com use code doctor Jess for a 50% off discount. Yes, that’s right. 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping. And they’re throwing in some free goodies for you as well, Adam andeve.com all right, let’s get into it because like I said, this is a quickie episode and it’s all about music and sex. So I’m trying to get to some of your questions, and they’re piling up, so I’m getting to them. Now, this person says, I heard you say that we should play music to get in the mood and drown out the sounds. In our house. We have three little ones under six. Man, they’ve been busy. Yeah, they’ve been busy. A lot of kids. All right. And he goes on to say, but we can’t agree on what music to play. So do you have a playlist you recommend? All right, so we don’t listen to music as much as I would like to in the bedroom. We listen to music in the house all the time. There’s usually always music playing on the main floor. But what’s going on in the bedroom? Why aren’t we playing our music? Don’t have time to get to it. Can’t hit play on the playlist, man. We’re done. By the time the music starts, it’s over. Would that be your playlist? I’d be like, yeah, I can’t get a heart on do you know who that is? That’s from your era? No. Is it like Corey Hart? I have no clue. Is Corey Hart the one who wears his sunglasses at night? He does wear his sunglasses at night. I got some pop culture references. I’m excited to talk music and sex because they have so much in common. So we know that music just moves you. It moves you physically, it moves you emotionally. And sex, of course, does the same thing. And one thing I notice as someone who loves music is that you naturally find yourself kind of swaying to the beat for me, at least moving my hips for you. And maybe it’s your shoulders. Does my whiteness come out? I’m swaying to the base. Hey, man, I actually hear the base, but my people hear the trouble. You can boogie. But you know how you find yourself naturally swaying to the beat of, like, a song that really moves?

You actually find yourself subconsciously swaying and rocking your hips during arousal and desire and pleasure and orgasm. And I always say to people, if you’re going down on a partner or whatever you’re doing, when you see their hips moving, you know that they’re into it. It’s just this kind of natural, primal movement. And many of us actually hold back. Right? We just stay really stiff. And so one thing for people who are learning to orgasm, when I used to work with, more particularly women who had never had an orgasm, it was really about releasing their hips and letting them move. So music and sex have that in common. They also really affect your mood. Right? For better or for worse. No, I noticed that. I noticed that when I hear uplifting music, my mood changes. And when I want to chill and I’m relaxing, I play something a little bit more melodic, and it kind of just evens me out. Brings me down, actually. It’s a big thing for you when you work out, right? It is, yeah, absolutely. When I work out, I listen to metal. I listen to some European idiom. Anyway, I do listen to almost like, not a trance house, but just a very chill house music, because I find it helps me mentally just get into the zone of concentration. All right. I think a lot of people would listen to kind of more uplifting music, but I think your workouts are also very mindful, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I try not to hurt myself. Exactly. So we know that music and sex, it affects how we feel. They can actually improve our perspective, they can boost our confidence. Both can help us to relax. When you’re feeling stressed out, listening to music that soothes you. Right. And again, that could be heavy metal, that could be jazz, that could be RMB. It could be anything that suits you. I think it’s called yas. Sorry, just to clarify, the Yazzlute, it can really just help you to feel more present and in the moment. And this really primes your body and your mind for pleasure. And I think oftentimes distraction and mindlessness can impede sexual response. So if music helps you to be more in the moment in your body, it follows that it can actually increase your interest in sex, your arousal, and your pleasure. And there’s a deep history connecting music and arousal. Going back to you, think about the sirens of Homer’s odyssey. Did you ever study homer? I did not. His son is Bart. Oh, God. Lord help me. I’m hilarious. The music of the Renaissance as well. Yes, right. Like, we think about Renaissance Italy and of course, modern music. Modern music, it’s more explicit in lyrics, in themes with the accompanying video and visuals. Music is very, very sexual. And music really can improve the sexual experience. I mean, it sets the tone for interactions. Right? So maybe if I want something like slow and sensual, I might play something that’s kind of soothing and melodic. Whereas if I’m just in the mood to get it over with, I might opt for something more intense. I also find that music, for me, is the introduction. Like, if there’s music playing, I can walk over to you and start dancing with you, or I can just grab you and hold you and it kind of is the primer that might lead to something else. So when it’s playing in the background, it’s kind of nice because it gives me a reason to come over and to touch you and to feel your body. That makes so much sense. Yes. And it can create this feeling of sensory overload. Right. When you’re feeling distracted or overwhelmed by one sense, it can just help you to kind of be there. And it’s so true. When we’re dancing, I’m not thinking about anything else except what I’m feeling in my body. I thought, you’re going to say sex. No, but I don’t know, there’s something about music that I remember doing this workshop one time, and it was actually at a seminar, and they took a break in the middle and we got to do this kind of like soaka size workshop. And I remember that people were feeling really self conscious because some people could really dance and other people maybe weren’t so comfortable dancing. And I remember the leader saying something along the lines of, like, there’s no good dancing, there’s no bad dancing.

It’s just however the music makes you move your body. And I thought that was really yeah, that’s a great approach. Yeah. Because well, one thing we were recently on the Desire cruise, and I remember every time we’ve ever been to Desire, the dance floor is packed. Like, everybody is dancing, all ages, all capacities, people who have probably never danced in their life, people who have classical training in dance. And I think it’s so cool. I know there’s a lot of judgment around, like, they can dance, they can’t dance. But I love that people are just moving their bodies. And I think it has to do with getting caught up in the moment. Folks at the club, at Desire, whether it’s on the cruise or at the resorts, they’re really excited. And as you said, it can be an overture to connecting with your partner or connecting with new partners. I think it’s just shed your inhibitions. Like, don’t be not feeling that sense of self consciousness, getting out on the dance floor and enjoying yourself. I mean, it’s nice to be in an environment to where I don’t really feel like people are being judged on their ability to dance. It’s like, let’s just dance. Yeah. I mean, we dance in our living room all the time. I mean, we’ve lost dancing. Oh, my God. There’s this song that Random plays where this girl is over some sort of a house track. Great. It’s epic. And you can tell that she’s clearly in some club in Ibiza and has lost nothing, but she’s talking about the pandemic, and she goes, We’ve lost dancing. I think some of your listeners might be familiar with the song. I don’t know. Is it a popular song? I believe it is. Oh, I didn’t know that. I thought only you played it. Just me. I don’t know, it’s kind of a weird song. Okay, now I’m like I’m trying not to judge, but I’m pretty sure she’s on a beach dancing, and there’s nothing to worry about for her. The other piece around music is that when you play it in your bedroom or wherever you’re having sex, it can actually attenuate the discomfort associated with trying new things. So if you’re embarrassed by, for example, dirty talk or role play and you’re trying it for the first time, or you’re trying it again, playing loud music can overwhelm you and can actually help to put you at ease.

I’d imagine just having music, there isn’t the awkward silence that might accompany trying something for the first time, and it not necessarily flowing well, right? So there’s the dead space. The dead air is not there. There’s something comforting playing in the background. It’s kind of interesting that it’s just these small little things that can create big shifts, right? Just playing loud music can put people at ease. And I’ve seen this with couples where they’re uncomfortable with something or they’re uncomfortable having a conversation, but when they play music in the background, they’re able to have new conversations. And there’s science around research, around music and mood and sex. And there’s the contagion hypothesis, which suggests that we tend to mimic what we hear in our environments. So when you listen to music that evokes a sense of adventure, it follows that you feel more adventurous. And this applies, of course, in and out of the bedroom, which is why music also create, you know, it sparks creativity in the workplace. Winemakers actually use it to elevate the frequency of their concoctions as they age. I’ve heard that before. Remember, we were in France, but we went for we were there for a wedding. No pretension. No, we’re in Bordeaux. Because all the what was it? The Merlot or crap anyway, and didn’t they played classical music that reverberated in the barrels, and that’s my wine making in the winery that I probably almost got kicked out of. Yeah, we probably almost got it because I wasn’t paying enough attention. Okay. You’re asking about music to play and playlists. So I’ll say that because music can set the emotional tone for your interactions. I would really think about creating playlists that reflect how you want to feel. So if you want to feel really powerful in bed, then maybe pick something with a heavy bass. And if you want to feel really connected or nostalgic, go for music that reminds you of your early days of dating. And if you want to just kind of decompress at the end of a stressful day, maybe pick something that’s mellow and kind of more melodic. And if you’re feeling down but you want to get in the mood for sex or other forms of intimacy and affection, maybe pick an anthem that sort of lifts you up. So I think it’s really helpful to just think about the feeling that underpins your desire for sex, and then you can pick the music to match. So I thought we’d briefly comment on our playlist here.

You know what I’m going to say? Okay, so what’s your sex playlist? John Legend, for sure. Because you want to be him. Listen, man, that guy’s got he’s smooth, man. We went to that concert years ago and I was like, I’m sold whatever this guy is selling. I was just waiting for Chrissy to walk on stage. I know you were, but yes, for me, John Legend, the lyrics, the music, just everything flows. It’s beautiful, it’s sensual, it’s very sexy. Maybe a little Miguel in there too. Okay. Miguel on the motorcycle with Mariah. Do you remember that video? No. I do love Miguel. I’m pretty sure it’s Miguel on a motorcycle. I’ll just shake my head and say yes. How about you? So for me and we don’t do this enough. So I’m saying I want to do this, but we need to make a plan for it. Well, we just have to hit play. But my playlist would be anything kind of symphonic, because I like the way yeah, I like that it’s divided into four movements. I like that the first one is sort of like a quick tempo, and then it gets more lyrical, and then it goes back to in the end, that kind of quick, so not allegro format. And I like that it’s emotional with, like, different tempos, different volumes, different moods, often times different keys. And here’s the essential piece. For me, it doesn’t have any words. And so I think words for me can be a little bit more distraction because I believe that everything is a sing along, everything is a karaoke studio. So I think if there’s words, I get more distracted where I want to sing. And that would turn you right off. My singing is a boner killer. No comment, no comment. You’re a good singer, actually, you’re a pretty good singer. No, I’m a below mediocre singer. Well, maybe if you’re comparing opera singer, yes. No, I don’t think I’m average. I think maybe I can aim for average, but I’m not getting like I’m aiming high. I’m a good performer. Well, you know what? With all of these different playlists, I think the other benefit of them is that you can try different ones and see what works and what doesn’t is there a way for you to share your John Legend? Yes, of course. I think on Spotify, I can share my playlist. Okay, so we’ll put that link in the show notes. Well, now, if we’re going to share my playlist now he’s going to remove Miley Cyrus from his supposed to also not Miley. That was yours. Yeah, only now people recognize it because you say, when I sang it, they had no clue what it was, and I picked one I was kind of going through, and I like Tchikovsky’s 1812 Overtures. So we’re going to go ahead

Participant #1:
overture. You’ll know it when you hear it, and we’re going to go ahead and close with that. So I want to thank you for joining us for this quickie episode all about sex and music. A reminder to visit Adam and Eve.com, use code Doctor Jess to save 50% off almost any single item, plus free goodies and free shipping. And we’re going to leave you here with Chikovsky’s 1812 Overture. You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, improve your sex life. Improve your life.