March 25, 2022
How To Have Multiple Orgasms: Part II (For Clitorises)
- How can I use my breath to explore multiple orgasms?
- Are there different types of multiple orgasms?
- How many orgasms can you have in one session?
- How do I have full-body orgasms?
We explore these questions and more while sharing techniques and strategies for more pleasure (and more orgasms) — from the “cup and pulse” technique to the blended orgasm, you’re sure to find something new to try whether your partnered or solo.
Be sure to check out Dr. Jess’ Mind Blowing Oral: Clit Edition if you’re looking to perfect your moves or add a number of new moves to your repertoire. Use code PODCAST to save 25% when checking out.
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This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
How To Have Multiple Orgasms: Part II (For Clitorises)
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I’m your cohost, Bran, Brandonware here with my lovely other half, Doctor Jess. Hey, are you ready to talk multiples sure I am. Multiple orgasms. Multiple O’s last time, not too long ago. Just a few weeks ago, we were talking about multiple orgasms for you, Brandon. Where? Just for me, that is it for you and all of your bread and penises. And I’d like to know how that was for everyone. Yeah, some people did write in. Some people actually wrote in about dry orgasms and shared their experiences of also feeling like you did, which was confused. Sorry, I’m just laughing because, yes, that often is the case. I’m confused. I remember the first time you were like, did I just come did I come inside of you? I’ve had that happen a couple of times where I don’t know if I can, if I finished. So you orgasm, but you didn’t ejaculate, and that was creating this super confusion. Yes. Cloud of confusion. Well, today we’re going to be talking about multiple orgasms for people who have vulvas or clipportruses. Multiple orgasms. The better kind part, too. Before we dive into that, I want to say thank you to our sponsors, Adam and Eve.com. Still extending that offer of 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping and a whole bunch of goody gifts for you with code, Dr. Jess. So if you are shopping for vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, lube, lingerie, latex wear, fetishware, sex furniture, anything that can help you to get your rocks off, I do need to furnish another apartment. So perhaps we just do sex furniture. Okay, that’s it. Is that going to go into your staging budget? It will for folks who don’t know Brandon’s in real estate, so sometimes he has to stage properties. Actually, you did have a property once, and we won’t talk about the owner. But you had a property that was super kinky. Yeah. Big time. That was years ago. Yeah, it was a massive, well, massive for Toronto. For Toronto, small for Texas, 5000 square foot loft, hard loft, exposed brick and beam. And basically it was a dungeon. It had all of the different benches and devices for tying up. And there were a number of torture devices because the person had purchased an old Museum of some sort. Yeah, they purchased a Museum. So they had all of these artifacts. And then almost peppered into the artifacts were these kinky devices. And I think because of all the other artifacts, it all worked together very well. You know what I mean? It created this theme, this ambience where everything just flowed, and it was like this very kinky environment. Someone bought it. Somebody bought it. Yeah. But they redid it, right? Yes, they did. Did it come with all the stuff? No, it didn’t. Oh, okay. So that was just a selling feature. Just a prop. Yeah, okay, I get it. But back to this. Adam and Eve.com code Doctor Jess to save 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping and a bunch of free goodies. And they’ve got all the kinky stuff as well, as well as the more vanilla stuff, everything from wands to finger vibes to clitoral vibes to penis rings, vibrating butt plugs and butt plugs that don’t vibrate. Butt plugs with tails. Whatever you’re into, they’ve got it. Adam and Eve.com. Now before we talk about multiples, I’d like to talk about a question that I received on Instagram about sexual identity. And so this person wants to know why I guess sexual identity is such a big deal. What is it about? How is it actually significant outside of who you want to have sex with? So this person says, I’m asking in the practical sense. I’m a CIS, straight white male, but I don’t see how that affects my identity regarding sex or how others identity would be different. And so I think this is a good question because we talk about or I talk about identity so much, all the layers of identity, because all the layers of my identity personally means so much to me. And so and I find the same with many of my clients. But what I think what this question really made me think about is the fact that I think these layers of identity and sexual identity often matter more to people who are otherwise, to people who feel like who have been forced to the margins. Because for this group, I think it involves accompanying to terms. I think it involves resisting norms. I think it involves the process, the ongoing kind of never ending process of overcoming shame, perhaps dealing with trauma. And so if your sexuality has always been kind of validated and supported and normalized, it might just be what it is, maybe not really a huge part of your identity. And that’s okay too. And if you’re going to play and mate and date and interact with people who are outside of your group, people who have been othered, I think it’s super important to still understand that those layers of identity can be more complex, perhaps more meaningful, and also more at the forefront of everything we do. And so when we talk about when I talk about identity, I think it’s different than when you talk about identity. I agree. I don’t really think much about my identity, and I think for that reason, I understand where the question comes from. But it also makes me just reflect on why is it important to somebody else? And if it’s not important to me, can I at least understand why it’s important to somebody else? And hopefully that makes me a better person. I can understand better somebody else’s situation, a better person, I think. A better partner, better friend, a better lover, all of those things. And I will say the person who wrote this was really leading from a place of curiosity. I didn’t feel like it was a place of all. Why does it matter so much? Not at all. I really felt curious about why are we talking about it so much? So I think hopefully that context helps folks who feel that identity is really important to them to feel validated, but also helps folks who maybe don’t have to think about their layers of identity as much understand why we talk about it so much and how it can be valuable regardless of who you are. And for me, again, just even that question and what you just said reminds me of the privilege that I have that I don’t have to think about that. Right. So once again, looking at it from a different perspective, as you said, is really again, it’s just eye opening when you think about somebody else’s situation where they might feel othered and how that really creates an important to have that identity. And for me, I think when I was younger, there wasn’t the space to explore all these different layers of identity. There was just this desire to honestly fit in and conform. And in doing so, there’s also this really, I think, powerful and frightening suppression of your own identity. Yeah. I feel like things are just getting better in the sense that you can express yourself. There’s so much more than when I think about when I grew up, you very much fit into a box. Right. It’s like when I was in high school, are you a Jock? Are you kind of like smart? Are you kind of nerdy geeky? Are you could you be smart and a Jock? Yeah. No, it was one of the you were starting to see some crossover, but it was just I don’t feel old, but it just seemed like people fit into the stereotypical movie boxes that you were. And for that reason, there wasn’t a lot of exploration, there wasn’t a lot of reflection. Whereas now when I speak to people who are younger than me and it’s just they talk about a lot of them. There are.
Thank you. I appreciate that. But when I talk to people and who are in their teens and their 20s and they talk about intersection and they talk about just being open to different types of relationships and different types just really understanding who they are before they go out and try to find a partner or if they even want a partner or partners or partners, I think it’s great. How awesome is it that you have that flexibility or you have that freedom or at least more freedom to explore and not feel as confined? And I’m not saying that people aren’t still confined. Absolutely. And oppressed. But yeah, you’re right. There is more fluidity and especially among some populations. Right. When I think about some of the younger, some of the teens and early 20s, folks we interact with, they come from another part of privilege, right? Absolutely. They have money. Absolutely. And so there’s just more opportunity for fluidity. And so there’s all those layers. So I’m glad we’re talking about it. That’s great. I definitely think identity kind of intersects with every topic we explore, whether it’s like masochism or kink or communication or conflict resolution or in this case, multiple orgasms. And so you’re laughing at my segue there. But we’re going to talk about multiples. And when you think about multiples for me. Yes. What do you think? I think it’s great when you have them, does it make you feel better? When I have multiple orgasms, do you feel like I get this sense and I don’t want to speak for you, but I get the sense that you feel validated? Yeah, I’m sure that I don’t I don’t think I talk about feeling validated, but I’m sure that I perhaps act or feel that way inside sometimes when we’re having sex. I don’t think about it. I want you to feel pleasure. I want you to have an orgasm if that’s what you want. I do. That was a quick response, but I don’t think about you having multiples. Sometimes it’s just about making sure there’s just this. Remember in the past you’ve talked about sex where it’s just maintenance sex, where it’s not always about having a ten out of ten, it’s just about having sex because two out of ten. Yeah. Okay. Thank you.
Aiming for that, too. So I feel as though if we can both have an orgasm, then there’s a sense of fulfillment. So sometimes I want you to have that orgasm, and then sometimes I know that you’re really into it and you want to have multiples for me, I don’t think about having multiples. I never go into having sex with a goal like that where I’m thinking I’m going to have mobile orgasms today. But sometimes I feel like you want me to. Sometimes I do feel a little bit of pressure. So first I want to say that I like to have an orgasm when I have sex. Not everybody needs to have an orgasm. There are people who really enjoy sex without orgasm. And so we’re going to talk about multiples, what they are and how to have them. But I really want it to be from a place of exploration and curiosity and potential for pleasure as opposed to pressure. I don’t want people to walk away thinking, well, how come I can only have one? Or how come they can have three and I can only have two? I really do think it’s about the quality of every experience, as opposed to the quantity or the frequency or some sort of quantitative measure. And sometimes you can have multiple orgasms and it may not be as satisfying as having one orgasm or you can have no orgasms and it can be more satisfying than some other orgasms. So we’re going to talk about these things because I received so many questions around it and because I did part one about the penis. And people have been really all over me Jones. And over the second half of this, they’re like, Where’s part two? So here it is talking about multiple orgasms. So I received a bunch of questions. So people want to know, what is a multiple orgasm? What is happening in your body to cause multiple orgasms? So multiple orgasms usually just refer to orgasms that occur in succession in the same sexual experience. So they may occur because you continue to physically stimulate a responsive area of the body, like, for example, the clitoris. Or they might occur without physical stimulation when your arousal intensity is really high. And in some cases, you can have multiples through the direct stimulation of a sensitive area. And in others, you might have them kind of more spontaneously where you don’t realize that they’re happening. So generally after orgasm, there’s this sense of release or a relief of muscular tension in the body. But with multiple orgasms, this intensity, these muscular contractions can remain at their peak for more prolonged periods of time. And so somebody asked something a little bit more detailed around. Are there different types of multiple orgasms and what are they and how do they differ? People really want to get it, get into it here. So I don’t think I can define all the types of multiple orgasms, but I’ll say sometimes multiples occur back to back. So you can have an orgasm, and instead of experiencing some sort of a refractory period, your body just rolls right into another orgasm. So it’s usually marked by that heightened pleasure and these gratifying contractions. In other cases, multiple orgasms could be more spaced out. So you might have one orgasm and then continue with stimulation and maybe go down a little in arousal and then go right back up and have another. And you may experience a decrease in arousal between orgasms or you may not. Everybody is different. Some people describe their multiple orgasms as ascending, meaning that each one builds in intensity to the final kind of climactic orgasm. Others describe multiples as more consistent. So each one is kind of similarly pleasurable in intensity. Others say that it’s rather unpredictable. So these orgasms kind of fluctuate in their intensity with no specific pattern in terms of increase or decrease in pleasure. Now, I don’t think most of us are sitting there like measuring the intensity of an orgasm. Sometimes something is just really memorable, sometimes it isn’t. And hopefully you’re not spectatoring and kind of thinking, oh, which was the biggest one? Was this ascending? Was this descending? Was this peaks and valleys? Hopefully you’re just enjoying the experience. I did receive some questions around how many can you possibly have in one session? And I would say, I don’t think there’s a limit unless you run out of time or energy or energy or energy. Right. Just because you’ve had four doesn’t mean five is going to make it better. Again, we live in a culture that likes to quantify things. Right. How many chicken wings can you eat? I don’t know. How many reps can you do of this bench press? Is that still a thing versus just kind of looking at the experience? And so then other people were asking, why is it so difficult to have more than one orgasm? And to that I’d really say, I think we’ve made orgasm the pinnacle of sex. And I think many of us just say, well, I’m done because I had one, and it feels good enough and it’s a matter of habit. And I think that’s perfectly fine for others. I don’t think that it’s difficult to have multiple orgasms. I think it’s sometimes just not desirable. Right. As you said, sometimes it’s maintenance sex. You just want to get it done and then kind of go to sleep. Or maybe you just feel really satisfied after one, or maybe it feels too sensitive to want to keep going. Like, I know for you, yeah. For me, it’s hard after I orgasm to want to have another, and that’s okay. It does change, though. I will say I’ve noticed certain times it feels different. So I think it’s just a willingness to see how you feel in the moment and roll with it. A big part of it for me is time and energy. Yeah, definitely. Am I going to sleep or do I have the whole day ahead of me? Do I have something exciting I want to get up for it to go to breakfast? Or is it just like, I don’t know, coffee and croissant? Although coffee and croissant is pretty happy, they sound pretty good. Yeah, they do. And then other people will say that they’re kind of resistant to exploring multiples because the stimulation after their first orgasm feels uncomfortable or raw or sensitive or tickling. And again, all of these experiences are totally valid and you don’t have to count your orgasms. So having prefaced this kind of how to discussion with all of that, I just really want to drive home the point that please do not feel pressure to have multiples. If you’re going to experiment with all these different techniques and strategies, just focus on what it feels like for you. What is the process? What is the pleasure? Whether that pleasure is physical or mental or emotional or relational or spiritual or anything else that brings you pleasure in your brain and body. So the big question and the one that I get over and over again is how do you have multiple orgasms? What are the techniques? And of course, there are no surefire techniques. What I do versus what my neighbor does versus what my friend does versus what anybody else does, it’s always going to be different for each person and even one person’s experience may be different, right? Like, what works on a Monday might be different than what works on a Saturday. What works on your menstruating, for example, day five of your cycle is going to be different than what works on day 15. And your physical response. Because orgasm is physical and mental, those responses change with your mood, with energy, with stress levels, with relational elements, with all the other with your diet, with exercise, with all of these different things. And no matter how much you track it, you probably can’t pinpoint all of the elements required. So first and foremost, one way to experiment with multiple orgasms is simply to change techniques or pathways. So if your first orgasm comes from rubbing the clip, try switching to the Gspot at the very first sign of your orgasmic contractions and see if that leads to more pleasurable an orgasmic sensation. So we do hear from many, many people who will say, okay, my clit is too sensitive. I can only have one orgasm from the head of my clit, but then maybe some vaginal penetration or maybe playing with my butt or maybe playing with the nipples or playing with the Gspots. So just this in and of itself could take you on months of exploration to try these different approaches and see what feels good for you, especially for people who find that things are too sensitive after orgasms. So just find a different pathway that also feels good for you or change the order of the pathway. So, for example, if clitoral orgasms. And when I say clitoral, I mean, like stimulating the outside head of the clitoris at the top of where the lips meet. If that’s kind of the easiest pathway to orgasm for you, don’t do that one first. Do something different, like maybe play with the penetration or play with Gspot with your fingers or a toy, or play with the butt and see if you can get yourself to orgasm. And then once you’ve reached orgasm, you can take a break or you can go straight into stimulating that more surefire pathway to multiples.
So people are familiar with the womanizer toys. So I work with womeniser, and these are the clitoral toys with little opening that sits over the head of the clitoris and creates this very unique sensation that’s sort of a cross between kissing and sucking and licking and vibing. And what it is, is they call it pleasure air. It’s these tiny changes in air pressure that create this very unique sensation. So I have clients who find that using this toy is a very direct pathway to orgasm. But not everybody wants a quick fix. Some people want to slow things down. So what I find with some clients, they’ll say they have sex in a certain way and they have an orgasm. And if they want a second orgasm, they’ll reach for this toy because they just know that it’s kind of simple and straightforward, doesn’t mean that it’s better for some people, sure. But not necessarily for everyone. And so since I’m plugging womanizer, I should also plug my discount code there. Womanizer.com discount code. Doctor Jess, save you just a few dollars. And I think they might be having a sale right now as well. I’m always kind of watching their products because I order them for people as well. So just that changing of techniques or pathways. And then I think the subpoint there is to vibe through it. So again, I hear from so many clients who find that if they add a vibrator after they’ve already had an orgasm, it either intensifies that orgasm prolongs that orgasm or leads to another orgasm and another orgasm. And so that doesn’t necessarily feel intuitive because I think so many of us, as soon as we have an orgasm, we kind of just want to stop. Right. I know that. I’ll be like, don’t move. Yeah, I’ve heard that before. Yeah. I was going to say, do you ever ride the wave if you know that you’re going to or it’s the possibility how did you figure out that you could or how do people figure out that they can get to another orgasm quickly if they just kind of go with it rather than wanting to stop after? Yeah. I think it’s sort of about pushing through, really. Yeah. And saying that I’m going to try. But again, with no pressure, one can be often enough. Right. But if you do want to play, then again, your options are so limitless. Like, for example, I mentioned the womanizer toys, but you could also just take a big wand and play all around with the wand. Or you could take a tiny little vibe and press it against the head of your clit. Or you could switch it up altogether and use a vibrating butt plug. Or you could play with your nipples. Or you could ask your partner to play with your breasts. It’s kind of unlimited. It’s not like, okay, so you’re going to do 45 seconds on the clutches, and then you’re going to take a 90 degree angle as you curl up. No, it’s not like that. And I’ve seen classes like that. I think people are looking I’ve seen people just want a fix. It’s just like, how do you do it? And I think obviously what you’re saying is it just depends. Yeah. And I’m going to share some other techniques now that work for some people and for other people, they’re going to be annoying. And so that’s really where I know that I’ve driven this point home. And somebody’s going to say, you told us enough times. Okay. So let’s continue. So number one, change techniques or pathways. So actually change the spots of your body because there are multiple pathways to orgasm and multiple nerve endings in that pelvic region, I should mention. So because you have the pelvic nerve, the pudendal nerve, the hypogastric nerve, we believe you have deep extensions of the vagus nerve. When you change spots, you can be changing nerve pathways. And so in simplified terms, the way some people explain it is it just doesn’t feel as overwhelming in a negative way. It starts to create these new experiences of pleasure. So change techniques or pathways. Secondly, add a toy. Just kind of vibe through it. Whether it’s one of those pleasure air toys or a vibrator, something pinpointed or something broader, try playing with toys. Next. This one’s a bit more specific. This one is called pulse and squeeze. So as you orgasm, you experience these muscular contractions that are involuntary accompanied by this heightened sensation throughout your body and usually a big wave of relief or release. So what you can do is actually use a toy or your hand to kind of grab hold of your entire vulva, kind of cup it. And in between each contraction, you can kind of pulse your hand against that entire length of the vulva. And with each contraction, squeeze your thighs together to kind of intensify the contraction and experiment with multiples now, this sounds kind of technical. And so if you’re having an orgasm and thinking about this, I can’t imagine it would be that great of an orgasm. So what I would think about rather than thinking is just kind of put your hand down there and squeeze in a way that feels good. Like not counting the contractions or making sure you hit between contractions or on contractions. Just see if kind of squeezing your legs together around your hand or around a toy or even around a penis starts to feel good because that squeezing together can put pressure on the lips, which puts pressure on the internal clitoris, the erectile tissue, as well as the head of the clit and the hood of the clit and the shaft of the clit up top there. So that’s the pulse and squeeze. So basically just squeeze your legs together and pulse in some ways. And then you can do this in different ways. You could also like, if you know, for example, you really just love pressure or vibrations against the head of your clit. Fine, just put your finger or a toy right there. If you know that what you really like is this feeling of fullness inside your vaginal canal. Fine. Keep the object, whether it’s a finger or a toy or a penis or something else. Keep it in there and squeeze your legs around it as you feel the orgasmic contractions. And you might feel you might find that the orgasmic contractions become prolonged, become more intense, and lead to yet another wave of orgasmic release and pleasure. A kind of play on that is to rather than squeezing your legs together, contract your pelvic floor muscles in between each orgasmic contraction or with each orgasmic contraction. So lots of options here. I just want to say I’ve already talked about switching to the Gspot, playing with the nipples, adding a toy, pulsing and squeezing, squeezing your legs, contracting your pelvic floor muscles. Please don’t do all of these. Have your orgasm, however it is you have your orgasm and just add one thing and see if you like it. And again, without pressuring yourself, without feeling like your partner’s counting your orgasms or you’re counting your own orgasms. So that’s I think, a more specific technique. Again, I don’t want people to get in their heads, just, I don’t know, squeeze a little and see how it feels. You might also do that squeezing before orgasm to see how that feels in your body. And I would say that for most of us, playing with these new techniques can feel a lot more natural if we try it on our own without worrying about what a partner is thinking or feeling. Or maybe you have a partner you can talk to about this or partners who can get involved as well. So that’s the pulse and squeeze.
The other thing you can do is you can do some extra thrusting. So some people do like we talk a lot about the culture, but some people really like that feeling of thrusting. So oftentimes, again when you orgasm, you stop moving, you pull back. So keep thrusting again with that toy, with your partner, with a penis, with a finger, whatever kind of works for you with each orgasmic contraction or in between each orgasmic contraction and see how that feels. Another piece we hear from a lot of people about breath. Right. And so changing your breath at orgasm can intensify the orgasms can lead to multiples you might want to breathe really deeply and kind of exaggerate your breath. Try inhaling and exhaling purposely and purposefully and really as slowly and deeply as possible. And this is not intuitive, right. Because at orgasm you’re like, there’s a lot of that panting and speeding up. But imagine slowing your breath down, not just at orgasm, but throughout the entire sex play process. Right. And so it can be exaggerated, kind of in through your mouth or in through your nose and out through your mouth. Or it could just be a small change where you slow down your breathing. Right. When your arousal levels peak, your body obviously wants to take these quick, shallow breaths, kind of defy that natural inclination and continue to breathe really slowly and see what that does for you. You do stuff with your breath sometimes, right? Sometimes I do. I try breathing deeply. I mean, a lot of what you’re talking about now, I think about doing myself. I’ve done different pathways. I think about pulsing when you were talking about the pelvic floor. I’ve done that before. So a lot of these or some of these can apply to people with penises, too. Yeah. It’s not about you, though. No, I know. Back to you. I have done the breathing before, and it isn’t intuitive because, like, you said you’re physically responding in a way, and you have to go into your own mind and say, okay, I’m going to slow down the breathing. I’m going to focus on whatever it is. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I think it’s just what you said. Go with it in the moment and see how it feels. Yes, absolutely. And you’re right, I was joking that this is for all bodies, like whether you have a penis or a clitoris, maybe you call your body parts something very different than that. Right. Because for folks who are nonbinary, for example, they may not like that language. You may not like that language. I’ve heard people talk about their clip Dick. I heard people just call it their junk. I heard people call it their Venus. So whatever works for you. I do think all of these different approaches can apply, regardless of anatomy and regardless of what you like to call your anatomy. All right. So building upon your breath, another, I think pathway, as opposed to a technique to create multiple orgasms or create the opportunity for multiple orgasms is to have what I call slowgasms, where you slow the entire sexual process down. Why are you smiling? Sorry, we’ve done this before. I’ve been the one who’s been trying to slow it down. I’m trying to get away. You’re trying to get away. You might have been trying to get away from that position or whatever it was, but I definitely noticed a significant change in the physiological sensations. When I slow down, like, big time, I start to sense temperature. Like, I really notice temperature. And I don’t mean we’re playing with ice cubes or anything. I just mean the air temperature. I can feel like just the sensation just changes so drastically when I slow down. And I don’t think when we have slowed down that you’ve enjoyed it as much as I’ve enjoyed it. No, I do like it. I do like it. For me, again, it’s about timing and energy. Like at midnight, I’m less inclined toward it than, for example, on a Saturday morning. Yeah. And I think for me, just speaking to the last point, this is where the breath work really starts coming in, because it’s like you’re feeling I’m breathing and it requires some concentration, but not so much. Listen, I’m enjoying everything. So everything that I’m doing is building upon itself. So before I’m having sex, the idea of really slow down, I’m really going to breathe. No, I don’t want to do all that stuff. I want to have sex. That’s how I feel most of the time. But then when I’m having sex, and then I start getting into it and I’m like, you know what? I’m going to slow that down. That really feels good. And then I slow it down, and I think to myself, you know what? I’m just going to slow down. I’m just going to breathe just nice and slow. So even though all these things that you’re saying sound like maybe a lot in the moment when you’re enjoying them, they’re a lot of fun. And I enjoy doing them all really hot because you start to feel sensations, as you said, temperature, you start to feel breath differently. Oh, my God, sounds differently. It’s sensational focused. It’s really tuning into all of your senses that you’re experiencing in that moment. And when you slow down, the orgasm changes. And I don’t know if I’ve talked about this before, but you have orgasmic contractions. Obviously, when you orgasm, these muscular contractions that you may feel in your pelvic floor, you might feel it in your genitals, you might feel in them in your anus. And those are involuntary. Of course, you can contract your pelvic floor on purpose if you want to, as I mentioned. But these involuntary contractions are an average of just under 1 second apart. So zero, 8 seconds apart. And again, these are averages.
So everybody’s different. The first and the second contraction are 0.6 seconds apart on average, and then it gets a little bit farther. So the reason I bring this up is that to bring on orgasm, in most cases, you want to be stroking or pulsing or cupping or kind of just moving at that pace, almost two strokes or two pulses or two, whatever you’re into per second. That’s what most people do to bring on those contractions, and that’s, I think, a more direct route for many people. But you can also bring on orgasm in so many different ways with your breath, with energy, with eye contact, with touching the body, with slowing down, and almost not moving. So if people have explored different approaches to slower sex, they probably know, you probably know what I’m talking about. And so many people report that when they have these slow orgasms that don’t involve that twice per second, stroking, vibing, sucking, thrusting, whatever it may be, the orgasm feels more intense, it can feel more prolonged, and it can feel as though you’re having multiple waves of orgasmic pleasure. And of course, we don’t want to make this goal that you must do. You got to slow down and sit for an hour or two. But if you do have the time sometimes to even begin with alternating between whatever regular type of sex you’re having, however you define that and then pulling back for a minute or two and almost not moving? Right. So, for example, if you are having some sort of penetrative sex, like sliding something inside your vaginal canal, can you slow it down so that it’s taking you like 30 seconds or 60 seconds to use to make that insertion from tip to base, whether, again, it’s a finger or toy or a penis? And that can also lead to multiple so kind of the opposite of some of the other approaches we’ve been talking about. But really, to me, this just illustrates that there is no singular path to multiples. And more than anything, the world is your oyster. Like, the options for sex and the options for exploration are endless. So when we say we’re bored or when we say we’re getting into a routine, I think so many of us just need a reminder that these things are out there. We just need to try them. Right. You don’t need to buy anything. You don’t need to change that much. Except for, I think, your attitude and your approach. So that’s one more option is the slow orgasm. Another piece I was thinking about that is a little bit different than the first one. So first I had talked about changing techniques or pathways. This next one is similar, except it’s about stimulating multiple hotspots simultaneously. So rather than, for example, switching from, I don’t know, the clitoris to the vaginal canal or from the nipples to the anus, actually engaging multiple parts of the body at once. So it could be nipples, it could be lips, it could be clitoris, it could be your penis, it could be your Gspot, it could be your perineum, any responsive area start to touch them simultaneously at orgasm. So you’re probably already feeling overwhelmed. And if you’re willing to kind of push through that sense of feeling physically overwhelmed and engage in these different nerve pathways simultaneously to create these different types of orgasms, I think you can kind of just awaken multiple pathways and increase your likelihood of perhaps experiencing a second or third or fourth orgasm. And then that leads to another really important piece, which is around full body pleasure. Sex gets so incredibly reduced to the genitals. Right. And that’s what we get hung up on. But if you can start exploring other parts of the body at orgasm, like maybe you’re having your orgasm and you don’t want any parts of your genitals touched. Right. But maybe you play with the sides of your chest or you stroke your face or you play with the inner thighs. If you can start to explore full body pleasure not only at orgasm but building up to orgasm, you’re more likely to have multiples. In fact, when we do the full body approach to pleasure. Right. When I can get couples to slow down and touch from head to toe every square inch over the course of 1020, 30. Some people go much longer, 40 minutes before you even get to the genitals or whatever part of your body tends to lead to orgasm, which for most people is your genitals. If you can touch that whole body before, you’re probably not only going to feel more waves of pleasure throughout the body when you eventually reach orgasm. But I’m also hearing, especially from women that they end up having multiples because the whole body is feeling stimulated and overwhelmed. Yeah. I mean, the idea of full body pleasure is, I don’t know, to me, just the pinnacle of multiple orgasms. You need to come to my course then. Yeah. I mean, I’d love to come to your course and learn more, but I’m talking to you now, and I’d like to practice.
Actually, that brings up another piece. I’m heading out on the Desire cruise. The cruises are back in May. You and I are going on Desire cruise, Lisbon to Ibiza. So it goes from Lisbon down to the South Coast of Spain, up to Ibiza. And then I think we finished in Barcelona, and I’m pretty excited about that. And on board, I will be teaching my only in Desire full body orgasm class, which Brendan has never been to. No, I haven’t, because you have to sit outside the door and make sure nobody comes in. But we’re going to have two of those courses on board, so people should absolutely check that out. I will put a link in the show notes to the Desire cruise. We only have, I guess, another. Where are we? Two months until boarding. So pretty exciting stuff, not to mention that. And you also get to go to a whole bunch of European cities. Yeah. That’s the thing that I like about these cruises. So they’re clothing optional in certain areas. But if you are not comfortable with that, you also really have the choice to not feel too exposed. It’s probably the most I don’t want to say vanilla, but I think it’s a really good first step for people who are kind of interested in these erotic environments. And the couples who go on the cruise are just they’re quite diverse. First of all, like, you have people from the States, people from South America, many people from Europe joining now. So multiple languages, friendly people, people who are open minded. I think people often think, oh, it’s a swinger’s cruise. It is definitely not a swinger’s cruise. I would say that probably not even 50% are swingers. But no matter where you are, no matter if you’re monogamous or swinging or some other version of consensual, non monogamous or monogamy or simply just curious and openminded, I can’t imagine not feeling at ease in this environment that Desire has created. And it’s a really nice high end cruise. But every morning you wake up and you’re in a new city. So I think if I recall correctly, we begin in Lisbon. We sail down to Seville, we go to Drabaltor. I think we go to Malaga. I don’t know if it’s Malaga or Malaga. And then we go to Ibiza, and then we go to Barcelona. And so every morning you wake up in a new Port and you get to explore and yeah, pretty magical stuff. So I wasn’t planning on talking about that, but I highly, highly recommend people check out Desire Cruises. And if you can join us in May do, because I know they’ve got a really good sale on right now. And of course, they’ve got all of the testing and all of those other protocols in place. Everybody has to be, I believe, tested and vaccinated to get on. Yes, I think you have to be tested, and I’m pretty sure vaccinated as well to go. I’ll confirm that. But yeah, I’m very excited about that. So to go back, because I was talking about full body pleasure, I will be teaching these full body courses. I think they’re really exceptional. They’re one of the most challenging things for me to put everyone at ease. But it’s definitely exceptional in terms of the work that I do and very exciting and challenging for me. And so do encourage everyone to explore full body pleasure and just to sort of recap some of these multiple orgasm approaches as we close out. So change techniques or pathways. Use a vibrator or toy pulse and squeeze or squeeze with each contraction, you can do a cup and pulse, change your breath, explore slowgasms. You can use your pelvic floor, of course. Right. To do contractions. I don’t know if I mentioned that stimulate multiple hot spots simultaneously. Explore the full body not only at orgasm, but building up to orgasm. And then I think the bottom line is just opting to push through if you want to write. So even though you’re feeling overwhelmed, even though you’re feeling hypersensitive, just experiment and push through. And again, if it doesn’t feel right in the moment, don’t do it. Do what feels good for your body with zero pressure. I think these techniques leave you with just an unending list of options to play with, whether it’s different parts of the bodies or different toys or slowing down different speeds. And should really leave you with months and months and years and years of play.
But I think most of us need the reminder. I know I do. I know that for me, I know what works, and I’m just going to do it because it feels good. And I know it’s a sure thing. It’s sort of like I like to go to the same restaurant and order the same meal because I don’t want to take a risk and have a crappy meal. But the thing with sex is that it’s not finite, right. If something isn’t feeling good, if I try something new and it doesn’t feel good, it doesn’t mean that I can’t have another one. Right. Like with a meal I’m full and now I’m stuck here at the restaurant with this overcooked pasta or whatever. But with sex, I can just make one tiny little change and go back to something that’s a whole new dish. Yeah, I can’t. I can’t waste food and you’re not going to be wasting orgasms. So I do hope you’ll play with some of these techniques. Certainly. I know I’ve missed some. So send in your feedback in terms of what I missed, and I can share it on an upcoming episode. So thanks for chatting with me. I feel out of breath after all of this yes, you’re doing a whole lot of talking and explaining, but I mean, I’m just sitting here making notes and I think as a partner who if you want to have multiple orgasms, then I’ve just now been equipped with a number of different ways to provide you with them or to help you have them easy type of one at a time. One at a time. Just focus on the one for now, right? All right. Yeah, I think that’s what I’ll leave you with. Sorry. And I think that’s what I’ll leave you with is just try one new thing like one little thing without pressure and hopefully, hopefully it goes well for you. So say thank you, Babe, for chatting with me. Thank you to our sponsors, Adamandeve.com again, code doctor just to save 50% off almost any single item plus free shipping and some free goodies and thank you for being with us today. You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Improve your sex life. Improve your life.