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February 4, 2022

How To Have Multiple Orgasms (Part I)

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Want to explore dry orgasms, multiple orgasms, edging, and more? We’ve got specific strategies and techniques you can experiment with tonight — all in the name of multiplying pleasure.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Have Multiple Orgasms (Part I)

Participant #1:
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I’m your cohost, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, we are talking about multiple orgasms today. We were going to talk about the Build Bear, the bear shop in the mall where you take your kids and build a bear. I read a headline that apparently they’re getting into the adult space, but then I went and checked out their adult bears, and they’re not all that exciting. They’re not that racy. Come on, it’s 01:00. If there was a build a bear with a butt plug or something, I would say, yes, you’re definitely getting into the adult business, but that’s like, 2023 things. Yeah, build a Bear. It’s 01:00. Yeah, great. Real reason. Those things are expensive, too. I think if you go in and actually build a bear, I think it’s a costly thing. Anyhow, I don’t know if we have any in Canada, but I’ve definitely seen them in the States with big lineups, too. Canada has built a polar bear. Okay, let’s switch gears and talk about multiple orgasms, because last week we talked about how do I intensify orgasms. And I think there’s a little bit of overlap here. But of course, multiple orgasms can be super hot because they can prolong the orgasmic experience. And what’s interesting is that people of all genders, all genitals, are capable of having more than one orgasm in a single session. But also, before we get into this, I want to say, you don’t have to. All right. One and done can be just as good. I’d say, okay, sometimes I have multiples. I’m just thinking about my own experience here. But I’m more of a one and done or there’s the one that’s, like, most satisfying. And for me personally, multiples doesn’t necessarily make that last one more intense. That’s not the way it goes for me. And so I wanted to ask you, Babe, about multiples because you’ve had multiple orgasms by accident. I have. I didn’t know what was happening. The truth is, I thought I was finished. I thought I had orgasms. That’s what we’re talking about. I know, but I thought I had to take a minute and just realize that I hadn’t finished. Okay, so you’re saying you thought you had orgasms, but also you had an orgasm. Do you mean ejaculate? Yes. I’m so sorry. I’m using the wrong word. So let’s just get that out of the way. So orgasm refers to the peak experience of sexual pleasure that’s marked by, I guess, gratifying contractions and this sense of often sudden sexual release. And, of course, it’s going to vary from person to person. So you’re saying that you had the orgasmic sensations, but you didn’t ejaculate. Is that fair? Correct. So orgasm is that peak experience where you get, like, that feeling that feels like such a release and contractions usually. And then ejaculation is actually the expulsion of fluid and in the penis, it’s via a spinal reflex. So you thought you had ejaculated, is what you’re saying, correct? I thought I had ejaculated. I had to stop because often when I do ejaculate, I feel that sense of fulfillment, and I want to stop. But I hadn’t ejaculated. So I was somewhat confused, to be honest. And you’re like, okay, I can keep going. I can do that again.

Yeah. And it was a wonderful experience after I realized I hadn’t ejaculated. And then it’s happened over and over again, right? Yeah, it has. I haven’t necessarily tried to make it happen, but it has happened on other occasions. Okay. So how does that happen? How do you get there? Personally, for me, it came from edging, and then number two slowing down. Right before I thought I was going to ejaculate, I had to focus in on what I was feeling because oftentimes I get to the point of no return and I just continue and then ejaculate and I’m finished, whereas this time, just before I stopped, I didn’t move. Do you know those times where I’ve said, don’t move? Yeah. And I don’t listen. Thank you for admitting to that. No, but I really did focus and just slow down. I remember breathing very deeply to try and concentrate on the feeling and just not push over the edge. And then once I had done that, so to me, I thought I was edging, but I had an orgasm, didn’t ejaculate, and then was able to continue after I realized that I could still continue. Okay. So when you say that you stop, are you stopping before the contractions or in between the two sets of contractions? So just a little context here. When the orgasm occurs in people with a penis, when it occurs in conjunction with ejaculation, which it usually does. Right, sorry. Like in the beginning when you were saying you thought you had orgasmed and I was differentiating between ejaculating, an orgasm. I think we have to acknowledge that most people with penises are orgasming and ejaculating at the same time. So you’re sort of learning to separate the two processes. And so when the orgasm occurs in conjunction with ejaculation, you actually experience two sets of contractions. So the first set of contractions prepares the fluid, the ejaculate by moving it into the urethral bulb. And then immediately following, there is a second set right after that, actually expels the fluid through the penis, through the UE strap. And so oftentimes when you hit that first set of contractions, we call it the Pei, the point of ejaculatory inevitability or like the point of no return. So I’m curious for you personally, because no two bodies are the same. But I think it’s cool to have you share your experience since you love to talk about your sex life so much for us. It’s great. Really appreciate it. So were you having that first set of contractions, or were you stopping right before that set of contractions, or do you even know? Because I don’t want to make you overthink yet. Yeah. The truth is, I don’t think I would have known if I was having the Pei contractions or not. I think it was more I was enjoying the process, thought I was getting to the point of no return. I would just call the point of no return and realize that at that point, if I slowed down and if I stopped that I would be able to continue. So I just wasn’t focusing in on the contractions or anything like that. I was just like, I want to continue. So I’m going to just stop moving for a few seconds to see if I can control which took me back to Edging. Right. I got to that point where I thought, okay, it’s coming close.

Let’s just slow down, stop trying to control the sensation, bring it down, and then continue. So I don’t know if I necessarily answered your question there, but I certainly wasn’t paying attention to the different types of contractions. No. Okay. That makes sense. And I think that this is probably the most common way that penises have multiple orgasms is through what we call a dry orgasm. So orgasm with ejaculation, you get all the good feelings with less of the mess, half of the clean up, none of the cleanup. So you mean like twelve year old Brandon? What? What do you mean you didn’t? The first time when I masturbated, it was like, what did you just call it? All of the fun, none of the mess. So you had a dry orgasm? Yeah. I don’t remember how old I was, but when I first masturbated the first few times, I think I remember that I didn’t ejaculate, but I had an orgasm because I remember just being like, that felt great. Nothing happened. I guess the pipes weren’t fully functional at that point. Yeah, absolutely. And then after that mayonnaise truck, mayonnaise. Sorry, I don’t think a jacket is gross. I think mayonnaise mayonnaise is gross. Okay. So that’s interesting that you actually had experience with dry orgasm when you were young. And I’m curious if listeners also had that experience, because that is really a testament to the fact that it’s possible. And so dry orgasms, I want to say dry orgasms refer to retrograde ejaculation, so the internal sphincter can actually open up. And if this occurs, the semen flows back into the bladder instead of being expelled. And so you can still experience the contractions and the pleasure and the release of orgasm without ejaculating. And so some people like you have, I guess, accidentally trained yourself to do this. Yes. I started my complex and sophisticated sexual journey as a young child. But then some people, I just want to note, actually experience dry orgasms for medical issues. So related to the internal urethral sphincter, malfunctioning. What we’re talking about now is having dry orgasms purposefully. And in terms of the side effects, we can’t find any potentially negative side effects. You might notice that if you don’t orgasm after. So if you don’t ejaculate after. See, look how I confuse the two as well. Thankfully, it’s not just me. No, I think it’s all of us. We think come is ejaculated. We think orgasm is ejaculated. It’s all of us. But if you don’t ejaculate, let’s say you have multiple dry orgasms and you decide not to ejaculate on your last one, you might notice that your urine is just a little bit cloudy after, perhaps because of the absorption of semen. And that’s just kind of anecdotal stuff that we’ve heard. So don’t worry about that. So you Brennan, in your case, if I’m correct, every time you’ve had multiple orgasms. So like a dry orgasm and then another dry orgasm, you, at least with me, tend to finish with an ejaculatory orgasm, right? Yes. And so I’m curious, would you like to have the dry orgasms one after the other without the ejaculation, or does the ejaculation feel like, more satisfactory to you? For me, the ejaculation is the most satisfying orgasm. And I don’t know if it’s just the idea that the visible release makes me also feel like it’s more intense. The cleaning of the pipes unclog them.

Participant #1:
Yes. But I’m definitely interested in continuing to try and have dry orgasms or just orgasms. Sorry. Because it felt great. It’s just the first couple of times it happened, I was more confused as to whether or not I had ejaculated rather than kind of worried I was I was like, oh, did I pregnant? Yeah. I was like, oh, man. I think we might have a potential issue here. Okay, so for folks who want to learn to orgasm without ejaculating, Brennan shared his story or his experience, which is that he sort of gets all the edges. So he’s going up and down and building arousal and going back down, building arousal, going back down, getting back up there. And right before you think you’re about to come ejaculate, really you stop? Yes. For me, it’s just trying not to move. But it’s a fine line getting to that point of no return because I really feel like if I move much more, I will honestly, I will finish. Like, I will ejaculate. Do you do anything with your pelvis floor? No, I don’t. I’m not thinking about that. The times that it’s happened, I’ve just focused on not moving. So is that something I should be doing? No. Is that some recommendation? It could be a recommendation. I think you should do whatever works for you and whatever you like. But oftentimes when we talk about multiple orgasms for penises, we talk about getting to know your pelvic floor. So like that PC sling that stretches from your tailbone to your pubic bone, it’s activated during sexual arousal. It’s activated during orgasm. These muscles are also at work when you exercise, when you walk, when you run, when you crawl, when you sit, when you pee, when you poo, when you breathe. Basically, I want to call them the heartbeat, but we actually have a muscle that is the heartbeat. So that’s not a good analogy anyhow, because the pelvic floor is so active in your day to day activities. One thing that I want to recommend before we even move on to this is that if you have access to a pelvic floor physiotherapist, please go take advantage of their expertise. So it’s beyond my purview. But we have had multiple pelvis floor physiotherapists on the podcast and Machiko Karen Gal was the one who spoke a lot about penises. And I can’t remember if we had Susie Gransky or if she’s just in my course. But there’s some really brilliant ones working specifically with people with penises because it’s not as simple as, oh, you’ll have a stronger, more toned pelvic floor if you do. Your Kegels Kegels, in fact, are contraindicated in many cases for different conditions. So if you have access to a pelvic floor physiotherapist, even just once, they can help you to get to know your pelvic floor, because when you have both a toned pelvic floor. So a highly functioning pelvic floor and you’re familiar with the way your pelvic floor muscles work, you can actually use them during sex. And so anecdotally what other people with penises have reported is that when they squeeze or flex their pelvic floor muscles for a few seconds right before that first set of contractions, like right before you feel like orgasm is coming on or when you first feel the contractions. So maybe you’re kind of at that point of ejaculatory inevitability it can actually stall ejaculation and bring on your gasmic sensations.

So that’s one option is to try squeezing or flexing your pelvis floor right before orgasm and just see what happens. Right. For some people, it actually might intensify ejaculation, for some people, it might stave it off and you might still feel those contractions. And we don’t have I’m not aware of any hard data on this is what you ought to do, but I hear from a lot of people about this. So another guy wrote in and said that he uses little shorts, squeezes and pulses like he just quickly contracts and releases, contracts and releases his pelvic floor right before he thinks orgasm is coming on. And that can stave off ejaculation, but bring on the orgasmic contractions. But I think the really important thing here is because I think I’m talking about it in these kind of specific terms, is that there is no one singular way and you don’t want to be thinking about it. You don’t want to be like, okay, I’m counting the seconds to my point of ejaculatory inevitability. You just want to kind of see what feels good for you. And I hope that you don’t keep the goal of multiple orgasms must have a dry orgasm in mind. Instead, you try these different things, you see how it feels, and you do what feels good for you, right? Like you enjoy the process whether you have a dry orgasm or an ejaculatory orgasm and you don’t get hung up on achieving one specific goal. So that’s one thing you can do is get to know your palate floor and then see how contracting and releasing your palate floor can change the way you orgasm, whether it makes for more powerful orgasms, more powerful ejaculations, or multiple orgasms, other things that we hear. And this applies to all bodies. Regardless, I’m sort of talking about penises right now, but it’s really just experimenting with sex play that focuses on other parts of your body. So a lot of folks will say that they stumble upon dry orgasms and multiple orgasms by accident when they’re playing with their nipples, of course, when they’re playing with their prostates. And we have multiple episodes on prostate play, and we hear a lot from folks who have orgasmic sensations, songs, ejaculations. So they have the opportunity to have multiples when they play with the prostate. And again, the prostate is accessed through the anus, you’re going to feel an area of the anal canal that feels a little bit different, feels sort of like a ripe apricot or something like that. And playing with that with a finger, playing with that with a vibrating toy can definitely lead to not only different types of orgasms, so you don’t feel it just in your penis. In fact, you may not even have an erection. You can play with the prostate and lose the erection and still have that orgasm that feels so powerful throughout the body. So moving away from the penis or adding onto the penis. Like if you are stroking, if you are having interrecourse, if you are having oral, if you are using some sort of a toy on the penis to add something to another part of your body as well. Some people have also said that pressing really firmly into the perineum just behind the ball.

So again, the perineum is the Gooch, the taint, the toad that stretches skin between the balls and the butt. Or in folks with vulvas between the butt and the labia pressing in there can kind of especially for penises press on the inner bulb of the penis. And that can change the way you orgasm, either intensify it or lead to a delay of ejaculation so that you still have the orgasmic sensations without the ejaculation. Other folks have found that the vibrating penis ring leads to multiple orgasms or sensations of orgasms without ejaculation. And then another thing that was kind of on my list in my head, but Brandon already mentioned is edging. Right. So again, bringing yourself to the brink of orgasm over and over again, but stopping right before you reach your peak. And then as you do that, a few times, the body, the build up, the excitement becomes so intensified that you end up having that orgasm. But if you stop what you’re doing, like Brandon said, and kind of just breathe deeply and tune into the sensations, which is exactly what you described. Henny the sensations of orgasm can overtake your body and you may not ejaculate. And then not ejaculating, of course, means that you can continue. And then another piece is, of course, that your breath is really essential to orgasms. So some people say that when they breathe Super, super deeply in that high intensity situation, the different breath patterns can change the way they orgasm to either intensify orgasm or result in the orgasmic contractions. And the orgasmic release without the ejaculatory release, which means they can continue what they’re doing. And so as I’m talking now about dry orgasms as a path to multiple orgasms, I’m also realizing that most of this focuses on keeping the penis hard so that you can keep doing what you’re doing with the penis. But I think that one thing that we haven’t talked about yet is that you don’t need a hard penis in order to have orgasms. And when people explore the entire body, when you play with the prostate, I know many, many folks with penises who have orgasms just from playing with their nipples. It doesn’t have to be a dry orgasm to maintain the erection. So I just want to kind of clarify that it’s not just about delaying ejaculation in order to keep the penis hard. Oftentimes it’s about delaying ejaculation just to keep the sensations heightened. Because some people like you, for example, once you ejaculate, you sort of lose interest, right? Yeah, I do. I’m very relaxed and yes, I do. But I also wanted to go back to your comment on edging, because I found for me, Edging really allowed me to start to understand how I felt just before I orgasmed and helped me ejaculate and help me really start to recognize how I was feeling. So I think when I accidentally stumbled across a dry orgasm or having multiple orgasms, it was through edging it and just really helped me understand. I’m like, okay, I’m getting close. And listen, if I went to the point of no return and it was too late, it’s still a win. But those times where I was able to successfully I am able to successfully do it. I started to recognize the physical sensations so that I could pull back earlier. And it’s interesting, too, because I do some of those things like the deep breathing, the focusing in and all of that. And I think that that’s really going to be a very helpful tool for anybody who wants to go and try multiple orgasms. Yes. And what I find is interesting is you don’t try and do this all the time. Like it’s not something you’re like, oh, I got to do that because it’s better. It’s just sort of something different. I don’t go into when we have sex with a particular I’m going to do this today. I’m doing whatever feels good, and I’m responding to them in the moment. That’s what makes you good. But I think if you take that approach, I think it’s going to win because you’re doing what feels good for you. And if you want to try something different today, then awesome, go for it. And if you don’t, then that’s cool too. And if it doesn’t work out in the sense that it doesn’t have the outcome that you were hoping for, it probably still had an outcome that felt good for you. Exactly. So we’ve got all these different techniques, squeezing or releasing your pelvic floor, getting to know it, also seeing a pelvic floor physiotherapist, focusing on other parts of your body, playing definitely with the prostate for multiple orgasms, pressing into the perineum, wearing a vibrating penis ring, experimenting with edging, and then playing with your breath and also your technique, which is stopping what you’re doing. So those are lots of options. And they’re kind of hard techniques in that you can easily try them.

Right. They’re specific directions. There are also practices within the body of work of Tantra. You may have heard of the Karessa method. I don’t know if I’m saying that right. It’s K-A-R-E-Z-Z-A. So there are practices that are more in depth, more tied to oftentimes spirituality and energetic orgasms, which we have talked a little bit on the podcast, but also not my area of expertise. So I’m kind of just sharing the specific physical and breath and I think mindful techniques that maybe you can try tonight, see where they lead you, no pressure at all and just enjoy the process, obviously. So I hope that there’s something here that you’re willing to give a try. Definitely. If you haven’t checked out prostate orgasms or played with the prostate, do go check out some of the episodes on Prostate Play. We’ve had multiple with Carlisle, Janssen and Luna Matata’s and do consider toys bringing prostate toys into the mix, which of course brings us to our sponsor, for which we’re very thankful, Adamandeve.com, because they’re still offering this month the 50% off almost any item with Code Doctor Jess at Adam and Eve.com. And there are multiple prostate toys on their site that you can take a look at. I believe they carry the Anna’s product line. They have the We Vibe products. There’s the Vector, which is a dual prostate and perineal massager or Vibrator. You won’t get 50%. I’ll just be clear because I don’t want to mislead people. So it’s 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping and a whole bunch of free goodies. They throw in, however, some items, some of the higher end items that can’t ever go that deep on discount, you won’t get the full 50% but hopefully you get some sort of discount on there. So do check it out. 50% off almost any single item plus free shipping and some goodies from adamandeve.com really struggling with this. Adamandeve.com code doctor Jess and you should be able to still spice up your Valentine’s if you celebrate by getting your orders in soon. Brandon’s got that? I am trying to help everybody out.

Absolutely. So we’re going to stop there and next week we will talk about multiple orgasms for folks with clifforce because I think there’s quite a bit to cover and there’s lots of overlap. Some of these techniques definitely apply to all bodies. It doesn’t just have to be for people with penises but because penises tend to ejaculate an orgasm at the same time. I think it kind of merits its own single discussion and this is really just the start. So I always feel that way that I’m hoping we’re helping to start conversations and helping people to dig a little deeper and keep looking for information and of course figuring out what works for you because there’s no singular path, there’s no universal technique. But I do think all of these things could be fun to try so hopefully you go try them out tonight. Don’t delay. And again, thank you to Adam and Eve.com for their support and thank you for listening. Thanks, Babe, for sharing your story of your multiple orgasms. I literally remember the first time you did it. What do you recall? Confusion. Yes. And you were almost afraid of what had happened. I was like I think I just ejaculated you don’t want to get too graphic. Nope. I know. All right, folks, on that note, we are out wherever you’re at. Thanks for being here. Have a great one. You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcasts. Improve your sex Life. Improve your life.