January 20, 2022
Today’s quickie answers a few viewer questions about why ghost-facing is all the rage and how to spice things up when mobility is limited.
Just a reminder, our wonderful sponsor Adam and Eve is offering 50% off almost any item + FREE shipping + some FREE goodies if you use code DRJESS.
If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
You’re listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and relationship advice you can Use Tonight. Welcome to Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I’m Jessa, rally your friendly neighborhood sex here, not with my lovely other half, Brendanware, because he had to run. We are back in Toronto, back at our regular work schedules, and a client needed something at last minute that he had to attend to. So I’m on my lonesome and I can’t even remember the last time I did a podcast all by myself. So I’m going to try and power through. I want to let you know in advance that this is a quickie episode because there’s so much on the go right now. Today I am shooting two episodes of my still newish television show on City TV Fridays at midnight, intimately. You with Dr. Jess, and I’m going to be interviewing actually some really cool guests. Matchmaker Maria, if you don’t know, matchmaker Maria. She got some really good advice. She’s pretty funny, very blunt, straight to the point. You can check her out on IG. So she’s going to be on the show. And Java debate. The millennial sex expert is going to be on that show. Anyhow, I’m running into studio today and it’s one of those days. And I know that the last thing I’m going to get to do is eat. And so that is why I’m going to do a quickie episode because I’m going to prioritize my eating over you. Oh, it’s so weird to laugh by yourself on the mic, but I enjoy myself.
Anyhow, the plan today is to answer a couple of really simple one really interesting question, actually, that I have received from you. So I’m going to start right there with the first one, which I think is quite fascinating. It’s around Ghostbased. And so you’ve probably seen with the new scream horror movie out that people are doing Tik Toks with the ghost face. They’re doing sexy things with the ghost face. People on Webcams are wearing the ghost face and it has become this sex symbol. And somebody is. I actually got two requests about Ghostface this week. One person just wanted me to kind of explain why it’s a sex symbol and make sense of that. And the other person is, I think, from how I understand it, because it’s a long message is looking for validation in terms of enjoying Ghost Face and not just the scream Ghostface, but all types of Ghostface masks and all that jazz. And of course, you know that I’m going to say this is perfectly fine and normal in terms of the reason why Ghost Face has become a sex symbol.
There are so many, I think, beginning with the fact that the anonymity of the cloak and the mask leaves so much to the imagination. And that can be very arousing. Right. You don’t know what lurks below the surface and the unknown creates this anticipation, which is associated with of course spikes and dopamine. And you want to find out what’s below there. Right. The mystery alone can kind of be very enticing and intoxicating. And all types of masks create intrigue and spark curiosity. And we know that when parts of your body are covered, it forces us to tune into other elements or attributes. Another body part, your voice, your demeanor, your body language. I think another level is that master associated with subversive sex acts, right. With King, with Fetish Play. And when we are in mask, when we are in costume, it can help to reduce inhibitions. There’s this sense that we’re not entirely ourselves. Right. We can act as a character. We’re playing a role. So we might take risks and liberties that are maybe more exciting, maybe a little more rebellious. And we think about all the attraction to life, the bad character, like the bad boy, the bad girl, the villain or the outlaw in the mask. And so this kind of all makes sense to me. It’s funny. My cousin was talking about what is it called when people cat mask you? I’m probably getting this wrong, but basically how we all we’re all wearing regular masks right now. Well, in different parts of the world, we are here in Toronto, we’re still wearing masks and how you look more attractive in your mask. And I don’t think it’s that we’re covering up something that’s not attractive. It’s just kind of exciting to only get to see somebody’s eyes. So we’ve got The Ghostface mask, we’ve got the mask for safety. Hopefully, people are still wearing where Covet is still alive and well. I think there’s another piece to Ghost Face as well. And that’s the connection between fear and pleasure that can be very erotic. So they’re both connected to physiological arousal. And when we feel fearful, we get a release of adrenaline, right. We get a heart rate and blood pressure increases. And this can result just in more blood flow throughout the body, including to the genitals and other erogenous zones. And when you experience fear in the context of something exciting or even in the context of a safe relationship, it can kind of offer the perfect balance of tricking your nervous system and body into a state of fear based arousal where while your mind simultaneously knows that you’re still in a safe space. And so when we think about Ghost Face and The Ghostface from Scream, it reminds me that, of course, porn and horror as genres share a lot in common. They both are really focused on sensation. They’re rooted in building anticipation. They’re really rooted in getting that adrenaline pumping. And there’s also this bit of playfulness. Right. When we think about specifically The Ghostface from Scream. And I’m going back to the old, old movies with I think it was Drew Barrymore and Carmen Electra. Remember when The Ghost or I guess it’s not really a ghost. The murderer phones his voice and his tone are almost like a little bit playful, right? Like almost a little flirtatious, like they’re building up to something. And of course, it’s not something positive, but there’s a lot of humor, I think, injected into those horror films. So if you’re into Ghostface, go for it. I think it’s a great reminder, this Ghost face trend that maybe we consider playing with costumes and masks and kind of getting into that building of anticipation through the unknown. So thank you for that question. It’s Super trending topic. I wish Brandon had actually been here to talk about it as well. I’m sure he has a lot to say. I’m going to do one more question.
Okay. So this person writes, so my boyfriend had leukemia when he was younger and he had to get a bone marrow transplant, which came with complications with his joints. So he also had to have a double hip replacement and a knee replacement as well. Sometimes sex for us gets boring for me, and I would like to spice it up, but it’s hard for him to get into a comfortable position other than missionary. I have a hard time taking control. Would love to have more confidence in myself to try new things, but I majorly rely on him to take control. And I know it’s getting boring for him as well. Please help us out. Okay, cool. Thank you so much for sharing. I would say first and foremost, positions is this topic we’re talking about. Positions, the topic that everyone wants to talk about. Every I think week or two weeks, I get an email from Cosmo for a new type of position, like a spring cleaning position or a Valentine’s position or a Thanksgiving position or a position for people who wear red shirts or a position. Like all types of positions and positions can absolutely be a fabulous way to experiment with different sensations, different approaches, different experiences, different types of pleasure and orgasm. But it’s only one way. And so if you always have sex in the same position and it’s what’s most comfortable for you, that really is okay. And there are lots of other ways to spice things up. And I do think that the best position is the one that’s comfortable. Oftentimes the thrilling positions are I guess they’re fun to try and be inspired by. But if you’re not physically comfortable and you’re distracted by discomfort or pain or tension, it’s probably going to detract from your capacity to really enjoy the experience and have an orgasm. So other ways to spice things up, certainly adding toys into the mix, using your hands, using your mouth, having lots of different types of sex, using different types of lube, different massage oils. If you really want to change positions and you’re finding that most positions are uncomfortable for your partner, you might consider investing in a wedge pillow of some type. So these are pillows that are often in the shape of a three dimensional triangle. I don’t know the word for that and they can help you to get comfortable in multiple angles in multiple positions. You can also just use your own pillows and put them in different piles for comfort. But I will say that the wedge pillows can be if you can afford one can be a lot more helpful because they’re firm and so they’re not going to slide out of place.
I do still have this discount code for Adam and Eve.com. It is Dr. Jess and you’ll get 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping and a whole bunch of little goodies and free gifts as well. So I know that they do sell some wedge pillows you can check out and that might help. Other Options If you want to invest even more, you might consider something like a sex swing. I don’t know if you have that kind of space. I know I don’t. I don’t have the skills to hang that from the ceiling. But if you either have the skills or have access to a contractor who can help you with a contractor that you trust, a sex swing is a possibility or even a sex bench. But I would say don’t get hung up on the position. Like, just think about okay, so we feel really good in this position. What are some other things we can do, right? Like maybe we add a vibrating penis ring into the mix. Maybe we add a different type of dildo. Maybe we play with a glass dildo. You have so many options to just broaden your sexual Horizons, and it only has to be a little bit at a time, right? So you talked about confidence and you don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to all of a sudden be this seductive Vixen who walks in and the thigh highs and the boots and you’ve got the latex boost, Yay and the whip. You don’t have to do all of those things, but just pick one. Like, pick one and be okay. Getting comfortable in your discomfort, right? It can be fun to be a little bit uncomfortable. If you feel visually selfconscious. Try something new. Just one tiny little new thing in the dark, right? If you feel self conscious about dirty talk, try it with really loud music playing. And most importantly, if you want to get more confident sexually, play with yourself, right? So masturbate. Try new things on your own when you don’t have the inhibition or the concern about somebody else experiencing things from a second perspective. Or perhaps you’re worried about being judged. Or perhaps you’re worried about being embarrassed. And so go and practice maybe getting a little embarrassed by yourself. Go and practice dirty talking on your own. Practice masturbating in different positions. Try a toy by yourself first. Try the lube by yourself first. Wiggle your body around a wedge pillow on your own first. And bring yourself to orgasm like however it works for you. I do think that sexual confidence is so tied to how you play with yourself, right? Yes, of course. It’s tied to all the messaging around identity, from gender identity to sexual orientation to age to body type to race to all of these different elements of your identity. But all of those things intersect with your own pleasure, right? So if you can practice your own pleasure first, I think that can definitely help to boost confidence. And, of course, there are other ways to boost confidence, just more generally in terms of positive affirmations. Being willing to tell yourself that you’re deserving of pleasure, Being willing to tell yourself that you love or you appreciate your body in some way. Whether that’s out loud, Whether it’s writing it down, Whether it’s recording a voice note, Whether it’s just saying it in your head at night While you’re brushing your teeth as a reminder. So so many things you can do to kind of switch things up again. Just pick one like pick one new toy, pick one new way of positioning yourselves, Using some pillows or a wedge pillow and then see how it goes. And then maybe eventually you work your way up to that swing. I think you have to save up for those two. Those are fairly expensive as well.
Once again, if you’re shopping for toys or the wedge pillows or lingerie, maybe lingerie makes you feel sexy. I know it really works for so many people. I’m personally not a lingerie person, But I know that most of my clients really are. They feel like when they dress really sexy and feel something sensual against their body, It feels good. All of these available at Adam and Eve.com code. Dr. Jess to save 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping and a whole bunch of goodies. And I promised you a quickie actually 13 minutes. Well, for a podcast, it’s short, but for a quickie sex, It’s long for me at least. I guess everybody’s idea of a quickie is different. I’ve heard people say, well, a quickie for me is 20 minutes. Like, Whoa, that is a lot. But, hey, you do you were not timing. Except I’m timing now Because I want to make sure I get something to eat Before I head on set. So thank you for for joining me alone for this quickie episode. Wherever you’re at, have a great one. You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcasts improve your sex life. Improve your life.