November 11, 2021
Pegging, Fetishes & Sex Toys
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
What is pegging, and how do you get started? How do you choose the right harness and strap-on? What are the best positions for pegging? Why do you lose your erection during butt play? What are the best toys for all types of orgasms? What is the difference between a fetish and a kink?
Luna Matatas joins us to answer these questions and much more as she walks us through sex across Canada — from Charlottetown, PEI to Lions Bay, BC.
Check out our recommendations below, as well as Lovehoney’s Sex Map of Canada:
- Best quiet toy (oral simulator): Womanizer Premium
- Best quiet toy (newcomer): Ioba OMG
- Best Clone-A-Willy: Lovehoney
- Best Stroker: Lovehoney Blowmotion Real Feel — Save 25% this month with code* DRJESS25
- Best Advanced Penis Toy: ArcWave Ion
Follow Luna on her Twitter and Instagram accounts. As well, check out her website and her podcast, The Plug.
If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.
And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!
*Promo Code DRJESS25 is valid from September 29, 2021 at 10:00pm ET – December 18, 2021 at 11:59pm ET. Promo code may be redeemed on regular purchase price, This Visit Only Price, Event Price and Blockbuster Price before S&H charges and taxes on products as identified on Intimately You with Dr Jess (tsc.ca/intimatelyyou). Promo code cannot be redeemed on our TODAY’S SHOWSTOPPER™ offer, Encore TODAY’S SHOWSTOPPER™ offer or Exclusive For You TODAY’S SHOWSTOPPER™ Presale offer, or redeemed for cash, or used towards payment of the TSC Credit Card. Offer cannot be combined with any other offer or discount (including Rogers employee discounts). All “Last Chance Price Final Sale” and “Clearance Price Final Sale” purchases are final, no returns or exchanges. Offer subject to change without notice. To redeem your Promo Code when making a purchase online at tsc.ca, enter it into the PROMOTIONAL CODE area upon checkout. If shopping by phone call 1-888-2020-888 and quote the Promo Code to the Customer Care Representative. ©2021 Rogers Media.
Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Pegging, Fetishes & Sex Toys
0:05
You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex of Dr. Jess podcast. I’m your co host Brandon. We’re here with my always lovely other half to Dr. Jess. Hello. How are you?
0:23
I’m amazing. I’m kind of like I’m on top of the world because my work is getting back to normal. I got to host a couple’s retreat last weekend over in the UK. And that felt so damn good. I mean, you were there. You know, you weren’t at the retreat. But you were at the bar after with me.
0:39
Yeah, and you were definitely in great spirits. And I got to walk around London, which was amazing. Because London is an amazing city.
0:46
It really is a cool city. All the Marvel they took from all over the world made it a beautiful beautiful place a story for another day. But yeah, I’m feeling really good. It feels just I’m sure everybody’s having kind of small victories as we slowly very very slowly inch our way back to some normalcy depending on where where folks are living. And yeah, I guess we probably get these glimmers of hope or excitement and then I’m sure there are of course setbacks as well. But I’m also off to Boston tomorrow, or Harvard sex week.
1:18
I just want to walk around and ask if anybody’s past gas because I love the Boston accent. Did anybody fat I bought it for added. I’m just gonna walk around asking people to pull my finger all weekend. We have
1:28
some cousins. Well, I don’t think if they pull your finger they’re also gonna say fart.
1:32
I will prompt them to say it because it’s amazing. And I love it.
1:36
And I don’t know why I don’t know this the statue that people pee on my mom was telling me my mom’s so funny. I listening to my mom speak so Brandon asked her tonight if she’d like an espresso know if she wanted a little bit of Irish cream and her espresso and what does she say? Just a tip just the tip. She says Just a tip but it sounds like just that tip.
1:55
I love your mom and she says it innocently. She really doesn’t mean it’s like hey MJ what’s your favorite type of coat? I like sheared I love shear to Beaver. I’m like of course you love shear to Beaver. It’s your favorite. I love you. You’re amazing. Just let’s talk
2:09
is it Toby from Arrested Development who’s always accidentally saying the perverted stuff is that his name? The never nude guy. I don’t know his name. I think I have his name wrong. But anyhow the never nude that’s my mom. Not that she’s never nude. I I mean, my parents were nude growing up. Okay.
2:24
This is going in a different direction here. So it clearly it it passes from generation you’re gonna go down this rabbit hole.
2:32
Did you were your parents naked growing up? Oh, no,
2:34
we’re gonna we’re gonna go there. Yeah, I mean, from time to time they were for sure. But it wasn’t it wasn’t like walking around in the nude letting your junk hang out.
2:42
No, but because some parents are really like some people grew up with parents who really really hit their bodies. Okay, I know that’s a story for another day. And I’m really excited to chat with somebody very special to me today. So Luna patatas is a sex and pleasure educator. She is brilliant. She is funny she is punny she is just honestly as good as it gets. And she is also love honey Canada’s representative and so without further ado, I think we should get it started Joining us is the Luna Matata is love honey Canada’s expert but before you were love honey, Canada’s expert you were just my buddy yeah, I was just your your but my good friend that will be the title I will introduce. limitada is alright, so you’ve been representing love honey, Canada, they’ve moved over to Canada. They came from the UK. They’re massive company what are the biggest in the world maybe the biggest in the world now, according to their press release. And they’ve won multiple awards from the queen. I’ve won no awards from any queen. And I’m not gonna say anyone I’m not gonna say down with the monarchy.
3:50
Does that mean that the Queen has utilized their toys? If you win an award from the queen? Does that what it means? I mean, I would think so. See, that’s
3:59
the interpretation. I understand.
4:01
Season Four of the crown the Queen gets freaky get to get some emails about this and we haven’t started Yeah. Alright, so love honey. They are in the business of sexual happiness. They obviously retail a broad broad range of sex toys. So all the different brand names but they also have their own line. Can you tell us your favorite current sex toy? Because I know it changes all the time.
4:27
Yeah, I mean, that’s such a hard question. Like there’s so many different toys and it depends on your mood and what you’re kind of feeling at the moment and so for me one of my go to favorite toys is the greedy girl rechargeable G Spot rabbit vibrator, because it gets your outsides it gets your inside. So the internal clitoris, the external clitoris, or getting all the kinds of stimulation that I can do with one toy instead of having to have multiple things or just switch things up. It’s so much more ergonomic than previous versions of rabbits that we Seen and so it’s got the curves, but it also has a flexible rabbit outside so that you know if your clip and my clip might be a different length away from my holes and your clip and your hole then so we want that flexibility. We want that ability to kind of just do it for our bodies. So it’s cute and it has a cute name.
5:18
And it’s all blind. It’s
5:19
a good size.
5:20
Love it. Love it. Okay, so the greedy Girl by love honey, and I know they make a couple of greedy girls, they’re they’re both branded 50 Shades of Grey. One is a G Spot vibe. And one is a thrusting vibe. So if you’re more into the thrusting and you want that kind of in and out motion along with the clitoral stimulation, that’s your girl, the greedy girl. Yeah. All right, we have so much to talk about because you’re going to be telling me all about sex trends across Canada, the kinkiest cities, the cities that are most into certain types of sex toys, outfits, fantasies, all that jazz. Before we get to that, I want to talk about butts and erections because I was reading on your Instagram the other day, this post about how you maintain an erection while receiving but stuff because there are so many reasons why during but play despite intense pleasure and arousal, you might actually lose your erection. So let’s start there. What are some of the reasons why you lose an erection while you’re enjoying? But play?
6:19
Yeah, I’m so glad you want to talk about that post because it was actually a question that we got submitted to us through the plug podcast by B vine. And someone really wanted to know how can I keep my penis erect? Because every time I’m stimulating my anus, it goes soft. And so is there something wrong? Is there something I can do? And we think that this was such a good question to start to talk about anal anatomy about pleasure anatomy about penis stimulation versus anal stimulation. And I think a lot of the messaging that people with penises get is that if there’s no erection, there is no sex, there is no pleasure. And so it’s confusing message about the pathway of our body trying to discover take up space and engage in another erogenous zone, like the anus. And so it might just feel different, it might be a different kind of stimulation, a redirection of stimulation, your focus might be on the anus and not on penis pleasure. The sensations might feel different, but pleasurable, and so it’s not moving towards the kind of penis stimulation that usually leads to your orgasm. Your mind might also get involved in that and kind of be like, oh, like, are we doing this thing, it feels good, but is it going into the orgasm goal. And so it can mess with your confidence but also detract from the pleasure that is available through the anus. So whether you have an erection or not during anal play, that’s fine. As long as things feel really good for you. prostate stimulation also might feel super, super intense. And that just might be a distraction from penis pleasure. But if you do want to, if you do want to try and keep it hard while you’re doing bad stuff, you can practice and so when you’re masturbating, masturbate with your penis and then switch over to your anus and then go back to the penis, go to other erogenous zones, making sure that you are allowing for both pleasure to exist in the moment and one is not necessarily competing with the other but you’re just kind of flowing between the two you can also try just enjoying the pleasure and seeing where that takes you. You don’t have to have an erection you may not get an orgasm or you may get an orgasm and really trying to even discover prostate pleasure for yourself through internal anal stimulation using a sex toy prostate massagers are really helpful for that. So you can do hands free stimulation to your prostate with a prostate massager in you and you could then be freeing up your hands to give yourself penis pleasure that you like,
8:32
okay, all of these options, and I think people still feel so much pressure but we have this idea that there is one way of knowing that I’m turned on right and we get in our head it’s the same thing. You know, if you don’t get wet people think well I am I thought it was really turned on but I’m not wet and I’m you know trying to tell them that you can be super turned on and dry as the desert which is why we sell lube. Right that just keep it on hand or in addition to talking about butts in erections. You are kind of the I don’t know if you’re the queen of pegging. I don’t know if you can give out awards or oh my
9:02
god I wanted if there is one. Yeah.
9:05
Well, once you’re the queen, apparently you can give out sex toy awards. So cool. Let’s let’s talk pegging because you teach about pegging on your website, Luna matata.com. You have so many different workshops and courses that people can watch at their leisure, including workshops and webinars on pegging. So can you help us understand pegging? What is it? How do we even get started?
9:27
Yeah, yeah, pegging was a term that was coined by Dan Savage in the early 2000s. And he wanted to help sis heterosexual men who were interested in anal play, have a vessel a name a fantasy to be able to engage in it to combat a lot of the external and internal homophobia around but play for men and and so since then, we we’ve expanded that definition of pegging. I mean, anybody can strap it on. Anybody can engage in a fantasy of strap on Play, whether it’s giving or receiving whether you have a factory installed penis or not, but when we’re talking about pegging as a fantasy It’s still refers to this idea of mixing up who’s giving and receiving, it might be a way to engage in anal pleasure. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s about a penis in your bud or a penis like dildo in your butt. It could be about non phallic dildos. It could be about fingers and thrusting. But it usually is referring to penetration of the ass of a assessment by somebody who doesn’t have a penis. And what’s awesome about it is that it sometimes opens up a place for people through this fantasy to engage in an activity that they had a barrier around. So if they’re feeling like, oh, like, what if this makes me gay, or what if my partner thinks I’m less masculine, having a fantasy to contain the desire to the activity, it allows you to actually just take up more space in the sensation, you know, pegging might feel really good, it might feel really hot to see your partner do something to you in a way that they don’t normally do. For the person who’s giving it might be a way to switch up power or to switch up giving and receiving or to play with gender or to affirm gender. So there’s so many different iterations of it, when you’re getting started. It’s awkward. Sometimes, the bus not in the mood, sometimes your strap on is floppy, you might have to try a bunch of different harnesses to figure out where you want to start with. everybody’s eyes are always bigger than their booty hole when they’re starting. So they’re choosing like fist size, you know, kind of dildos. And we really want to stick to something that’s just a little bit bigger than the thumb. If the thumb is all you can get in there bomb, when you’re pegging you can you want to go up a little bit bigger, and sometimes it’s connected to people’s fantasies, but we don’t want to go so big that we actually might cause injury to the anus,
11:41
especially if they’re brand new at it. So I’m thinking about different toys on the market, different harnesses, what would you say is the best harness for beginners? And it doesn’t have to be a particular brand. But like, Would you wear it around your waist? Would you suggest more of a thigh harness so and maybe just tell us what a harness is as well. So be sure to start looking and I know love honey sells a huge variety. And also we carry the love honey products@tsc.ca as well.
12:05
Yeah, there’s so many different kits that you can buy. So it’s such a good question to discern, you know which one is good for you when you’re getting started. The hardest is something that is going to hold the dildo onto your body, and it’s usually a hands free experience. So the most popular harnesses are pelvic harnesses, so they strap around you like kind of jock style underwear or G string style underwear, then you’ve got Panni are underwear harnesses that are more fuller coverage, but they sometimes aren’t as great for beginners. Because the dildo is a bit more floppy, there’s not as much tension, there’s not as much adjustment to the body. If you’re just getting started. I think a jock style harnesses is the best kind. So it’s a pelvic harness and it’s got two straps over your butt. So you can really tighten it against your body. And the the biggest mistake I think a lot of people make in a beginner, when you’re putting on the harness is you don’t know where to put the penis, you don’t know where to put the dildo. So you’re trying to I had somebody come to me in a coaching session that was wearing the harness on her lower belly, like kind of below her belly button. And I was like, but that’s not where your penis would go like, it’s like we got to, we got to shift it so that it aligns with our hips where the power is going to be coming from if you’re plus size, and there are plus sized harnesses on love honeys collection, because the adjustments might be different depending on your body. If you’re like me and you you have a tummy, sometimes the dynamics between somebody else’s body and your body might need, you can’t get close enough for penetration. So you can switch that up with positions. Or you can use something like a thigh harness, a fire harness is really good, especially if you have any challenges with lower back strength or mobility or flexibility because there’s more power in that five.
13:35
Okay, so in a thigh harness, you’re wearing it around your thigh, and they would perhaps sit on your lap or you could approach from behind, or what would you suggest for the thigh harness? Yeah,
13:45
either of those are fantastic. I really like kind of a scissoring position. So you’re it’s an alternative to missionary where it’s on your thigh. So your thigh is slid between their thighs, they’re on their back, and your other leg is over their thigh. So you’re sort of straddling their thigh and thrusting because you get lots of skin contact, you get eye contact, it’s important to be in positions as beginners where you can see your partner’s face because if they’re saying, Yeah, everything’s fine, but their face is all like mashed up and you know, it’s like everything’s okay. It’s great. Keep putting, you know, that’s I can’t trust that. So I want to write, don’t take one for the team.
14:19
Well, what positions do you recommend for people who are brand new to pegging because oftentimes with any anal penetration, if you’re new to it, we talked about the penetrated partner being in control of the rhythm, the angle, the speed, the depth, so what positions would you recommend for beginner pegging?
14:35
Yeah, yeah, I think a modified doggy so sort of a head down up for the receiver and a pillow or a sex cushion underneath their pelvis. Because I think porn tends to show doggy but doggy you’re holding so much strength and tension in your body to hold yourself up as the receiver and we want maximum relaxation. So position that pelvis over the pillow and allow your heart to kind of just sink into what’s happening. Another great one is the person who’s receiving being on top so that they can control the the depth of penetration, they can go as fast as they want. They have the benefit of gravity of easing and relaxing their sphincters in that position.
15:16
And then these positions apply for all types of animal whether you’re using a phallus, a dildo, factory installed penis as you put it. And folks, you can definitely go back and listen to some of our episodes on anal sex, like the basics of what to eat, what kind of lube to use, how to get to know your sphincters, how to do your training in the shower, and we have multiple episodes, you can go take a look at as well. All right now how do we choose the phallus? How do we choose the dildo? The toy?
15:43
Yeah, I think the the receiver should be the one who gets to choose the toy who gets to choose what’s going to go inside of them. You want to look for a dildo that is firm on the inside, but flexible on the outside. So sort of cushy on the outside firm on the inside. Things like glass, steel, those are not going to be great for pegging. They’re too firm, they’re not going to really work with the body as a beginner. You also want something where you’ve got a rounded head. And so the tip is is not pointy. You don’t necessarily need the rim that is on more biological looking dildos. And that’s more for G Spot stimulation. But if you have a smoother dildo, that’s going to be a smoother first experience.
16:22
Right? Not one with a bulbous head. Yeah, all this that’s no veins required.
16:27
No veins, you don’t need no veins No.
16:31
And you you said to start with something the size of your thumb. So I know love honey has their ignite butt plug, which is about the size of my thumb that might be let’s quite small, but it’s probably a good thing to train with. And then you can work your way up, they actually have kits that are specifically for strap ons that come in multiple sizes. And for some reason, I feel like they’re all purple. I don’t know if that’s just in my head that the versions that I’ve seen are purple, but so many of them are purple. Yeah, you’re so right. Yeah. Anything else we should know about pegging? Like we know that you need to do training of your butt. We know that you need to use lube, we know that you need to be aroused. Anything we’ve missed here. I think you’ve covered a lot in terms of how to pick the equipment and position yourselves.
17:07
Yeah, I think that the communication is so important before, during, and even after. And so before we’re talking about, like, where are we going to get to what’s our fantasy? What’s turning on about you know, is it is it a mean kind of mood is it a sensual pegging, you know, really not making assumptions around what kind of vibe based on what I’m interpreting about pegging that my partner is going to want to experience and then I think for the giver, we often think that the giver has no pleasure in strap on Play, that they’re just giving the the person who’s receiving, but there’s a lot of pleasure to be had in the giver. There’s surfing the pleasures of your partner, there’s physical pleasures, or there are some dildos or strap on vibrators where they find an internal piece that can stimulate the g spot, or an external piece that can stimulate the external part of the clitoris. So talk about what you two might want to get out of it and take the pressure off of it happening the first time that you do it, it’s probably not going in. And so play with those other energies, have the Ignite plug in there and just thrust against your partner’s butt and let them feel what it’s like for you to thrust onto them with something in their butt. And so just enjoy whatever the booty holds in the mood for
18:15
love that like the first time I had sex. We couldn’t get it in. Not you and me like the first time I actually did it. Not with you.
18:21
I was like, I don’t remember that being the case. But maybe I maybe I blocked it out or
18:29
it wasn’t like a matter of you’re not in No, no, no, no. I mean, I’m good.
18:35
I got what I need. Thank you so much for that. So some great insights on playing with the butt from pegging to playing on your own to prostate plague losing an erection getting an erection all that jazz. Now I want to talk about a big part of why you’re here and that has to do with love honeys, sex map of Canada. So love honey collected data from over 1900 towns and cities from coast to coast data on sexual desires and fantasies and favorite toys. I’m just going to start at the top well I don’t know if it’s the top it’s like the West but the the top in terms of categories kinkiest city in Canada
19:13
Can I can I guess on that? Okay. I feel like somewhere in Quebec or or East Coast like Newfoundland you don’t I mean,
19:23
why are those your guesses? Like what is? What is it about those I just,
19:27
you know, French people, you know, maybe enjoy trying new things and trying something a little different. I don’t know why I’m saying it with a socio voice and not even a French accent. Well, because yes,
19:42
I feel very attracted and felt like a croissant fetish.
19:50
And the East Coast,
19:51
I don’t they’re just fun loving.
19:52
They’re just they like to party. I feel
19:54
like yeah, I’ve never been on better flights in the world than flights to the east coast because No matter what, like at the bar, in the in the airport before you leave, people are buying each other drinks. And it’s not like just people really like, Oh, they’re just buying you drinks. No, all the guys are buying everybody drinks, buying each other drinks, and they’re just so friendly. And then it’s the same thing on the plane. I’ve never had people you know, when you used to have to pay for drinks on the plane. I’ve never had flights where people would be offering to buy drinks all around and they’d be like buying for the row. The east coasters are just like generous, friendly people. But I wish I had a sound because actually, the kinkiest city in Canada was revealed as lions Bay, British Columbia, a quaint, quaint residential town on the over on the west coast somewhere. So why why would this be? Why would this little tiny residential town be so damn kinky?
20:48
Age 90. And they just want to get there. They just want to get freaky. Yeah, that’s
20:56
that Jack’s? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I was surprised to because they were like number one in butt plugs and bondage. And I think number three in other anal toys, so they’re like, still in the anal category. I always assumed that maybe there’s just nothing to do others be kinky in small towns, whereas the other perception is, oh, maybe Toronto or Montreal or Vancouver where there’s lots of opportunity for sex clubs or things like that. But yeah, that would be that would be my guess why they’re they’re getting so kinky there. This is their form of socializing.
21:31
Why not? Well, when Brandon brings up age, one thing that comes with age is changes in the way our bodies function sexually. And when it changes, we have to get away from the scripts that we were assigned, you know, from our younger, younger years, and we have to expand our horizons. And oftentimes, that means trying new things. Were something that began as a problem, actually, the solution becomes something that we wish we had discovered decades ago. So maybe these retirees are saying, hey, this isn’t working in the same way. So let’s try this other thing. I want the extra large paddle and the flagger. And the writing crop, says why not? Why not? Other trends that we’re seeing in this survey, dildo molding kits. So Canadians are increasingly curious about creating our own personalized vibrating dildos. So love honey has a clone a Willie kit. It’s about $60 Canadian, but we probably can get some discount codes. And it has everything you need to make a cast of your own penis or your lover’s penis.
22:34
Yeah. How cool is that?
22:36
I actually think it’s really cool, especially for that price. Because I remember like being down south at some party or something, and they were doing casts of your body, but it cost a gazillion dollars. This is something that you can do at home, there’s not a bunch of weirdos standing around watching. And it’s just it’s fairly affordable. So that’s kind of cool. Another trend that they’ve sorry, oh, sorry,
22:57
I was just gonna say I thought it was so cute. Because especially during the pandemic, like let’s say you were having long distance play or you didn’t have access to your partner as frequently or something like that, to be able to clone their penis and send it off to you so that you have it. I think it’s such a creative way to get connected in another intimate way with your partner.
23:17
Yeah, or if you’re just really pissed at them and only want their penis you can keep it in your bedside drawer while they sleep downstairs on the couch.
23:23
Please make sure you have the correct mailing address before sending it to your partner though.
23:28
Okay, I have something we all have to try. We have to do like a like a clone of Willie inception, so that the person whose penis it is we strap on their dildo version. How about that?
23:40
Oh, so like you’re getting screwed by your own penis. Yes. Oh, interesting. But Brandon Brandon’s eyes look a little shifty right now.
23:48
My mind blown.
23:53
Okay, I like I like that one. Okay, let’s talk other trends. So they also found that folks are now searching more for quiet sex and masturbation toys. So that makes sense. I think like nobody is out of the house like that. Even the teenagers are home early. The kids are in bed. There’s you’re trying to just get it on in the afternoon while your partner is on a Zoom meeting. Quiet sex toys make sense? And I know that, you know, like the womanizer toys tend to be fairly quiet. super quiet. Yeah. There’s another one called the ayoba. That’s fairly quiet. We’re seeing also just more people generally searching for fetish and bondage, where actually can we talk a little bit about that? What do you How would you define a fetish versus a kink?
24:31
Yeah, I think a fetish kind of comes from the language that we saw emerge out of religion. And so religion was were fetishizing certain objects that were believed to have some kind of divinity or special power in them and so they evoke something in people and so then for for people who have a fetish, it’s usually about a non sexual thing or a thing that wouldn’t necessarily be considered sexual. So saying you have a breast fetish is not really a fetish. You might just really like fetishes, some people need their fetish for for sexual arousal and so it’s really connected to I can’t get aroused without high heels or feet and other people consider their fetish just something that this is really exciting for them to participate in that is connected to the erotic thing but not necessarily sexual. So latex rubber boots,
25:17
okay and fetish where what’s your favorite thing? Like? Where would people start if they want to explore fetish where
25:23
yeah, I get really excited when people want to explore fetish work. I’m all into decorating you’re naked. I think it was such a huge confidence boosting thing for me as a plus sized person to be able to get into lingerie that wasn’t a baby doll that wasn’t you know, trying to hide my body. Instead, it was like Let’s expose it, decorate it and love honey, he’s got a great plus size collections, it’s great to see retailers starting to cover more sizes and be more size inclusive. So you can be that naughty nurse, you can be that, you know, school girl costume, you can be the fireman or whoever you want to roleplay as and I think fetish wear helps people see themselves in a different ways you can pivot into a kind of different sexual confidence that you might not have as you day to day you, you get to behave as someone who belongs in a cat suit or someone who belongs in a vest or leather vest or things like that. And so it can help with that roleplay it can help with the confidence and it can help with the playfulness and really kind of just like letting go and feeling comfortable to get into that childlike imaginative vibe with you know this adult sexual reward. Yeah,
26:30
absolutely. For roleplay just dressing the park can kind of change your mood change your tone. Yeah, help you to exude a confidence that maybe isn’t your own, but it is kind of like living within you somewhere and I was reading in the survey too that Montreal they say that the most popular fantasy search for in Montreal has to do with French maids and butlers so they basically want to be themselves. I am my own fantasy.
26:53
Okay, guess who’s into which city was nurse uniforms was like the top fantasy?
26:59
I don’t know. But please paint nurses more than painters. I can’t speak. Let me say that again. Painters is fairly Okay. Which city for nurses? I’m going to go with the Regina because it rhymes with fun.
27:14
I was I was thinking Calgary for some reason. Okay, my head no, it’s
27:21
Charlotte town.
27:24
Okay, so we need to give a little context for folks who maybe aren’t you know, Canadian. So Charlottetown is over on the east coast on Prince Edward Island. Yeah, very, very small. Very close to where and Anna Green Gables? Yes. Film. So if people are familiar with this great connection, I’m just saying the whole world knows Anna Green Gables.
27:42
No, I believe you. It’s just not where I went first. Yeah. What did you go? She
27:45
went to potato.
27:49
And lobster? Of course, food. So Charlottetown. Okay, is there any explanation for why that may be? Is there a shortage of nurses there?
28:00
I don’t know. And I wonder if it had anything to do with kind of the medical stuff that we’ve just been seeing for the last two years and maybe they really took to it and and sort of eroticized the the fantasy of nurses or medical care providers? Who knows? Okay, I
28:15
have to ask about our city. What about Toronto?
28:17
Yeah, so Toronto, The searches were leaning towards male masturbation. So lots. We’ve seen great improvements in sex toys for penises. I think I think we used to just be stuck with some kind of disposable sleeve type masturbators. And now we’re seeing like, really, vibrators are kind of coming out. And we’re seeing things that are stimulating in ways that are similar to blow jobs or paying jobs but then adding features features like vibration or warming. So there’s some really cool toys like the love honey headmaster, vibrating blowjobs stroker. And so apparently, Toronto is loving this stuff. Toronto was really, really into this.
28:54
But I mean, Brandon’s in Toronto, so that could have skewed the results. All he does all day is search for masturbators. That’s what I figured. Even though the house is literally full of nothing but sex toys. There’s just there are hundreds of sex toys here and they’re just constantly being shipped here. Okay, here is something that really surprised me. So the kinkiest province in Canada, what do you think it would be?
29:15
I’m gonna I’m gonna go back to what I was saying before, I think like Quebec or east coast,
29:20
those are the only two provinces you know, across
29:23
the province. I was just throwing it out there at all my east coasters. I think yeah, I would have said Quebec or I would have said Newfoundland. I associate the prairies as being not very kinky, but I hear Lunas point about maybe my assumption.
29:39
You’re not seeing Little House on the Prairie true show ever. Yeah. Michael Langdon like Laura Ingalls Wilder. No, man, you know what, I wish I wish we could find the American equivalents to give people some context because Toronto I would say is sort of like Chicago. Okay, and no, people are gonna disagree with me, but I’m just gonna SuperJet realize a Vancouver is probably more on the West Coast like say Seattle. Is that fair? Yeah, I think so. What what is Montreal? Like? It’s not New Orleans isn’t like New Orleans. Maybe that’s what I would have said. But yeah, the French influence. Okay, the kinkiest province, according to the love honey sex map of Canada is British Columbia. What?
30:20
No, no, actually, actually, when we’ve gone out for the taboo shows in the sexuals in Vancouver people really get into they really get into the show like in the evenings, they come out in cosplayed like they like they actually like to party.
30:37
Yeah, lots of fetish where it’s actually really an incredible show. It’s coming up at the beginning of February 2022 in Vancouver, and folks, it’s honestly it’s such an amazing show out there on the west coast. It’s down on the water Canada Place. So I’ll be posting about that. But here’s here’s the thing, folks, the least kinky province, was Quebec. Explain that Luna, you I’m explaining to do this is your data.
30:57
I know. I am just as surprised like when when Brandon said, you know, Quebec might be one of the the kinkiest ones. I thought Yeah, like that makes sense to me. I don’t know why like this European influence, or a more laissez faire attitude. Maybe there’s more time for play and eroticism. But I wonder if I don’t know, maybe there’s just like too much good food. And so yeah, they’re already happening.
31:21
Here’s what I think. So this data was taking in early 2020. I think they already had all the kinky stuff already there. Like they had already stockpiled it for the pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. So they didn’t need to buy anything else. Yeah. Does anything surprise you in terms of the trends we’re seeing? Because of the changes that you know, we’ve undergone in terms of lifestyle and working from home over the last 18 months? Yeah,
31:41
I have been really surprised in people’s interest in bondage. And really seeing how many people are into restraints, and especially rope, I think I think a lot of people got into rope. And so this combination is something that I think bondage is so sensation rich, and also really creative. Especially if you’re doing something like rope, you’re positioning the body, you’re creating aesthetically beautiful things. So I wonder if people had an opportunity to actually slow things down and look at more erotic things or combining erotic things with more overtly sexual things like maybe the go to sex they’re already having, and and just saying, Okay, well, hey, I want to go down on you. I love going down on you. How about we tie your hands up, you know, to just really kind of mix things up?
32:24
And how do we make sure that we maintain some of that curiosity and mixing things up as the world transitions back to our new normal?
32:30
Yeah, I think it’s so easy to get into a rut, I think it’s so easy to just go with what works and you know, we’re tired, we’re busy, we’re stressed. But making time for exploring and being curious about pleasure actually adds to those rewards, you’ll have deeper connections, you’ll have deeper play, you’ll have deeper relaxation, if we keep it interesting. And so as soon as it becomes a chore or obligation, or wow, I haven’t had sex in six weeks, you know, that’s, that’s also a sign that you’ve disconnected from the pleasure potential to yourself. And so you haven’t really been feeding yourself pleasure either. So doing things like I actually really love suggesting a sex toy shopping date. So going online together and picking something so picking something that you would like your partner to use on you, or that maybe you want to put on a show for your partner, and then your partner doing the same thing. And so kind of bringing out these vibes of self pleasure, but also how self pleasure can feed into partner pleasure is pretty awesome. I also think that just sharing fantasy so saying, hey, like, you know, I heard about foot fetishes, like, what do you think about that? I don’t know if I’m into it, but and having conversations that are not about obligation to do the thing, but just what do you think about it? Is it weird? Or you know, what kinds of things are you interested in?
33:41
I really appreciate that. So I like actually the sex toy shopping day, but we don’t have to buy anything. It won’t cost us any money. We can literally just come down to the office because the truth is, I haven’t tried all of them. Like I know I’m supposed to try all of them. But I think recently I got like 100 new toys in the mail. And there’s only so many days in the year. I mean, I think you to working with love honey, you must have received some big boxes of toys. Yeah, I’m
34:00
still working my way through through them. They’re like all lined up for different dates. We’re gonna keep it spicy, you know?
34:07
Right, exactly. And so you have your favorite toy today, but your favorite toy might be something different in a month. And that’s kind of what what makes this Saturday who knows. I love this. I’m so interested in the data for the American cities. So we’ll have to stay tuned for that. If folks want to see more information about the map across Canada the sex map of Canada by love honey, it’s at love honey.ca And of course they have a plethora of toys and props and as you said lingerie kink options bondage options fetish wear in all sizes and they’re shipping across Canada. So do check them out at love. honey.ca Luna Matata is of course is love honey, Canada’s expert and my favorite my absolute favorite. Thank you so much for being here.
34:49
Thank you so much for having me. I love being on your podcast. Please bring me back again.
34:53
Anytime anytime you want. Are you kidding? We can kick this guy out of the second chair you can take over or even better I’ll leave And YouTube can do it. You can find out more about Luna and follow along Luna mataas.com Thanks so much for being here. Luna Thanks babe.
35:07
Thank you always fun chatting with you and Luna I’m just laughing in the background if you can’t hear me
35:13
and thank you for listening folks wherever you’re at Have a great one. You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, improve your sex life, improve your life.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
