November 4, 2021
Camming, Mental Health & Motherhood
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Harper The Fox joins Jess & Brandon to share her story — 2 weeks postpartum. She talks about her work in camming, cartoon cam models, working on OnlyFans and Chaturbate while pregnant & the importance of supporting mental health for sex workers.
Check out Jewelry.sex if you’d like to support Harper and, even better, support Pineapple Support. All 2021 profits will be donated to help provide free and low-cost mental health support to any and all active sex workers with the therapists at Pineapple Support.
And to stay up to date with Harper, follow her Twitter, and learn more about when her new book, “The Grateful Winter” (working title), comes out, get notified from HarperTheFox Books.
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Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Camming, Mental Health & Motherhood
00:00:05 – 00:05:02
You’re listening to the sax with dr jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight in welcome to the sex with dr podcast. I’m your co host brandon. Wear here with my lovely other. Half dr jess. Hey how are you feeling feeling all right. Pretty good getting back into the groove of things. Yeah and today. We’re actually going to be chatting with harper. The fox awesome name. Es and you weren’t here. The last time harper was on the program but harper is a performer and digital entrepreneur and her unedited sex tapes feature her having real loving sex with her partner of a boat. I think ten years. Now ’cause i think it was around seven years the last time we talked. And i definitely recommend you go back and listen to the old episode with harper. Because in our last conversation she shared like just kind of really unique sites into camping into porn. She’s also a poet. I think she talked about how to use toilet. Paper rolls sex dolls. There was a lot of a lot of conversation there. So she’s she’s coming back to update us on her work post pregnancy because she just had a baby like two weeks ago. I’m very intrigued on multiple levels here. I’m still going back to thinking about the sex dolls toilet paper rolls. So i will need to revisit dot podcast so Before harper joins us. I wanted to talk about a topic. That has come up in a couple of my recent interviews and then when i’ve posted about it i’ve received a lot of what would be the word passionate response from folks around going to bed angry. Well told me more. I’m not really sure where to take this charles so basically we started with this conversation around. Is there any truth to the phrase never go to sleep angry at your partner or is it a myth and so thinking about our relationship. We’ve definitely gone to bed angry. You try not to go to feel. We’ve i’ve tried to rectify an issue. But i still am angry when i go to. Bed doesn’t happen very often but it more but i think back. We used to fight at night. Do remember that we still do fight. It just tends to happen and actually. That’s something i should probably reflect on. Why do i start fights. Or why do i get into arguments late at night and don’t feel like it happens as much as of late but i remember like a time where it would be an i mean i know why i. I don’t know why. I think. I know why we fought at night. That’s when you come together it will only time. We have privacy right downstairs in the living room. My dad’s the dining room. It adds to the office. My dad’s they’re like. Just go to the bedroom and you can whisper. There was something awful about like yelling at someone but whispering. It’s an art. It’s it feels very canadian. I am so angry. The slight increase in the level of my whisper. Yeah so i was thinking about the fact that like we have this idea that you’re never supposed to go to bed. Angry and innocent of is talking about the fact that you’re to go to bed angry at times in it’s okay because i think some feelings can be soothed in an evening and others can remain for some time and the thing about the end of the day is that it doesn’t necessarily mean. Oh now we wrap up our feelings and so if you’re sometimes still going to be upset but my thought or my i guess. Guess i try and avoid the word advice but my thought is that even if you’re angry it doesn’t mean you need to be fully disconnected rightly. Can you still kiss. Goodnight can use to hold hands. Can you still. Can you still say i love you. Even if there is an unfinished argument and anything this is really important because we know that these positive expressions of love can help to offset the potentially negative effects of conflict and. I think that you are pretty good about this. Like you’ll always kiss me goodnight. But that’s sort of fear. You do know that i won’t wake up or if you’re that if i kick the bucket in my sleep the last thing that i would have had said to you is something. That is an argument or something. So i mean if i had to be vulnerable and open that’s what it is. It’s it’s born out of a fear of that being the final thing that i say okay so i totally thought it was because you’re just so committed to pushing the discomfort. There is that too. I do feel like i wanna push through the discomfort and fix the problem. I like to fix things. I don’t know. I can’t always fix things. And but there’s a real difference between me because you can fall asleep angry. I’m like i can barely fall asleep on a good day. Like no humidity light. Atmospheric pressure must be perfect for falsely. So it becomes this this challenge so i was thinking about. You know some of the language around. What can you say to your partner if you can’t resolve the fate especially when you’re overtired because we know that if you’re sleep deprived if you’re exhausted if you’re worked up all of those things interfere with your ability to be rational to be empathetic aged. So he had written these scripts for some clients around. You know being able to say. I’m really pissed off and i really love you. Can we set aside some time to talk about this tomorrow or something like you know. I’m really angry. And i know i need to calm down. I know a good night’s sleep is going to help.
00:05:02 – 00:10:04
I want you to know that. Even though i don’t want to continue this conversation right now. It’s not an indication that i don’t care i actually want to come back to this conversation and better the head space. I’m smiling when you’re saying that. Because i think it can be said. Can you imagine an argument. Where if if. I really think we need to. I need to come back to this at another time. It’s you know the passive aggressive voice. But i have used some of those lines in the arguments. Where unlike i care about you. I want to resolve this. I don’t feel like i can do it right now. And i want you to know that i. I’m willing to take and set aside time tomorrow to do that. And even when i say those words even though it sounds weird when i’m saying them i know that and i know that you know that they’re said with sincerity and think because of that it seems as though even if we can’t resolve the argument there’s a willingness to try and go to sleep and try to revisit it that during the day too if we are in an argument and you need space. I don’t wanna give you always say like i need and you always tell me how long like you’ll always be like. Oh i need about an hour to come myself down or something like that. And i think that really helps to kind of assuage any any fears of abandonment. Right like so. It’s so easy for me to tell myself the story that he’s walking away from this argument because he doesn’t care he’s walking away from this argument because he’s prioritizing work over this argument over me but when you say like like i love you and we’re going to get back to this or i just i need to clear my head or i need to go for a walk just communicating. What you’re doing and you’re intense. I guess affects how how i interpreted. And so the big thing is that. I’m hearing from couples in response to this interview. I did trying to get me to say like well. Which one is it. Should we hash out the argument in the moment so that it doesn’t fester or should we take a break and sleep on it to gain some clarity and i mean unfortunately i don’t have an answer. I think it really depends on the argument. If you can come to some understanding resolution sure keep talking but if you’re kind of going in circles and you’re having trouble understanding one another’s perspectives. I don’t think it hurts to take a break and see if cooler heads and clear reminds kind of prevail after a good night’s sleep and it’s interesting because we know that the outcome of an argument doesn’t necessarily depend on the topic but it’s really dependent upon how you approach it right as partners writer you engaging in conflict to understand one another are you engaging in conflict to better understand one another or are you engaging in conflict to convince your partner right a you listening to understand. Are you just pretending to listen to wait your turn to speak so those are good. Because i’ve done. I’ve done all those things and i think we’ve done both. We’ve gone to bed angry or unable to resolve resolution and then we’ve also pushed through at one o’clock to clock in the morning resolved argument and gone to bed and gotten a good night’s sleep and i also remember thinking back to when we first got together. This whole i need a break and not telling you how long and that was a power game. That was a power game. Well i mean reflecting back on it. Now i yes there you go well and i was being a dick because i would. I would say and there was this. I need some time to think about this. And when i didn’t give you any time when i didn’t tell you where was going. What am i trying to accomplish. Might trying to make you worry about me are making you worry about. ’em i leaving. How long do i need. So you brought it up to me. I’m pretty sure we were saying when you leave this argument. If you need time. I’m willing to give it to you but please respect me in my situation. Tell me how long you need. And i don’t like one hour and fifteen minutes. But i i wanna know. Are we gonna talk about this tonight tomorrow on the weekend. And if you are kind of storming out especially i don’t think it really happens at night but I know that like if we’ve had an argument you’ll just come down to the office. It’s not like you’re wandering. The streets generally also when it come down to the office. And i say i need fifteen minutes to regroup. I often go down and right haute what. I’m thinking because when i put it into writing it also brings clarity to me. And for me. That really cools down. That brings me from boiling point down to like a similar. And i can come back to the argument in an effective way to resolve the situation or at least resolved. What i need to resolve to move forward. I’m thinking about that kind of are we arguing understand arguing to convince because when i talked about in the interview someone gave me some feedback and said well i do sometimes wanna convince my partner and that’s a part of feeling understood right so it’s not really about being right or wrong of course Just think we can’t you know. I said something that sort of dichotomy there but we can’t always dichotomies conversations conflict into like universally good or bad so i’m thinking like for example if we’re arguing and the root causes that you don’t feel appreciated. It makes sense that you’ll want your partner to see your perspective right and it’s also possible that they do appreciate you and they just aren’t showing it in a way. That feels validating for you. So there is some. I don’t wanna say convincing. But i guess there is that piece where you want to feel like no no. I need you to hear part of my perspective here. Or i need to hear that. You’re really hearing what i have to say. I’ll tell you my experience. Is that like no matter. How angry. I go to bed when i kind of calm down like usually if i fall asleep and wake up in the night that anger is really any anger directed at you is dissipated right.
00:10:05 – 00:15:02
I want to be close to you. I wanna touch you. I feel calmed by you. And we know that sleeping is associated with more harmonious relationships in the morning and like all these other health benefits. So i think it is okay to go to sleep when you’re upset and also know that not every conflict is resolvable lay sometimes just have to let things go right if you’re arguing before bed you kind of want to ask yourself like is continuing the conversation worth it like. Is it worth interfering with. A decent night’s sleep and the way it’s going to affect my health next morning but here here we get to the kind of the crux of the issue when one partner wants to sleep and let things go and the other doesn’t and that other person if they’re like me it’s oftentimes because we have trouble falling asleep even on a good day let alone in the middle oven unresolved argument. And that’s why. I actually think this conversation even between you and me is really useful when you’re not in the middle of an argument right so if i can talk to about why something matters to me now when we’re not in the heat of frustration and anger and strife. It’s so easy so like if you’re so for me like i can’t fall asleep so i need to let you know that. Hey i get you need to sleep. But i do have trouble sleeping either during or after an argument and so i might ask you like. Can we hold hands or can we snuggle or you know. Can we still be affectionate in some ways and remind myself. That argument isn’t necessarily an indication of lack of love. But it can feel that way and the moment and is not your job course to meet all of my needs. I have to figure out. Okay if i can’t fall asleep. What can i do like. Can i do a body scan. Can i do some deep breathing douchen. Visualize it can. I get up and watching that flex but even as you’re saying this i mean some of the stuff that you’ve brought up past active listening my actually listening to what you have to say when you’re explaining to me what’s going on because i think again reflecting back on when we first got together it’s easy for me to just tune it out and go back to trying to convince you of my position in this argument rather than actively. Listen to what you’re saying and really hear it absorb it and then work towards finding solutions in some sort of middle ground. Like so if i’m able to say to you. Hey babe when we fight at night and you just fall asleep. I feel like you don’t care as match and so it’s really hard for me to fall asleep and i can say you know. Hold my hand and it makes me feel better. But i think it’s also helpful for you to tell me like hey when i fall asleep. It’s not because i don’t care. It’s because i’m super tired all the time. It’s because you’re a bear but my point is that if we can have this conversation now while we’re not in an argument and i can say to you. Hey this is why. I act the way i do and you can say hey. This is why. I act the way i do. This is what i feel. I just think it’s just kind of preventative approach. And i’m not saying you have to hash out every situation. It’s just that this has become the hot button issue after that one interview i did people are like no no no tell my partner that they need to stay up and resolve it because you should never go to bed angry or the other partners like no no no tell them that we need to go to sleep because cooler. Heads will prevail. And you think they want me to give them the answer. of course. i don’t know the answer. But i think that if i had an answer it would be that you know. What have a conversation about why you want the approach you want and then go from there. So it’s along kind of long winded. Answer to this this question or issue but i hope people are resting easy no matter what ’cause i know. A lot of people are struggling with sleep right now. Actually i had really bad dream about this big snake. That was like crawling up. My dress and i was calling for you at no. Not that kind of stink like an actual snake. That was eating. Lizards had four lizards in. It’s mouth and it was coming in to like get me. Did you hear me scream. I did because i woke up to assure you that there was not a stake in our bed so for those listeners. In australia or anywhere we’re snakes. Are we’ve snakes here yet. Not like deadly snakes or something like that. We were talking to somebody the other day about snakes. Generally people a lot of people die from being bitten. I mean maybe that was an exaggeration. Remember that’s probably. Why had the nightmare. ’cause it was yesterday retired snakes and tarantulas and stuff you said when we were having that conversation i’m going to have agreed sleep. Stop talking for hours. Yeah all right enough about us and our dreams. Hopefully that chat about going to sleep angry motivates you to maybe think about your needs and talk to your partner. Now we’re gonna get to the goods joining us now. Is porn personality business. Owner new mom and poet harper the fox for her. Second time on the vodkas. How you doing a so great. Just great to be back now. You are a brand new mon. You just gave birth right. Yeah i gave birth two weeks two days ago. My goodness so how are you. How are you holding up. Is that a fair question. That is a completely fair question holding up really well. It helps to have an incredibly cute little baby to to keep me going through the days. But yeah i am currently joining you on my second cup of coffee and i’ve got like a round of pillow that i’m sitting on right now because everything is still a little little sore.
00:15:04 – 00:20:07
So yes i’ve got my My doughnut but i’m perched on here and the feeling classy i love it. I love it. I now you were pregnant. Obviously and were you able to work in the adult industry while you’re pregnant. I was that something that i was actually just incredibly grateful for. I found myself throughout my pregnancy. Wondering like how do people with normal jobs navigate pregnancy and working because so my adult industry work at this point is primarily on only fans only dot com slash harper. The fox is me. And i am also on chatter bait. That’s been my longest running. Adult industry platform started on there in two thousand thirteen. So just after. The site launched but coming on saturday and working on only fans allowed me so much flexibility to be able to nap when i needed to rest when i needed to. And to keep me feeling busy and engaged and connected to the things that i love to do so that that worked out very well and then beyond that the cam community was just incredibly supportive of my pregnancy. So like being able to go on chatter bait and just post my baby registry people who watch my cam took care of. Nearly everything we needed at socal and i’ve at the models were also released a port of. Oh yep hurt. My my phone was blowing up with twitter notifications and what’s app notifications from my friends in the industry as soon as they found out that my husband and i were pregnant they just so excited he and i have been together for about ten years now so i think for a lot of them. They’re like oh effing finally. It’s about time you guys had a baby. Can i ask you about chatter. Because i did some work with them recently. They hosted a health and wellness four their broadcasters and i was a part of that and it just seems like they put a lot of care into the community. They’ve created. is that your experiences. Can you speak to your experience with them. You said you’ve been with from the beginning and there must be a reason for that because there are many competitors on the market absolutely. Yeah a hundred thousand percent. I have always felt so cared for by saturday. Like they as a company they do a lot to try and reach out to models to make things easy for models and to build a really good platform that is that works reliably that you can jump on and half on. Make some money and yeah. I’ve been really fortunate. I think especially being with them. As long as i have that i’ve been able to make connections with some of the people who run the company who do tech support for the company so going to the adult entertainment expo for example and connecting with them. There has led to some really amazing opportunities. i was able to interface with them directly before creating the first cartoon cam girl. That was something. I was involved with a few years ago with that So that was an account called henty live and that was my husband and i always try to use our flexibility in our schedules to build new skills and to grow as artists. So a few years ago. I learned how to use a piece of software that lets you do a live lip sync with an animated character and then figured out how to stream that through on chatter bait so we were able to consult with chatterbox legal team. There were all sorts of questions about like. How do you verify the idea of a cartoon and is this going to be okay. But they green lit it and it was very very successful. It was sent some shockwaves through the community when a when it hit but the the show was real. Cute animated cartoon girl who Could take your top off and gigolo titties at the camera and we had a voice actress doing that but was one of the things that knowing knowing. Some of the people at chatterbox really helped me to do. And then they’ve invited me to go as essentially an ambassador on some of their expo trips. I got to go to new york couple of years ago and just new treated me like a princess. I loved every second of it. That makes me so happy to hear. Now let me ask you about camping. How did you get into camping because you. You had some sort of a live feed. I remember in the beginning. You were sort of ahead of the curve a little bit cutting edge and then you moved over to camping and i know a lot of people are interested in camping. And you’ve mentioned that is very flexible and very fun and you make some money but it’s also really hard work. Yeah so. I just let me tell you especially in my early twenties. I was an exhibitionist slut. So it really lead naturally into campaign. I at the time i was just sort of dipping into what was available on the internet. I was doing things like submitting naked pictures of myself to other people’s tumbler. Blogs and using amigo and chat roulette to get some of that exhibitionist energy out. But eventually i just learned like oh webcams are a thing that exists and can be used to make money so i At first i dabbled in live.
00:20:07 – 00:25:00
Jasmine which is a very very different format and then chatter. Bait was at the time a brand new site. That back in those days is like the wild west. There weren’t as many restrictions so there were people doing just insane things and i was one of those people doing insane things and like what i wanna know visual okay. So the first summer that i started campaign i was living with a couple other. Just fun sexy friends and my now husband. He and i were dating and living in this house altogether. And we were on chatter bait and just somehow ended up setting. What in hindsight was pretty low tip goal to Stripped naked. Open our front door. Run into the street in front of our house which was kind of a busy street in the town. We were living in so run naked into the street yelling respectively. I am the king of scotland. And i am the queen of scotland and run back to the house. So we just Yeah we we hit that goal and just spend a while staring out our front window like oh my god one. Is there going to be a break in traffic where we can do this and and sure enough we did. So am yeah. I often have a moment’s thinking back to my younger self and going young lady. That was extremely irresponsible. One of their had been police or something there but man it was fun. I love that. I love that it’s Your personality rightly gets exhibitions part. It’s the adventurous part. It’s leafless peace and yes of course it’s about the money but there are so many other pieces to this so tell me what people get wrong about camping and ken models or can’t broadcasters. That’s a fantastic question. So i think the number one thing that people on the outside assume is that you can just be a reasonably cute human being. Turn on your camera and make a gazillion dollars immediately that that might have been more true in the very very early days not so many people were aware of it and doing it but at this point there is just a huge amount of skill and knowledge that goes into being successful and i guarantee for any of the people you see who’ve gotten any kind of notoriety or who have really intense financial success if you ask them how do you think about your business. How do you approach your hustle. What is your thinking surrounding what you offer. They are going to have detailed answers. It’s not just a like. I’ll just sign on and show my cleavage in. It works out it. These are business. People who put thought and effort into sales strategies and marketing and everybody runs it in a different way so like you were saying sort of channeling my exhibitionism and fun loving spirit. That has really dictated over the years. What i choose to offer and what. My price points are because in in an industry like campaign. You have to find things. That are sustainable. That you can feel good about doing day. After day that you can offer it and deliver reliably and those things aren’t going to be the same for everybody. Do you have any advice for people who are interested in exploring the field like where they should begin another really good question I think i think mostly getting your own mindset right and then just trying it out seen what. It’s like to be on camera trying to give yourself a lot of grace and let it be a very low pressure thing. I think it would be very difficult. And very stressful. If you were in a position of. I absolutely have to make xyz dollars. And i’m signing onto to do that signing on with more of an explorative mindset and learning. How the site works learning how the interface works and starting to get comfortable with what you are and are not willing to offer. I think just sort of getting in there and trying. It is the best thing to do but if you are more research minded person i’m very much that way if i’m starting something new i i look up as many articles as i can find about it. And and to a ton of reading there are so many really talented cam personalities. Who have written getting started articles and who offer tips and tricks and to talk about how to choose a good camera how to set up your lighting things that until you’re in there and doing it you wouldn’t necessarily think of as important or know how to how to choose those things. No i’m curious how important it is to do what you love to be really authentic to yourself because i know when we spoke last talked about the fact that you were just having sex and filming it with your partner and that’s a big part of how your brand blew up. Do you think that’s important for cam folks or do you think that it’s okay to just play a role.
00:25:01 – 00:30:03
I’m really curious as someone who’s sort of in the public. I you know they’re always marketing. They’re always talking about authenticity. But i can only give so much like i have to. I can give a little bit of myself. But i can’t give all of myself and i’m sure that holds me back and i’m okay with that because i’m not here to you know conquer the universe. I do what i’m comfortable with. But how important do you think authenticity is. I love that question. I think that’s something where people may be. Put too much pressure on themselves. And i think you’ve kind of nailed it in the way framed. That question that there there something that’s really lovely and empowering about being able to bring your authentic self and when you can do that oftentimes that makes your hustle more sustainable because it is true to things that you really love to do but there is a balance. Where if you’re giving especially for something so vulnerable as adult work where you’re showing every square inch your body in some cases and opening yourself up so much in in a physical way you can cross a line where it starts to feel like you’re giving too much of yourself and too much of you is exposed so i think finding a balance where there are things that you sort of keep for yourself that you don’t necessarily share and then beyond that absolutely like you don’t have to you don’t have to be authentic with everything plane. A is a huge part of it. And i think that for whether it’s a blockbuster movie or a real fine pisa porn zane is such a huge part of it. And and it’s it’s important there if i only ever shared and did the things that i personally was interested in i would had such a narrow scope of what i produce because i would have never tried things that we’re new to me or intimidating or felt weird or sometimes even gross like but especially early on being willing to take some custom requests and make things because people were just asking for them all the time and exploring those areas. I’ve i’ve made plenty of things. That i really loved in surprising ways that i never would have expected and i made things that i would not choose to make again. I’ve i’ve heard that from so many performers in broadcasters that when they get these customer requests for like oh that’s so that feels very off putting but then when they try it they’re like oh shoot. I’m kind of into that. So this whole Learning opportunity that folks who aren’t in the industry don’t get now as porn personality. You have always talked about the multifaceted components of performance right. You’re not just a performer. You’re so many different things. Obviously you have all these different roles and one of those roles is talking about mental health within the adult industry. And you have a new project called jewelry dot sex. Can you tell us about jewelry dot sex and some of the fundraising. You’re doing with this new project i would love to so joy dot. Sex is a brand new business of back before the pandemic my husband and i got into goldsmith him and as we were exploring that and as i was learning about this industry and and exploring around and looking at what other people make i found that a lot of jewelry kind of looks the same. There isn’t a whole lot of sexy fund provocative pieces. There aren’t a whole lot of those in the jewelry space and as time went on i found myself thinking man. Wouldn’t it be fun to to make a solid gold pendant that says slept on it and when i became pregnant i i’d love to have like a solid gold necklace. That would be so fun to wear out out and about and those things just really delight and tickle me so i thought man this would be such a fun thing to bring to the community that i’ve been a part of for so many years so i put that together jewelry. Sex live and almost immediately after jewelry dot. Sex went live was the only fans event where they threatened to ban porn and i just saw my entire twitter feed. It was like watching a mass mental collapse. Just seen so many people who. I’m either peripherally aware of or care about very deeply going to a very dark place of. Oh my god. This is how i support myself. I feel abandoned feel alone. What am i going to do and observing that. I decided you know. I am very very fortunate to to have some resources to be relatively secure myself and this business is brand new. I don’t know what it’s going to be. Let’s use a hundred percent of these profits to do something good and to make money for something good so i decided to donate or twenty. Twenty one hundred percent of profits from this business to a group called pineapple support and pineapple support offers free and low cost mental healthcare to any and all active sex workers so i think they are just an outstanding organization and that for for the time being is what about sex doing love it.
00:30:03 – 00:35:01
Appreciate it so much And i’m familiar with pineapple support. Had some friends who have volunteered with them. I know they’re doing amazing work. So how can we support jewelry sex right now knowing that the procedure going to pineapple support so going jewelry dot sex is both the name of the company and the domain so just typing joy dot sex into your browser you can find everything were offering so we do have some fine gold pieces that are high end and for for those with a big budget who are looking to spoil themselves or someone they love. Getting one of those pieces would be an amazing way to to support. I just launched a new product for people that i think most anyone would be able to To jump in on and enjoy and that is the you are never alone lucky coin so that is just just hold it up on this show and it to me yes. So that is a A sterling silver piece. It’s got the pineapple featured right on it. Which is kind of a cute emblem of the sex community for those who don’t know the pineapple is one of the really really common safe words that people use for For kinky play a so so it’s got the pineapple on it. The coin says you are never alone. And then on the back it says love heels and miss coin is nickel sized in a loving nod to the webcam. Community has tokens are five cents. So rain in nichols and this coin is is thirty. Five thousand nine plus shipping so much much more accessible for a broad audience than Than some of our higher end pieces. But like i said one. Hundred percent of profits are going towards pineapple support. And i’m really excited to be offering these and sharing the love something intended to To keep maybe look in your purse or in your pocket and just give a little rub. If you’re feeling alone and just remember that there are so many other people out there who are doing what you do who are facing the same questions and challenges that you face and that there is help out there. There is support out there when you need it. But why is it so important to support the mental health of sex workers. And i’m curious especially for folks who are listening who are therapists. You were a sex educator so who are in the sexuality field. Many of us rely on sex workers learn from sex workers refer to sex workers and this is something. We’ve i’ve talked about when do therapists training because there is such a negative attitude a stigma judgment towards sex work. Yet you have therapists who are prescribing porn. We’re saying this can actually help your relationship but we are so hung up on dividing ourselves and saying but we’re not sex workers right and we’re afraid to refer to sex workers for you know. Sometimes it has to do with ethics and boards and whatnot but we refer to sex workers all the time when we talk about different resources. So why is it so important for people to consider supporting organizations like pineapples support through your work jewelry dot sachsen and in any way that they can when you’re talking about sex worker mental health. There is so much in that in that can of worms so on a fundamental level. No matter who the person is that you’re you’re talking about who has chosen to enter this line of work it can feel incredibly isolating and for the reasons you just mentioned that it’s hard to just bring up in casual conversation what you do and have people understand it. It’s for people outside of the sex work community. It’s such a persistent thing. I have over the years found myself just dreading meeting new people because of the inevitable question do you do and not knowing how to answer it in a way. That’s going to make me feel comfortable. Where i i’m talking to. You will feel comfortable. So i think as a sex worker. Most anyone is going to experience that sensation of feeling like they need to hide themselves or obscure themselves or or omit things that things that are true and important for them. And sometimes i think you end up feeling like sort of a shell of personality because there’s so much richness in your daily life and the skills that you pursue what you do but when people ask you about the draw blank on what you can talk about so that i think is an experience that is common to nearly everybody in the sex work community and then beyond that. I think there’s just a reality in the fact that for all intensities and levels of sex work you find a lot of people who have really struggled in their lives. I think there is a disproportionately high number of people who have suffered some sort of abuse or who have deeply negative self images. And that’s not everybody. I don’t want to make that a a stereotype but it is it is there and it is common and those people who are already feeling hurt who have experienced hurt who have experienced trauma.
00:35:01 – 00:40:07
Maybe sex work is the best way they can support themselves but they end up feeling more isolated and more alone so having organizations where they can talk to a therapist and and get perspective on their struggles their challenges and use that kind of support an even Pineapple support offers like virtual support groups on all kinds of topics. I know recently. They had something for trans performers and and trans people in the community to connect with each other and talk about the sort of specific challenges of that. They recently had a support. Group aimed at navigating difficult family relationships which is another thing a ton of sex worker steel with is. How do you talk with your family about this. How do you make. How do you stay close with your family when so often the answer is like oh i don’t wanna hear about that like i can’t think about my daughter. Sister son brother doing this kind of thing. So just keep your mouth shut right and that hurt the you talk about hurt and trauma. It may not have preceded sex work. It can result from the stigma and it’s not the sex work itself. It’s the folks. it’s the way people in our lives who are supposed to love us respond to the work that you’re doing so i’ve spoken to so many people who have had therapist for years. Who are insects work. And they haven’t even told the therapists that they’re really. Can you imagine leaving. Not huge piece outfit. Well and therapists don’t necessarily have training in supporting sex workers right like we’re seeing more. Diversity of training in terms of supporting different populations who have been forced to the margins of society and sex works continues to be left out of that equation. So you know when you look at pineapple support. These are folks who are sex worker positive. Hopefully folks i’m sure folks who have training specifically in supporting folks in the industry. So i’m glad that we’re getting that. Hopefully getting their name out there. Hopefully there are therapists listening and they wanna support volunteer. A pineapple support is a great place to start. And of course. I if folks have a few dollars lying around and want to offer support and make sure that therapy becomes more accessible to folks working in adult field. Jewelry dot sacks. You can go check out one of those coins in if you have a gazillion if you have even more money you can check out the twenty four karat jewelry. I saw the prices on their before. We let you go. I know you wear many hats so you are a business owner. You are a new mom. You are porn personality. An you are poet. You have a new book coming out. Can you let us know what it’s called and where to find it. Yes so the. The working title is a grateful winter. I haven’t finalized the title yet but it’ll be available through the url harper. The fox books dot com. That’ll be coming out very soon. And i am so excited about it. The over the last year after the the pandemic started an had been going on for month after month after month. Things started to feel of everywhere. You look a little dismal and difficult. There’s just a lot of people talking about fear and anxiety and and being isolated and alone so a little over a year ago. I decided to start a daily practice of writing at least one poem every day on the theme of gratitude which is incredibly important to me. I think practicing gratitude in your daily life is one of the greatest things you can do for your mental health. So recently i completed a year of that project. And i’m going to collect those poems season by season and release those so winter is coming. I it’ll be out in time for this year’s winter. And i am just beyond thrilled to be able to offer offer another book so yeah harper the fox books dot com will be the place to find it and it should be out incredibly soon awesome. We will be looking for it now. I know you’re only two and a half weeks in. Not even two and a half weeks ends. And motherhood are folks asking you about going back to work already at any feelings about working as a new mom in the field performing broadcasting. I am definitely getting the occasional person. Asking about me coming back to where i think. Oftentimes those are people who just haven’t kept very close track of where i am is one of them Somebody asked me if. I was getting on cam the day after i gave birth like. I don’t think this person is aware that i literally gave birth link twenty four hours ago being. Yes feeding the world. I’m not leaving my couch much less turning on my computer. But i’ve started to get people making requests and wondering when i’ll be back to the live cam particularly but when it comes to adult work at large only fans dot com slash harper. The fox has had zero breaks in content releases. I have been I was planning ahead during my pregnancy and that platform has had daily if not multiple times daily content releases through the entire pregnancy on the day.
00:40:07 – 00:45:04
I was in labor. Dan a half labor and for For today’s since then so only fans dot com slash harper. The fox is as active as ever. And i’ve been getting back into replying more messages on there and and giving that time fundamentally when it comes to returning to work after having my baby it just feels really good. They’re like i. I am in a position to be able to spend a huge amount of time with my new baby and have the breastfeeding relationship. And just stare at him for most of the day but then to be able to just casually pick up my phone and check in on my work and things that make me feel happy and fulfilled and like a very complete version of myself. That’s something that. I’ve been meditating on going into motherhood is i think it’s very easy and i hear a lot of mothers talk about feeling like they’ve lost themselves to the role of mother and the the things that they used to love to do have become more difficult to do so. I’ve tried to mindfully approach keeping that balance of being the best mom that i can be and being present for my child and also making time to do the things that make me feel complete and that to me is an important part of motherhood as well as modeling what i would hope for my child to achieve one day and a healthy balance of responsibilities and and passions is something that i would love for for this tiny human to grow and achieve an amazing model. You know one thing. I didn’t ask that. I’m sure people are curious about when you were pregnant. Were you getting special requests around pregnancy. Absolutely yeah that’s the thing that i was aware of. That was a really common fetish. It’s a on chatter bait. You can search by hashtag to find rooms with certain kinds of people. Certain attributes and pregnant is always like one of the top three. I knew to anticipate that people are going to really love that and yet by far the most common thing that people ask for is show milk baby some kind of lactation content which I found myself in like months. Three of my pregnancy needing to explain over and over again like that’s not happening yet. It’s gonna be a while before that happens. That’s the future so so lactation was a big a big request. Anything around your thing like where people asking for anything around birthing. I had one person asked me if i was going to make and release birth video which for me that is that is a very personal. Very intimate thing so. I am not planning to do that. But i also understand that it is a fascinating and intense and scary and beautiful thing that it’s it’s really interesting to me for as much violence and gore and craziness as you can see in movies and tv. Childbirth is something you never see uncensored you see such a narrow view of it. And it’s shockingly hard for something that is literally how every single one of us got onto this planet. I had never seen childbirth before. I became pregnant and started deliberately seeking out videos to to show me pieces of the process So yeah for for people ask about videos of the childbirth at a hundred percent made sense to me but i i will be keeping that experience personal but a sort of a running joke for a while. I was on chatter bait up until month nine of my pregnancy and people just kept saying like. Oh my god what if you go into labor while you’re damn what if you have eighty on cam and that would be headlines that might be like more mainstream headlines yeah that would be quite intense and and that is not how it played out. We’ll the good news is. There’s an off button. Always throw a sheet over the camera close. The laptop started thing. Yup but i i was telling people you know if if i start having like my first contractions while i’m on cam i’m just gonna roll with it like there’s there’s gonna be a while before things start really happening so exactly and you learned that lesson after a day and a half of labor. Yes yeah mine. Mine was A little unusually long but it all worked out healthy healthy baby and an unmedicated labor. Which i’m very proud of that. Was that was a target of mine. And i. i don’t think i ever in my life felt stronger and more powerful than the culmination of that process having the baby placed on my stomach and and is it like holy shit. My my inner animal took over and i did that. Amazing amazing. well thank you so much for sharing your time with us sharing your story. Thank you for the work. You’re doing with jewelry dot sex in support of pineapple support and hopefully folks will follow along. Check out all of your new content and also offer support if you can to support people working in the field of sexuality sex workers and mental health.
00:45:04 – 00:45:20
So thanks so much the fox thank you just. It is such a joy to talk with you. And thank you for listening wherever you’re at have a great one. You’re listening to the sex with dr jess podcast. Improve your sex life improve your life.
