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November 25, 2021

Hand Job Tips & One Hotwife’s Story

SEX WIITH DR JESS PODCAST Episode 241

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Want to give a hotter hand job? Check out our quick tips, and then join us as we switch gears and have a candid discussion with a Hotwife couple, John & Tiffany. They talk about their story — from high school sweethearts to the parents of two teens — to a very happy couple in the Hotwife lifestyle. They share how they got started and explain why they find Hotwifing so fulfilling — and why you might too!

To stay up to date with Tiffany and John’s hotwife lifestyle and with them. You can follow their Instagram.

You can save 25% off all sexual wellness products (including the high-end brands!) at TSC.ca/IntimatelyYou using *code DRJESS25

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You can check the courses mentioned in the podcast on the Happier Couples website. Mind Blowing Oral: Penis Edition and Mind Blowing Oral: Clit Edition .

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If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

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*Promo Code DRJESS25 is valid from September 29, 2021 at 10:00pm ET – December 18, 2021 at 11:59pm ET. Promo code may be redeemed on regular purchase price, This Visit Only Price, Event Price and Blockbuster Price before S&H charges and taxes on products as identified on Intimately You with Dr Jess (tsc.ca/intimatelyyou). Promo code cannot be redeemed on our TODAY’S SHOWSTOPPER™ offer, Encore TODAY’S SHOWSTOPPER™ offer or Exclusive For You TODAY’S SHOWSTOPPER™ Presale offer, or redeemed for cash, or used towards payment of the TSC Credit Card. Offer cannot be combined with any other offer or discount (including Rogers employee discounts). All “Last Chance Price Final Sale” and “Clearance Price Final Sale” purchases are final, no returns or exchanges. Offer subject to change without notice. To redeem your Promo Code when making a purchase online at tsc.ca, enter it into the PROMOTIONAL CODE area upon checkout. If shopping by phone call 1-888-2020-888 and quote the Promo Code to the Customer Care Representative. ©2021 Rogers Media.

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Hand Job Tips & One Hotwife’s  Story

0:05
You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

0:14
Welcome to the sexual doctor. Just podcast. I’m your co host Brandon. We’re here with my always lovely other half Doctor Jess. Hi. How are you feeling?

0:24
I have a piece of frozen meat on my forehead.

0:26
Yeah, it’s the door your head they met today.

0:30
I just went to turn off the dryer so that there wouldn’t be noise in the background and coming.

0:37
Welcome to our home studio.

0:39
I pulled my I pulled the door right into my head and smacked it and then saw stars. That’s awesome, but we’re unscheduled. We got to do

0:46
to get it done. Yeah, you gotta you gotta meet up on the head there. And

0:50
it’s, it’s frozen for you. What do you call it when it’s a ceiling range? Free Range. It’s vacuum sealed, sealed. It’s vacuum sealed corned beef on my head that my mom bought me that we’re having for dinner. No, it’s not for dinner. I don’t know if we’re gonna be able to eat it after my heart had melted. Anyhow. Welcome. Oh, I’m out of breath from that. Today we are talking about hot wifing Yes, and hot wifing and handjobs. Yes. And earlier today I was shooting with TSC in Canada doing little clips of I don’t know how many sex toys like 40 different sex toys for the tsc.ca/intimately you where you can shop

1:30
where you can shop online for phallic devices

1:34
and other sexual wellness products. So they carry everything as you know, folks, I have a show with city TV up here in Canada NTSC and I have a private discount code that isn’t on the website. It’s Dr. Just 25 So if you are shopping for anything in terms of we vibe, womanizer LELO blast dildos, those beautiful glass dildos high on love, shots, America and a whole bunch of other really cool brands, please, please do your shopping in Canada at tsp.ca/intimately. You and use code Dr. Jess 25. To save I’m trying to think what the most interesting toy I got to play with was today, I think it was the glass butt plug. It’s the cristalino plug are really, really pretty thing

2:13
you promoted those when the show that I was on. And they really I’m not just saying that because I was on the show. They were really nice and does that that code applies to everything, right? This isn’t just a plug,

2:23
no everything in sexual wellness. Yes, you can’t get 25% off of vitamins. I only know that’s what I was hoping when I got the discount code. I was like I’m gonna start selling the Vitamix screw sex toys, Vitamix.

2:34
Even if that applies to everything. Some of those some of those sex toys you’re talking about. Don’t get discounted that heavily

2:41
No, they don’t even like even on the specials. When you see the black friday specials and stuff coming up oftentimes with the high end toys. It’s not quite that high. It depends. But I do know they have holiday pricing. So once again, that plug there you go to see.ca/intimately you and we’ll put the links on our page as well. All right, I don’t want to take up too much time because we are going to be talking with Tiffany and John who are in a hot wife relationship. And this is an interesting one because I do get some questions around hot wifing. And but before we get to them I want to briefly talk I got to take this piece of meat off my head. Great segue. Okay, I’m gonna put it down and talk about hand jobs

3:15
because you need both hands.

3:18
Oh my god. You know how to give a good hand job.

3:20
I do. I have a penis. You’ve given a lot of hand jobs to yourself. I have given many a handjob to myself. Yes. Do you

3:27
do it much anymore that we feel like you’re lazy? No, I am we do it. Yeah. It’s a team effort.

3:33
I posted about the hand job to end all blowjobs the other day, the Claudia then so this is a move. I’ve talked about it before. I don’t know if I talk about it much on the podcast, I used to talk a lot about hand jobs and blowjobs it’s kind of one of the first things I was allowed to talk about in the field. Like I remember when I was first starting out, mostly women would ask me to come over and do like a Girls Night In and sucking on the carrots just seemed to be what they wanted to do. So it’s not that I had a special passion for and jobs and blow jobs. But I ended up talking about them a lot and writing these books on them. And the Claudia is one of my absolute favorites. And it is simply too hands fingers interlaced, wrap it right around that phallus twice as much lube as you think you need. And twice as much pressure especially on the lower third of the penis. But I was thinking about hands up because you really like handjobs

4:21
let me just go back to the Claudia here. You being the recipient, you don’t know what’s going on. I mean, you don’t know if somebody is using their mouth. You could be having like you could be it could be anything.

4:36
You’re sounding kind of cryptic here. So you mean like when they’re giving you the Claudia it feels like it could be a blowjob.

4:41
It feels like it could be a blowjob. It feels like it could be a job. It feels like somebody could be writing you like it. If you really deprive other senses, meaning the visual side you can not know what’s going on.

4:53
And that’s why I call it the handjob to end all blowjobs because it’s that good. I have to ask you, do you like handjobs or blowjobs better

5:01
I think I’m more blowjobs Oh, okay.

5:03
No, the reason I ask is like, I know that people tend to like blow jobs better actually, people send us your feedback. Do you like hand jobs or blow jobs better? I think a lot of people say blow jobs. But you seem really responsive to hand jobs.

5:14
I’m just responsive to touch. So, you know, you touch my penis, I’m happy.

5:19
You make more noise during handjob? Do I? I don’t know. I just thought you did. Like,

5:23
that’s my interesting, I don’t pay attention to the noises that I make. Okay,

5:28
I don’t want you to.

5:29
I’m also not a noise maker. And I’ve only started to make noise because, you know, interviewing different professionals, they’ve and listening to you talk to your old You’re always like you, you hold yourself back when you don’t allow yourself to make noise. And I am that person. I’m the person that doesn’t allow myself to just make noise because I am so self conscious. I feel like I sound like an idiot.

5:49
No, oh my god. It’s hard. No. And I whenever we have those, these conversations, I’m like, oh, it’s cool, because we’re having this conversation. But at the same time, sometimes I’m like, Oh, I don’t want to add one thing to your list of things to think about. Like, I don’t want you to think like, oh, I should make more noise during a blowjob. Because we know I get in my own head. Yeah. So I think these conversations like between us, forget everyone else. Forget all the people listening, I always find them kind of revealing and kind of calming during me like I feel better after but also, sometimes in the sharing. I’m like, Oh, is it too much for us? Not not for the public. I mean, like you and me, I’m like, okay, so I made that observation of you. Now, I don’t want you to feel like you must adjust or something like that.

6:28
I don’t feel like I had to adjust, I feel like it was it was not that I needed your permission. But I felt like it was it was an encouragement to make you to make noise, like to just not be self conscious. And to not think about it, and it allowed me to do it. So one

6:43
of the best ways to like start making noise, if you’re really, really quiet in bed is just with your breath. Like just to take deeper breaths and like let the exhales emanate without any inhibition, right? Because it’s like people will say, oh, I want my partner to respond. Or I want my partner to like, tell me how good it is. But getting somebody to say like, Oh, dear God, when you touch me there, I feel like, you know, I’ve gotten to have an A never want to come back is harder than getting someone to just say like, ah, you know, yeah, because

7:09
I’m just laughing. Well, you’d be like, Oh my God.

7:18
That is your handjob sound. Yeah. Alright, so because I didn’t even like explain how we got here, somebody asked about the hand job to handle blowjobs. And I think hand jobs are just so powerful if you start really slowly and gently and barely touching, and kind of play with just the tips of your fingers or the backs of your hands, lots and lots of lube. And then eventually, you work your way up to the Claudia, like you start with what I call like a loose job where your hand is so loose, you almost can’t feel it. So like you want the penis to want you to grab it harder, like you’re creating that anticipation getting that dopamine rush and then you slowly build the pressure and slowly build the speed. And eventually when you get up to the Claudia, and you’re using two hands fingers are interlaced, lots of lube. Before they finish, you’re kind of pulsing at the base a little bit and maybe twisting at the head a little bit. So you get that coronal ridge and the frenulum. Maybe you’re using your mouse like you can put it all together of course or maybe use a toy. Right we’ve talked about the arc wave ion which is a cool stroking toy. We talked about the other one Oh, the love honey blow motion, you’re using the

8:27
bathroom. I had to test the new I had to test the product. Yeah,

8:32
that one’s called the love honey blow motion real feels suction masturbator. And they’re all [email protected] But we’re not doing that. We’re just talking about jobs. Now one thing that I find some penises apparently are responsive to is not only the pulse at the bottom at the twist and the twist at the top but sort of a firmer stroke when you’re pulling up and a slightly more gentle stroke when you’re on your way down and then picking up the speed but I find that if you really use the right technique, it doesn’t have to be super super fast. You can actually bring them to orgasm with a slow stroke. What are you laughing?

9:06
When I was younger, there was this partner that I had and she would just like stroke so fast it was it was like a friggin jackhammer.

9:17
Was it hard to it hurt? Did you lose some skin?

9:19
I think I actually like I’m pretty sure I got injured. You used

9:23
to be girthier she stripped Sure some layers.

9:26
And all seriousness though, like it was just it was maybe it was a race for her. It didn’t seem like a bit it was just oh my god like it hurt you really? Oh, yeah. This is great thing. Oh, thank you.

9:38
But why why? Why wouldn’t you tell her?

9:40
You know? Great, great question for like 17 year old Brandon or however me it was a bit older actually. But I don’t know. I didn’t I didn’t communicate. I didn’t tell her what I wanted. It was just somebody was touching my penis and at least it started off feeling good. Halfway through. You’re kind of like Okay, I think we need to stop this.

9:57
Do you think it’s the messaging that like you’re just lucky to be Absolutely. So we need to just we do we need to instead of stripping away layers of painters we need to strip away that strip away that the messaging though around like any sex is good sex as opposed to tuning into pleasure. Anyhow I will mention also I have a video course at happier couples calm it is mind blowing oral there is one for the penis one for the clitoris, where we talk about more techniques with video and I kind of walk you through them in the model show you so do check that out over at happier couples.com I think that’s enough about handjobs Yeah,

10:32
let’s let’s talk about hot wifing it’s time to talk

10:35
hot wifing Joining us now are high school sweethearts. They have been married for 22 years, your typical couple next door, a soccer mom living the hot white lifestyle for the last 10 years Tiffany and John, thank you so much for being here.

10:52
Thank you so much for having us. We’re super excited.

10:55
All right, high school sweethearts. How did you meet? Was it on the field and in class after hours?

11:02
Um, well, we actually met at a concert. Going into our senior year of high school, John was had just moved into the town where I lived and we were all at a concert. There was a guy walking by selling those light up red roses. And the guy asked him would you like to buy one? And he was like, why would I like to buy one and he looked around and he saw me and he was like, I shared it until you bought the red light if rose handed it to me and introduced himself. That’s it. The rest is history.

11:35
True story. And then the first day of high school, she came and found me and wanted to share lockers with me. Alright, so I think that’s yeah, that’s how we got started.

11:43
So you pretty much moved in together in high school into the locker you’ve got the bachelorette rose story to begin. You’ve been together 22 years you have a family as well.

11:52
We do we do we have two teenage boys, teenage boys who are awesome. Yeah, like you said, We’re the your typical couple next door,

12:00
alright, but you are also into the hot wife lifestyle. So I know that language tends to vary from person to person. And there are no universal definition. But what does it mean to you to be a hot life couple.

12:14
So for us, a hot wife couple is where the wife or me, I have sexual relationships with men, other than my husband. And he, his pleasure is watching me pleasured, sometimes he is present for the experiences. And sometimes I am alone on dates by myself, which that all has evolved over time as well through this 10 year journey. So to us, I would say the hot wife lifestyle has evolved for us over the past 10 years.

12:52
For me, a hot wife means just how gorgeous my wife is, and how everybody loves to look at her. And I love to show her off. She’s been a hot wife to me before she was a hot wife. You know, it’s funny, I had to stop calling her a hot wife on Facebook. Because all our friends started to ask us questions about, you know, the lifestyle. I was like, so yeah, that’s what a hot wife is to me.

13:16
So do your friends know that you’re in the hot wife lifestyle? No.

13:21
No friends, no family? No kids, nobody. You are the first person we’ve been 10 years talk to Well, we talked to people that desire about it. But no friends, no family, Instagram followers know. They know all about us. They’ve been our outlet for, you know, people to talk to and engage with and feel comfortable with. But other than that, no friends or family.

13:42
Yeah. Unfortunately, where we live, you know, alternative lifestyles aren’t really accepted. So it’s something that we just keep between ourselves.

13:53
Is it stressful to have to keep it to yourselves? Is it nerve racking to worry that you might be found out?

13:59
For me, I enjoy that. It’s something that’s just between us. I feel like, you know, it’s like a sacred thing that we have between us and that we share and that we get to share our experiences together. I think for John, I think he would like to shout it to the rooftops because he you know, just wants to tell everyone about it because it has been so great for our marriage.

14:25
I feel like we’re in the closet. Right? And that feels authentic to me. It feels like we’re hiding something, which I don’t love. But, you know,

14:34
maybe one day they’ll you know, it’ll be more accepted and we can let everyone in on our little secret but for now, we’re not ready to do that.

14:43
I’m curious as to your the partners that you seek out just because you’re not open about it. How do you find partners and are do you have to do you find you venture a lot further to find partners to maintain that anonymity?

14:56
Well, they use Tinder

14:58
well, so it’s that’s also evolved.

15:00
Yeah, that’s how we started. Because back in the day, there wasn’t Tinder.

15:05
We use like adult. I don’t know,

15:07
we use different.

15:09
Yeah, different websites, different, you know, alternative websites. And we did. I think your point ran and have to find people, not in our local town, I guess, kind of the profile, if you will, the type of people that she likes. They’re not in our circle, if you will. they’re younger. We’re not too worried. We and we’ve been very, very lucky with that, that yeah, you know, no one is really anything but, you know, yeah. I don’t know if that’s your question.

15:33
Yeah, no, no, that answers my question. I was more just because of this fear of being outed, which really, honestly stinks. Like that, you know, and I get it that exists. I was just curious how you went about finding partners to satisfy this because I mean, I can hear from the way that you talk and the way that the two of you interact, that obviously, you know, you really, you have a great thing going on. And you know, you feel fulfilled on on so many different levels, that it just frankly sucks that, you know, you do feel like you can’t share it, and not be judged or anything like that. So that’s great. That’s I’m glad that you’re able to find people. And

16:08
hopefully these conversations help to normalize. I’m curious, when you take the hot life lifestyle versus say the swing lifestyle, is there more acceptance for one versus the other? Like, for example, do people think oh, well, swingers? It’s kind of an equal exchange, where they’re both playing in the same way, do you face additional stigma? Because the rules for each of you or the desires for each of you are so divergent?

16:32
Before she answers? I like that you said the not the rules. But you said the desires, because for us, that’s really the difference. Right? I think, you know, when you start putting rules around us, that’s about control. And that’s about domination. And that’s not what we’re about, right? We’re about experiencing the desires that we have in an open, safe place that we don’t have to lie to each other. Or quite frankly, we don’t have to lie to ourselves. Right. And so that’s not to divert your question, but because it is very different. That’s, I think that’s what the swingers kind of Yeah, Swingers judge us by saying, you know, this is not right. It’s really interesting, right? Because not only do you have all you know, normal people, so to speak, probably shouldn’t use that word.

17:17
But like monogamous people Breck,

17:19
we call them vanilla, or vanilla, friends? Or vanilla? Exactly?

17:23
Well, right, you faced judgment from them. But then you’re also facing this additional layer of judgment. Because only Tiffany is playing with other people. But I appreciate that language around your desires. So I’m curious, can we drill down to that, Tiffany, what is your desire that fuels your embracing of the hot wife lifestyle, like what is it you desire,

17:43
I desire real true authentic connection with my husband, first and foremost. And I feel like, through my experiences in this lifestyle, like we truly are connected, and we have such a strong bond marriage, like it’s brought so many great things to our to our marriage, you know, and obviously, I desire amazing sex. I mean, I’ll just be on it. Like, we all have desires and fantasies. For me, I feel very lucky and fortunate that I’m experiencing all those fantasies that I have and desires and that my husband’s right along beside me. Love it.

18:25
I think it’s changed over time, too. Right? I think it’d before we started this for her. I don’t think she knew what her desires were. And I think, you know, by exploring this path, she’s realized things that she never even fantasized about. And I think, from the husband’s point of view, watching her she’s always been amazing, right. She’s the high school cheerleader, she was, you know, just misses everything to me, when we got married, you know, we fit this normal marriage, what everybody expects. And then when we got outside of that, all of a sudden, I feel like she blossom into even better than what she was, if you can say like that, that, you know, she’s just living her best life. And we’re living it together and expect I mean, I can picture us nine years old, sitting in our two little boundary is talking about all the crazy fun things that we’ve experienced that nobody else you know, can will understand or relate to, and much more fun than when we’re 90 years old, looking back saying, you know, what did we do?

19:26
We bought a new carpet. time we went shopping for a carpet. So can you share one of those crazy, wild, exciting experiences, one that really stands out to the two of you. You go oh my god. There’s so many Um, wow,

19:44
she want you want to go to the one you’re dating right now. But I mean, what about the first one? Let’s start there. I mean,

19:50
well, the first time it happened very organically. It wasn’t it wasn’t really something that we had talked about. I mean, John had always been No, no I think that you know, he I fantasize

20:02
about it in college I fantasize it. I don’t know. I don’t know where or how the fantasy started. I just you know, and for the longest time I struggled with it myself, you know, even I tell my wife, I want to watch it with another guy, you know, that?

20:15
I never did like, I mean, that was just, he never brought it up to me. We never He never, we never talked about it. We roleplay a little bit. Yeah, we would roleplay and play around and stuff like that. But the first time we were on vacation, it just kind of happened organically. This guy was flirting with me. I was like this

20:32
guy who was a professional tennis player at the US Open,

20:36
I anyway, so we, you know, like what’s going on? And then John would look at me and like, shake his head and smile. And I’m like, Are we really gonna do this? And yeah, it happened. We ended up in his hotel room. And John was there right beside me. And the next morning, we both woke up and looked at each other, like, after we had like, the most amazing sex with that we had had in a very long time with each other like, wow, okay, like, we have just entered into a whole new world heart of our marriage. And little did we know it was gonna be a wild ride.

21:14
There’s no jealousy on my part. I think that that’s what she was concerned the most about was, you know, are you going to get jealous? Are you going to look at me different, right? Are you going to have negative?

21:23
Yeah. And to be honest, after that, that first experience, it took me a long time, almost a year until there was another experience because I had to work through a lot of things like as a woman, you know, I think we’re told taboo, we’re not supposed to have sexual desires. It’s okay for men, but not for women, not to be open with our sexuality. And I think a lot of those things that society head teaches us I had to work through and finally realize like, okay, it’s okay for me to have my own wants and desires outside of my husband. This is something my husband truly wants to like, he’s not jealous. We have a really strong solid marriage. Like, we were ready for this, you know, but yeah, it took a whole year until we were ready to experience it again.

22:13
And in the beginning, did you even know the language around hot wifing? Not at all. And how did you stumble upon it?

22:19
I think I went online and I probably Googled, am I weird? For what my wife, you know, ran across some websites and started reading I think it at the time. Keep I’m gonna say this wrong, but I think they call it like, cuckolding. You know, it’s actually very much turned off by that. Because everything that I wrote about that was more about humiliation and, and

22:41
which is fine for some couples.

22:44
Not so maybe the like, cuckolding can involve the desire to feel demeaned or not good enough. And of course, it means different things to different people. And for some people, that’s their jam. But yours is not about that. I’m curious. And I don’t always want to drill down to the Why Why? Why? No, no, like, really? And we don’t always need an explanation. If something turns you on, it turns you on. Do you have any series drawn on your side as to why it’s so hot for you?

23:10
If you saw it, you know.

23:14
So you’re very visual. It sounds like Yeah. Do you appreciate that other people are admiring Tiffany, like does it give you some validation as well and some power and knowing that she’s also with you? Probably,

23:27
I mean, you know, so I love psychology to Doxygen I don’t want to know, I don’t want to put anything on you.

23:33
I mean, I Why is my question why about everything, wildlife, wildlife? And so I tried to answer that question for a long time. And I think I kind of just stopped. I kind of just said, you know, what, doesn’t matter, you know, because this is what we like to do. And this is who we are. And maybe I left up childhood, right? Maybe a mommy daddy issues. Maybe I had control issues. Maybe I had authority issues. Who knows? Whatever the issue is, it’s there and it’s been, I don’t know, failed, or is that the right word? I’m looking for it?

24:06
Yeah, or balanced or listen, I don’t think it’s an issue I don’t think we have to look for like a deficit. I’m more interested in the feelings that underlie it. Right? So for example, like Tiffany said, she just likes good sex. She likes being desired. She likes the excitement, the fantasy, I’m just curious if there’s any feelings of like validation and there doesn’t have to be there to like, it could just be damn This looks good. And I like watching.

24:29
I read it. I read a term I don’t know if I’m gonna say right, somewhere called Compersion. I think that’s what it is. You know, I’ve always been a people pleaser, and I don’t actually love that I’m a people pleaser, because it’s very hard growing up as a people pleaser. But by nature, I’m a people pleaser. And I think that by doing this in some different way, I am pleasing her in ways that not necessarily that I can, but I’m one person, right? I mean, I can’t I can’t give her different experiences. I can’t give all the things that, you know, we didn’t experience in college, and maybe this is going to go answer some of the questions. But in college, we didn’t go do what a lot of college people do, and, you know, have lots of different partners and experiences. And, you know, so maybe I feel bad that she missed out on some of that, which I wasn’t the best college boyfriend. And I did experience some of that. But, you know, come back, I don’t know. But the reality is, I like to please her. And I think that this definitely pleases her.

25:29
I love I love that concept of conversion of deriving pleasure from someone else’s pleasure. And as I asked you why and what motivates you? I think the same needs to be asked of monogamy, especially in the context of as you put it rules like why would you want your relation to put limits on your partner’s pleasure? What holds you back from wanting your partner to have everything in life that could possibly feel good, obviously, within reason without hurting anyone while minimizing risks, all of those things? And I think that we ask questions of folks who are in as you put it, alternative lifestyles, and we don’t ask those same questions of folks who are monogamous, like, why did you choose this? What appealed to you about it? Well, the reality is most people in monogamous relationships with some exceptions, but most people didn’t choose it, they kind of just fell into it, it was a default. And so people must make a lot of assumptions. So I’m curious what people get wrong about your experience in the hot wife lifestyle, and what you want people to kind of take away like, we’re having this conversation so that people understand this really works for you. This is an option for people, this can be really hot and enjoyable and fulfilling. So what do people get wrong? What do you want them to better understand?

26:34
I get a tons of followers on my Instagram asking me, you know, they want to know, how do I get my wife to do this? And you know, how do you get started? How do I get my wife to do this? But they also, you know, they want to know, you know, my weird for one thing, my wife to watch my wife, that’s another man. And and the number one question, I think is, Does your husband get jealous? Why? Why does your husband Why would he let you do this?

26:59
So what are they? What do they get wrong

27:00
about us? So I think they

27:04
should, what do they assume about us? Right? I think that what they assume about us is everybody assumes because we live this lifestyle that she just wants to sleep with everybody. Oh, very true. Right? You know, that, you know, we’re just like swinging from sex roads and run around naked all the time. And the doors open? Come on in, right. That’s not related to our message. But to answer your question, what do they assume? That’s,

27:29
and I think a lot of they assume that, you know, there’s something that we go out and do all the time. We do whatever we can, and we’re looking to hook up with somebody. And that’s just that’s just not how that’s just not how it works. That’s just

27:41
not what do we do? I think they also assume the whole cuckold thing, right? That is some sort of humiliation that I like to that I got a small one or something like that, or, you know, that that I like to see, or with some guys that are bigger or stronger or whatever. And that’s, that’s the wrong assumption, as well.

27:57
And I think one big assumption is that the reason why he lets me do it is because he wants to intern experience with other women as well. And that

28:08
there’s a lot of projection there, right? Because somebody else thinks I would only do that if my partner also let me first of all, it sounds like nobody’s letting anybody do anything. It sounds like it’s, we’ve created this, this relationship and this arrangement that works for us. But there’s a lot of projection when people think, well, he would only do that so that he could get some to listen, if that’s the way you operate. That’s the way you operate. But I don’t know why you would assume that about, you know, Tiffany, and John or anybody else, right? When we make those types of assumptions, it really reflects where we’re coming from. I think, right? There’s that that strong project projection. For folks who are curious about the hot wife lifestyle, where do you suggest they began

28:48
with each other, communicating and talking to each other? Like, one thing we’ve learned is that communication is key, overly talk about things. I mean, we would go after an experience, we would go through every single detail and talk about our feelings at that moment. And were you feeling this or that and be very open about your wants, desires, feelings,

29:11
like just like me, you know, people go to the internet in search. I think that’s the wrong place to start. I think it’s a great place to go together. But you really just need to talk to each other. We get questions every single day. And it’s like, how do you do this? Why do you do this? How do you talk to your wife, talk to your husband, right? Understand what their thoughts are, don’t manipulate the system, the situation, but be honest about the situation. Look at them, and tell them that you love them, and that you want to experience everything in life with them. And there’s no hidden agendas here. But if you can’t have that honest communication with them, I think going to the internet and getting on some website, it’s just going to send you down a path of you know, questions and yeah,

29:54
it’s Yeah, more questions and answers. Yeah, certainly, you’re probably not prepared to explore the hot wife lifestyle. If you’re Not having the conversations with the partner symbol, I can say the same have any sort of sexual or relational arrangement, right? If you can’t talk to your partner, if you’re just, you know, looking for an expert to say you are right, or this is how you do it, for example, Tiffany, the guys who say, How do I get my partner to do it? The big question is, does your partner want to do it? Right? Just because it turns you on? Doesn’t mean it’ll turn your partner on, you happen to have a compatibility match here, right? We

30:25
didn’t the first, Tiffany would never have done this. If it weren’t for the famous tennis player. What do you call it a famous celebrity thing. She loves celebrities? And so I don’t think if it would have been any normal guy on the rooftop it

30:39
No, I don’t not sure about that. I think, you know, in when we were younger, or weird in early stages of our marriage, I don’t I could not see us doing this. Like, I just I feel like we were not ready for it. It could have made things very complicated. And I think it was about timing, then

30:57
you have to be a good stage, you have to be mature. It’s not something that fixes something. Right? Right.

31:01
Right, we always get those questions, right. Like we’re having trouble in our marriage, should we open it up?

31:07
And back to your question about you know, guys, asking, that’s one thing, like, I get a lot of times, oh, my wife, you know, our sex life. So boring. I just want to you know, open it up and invite someone else in and I’m like, you have to be very, very careful with that, you know, like, it might be someone else in doesn’t necessarily mean it’s gonna put a spark in your in your sex life or your marriage, like, totally go a different direction. So you know, especially

31:33
if your partner isn’t on board, right? There’s always this like element in those questions of convincing, right? Because I get a lot of that, how do I convince my partner to how do I, well, you can present it but if it’s not a fit for them, you don’t really want to convince them because you’re going to have to, there’s probably going to be some pressure manipulation, like people have to arrive at their desires on their own and there’s always a, let’s just say I’m into it. And Brandon’s not into it, as you said, like there’s a lot of roleplay stuff, you can do a lot of fantasy talk, a lot of porn, you can explore even just going online in terms of cam models and stuff like that. It doesn’t have to be all the way all the time. And as you said, you’re not doing this every weekend, right? This is something that you do I presume it takes energy and time and maybe even money if you have to travel to do it.

32:18
Yeah, don’t go into the resorts. I don’t even mention certain resorts but go into certain resorts that are not cheap.

32:25
Now, you mentioned desires, so you’ve been down to desire in Mexico. Yeah. What’s your experience there? We actually just came back from temptations a couple days ago. Oh, we

32:34
were there for the was it there was a big kind of event there.

32:39
Dirty vibes. Yeah, yeah, we were there together. I was there with a different group for retreat for women’s retreat. But yeah, so what’s your experience that desire

32:48
we had an incredible experience we were we were very overwhelmed at first when there’s other people like that so we’re like wow, okay, this is like we are we are normal like it was that part was great being able to just talk to so many like minded people and everyone’s so open and nice and kind and welcoming like it was out was an amazing feeling just been unable to live out in the open for a week and I had a really incredible experience my first time being with another couple and John was there watching so that was a wild experience

33:25
yeah on the upon the rooftop balcony hot tub area over there in the cabana or the the little beds you know, after the late night front of everybody. Yeah, that was that was pretty fun to watch. Yeah,

33:37
very cool. And just to give people some context as a reminder, desire has two resorts down on the Mayan Riviera they have desire Riviera Maya and desire Pearl and what desire Riviera Maya must have been where at where you are at if you’re on the rooftop. Yeah. And it’s it’s a clothing optional resort in many areas of the resort, of course, not in the restaurants and not in the lobby. And there are a couple of play areas, including the rooftop jacuzzi with these Oceanside beds, as well as a playroom and a disco and it’s very erotic themed really, really exceptional environment. Let me ask you before you go, it was your first time with a couple was that a different experience than just being with one person?

34:16
Yeah, it was it was I think

34:17
that’s is the question everybody do with women. And they want her and she’s not in the women really? Well.

34:25
I was with another woman and man at the same time, which was so erotic and so just wow. But yeah, I like being with men. I mean, that’s just where I’m at right now.

34:39
I’m surprised he’s not flirt with Brandon more.

34:42
He’s staying quiet over there in the corner. Just

34:45
staying quiet. But but but I do want to say I really appreciate you know what John said earlier on about, you know, starting this off, and it was a fantasy and I feel like you know bringing up your fantasies to your partner when you’ve got this solid base that it seems like the two of you have allows you to explore these opportunities. without some of the risk, right like you, and then you can have these conversations, it’s like you have such a fundamental base for your relationship with adds to the strength. So when we hear these, I mean, I see Jessica, these questions I’m Oh, you know, my, my relationship is it’s tough. Let’s just open it up. I’m like, Yeah, that’s gonna fix the problem. Good. Good. One good call. How do I convince my partner to do this? I’m like, why are you convincing them to do anything? Like, there’s already like, to me, that’s, you’ve got a there’s a problem. That’s not going to fix

35:27
it. And it has nothing to do with sex. It has to do with probably your approach to the relationship. Before we let you go. What message do you want to send to people out there? What do you want them to know about the hot wife lifestyle and hot wife? Couples?

35:38
Can I say one more thing for you, brother? Because I know you probably one of the things that just kind of hit me when you asked whether it’s everybody automatically assume wrong about us. I think this is an important one, because it’s changed over time. It used to be all the things that we talked about, it seems like the last two years, everybody thinks that we’re doing this, and we have the Instagram page and probably are going to assume that we’re getting on this podcast, because we want to sell content and have an only fans page. We’ve thought about it, right? I mean, you’d be crazy not to think about it. But that’s not the reason why we do it. Right? I mean, we quite frankly, we don’t do it, because we’re scared of it and getting out there. We’re scared of people understanding and learning. We’ve played with it. And you know, who knows, maybe someday we do. But for now, this is just between us and our Instagram followers. And now all your followers. So yeah,

36:25
there’s no ulterior ulterior motive here, we just want to share our experiences, try to help another couple that thinks that they may want to enter the lifestyle, a, whether it be hot wife, or swinging or whatever, you know, we just want to share our experiences and try to help marriages out there. And

36:44
it’s definitely turned into that. I mean, I don’t know that it would be a mission of ours, but it definitely feels good. Knowing that, you know, we’re helping people, maybe it’s just through Instagram, DMS. But it feels good knowing that we’re helping people navigate these things and directing them back to their each other as opposed to, you know, something that we want to do. So I think that that’s that’s our message,

37:07
right? To normalize these these desires. And it must be so tough to have these fantasies in the beginning and feel as though you can’t disclose them to your partner, you can’t disclose them to the world. It’s sad to hear that the stigma still exists. But we had a question from a listener the other day, who had made some some porn videos with their partner and is and felt no shame around it, but then their friends shame them. And you know, that’s why we’re having these conversations, hopefully to normalize and reduce the stigma reduce the shame. And so we thank you so much for being willing to open up and share your story. It’s always nice to talk to couples who are happy together who have this like wonderful foundation. Of course, no relationship is perfect, but it sounds like you’ve built something really great. So thanks for being willing to open up and share with us today.

37:49
Thank you. Thank you for having us. It’s been so much fun.

37:53
I’ve been a big fan of yours dogs, followers. So you’ve helped us in ways that we can help your followers it’s all the better so thanks for having us. Thanks for making me thanks Brandon.

38:03
And thank you for listening. If you are shopping for the holiday season please do head on over to tsc.ca and if you want to get specific tsc.ca/intimately you shop with the code doctor just 25 to save 25% off any sexual wellness item order now so you can get it in time for the holidays. A nice gift actually gift yourself screw your partner just get something you want literally screw your partner or screw your partner as Brandon said, All right, folks, have a great week. Wherever you are.

38:34
You’re listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, improve your sex life, improve your life.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai