October 14, 2021
Date Night Special & Sex In South Beach
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Dr. Sonjia, the author of the best-selling book Sex in South Beach, joins us to talk about the intersection of sexuality and medicine, how to have better sex, and the ultimate date night indulgence.
Follow Dr.Sonjia on her Twitter and Instagram accounts to stay up to date. And to learn more about her practice drop by her website and listen to her podcast, Sex in South Beach.
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This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Date Night Special & Sex In South Beach
00:00:05 – 00:05:02
You’re listening to the sax with dr jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight the podcast. I’m your host brandon. Wear here with my always. Lovely other half. Dr jess you’ve been. Mia i have been in a long time. Since i’ve heard you say you’re the i don’t even know what you say you’re the co host the co-pilot i i’m here back and today. We’re gonna be talking about some interesting topics at the intersection of sex and medicine. What makes sex good. What makes a date night. Successful this also. I’m very interested in what makes sex good. I really miss that. Will what makes good to you. Who excitement while. That’s so vague. I know you’re put me on the spot. I think it kind of just depends how i’m feeling. Sometimes they want you to do new things sometimes what you do the same things. So what determines like whether sex was good or bad we’ve had sex in the last week and you know one time was good and one time wasn’t as good. What’s the difference. I’m trying to think so for me. It’s just being in the right mindset being relaxed in one time there. I find the sex a whole lot more intense like i find. I can really zone in so for me. It doesn’t sound sexy at all but what makes sex is just being in the right head space like being present. Yeah being present. And being into the moment because i find what undistracted i just don’t enjoy sex’s much will you say it doesn’t sound sexy but that’s a lot of what the data says right is like good lovers good. Lovers are present in the moment and not thinking about performing yet. And i think people want i mean i talk to people and i think they’re hoping for a magic pill. If you do this everything will always be awesome. And just like the arch position. Please tell me. I have this Press up out right now. I have to respond. To and it’s about how to do the arch position so for the arch position I guess person okay. So one person does a bridge like you know like they put their hands already. Hurt myself so i don’t even know what breast gymnastic bridge not like the yoga bridge. Okay beginning this wrong so please. Don’t you talking about a back bridge back. Bend liquid hanan. I do on the paddleboard. So folks you imagine you’re standing straight up and you’re standing with your feet on the ground and then you lean back and put your hands on the ground. Of course you can do it from lying on your back as well. It’s like a backwards. You yes yes. So you’re like a rainbow so is descriptive people. But the rest. Because i feel like. I’ve already pulled my penis points so you would get into a back then and then i would sit on top of you and the idea. Is you get direction at the same time. I just feel like this would end with the story of how i broke my penis share. I think i’d hurt your neck and other body parts to anyhow. I guess we’re getting away from what makes x. Good to me anything. That feels extra acrobatic like. That doesn’t make sex good like i. I like comfort if you convert. That would not be comfortable for me. But i’m just not that flexible working on it. But i just feel like that would be. I don’t know maybe one day you will end up in a fourteen hour sex romp where i’ve contorted myself into that. I guess i. I never that off the top i want to say. Thank you to our sponsor ayob toys you don’t have to bend over for them So for their support of this episode. If you haven’t heard of ayob toys you’re definitely gonna wanna check them out because they’re totally different so they’re not vibrators they’re not clitoral suckers or pleasure air toys. There’s something completely different so they are. I can describe them in my own words. There massagers that that work in this come hither pulsing motion and they’re super quiet so they have to toys right now. One is called g. And oh my g is a g-spot massage with three different intensity levels. And it has this massaging pearl. But it’s bigger than a regular pearls pearls come in different sizes but it’s like the size of an almond bit bigger and it has this kind of unique c-shape shape that makes it targeting. You know the the zone area so it slides inside and the pearl kind of goes up and down in this kind of cool push pull movement. I go to my instagram to get a picture of it. That was the instagram Or that you had that everybody likes. Yeah and they have another newer toy called the. Oh my c. Which is the same technology but its external. So it’s clitoral massager that also has this rotating massaging pearl and it sort of mimics a tongue and fingers. So it’s kind of meant to feel a little bit like oral fits in the palm of your hand and so definitely recommend people check out our iowa’s toys you can check the out at i. Oba toys dot com. So i o b. a. t. o. s. dot com and. I’ve got discount code. And this is a deep discount. Thirty percent off this week with code dr jess again. I oba toys dot com. So we we have been getting more and more questions for the podcast. And we’re going to do a question and answer episodes soon. I promise but i wanted to quickly address one.
00:05:02 – 00:10:02
That came in very recently a must person route into say a about two years ago a new priest came to our parish and we headed off. After a short time. I found that i was really attracted to him. He seems so friendly and on one occasion when he thought i didn’t see him. I saw him smile very sincerely in my direction however lately he has become frosty and he just says a courteous hulo or good night when i see him. I can’t ask him outright why he is suddenly cooler with me. But it’s difficult for me to accept. I’d like to be his friend. I can’t see that happening anytime soon. What do you recommend do think he’s turned against me so I think i would recommend not reading too deeply into this whole situation so you say that he offered you a sincere smile but a sincere smile doesn’t necessarily mean anything more than just being warm and friendly in it’s possible he’s not available so you know you ask if he’s turned against you. I don’t think he’s ecessary turned against you but maybe he’s picking up on your attraction and if that’s not something he can reciprocate or not something he’s open to that might explain why he’s cooling off with you so You know. I think oftentimes were attracted to people who are unavailable and then we try and look for different signs but sometimes it’s just not the right fit right. They’re not available. So if you wanna be friends i think you can let him know. But let’s be honest if you want something more and he can’t give it to you. You have to be realistic and you. I think you also have to ask yourself if you’re attracted to him and you feel something more than friendship. Are you really okay with being friends or are you hoping for something more. Are you using friendship as door into something. That perhaps he can’t give i don’t know. Do you want to add anything. No i think you really hit the nail on the head. I mean the the language was really powerful frosty. And i think i just think like what are you hoping for because being friends is one thing but wanting something else is another and then on top of all that you might not know what that person is going through that particular day or that moment. I mean when somebody glances pass you. There could be something else on their mind. They could be going through something else. I mean i think i’ve been perceived at times as being i don’t wanna say aloof but maybe not interested in something and it’s if i’m distracted or i’m thinking of something else. It could come across like that. Yeah but i mean it sounds to me here that it’s not like she misreading his being aloof. It sounds like maybe he’s he’s not available or he’s not interested and i think that like maybe i’m reading too deeply into this as well because it’s just a short little note which i appreciate because i can’t always read the five paragraph folks But i think that it. It sounds like maybe you know this is just a a working relationship right like he’s a priest at your parish you’re persian or he’s going to be friendly and that’s that and to me. It really brings me to the idea that we tend to to look for more than what is there when we experienced an attraction. And that’s part of what makes the attraction so exciting right is that they’re unattainable so maybe this is something that you can use fantasy. Maybe this is something that you can enjoy on your own but be realistic. What you can expect in real life. So i hope maybe. That’s not the answer you want to hear. But i hope that it’s a little bit helpful all right so we are gonna do a whole. Qa episode we have so many questions coming in And i promise it’s coming up in the next month for now. Are you ready to talk sex in south beach so as exciting already all right. Let’s do this joining us now. Is dr sanjaya. A clinical sexologist professor of medicine at the university of miami the author of the bestselling book sex in south beach and the host of her own podcast also entitled sex in south beach. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. Doctor ask such a pleasure. Are you hanging in there down in miami. We know that you know. There’s a little bit of a fire. Going on in south florida and all over florida little bit delta making. Its way around. Luckily i’m home. And i live at the beach so the beach is one place where you can go there your mind you know get aligned and forget about everything else. That’s going on you know so. I’m very very very fortunate. And that way and you know one of the keys just happy healthy and having any kind of potential for a sex is trying to block out the negativity so living in florida. It kind of makes you a master at that. Yeah there is something about that ocean. Breeze isn’t there. Oh my gosh. The breeze the smile you know in every now and again Hoppers wants to buy candy avert every zero point seven seconds in south beach. Exactly now i was reading your bio and i read that you were raised by civil rights activists and there seems to be this strong intersection with civil rights and human rights and sexuality. So i’m curious how. Your upbringing has informed your word as a sex educator. Well thank you. I was raised in san francisco. And i was born six years. After interracial marriage was legalized and my parents are two different races. One is white and one is black and my father was actually pulled over and question when my parents were on their way home from their honeymoon.
00:10:02 – 00:15:03
And that really influenced my upbringing. I guess my parents struggles and the things that they overcame to be together really influenced the way that i was raised and i was protesting like seven years old. That’s the same year. I went to my first lesbian wedding. I always always raise with a sense at everybody really deserves the same access to everything and being a woman in america you realize that. Hey i mean when it comes to suck. Some people are always coming and some people are not and when it comes to sexual rights you know some people feel. It’s okay to grab a woman by her. You know her her puna knee or whatever you wanna call it. I’m not gonna use the b word. I like the sugar bob at i. Totally guilty not appropriate to grab my sugar box. Unless i ask you to and my parents always thought that was really those are really really good principles and growing up being a heterosexual female. I saw right away. That men had the upper hand in almost every way and everything. And i thought you know what we deserve pleasure to. It shouldn’t all be about pleasure in a man it shouldn’t be about. A man has any mention of no decisions. Over what i do with my body. My mother was one of the people who marched to make sure that women have access to the birth control pill so that women could have sex without being pregnant. And and i believe in the same thing women should have. Sex may should be able to really achieve optimal sexual pleasure with every sexual exchange. And i recognize such a gap. I went to all girls catholic school. That’s probably have that gap. I remember asking like what does it mean when women gets wet. And you’re gonna find out when the time’s right but it turns out now because if you’re with harvey weinstein you’re probably never going to find out. So i really wanted to make sure that women knew how to get wet that no other girls grew up like i did wondering what that meant and not putting myself at risk for a potentially fatal disease or unplanned pregnancy. Especially if i wasn’t gonna have pleasure. And i really just recognize as you did with your career that there’s just a huge gap who’s teaching people that sex should be like ice cream about porn and ray which tastes good. Feel good you make you make you smile and i wanted to figure out how to do that for myself. And that sort of prompted this career but it was on where is it. Where’s the sex education for women viagra’s now out there. Cialis is out there. Insurance still doesn’t want to cover birth control bills but men. Now take a pill to get hard and my parents really encouraged that i love. I love that now. The initial shock for my dad like could be on the poll. It’s the other way right or you could do both absolutely so your doctoral work. What did you study. I know that you’ve done a lot of work in issue down in south florida florida i think has the highest hiv rates in the country. And i saw that you have a podcast on prep and other options. But what was your doctoral ceasar dissertation. I was actually looking at sex behavior. Differences between immigrant populations in american born population. Because what. I learned looking at hiv in graduate. School was there were some significant disparities and a lot of foreign born populations were actually at increased risk for hiv transmission. I wanted to know what was behind that. And what we found actually with that in certain countries they weren’t not that america has the best sex preparation for a sex education to teach us how to stay out of trouble but in certain countries. They really really encourage abstinence abstinence. Only education without really does need people. Who are factually arou- was unprepared for sex. And so when you have someone who’s always planned to be a virgin until they get married and all of a sudden they’re a situation where there are sexually aroused and they wanna have sex but they’ve never planned for that. They put themselves at increased risk. So i really wanted to know what was behind that and it wasn’t new york city. I went to columbia university. Which were dr ruth. Which is how. I ended up there. Because before you and me there was dr roots and she was the first to really start talking about sex in a way that was palatable so i wanted to also i wanted to continue that i wanted us to talk about sex so much that we chose talking about sex more than we talk about the weather. Who cares if it’s sunny or rainy if you haven’t had sex ’cause now you’re a bit. I can get a little bit moody when it’s cold but also if i if it’s cold for me in the bedroom absolutely that’s really interesting and i’m wondering i don’t know if this came up in your research. If folks from countries with a history of colonization if abstinence education was more prominently featured they’re like we we know and i think listeners know that we have a wealth of evidence showing that abstinence education continues to fill us in terms of health outcomes from all perspectives. We know that comprehensive educate south sexual health education does nothing to hasten the onset of sexual activity right talking about sex doesn’t lead to sex.
00:15:03 – 00:20:05
What leads to sex. The innate desire that many of us have to have sex and so i’m wondering did you look at it country by country or were you looking at it. Firmly certain populations. I imagine for example as americans canadians or foreigners but also people from all over the world are foreigners and we have such different sexual health education systems. We actually there wasn’t enough people in my doctoral study to look at it country by country half the population were immigrants so we just compared the immigrants most of them were actually from the caribbean. So yes colonization but yes what we did find as we call it. I almost hate to use this term in the stage but countries that seem to have a more Dominant sort of culture. Were men are really running. The show and women don’t have the same sorts of freedoms and rights. Those were the countries that seemed to have the populations who are least prepared to have Safe sexual experiences that makes sense so if safer. Sex goes hand in hand with pleasurable sex. Which you’ve alluded to it makes sense that when there is more gender equality outside the bedroom there will be more inside the bedroom that means more pleasure but also more conversations about you know what feels good because when we think about safer sex. Oftentimes we’re thinking about know prophylactics condoms and barrier methods. But it’s also what emotionally safe. What’s relational safe. What feels inter personally safe. I’m just so happy to see those expansion of conversations into those areas now. Not only did you work in hiv. And do this research in the area. But i realized that one aspect of your work is also teaching physicians. How medicine interacts with sex. So how it can improve it. Perhaps how it takes away from it. So i’m really curious in your practice. What lessons you share with your students about sex and medicine. Well a lot of doctors like people don’t realize that sexual satisfaction on sexual functioning isn’t an incredibly important aspect of your overall wellbeing and health. I made light of earlier by saying like you’re going to be in a bad mood if you haven’t had sex in a while but we’ve seen that person and we’re all thinking about this person who we work with like you’re in the coffee machine or they cut you off in the parking lot or they’re you’re getting your stuff from the copy machine. Let me finish that sentence. Excuse me. I was there. I was young. My gosh like roseanne is always in the mood. She needs to get laid. And we say that but we also know that there’s all of these explosive physiological benefits from a wonderful orgasm people often asking good sets. How do you quantify that i think. Did you have an orgasm. Otherwise it’s like going to the airport and missing the plane. Why waste your time like nobody wants to do that. If you’re going to back your luggage you might as well take your trip. And i feel the same way about sex and so when i’m really focused on helping doctors understand are these incredible physiological benefits explosions of dopamine oxytocin serotonin all of these feel good hormones that people achieve win. They have filling orgasm. And it’s okay to ask patients about sexual functioning and pleasure. Even though it is normally on the patient intake warm. It’s the one thing in a time. Limited real insurance reimbursement is billy limited as the one thing you can kind of skip over. Do you have any problems. And sometimes if someone’s had a major illness like cancer they’ve been diagnosed with diabetes heart disease it can be easier to address the sexual implications that go along with the surviving. This illness but other times people are not diagnosed with clinical sexual dysfunction. But they just don’t enjoy sex. Maybe it’s painful for some reason. Maybe they’ve never learned the positions that are great for their body. maybe they’ve never learned. How important for play is. Maybe you don’t know that if a woman has an orgasm prior to penetrative sex. She’s much more likely to have an orgasm during penetrative sex so really what i focus on is not only helping doctors. Future doctors understand all of the hell the benefits of good sex facts that produces an orgasm. It’s also helping them understand how to use the clinical intervention some of which need to be prescribed but others don’t need to be described and there’s so many clinical interventions that are available. Now there’s the shot that’s the orgasm shot which is good for both men and women and all it is is extracting your blood getting the platelet rich plasma spinning it and the central refuse injecting it back and people always i’d say a visual of as kim crashing got the vampire facial mccart ashton’s and it’s sort of what you can do to your vagina or penis. It makes men in make them. It can make their erections stronger. It can help with delayed ejaculation problems or prematurely. Jackie relation problems and for women. The oh shot has helped with pain. It’s helped with feeling of becoming tighter after childbirth.
00:20:05 – 00:25:07
And it’s non hormonal non-pharmaceutical can be done during your lunch break. The mona lisa. Laser is another great intervention. I’ve helped a lot of breast cancer and ovarian cancer survivors by just telling them about. The procedure. Insurance covers up for some population. It can be done during your lunchtime. There is no hormones. so that’s why it’s great people who’ve had hormonal based type of cancer and then we know there’s also things like lube injectors. Some people have problems getting wet or they’re going through menopause or they’ve gone through gender confirmation surgery and they wanna be lubricated so we give them a lube injector again. It doesn’t require. You can get it from any major retailer. Any sort of online plays and it gets the lube way up way up way up in their way evan. There’s appeals supernatural and then of course. There’s i mean there’s. Md made now toys. They call. I was at a conference two years ago. The sexual medicine society of north america and they had. I collect sucker by. It’s a device medically made device therefore poss- hundreds and hundreds of dollars by that basically blows on a woman’s pa- torres and makes her feel stimulated doctors recommended. Use it before you go on a date so you have your nice little glow. And there’s things. I can erection injections for men who were suffering from diabetes and they can’t take viagra or cialis and for women we know. Now there’s addy and then there’s also surgery for i mean. I often say surgeries. The last resort would if people are really uncomfortable with their anatomy and they wanna make changes. There are surgical options. But your doctor can’t help you if they don’t know about it. I think probably the biggest barrier is who wants to have conversation with your doctor you like and then oftentimes they’re saying are doctors also say right and so that’s do you help. The doctors find the language to ask the questions of their patients. Right because if it does get glossed over like okay no sexual issues as opposed to stopping and saying you know. How are things going sexually right. You sexually active. Have you had any new sexual partners like one. One criticism or one concern of mine is when doctors say. Are you still married. While marriage doesn’t necessarily indicate sexual behavior. Nor does it indicate new partners or lack thereof right. You can very much be married and have new partners. You can very much be married and be having all the sex or none of the sex and so just. The language focused on behavior as opposed to identity or legal status or anything like that can make a real difference. I i’m just so glad to hear that you are training doctors in this area. Because i know that there is not mandatory training in sexual health and when it does exist it tends to be a rather spars so these are such such important conversations. I wanted to go back to. What makes good sex. Because i like that you’re defining it as sex that produces an orgasm. But i also want to add that what i’m seeing. Is that first of all. Some people actually do enjoy sex without orgasm. I don’t happen to be one of those people doesn’t sound like you’re one of those grand and you’re not one of those people or are you. I don’t know i enjoy the orgasm. I know i never hear you say like us. Stop. it’s good i. I got myself probably never hear that from me. But it’s interesting because i’ve done some interviews where people have talked about orgasm being so many different things right so it doesn’t have to be. That earth shattering specific release. It’s anything that feels really good for you. Right really pleasurable and that language he think for medical professionals would really be useful right. What is an orgasm will. Oftentimes people will say. It’s when you have the muscular contractions but you know brandon you’ve talked about. You can have the muscular contractions without the kind of euphoric feeling of release. And you can have the euphoric feeling of release without the muscular contractions and all of this can get go ahead dave. Sorry no no. No i’m just gonna let you finish in share my experience. Go ahead go ahead. Just a few instances where i did something to just. Did that just happen late. I did i finish. Or and then i’m not really sure and i think it’s because of acquitted an orgasm with this story but i i’ve always created it with like the finish. You what. I mean. I’ve had to re. I’ve had to understand that. Just because i’m finished doesn’t mean that my partners finished you mean ejaculates of orgasm. Jackie i’m sorry and just because i’ve i’ve finished doesn’t mean that you know per has and we still can’t enjoy sex absolutely. I think that what you guys are talking about is incredibly important to address. I can what you actually brought to mind doctor jazz when you were speaking me as time when i was in graduate school and this guy took a guy i was dating took the train with me to columbia and i actually had an orgasm on the train from the way that he was playing with my hand and i don’t think i wet my pants or anything i ended up. I went to class. But why there’s so many types of sexual pleasure and i so many times people.
00:25:07 – 00:30:02
This is a big big issue. I have the difference between desire and mike and many people think sex is all about the orgasm so good sex is when you have an orgasm but good sex. I guess. I do all these lectures. I did this lecture. Perla the underwear store about building of desire because remember an orgasm is the culmination of desire and desire is and. This is my specialty. That’s what really makes relationships last week. How do we keep this alive in a relationship. Oh my god. I’ve been looking at you in my case from my husband thirteen years. Ugh shuping ahead. A you don’t like oh you have a beard. I didn’t even notice you’re embarrassed because you’ve been looking at this person for so long. So how do you keep the spark alive. And i think that it is finding new ways to make sex good and allowing the relationship todd sexual of sexual evolution and i do. I create these experiences. I have this experience called date night special. which takes through. It’s all natural fight. Sounds it’s a rousing. The sense arousing desire by igniting your five senses remembering orgasm could be something as light as a peacock feather just while you’re fully closed just around your neck on your face on your ankles anywhere where you can feel skin and i remember giving this to a man. His wife is blindfolded date night special and he’s like i’ve never seen her shake like that and i’m like dude by a feather find one in the park by others so i do think so. Yes with doctors we do give them language and how to speak about these things and also remember doctors or people just like everybody else right so they’re having a lot of times. They’re embarrassment in the reluctant to talk about. It is because they’re having some of the same challenges and their own life very few people we know were having sex life. They’ve always dreamed about because they’re not listening to us. Twenty four hours a day. I wanna go back to this date night special. So what is it. walk us through it. Can people try it on their own tonight. The five senses. Oh yes so date nights special. It was pre- cove it and we are getting back now. We’re going to virtual a virtual version but pre we had about once a month where we took five couples out for nine and south beach to strengthen their sensual bond. We meet at the world erotic art museum and have a nice happy hour. They’re couples engage in questions. I have question cards. They ask each other questions over wine and appetizers that they’d never asked each other brooke war. We go on a tour of the largest collection of fine erotic art in the united states. And then after we engage in this fifteen minute exercise that i created. Because as you know there’s eight million couches where you can go and complain about the partner but where do you go play. Where do you go. Evolve your sensual connection and i recognize. There’s this gac. Why are we focused so strongly affects problems in my career at the medical school. it is. it’s all about sex problems. Nobody really wants to fund sexual pleasure. So this is what my business is all about. So after the the tour of the art they come back and we engage in a fifteen minute exercise. It actually is outlined in my book. It’s called sex sense and it starts with. Did you know blind olds are exciting and it talks about the different ways. You can arouse the senses not even have a soundtrack of music that we created an own. That’s time to exactly fifteen minutes because we know people are too busy. That’s why we have no time for sexual desire. We’re too busy to get into the mood. We know women have sexual dysfunction on adult women in america is the most common problem and it’s not so much for having sex that we’re having the problem is that we don’t want we don’t have the desire to engage in. That’s our main problem. So that is really the basis of this fifteen minute exercise that works on both men and women and it starts off with someone has to pick. Who’s gonna be blindfolded when sure blindfolded. Because we know once you remove site all of your other senses are immediately heightened. Course you can use a scarf to blind you. Your husband’s tie anything that you wanna handkerchief to blindfold and then we know that there are certain smells that aroused desire and three of the smells that have been found to be the most potent Desire rousing smells in the world is research was done by the chicago. Taste and research institute are vanilla and cinnamon and lavender and the smell of pumpkin pie. Which is why you always see. Everyone in line at cinnabon is nuts right. Sorry all those. All those people lining up for their pumpkin spice law. It’s almost that here in canada. I you know. I might knock him. But maybe they’re onto something they really are. And so the couples walk. We have essential oils. We put everything in a kid. So one person’s blindfolded and then these are three essential oils that we recommend that. You put on your finger or your lover’s danger and then just smell them.
00:30:02 – 00:35:01
And then we give the language in the book tells you. It’s step by step exactly how you would do it and it tells you what you might wanna say to your lover like. Cleopatra used lavender’s to seduce her partners to seduce mark anthony. And then after that. There’s tastes we know there’s certain tastes like we know that honey arouses desire. We know that ginger increases blood flow right it. And that’s really what you need. You need your blood photo. Really be rushing down south. When you’re sexually excited. We know that dark chocolate has been scientifically proven to really mimic the feelings of lust in your brain. There’s tons of studies that show the ingredients and chocolate. Once they’re released into a woman’s brain that she does feel like she’s in love which is hilarious. The girls say ham home alone on saturday with my box of chocolates. That’s real get it on my dad’s a lot of dark chocolate like a lot of dark chocolate. Dark chocolate has the richest and then and then we know there are certain. Sounds like certain instrumentals played at certain frequencies that also can arouse desire and help move your shocker energy from the root shock. Cra the pearl shock center pleasure. So i’ve cultivated put all this research together and cultivated a fifteen minute experience for couples to walk through and then at the end of the experience. They’re ready to go to bad they’re done and they’re all i remember when i did it on someone once they can hug you. Can i come to smoke a cigarette. And i’m like no no. It’s okay taken at home and do your man or woman or whoever your partner is because it’s not gender specific works in every gender every sexual orientation. I love that and so folks can try some of these on their own kind of right now whether or not you purchase the book and or not but if you want to learn more and really dig into it definitely out sex in south beach. Shot your your book. Which walks you through it step by step a one day when you come to toronto you’ll have to host that event here. I was already thinking. We don’t have a world erotic museum here. A we do have other spaces that might be conducive to it. What really strikes me from that. Five cents approach. Is that when you tune into a. You can’t be kind of in the pasture the future you’re only in the presence so it really is grounding and mindful and even let’s say lavender doesn’t allows you. It’s not that it’s a direct path to like ice melt lavender. I’m soaking wet or i spelt lavender. My penis is hard or whatever it is. You know you see as arousal but while you’re smelling lavender. You’re kind of not doing anything else right like if you really tune into the sent. You can’t be thinking about the pile of work. You can’t be thinking about your kids in the next room. So grounding through the senses. I think can just be so valuable. So i love that exercise. I greatly appreciate that. It’s only fifteen minutes because you know the idea of dedicating an entire evening or entire weekend or day is doable for some people but not for all of us and it’s probably not doable on an ongoing basis. So this is something that you can commit to yourself to do once a week like is your relationship worth fifteen minutes of investment and it doesn’t have to lead to sack but it it is unlikely to not lead to some sort of connection feelings of intimacy understanding at minimum feeling in the moment together which let’s be honest like so many of us can go days without ever really feeling. In the moment. I know brandon when we get really social when we have tons of events going on. It’s easy to just kind of move past one another. But if we were to take just a snip at from these exercises i think it would be really valuable. So thank you so much for that. folks you absolutely need to check out sex in south beach definitely follow along with with dr sunshine as work Check it out. We’re gonna leave all of your notes. Do you have any last pieces of insight or advice for folks before we let you go. The last thing. I’m gonna say for some people fifteen was too long. Honestly it was too long so they got so turned onto one thing that we did which i never intended to do is we created a body. Body’ll called fence aromatherapy body loyal and we used to actually sell it as a desire inducing thing because it was so potent but then mom started using it on their whole family. Look my kids can read you gotta change the labeling so it sends aromatherapy body will the reason why parents use it on. Their kids is because in addition to igniting feelings of pleasure and desire it’s made from some of the same essential oils that we discussed but it also repels mosquitoes because being eaten should feel good. Where can we find that. I know that this website yes is on my website since body all dot com also on amazon. You can read all their abuse. And i’d be happy to send you a bottle And talk to your team and get to a bottle because when you’re on the go when you’re on the rush we even have doctors. They come in so stressed out after patients especially during kobe and they just come in they rub it all over. Their face stopped. Its body will be like it. It just really relaxes them.
00:35:01 – 00:36:52
And my girlfriends and a lot of customers say when my man brings it out. I know it’s sex time because fifteen minutes is too long but you know what you can give brief massage with it. And even though we for external use only. I’ve heard it’s been used. A lot of different ways. Had no complaints of ours so there you go make sense to me. Thank you so much for joining us to share your insights today. Oh my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate. I’ve been following you for a long time. I’m so grateful on his time with you and you think great. It’s always good to have the man on man listening learning just taking notes. Fifteen minute the fifteen minute process. I just want the body oil brand the body. I don’t eat all the sense. And i don’t want the pumpkin pie or pumpkin. Whatever that is exactly the body oil in the chocolate. Thank you so much thank you. Are you have a great way and thank you for listening tuning in a please do go check out the oh my see. And oh my g at ao but toys dot com. I o b a for folks who have listened to me talk about sex toys before you may know that. I don’t use a lot of internal vibes. Like i’m not a huge fan of internal vibes tend to like external do lake some blended and there are really only a few internal toys that i personally use in the. Oh my g is one of them. I kind of like that pulsing press release sensation as opposed to solely vibration. So really is a unique sensation. Whether you like external or internal again the oh. My see. external edgy is internal and of course you can play with them in different ways at ayob toys dot com and discount code for thirty percent off. This week is dr jess as usual folks. Wherever you’re at. I hope you’re having a great one back next. You’re listening to the sex with dr jazz podcast. Improve your sex life improve your life.