August 23, 2021
Hotter Oral Tips & Techniques (Clitoris Edition)
I recently contributed to an article about cunnilingus and I’m happy to share my notes on the blog today. Check them out and feel free to share your advice in the comments.
Q: What are a few things you think everyone should know about cunnilingus?
Generally speaking, the more you enjoy yourself, the more your partner will enjoy the experience. Your partner may have received negative messages about their genitals growing up (and into adulthood) and while it’s not your job to undo all of the damaging effects, if you show appreciation and admiration for their vulva, it may help them to relax and be more present. Every vulva is different.
What worked for a previous partner may not work for your current partner(s), so don’t make assumptions. Ask for feedback and follow their lead and guidance. Remember that you can stimulate the internal erectile tissue of the clitoris via the lips. Rub, grind and press against the lips on the outside and you’ll likely stimulate the internal clitoral complex. Make noise. Your lover wants to know that you’re enjoying yourself, so let your sounds emanate without inhibition.
Breathe deeply, moan if you like it and allow your sounds of enthusiasm and pleasure to vibrate throughout their body.
Q: What are some myths about cunnilingus you wish folks would unlearn?
Myth: Write the alphabet out with your tongue.
Of course, some people might enjoy this, but you don’t have to focus on a specific movement or routine. You’ll likely enjoy it more if you do what feels good for you and use techniques as inspiration. Get lost in the moment and enjoy the taste, texture, temperature, feel and smell so that you enjoy the experience and aren’t focused on performance.
Myth: You need to finger or tongue the vagina.
Some people like finger and tongue penetration and others prefer rubbing, licking, grinding and vibrating on the outside. Rather than getting hung up on penetration, enjoy the entire length of the vulva. Lick, suck and kiss from the head of the clitoris at the top all the way down to the sensitive fourchette at the bottom (where the lips meet).
Q: What are 1-2 pro-tips for someone who is good at cunnilingus to take their game to the next level?
- Be open to learning — even if you’re highly experienced. I offer an online workshop on Mind Blowing Oral For the Clitoris. It’s a video series in which I walk you through techniques (with demos on fruit), confidence boosters and communication exercises all in the name of pleasure. You can save 10% with code DRJESS10 today, so please check it out.
- When you’re confident and experienced, you may rush to your “money moves” because you know they work. Instead, consider also building anticipation.
Anticipation is not the precursor to pleasure; anticipation is pleasure itself.
- Rather than diving right in, kiss all around their thighs.
- Lick around the Venus Mound.
- Take your time to draw awareness and circulation to the region before you start licking, kissing and sucking.
Awaken all the corollary nerve endings with gentle kisses or using warm, gentle breath. Use your cheeks, lips, tongue, finger tips or even a toy to pique their interest.
- Give your lover something to grind against. In the beginning, you might want to approach slowly and gently, but as their hips start thrusting (use their primal hip movements to guide your pressure and speed), you’ll want to increase the intensity.
- Get your face in there.
- Get your chin and cheeks in there.
- Get your nose in there.
- Roll your nose up and down, around and around and side to side.
Let your mouth vibrate! You may opt to press a vibrating toy directly against your lover while you down on them (e.g. press the tip over the head of the clitoris while you lick down below) or you might press a flat vibrating toy (consider the TouchX) against your cheek or throat so they can enjoy the rumbly vibrations via your lips and tongue.
Use lube and your fingers. Oral and manual sex go hand in hand, so add your fingers into the mix and play with her thighs, lips, clitoris and more while you kiss, breathe, suck and slide away. I like Astroglide Organix for oral because it’s free of flavors, fragrances, and parabens.
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