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Sex with Dr. Jess


February 14, 2020

Orgasmic Meditation: A First-Hand Report

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Sex writer, Suzannah Weiss, joins Jess to share her personal experience with orgasmic meditation. She discusses:

  • An alternative view of orgasm
  • The very specific technique for “orgasmic meditation”
  • The story of her first time with a stranger
  • The high she gets from “extended orgasm”
  • Her favourite sex club
  • Advice for sex club newbies

Follow Suzannah on Instagram & Twitter.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Orgasmic Meditation: A First-Hand Report

00:00:05 – 00:05:00

You’re listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice you can use tonight Hey Hey your friendly neighborhood sexologist here Jessica O’Reilly joining me to talk about orgasmic meditation and extending your orgasms based on personal firsthand experience is sex and relationship writer Susanna Weiss. Thanks for being here. Thank you now. You write about sex all day long you research. Sometimes you go into the trenches and try things out so that you can write from personal and more authentic perspective. How has writing about sex for a living changed the way you feel sexually or your own sex life? It’s change everything I guess. It’s made me more adventurous. It’s made me more confident as I learn about female sexual empowerment. And how like sort of Skewed Toward Pleasure. Our cultures sexual script. Czar it’s made me WanNa fight against that and want to like normalized difference sexual scripts other than like intercourse being the main thing And given me lots of new ideas to try my sex life intercourse not being. The main event is a really difficult script to get people to veer away from and oftentimes. I think it’s because we talk about trying other things sexually when there is a problem with intercourse but for those of us who maybe get off on or enjoy non intercourse sex as much as or more than we enjoy intercourse itself when I say intercourse. I’m saying you know putting something in your vagina for other people as putting something in your anus. What led you to discover sex beyond intercourse. Well I had always. I always knew that there were other things but I think there was a book I read. That was particularly influential. It was on becoming clitoris by Laurie. Men’s and she talks about how patriarchal it is that we have intercourse as the main act and how A quarter of women only a quarter of women consistently orgasm through intercourse She actually argues that it’s lower because she thinks people are misreporting Or reporting when they’re like having intercourse lake and touching their cleared or something so just made me see how impressive it is. That women are expected to conform to societal ideal that setup by men and so this has led you to try all these different sexual practices including orgasmic meditation now. I’ve read about orgasmic meditation. But I’ve never tried it so I understand that it’s a practice. That combines the power of meditation with the experience of Orgasm. But because I haven’t tried it. Tell me what does it physically entail? It entails Somebody with a vulva and a partner who can be any genital configuration Stroking the upper left quadrant of the clitoris for thirteen minutes. And then sort of pressing on it for two minutes which is supposed to like ground. Do back to real life And then they each share a memory of something some sensation that they felt like if your arm was tingling or like your you felt like the pussy contracting or something and the idea is to cultivate mindfulness and awareness of the sensations in your body. Even though it’s called her gas MC meditation they don’t define orgasm in the way we do. They distinguish between orgasm climax so they consider orgasm To be when your body goes into an involuntary state for example if you have Vaginal contractions like other muscle movements wetness sort of any sort of involuntary state. They consider orgasm. And that sounds a little nutty but it’s it does make you feel those sensations more to sort of think of them that way interesting. Now you’re lying there and someone is stroking you say. The upper left quadrant of the clitoris. So are you talking about just the head of the clitoris? Yes so for some of us. That’s a really small area. Are they using their finger? Yeah there using their finger. They’re wearing gloves. And they lift up the hood so they can get to that place. Okay so if you haven’t checked out a clitoris clitoris has many components. So the head of the clitoris is what we usually consider the clitoris. It’s that round ball.

00:05:00 – 00:10:03

Blake P looking structure and its sometimes easy to see and sometimes tux under the hood. So it has the head behind the had. There’s a shaft or a rod and this is erectile tissue and you can’t see that generally that’s underneath the hood and then on the inside parts of the clitoris include the inner legs and the inner bulbs and this is a primarily erectile tissue. That’s very responsive to touch. And so if you. I can’t show you a clitoris right now. But I suggest you google the entire clitoris or head to our website and check it out so when you talk about the upper left quadrant you’re just talking about the head of the Clinton so some people might have a really really tiny one. Some people might have a bigger one. How are they stroking it? They’re using a finger or thumb It’s usually the pointer finger. And they’re just Kinda stroking it up and down. They can move around it. But you’re supposed to Kinda start with that place and you can as a stroke. Give instructions to the stroke or about where to move the finger all right so fifty minutes of just lying there taking pleasure I think that in and of itself would be a challenge for a lot of people because we believe that sex must always be physically reciprocated. Yeah that’s kind of what I like about. It is that I don’t have to worry like there’s too much time spent on me because we’ve already decided that’s going to be fifteen minutes and there is there is a male version that you can do. But it’s actually not taught as much because they wanted it because then people will feel pressure to reciprocate and they don’t want you to think of sex that way as like you do me. I do you like a trade like because then you’re not like fully in the moment then both enjoying the activities taking place and then like you feel pressured to do something. You may not want to do so your first time with this practice. I almost called it a procedure. Just because it’s it’s regimented in that it’s the thirteen minutes of stroking than two minute minutes of pressing and holding your first time. What was going through your head on my God. My first time we it was right after a class and one of the students Asked me to do it with him. And his apartment was far away and so as mine so we use this. App that you rent out office spaces so we were in San Francisco and apparently there was The security card wasn’t aware of the APP so he was arguing with the security guard and then the security guards like stood outside the office while we did it so what was going through. My head is like does he know what we’re doing but also I felt very connected to the guy who is doing it Something about that. Physical motion was fostered. This sense of intimacy and then we took a walk and just talked about like our sexual fantasies and insecurity is and it was like we’d known each other for a while so you feel this taking of time. The learning to receive pleasure helped you guys to open up to one another. Yeah and there is something about the physical act as well. I think it releases certain hormones that make you feel bonded with someone Hindrance Jiang and have you done it since then And so how is the second or third or Fifteenth Experience Different? Well most of them were with a boyfriend so there wasn’t as much of the like. Oh my God I’m with the stranger now I feel so close to him but it was just like a nice way to relax and just take pleasure for myself and then often it. You’re not supposed to use it as for play but often like it would become that because it would get turned on That’s one of the things are often. These practices or suggestions and with these practices and suggestions come supposed twos and so I think it’s kind of a little bit hypocritical that we’re saying. Enjoy this process be mindful but also this is disallowed so if it leads to sex of a different kind. Soviet and if it doesn’t I presume that’s okay to just enjoy the experience as opposed to focusing on one specific outcome. Yeah they usually say if you’re going to have sex afterward than at least sort of clean up like you have this whole setting. There’s like two pillows. You have your legs over and you have like Lube and then lake a wash cloth to wipe it off. So they say ben just so that. It’s clear what you’re doing when you’re doing it and then you can move on to whatever else I see so it’s slightly different practice. There’s a ritual to it and when it ends you you change the environmental Now you’ve also engaged for research purposes that imagine have snowballed into personal purposes in extended orgasm practice. So what does that look like? It’s similar actually orgasmic.

00:10:03 – 00:15:07

Meditation is kind of the parent child extended orgasms so extended orgasm is a similar motion stroking the upper left quadrant of the clitoris. But and it’s not as formal of it’s not timed. Beware the glove. It is sometimes done with a glove sometimes without if you’re like with a partner of long term partner often without Yes you can start a decide lake. I I’ve heard some people do it for like an hour and it’s other than that. It’s pretty similar so you would stroke the upper left quadrant with a finger for as long as they’re orgasm ing or would you like. Are you trying to have an orgasm and trying to make it last longer? Or you’re trying to delay orgasm. You are generally not trying to climax if it happens. That’s okay but you’re sort of trying to just be in the moment and feel whatever you feel okay. So when they say extended orgasm they’re not thinking about orgasm. Maybe in the way I think of it where their rhythmic contractions and it’s you know the climax of pleasure and there’s a sense of release so it’s really extended touch. That can be orgasmic. Yes so I didn’t get the orgasm thing at first because I’m like you’re just calling everything orgasm meeting with this chocolate cake but once I really got into it and I did like a weeklong intensive training in extended orgasm other differences. You can do it to yourself so I learned to do that. Oh Island I was actually like having vaginal contractions like for several minutes at a time and it wasn’t exactly like a climax like it didn’t have the sense of Dungeness like I could keep going but it felt like almost as good so I can see why they call it that and so you can do this to yourself and you took a week long. Course what do they teach you in a week? They teach you the principles behind it. So they have all these philosophies about how fun is a worthy goal lake in life and in sex and about how like a woman Can Use her turn on. They call it like her sexual energy in the rest of her life to of have a presence and Sort of an exuberance in when you like do this and you go out into your life and they teach you how to other certain things called connections where you can touch your nipple at the same time or something and then you develop more sensation in your nipple because you’re associating it with Pussy Yeah there’s so there’s a philosophical approach and then there’s the Physi- The physical part of it and so is this something you practice on your own now sometimes and how is it different than other sexual experiences. It’s different in that the high you get from it. I get like a high from it. It’s like after I do it. I have this sense of confidence in this sense of connection to my intuition and I sort of know the next thing I’m GonNa do. intuitively in my life and I get a boost in mood boost in energy. And because like you don’t climax you still sexual afterwards so it’s Kinda Fun to just be walking down the street like feeling really horny and you describe it as a high. Does this have to do with the fact that you’re maintaining this state of arousal and the chemicals are rushing through your body but you’re not going over the edge? I think so. It’s I don’t know if they’ve done research on it. I think they may be doing in now. you’re the research the Guinea pig? Yeah I’ve noticed that if I climax than I lose that high so I think it has something to do with the fact that you’re just building it up and up but not releasing it so when I when I listened to this to me it has to do with It seems to be related to tantric practices. Where you’re focused on this incision and the mindfulness and being in your body and sensuality the pleasure. But you’re not focused on orgasm. Do they draw from Contra? I’ve never heard them explicitly draw from Contra but I agree that it sounds similar and so if people aren’t ready to necessarily try a whole class or a week long workshop. What you what would you recommend? They could take from your experience and try for themselves. I would recommend that they set aside fifteen minutes with a partner or yourself.

00:15:07 – 00:17:55

And like if if it’s yourself then maybe get a mirror and look at your clitoris and lift up the hood and try to find that upper left quadrant and just try like stroking it up and down for fifteen minutes and see what happens. Excellent and during that time you’re just breathing and feeling and enjoying the sensations and no judgement in terms of how you react right right so if you lie there and you just feel relaxed. That’s okay if you lie there. And you feel euphoric awesome. If you lie there and you feel like finishing yourself off with a vibrator that’s okay too Awesome now as a sex reiter. What’s the most exciting thing you’ve tried for a story? Well I got into sex parties through my work and now I love them just for my own social life. Is there a sex party? You can recommend the best sex party you’ve attended. The best one was actually in London. It was at a club called Labrador and who was hosting it The club was hosting it. Okay so liberal dwell in London England all right and so with sex parties do tend to attend alone or with a partner. What’s your preference? I have attended alone because I don’t have a partner Which is nerve wracking? But it’s really forced me out of my shell and forced me to like go up to people and be like oh. I actually am not getting rejected. Or if I am someone else’s GonNa not reject me so it’s improve my confidence awesome any advice for a first timer heading to a sex club either alone or with a partner. I would say people are a lot more open and less judgmental than you think so. Don’t assume that anyone’s going to reject you or don’t feel ashamed to like express your interest in someone awesome. Thank you so much for being with US. Any big writing projects that involve fun hands on research coming up. I want to try getting hypnotized to orgasm. I haven’t gotten an assignment but I want to do that next. Okay so for all the editors listening pick this story up. I also want you to get hypnotized to orgasm and I want to read about it. Thank you so much. Where can people follow you? Twitter Susannah waste. Suv A. N. N. A. H. W. E. ISS instagram Weiss Susannah. Reverse of that. All right awesome. We’ll post those on our pages while thanks so much once again. Thank you have a great week? Wherever your ad I’ll be back with brandon next Friday and every Friday morning you’re listening to the sex with Dr Jasser. Podcast improve your sex life improve your life.