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Sex with Dr. Jess


September 20, 2019

Jet Setting Jasmine: Mother, Porn Performer, Director & Licensed Therapist

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Jet Setting Jasmine is a licensed clinical therapist, co-owner of Royal Fetish Films (an adult film production company), and an adult entertainer. She combines her love of the arts, film and sex education to produce erotica that stimulates and engages the audience to push their sexual boundaries. Jasmine joins Jess and Brandon to share thoughtful insights on her life as a therapist, mother, performer and entrepreneur. She talks about directing porn (including a recent threesome scene starring her life partner, King Noire), the value and appeal of ethical porn, how porn performers balance their own pleasure with the need to perform for the camera, and strategies for staying in the moment when faced with distractions.

This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Jet Setting Jasmine: Mother, Porn Performer, Director & Licensed Therapist

00:00:05 – 00:05:18

You’re listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sacks and relationship advice. You can use tonight Welcome to the sex with Dr Jasser podcast. I’m your co host. Brandon wear here with my lovely partner Dr Jess. Hey how you doing today babe. I’m great. I’m feeling good. You’re feeling good well today. We are joined by Jet Setting Jasmine. I licensed clinical therapist owner of Blue Pearl. Therapy wears many hats including including adult performer sex educator. I know you own a number of businesses. What are you up to right now. What’s on your radar on my Iradar right now is trying to balance family and all of those and I think that has been that is like my number one goal and challenge challenge right now. It’s not it’s not one particular thing. It really is striking the right balance with our family. We have an eighteen year old. Hold a fifteen year old and a one year old yes so the fifteen year old should be watching that one year old bruce thing I thought auto yes no and that’s how it works so and we travel a lot for our business. So King King wires my partner and the biggest thing for us is how do we keep our family together and still honor the lifestyle that we wanna live and the work that we WANNA do and part of that is traveling with the family as much as possible so yes. The fifteen year old is flying in tonight. she pretty much on the road Friday through Sunday so she can watch your brother and we can haul around in the eighteen year old was doing hurricane prep while we were gone last week and you know so super super awesome kids very responsible but it is striking about kids right and what a cool life for a teenager to get to fly out to different places. I know you’re in the northeast and the New York area. You’re in the Poconos does your and now you’re down in Atlanta and I know the fifteen year old hasn’t arrived yet but last night you were shooting. Can you tell us about the shoot so thankfully were in that. Lennon have family here so my sister came in. older sister says you’ve got to spend some time with her nephew. so this shoot was it was my first like true who director debut wear. I am doing a short documentary on women producing and directing porn yeah so I have directed before either co-directed or directed and starred but there’s something very different about being completely out out of the scene and having being responsible for in this case three people so it was a threesome scene with King Nawar redhead Barbie and Selena and they shared with each other their pleasure points so this was all about three different co stars sharing with each other what they want so not what I wanted. I’m not what they think. The public wants like I really get turned on when like for Redhead Barbie Win my the inside of my thighs are bid or scratch and like who would think of that you know just in a normal seen unless you really sit down and take the time and ask you know or today day. How do you feel like what do you want today. Not The last time I saw you on film and so they had an opportunity to have those fantasies played out with some directing and also just getting some insight on what the differences for them being directed by a woman it was all women crew from Camera Lights our our P. A. Everything are runner. All women and you know it was seamless. There was no ego in the room. There were no so there was no competition for who has a bigger cock I was it was like women taking care of one another to get goal done and we did and so if you’re directing and you’re also trying to honor their wishes which is a rarity important. If we look at mainstream porn it is what what we perceive the public to want and then the performers perform and oftentimes performance can enjoy it but their pleasure is either secondary or tertiary. Two other needs so in this scene. You’re asking them to do what felt good for them. Pray in a threesome and then you also want to make it visually appealing. That was the challenge and that was something a couple of times through the night. I said I’m not doing this again this morning. That was really cool. I’m doing again there. Were there were some moments where they were really into it but Mike I got this crew home like that looks really really good and exciting but I still need to see the size and so they’re all being being sensitive and being honest honest and saying you know that really looks good really looks like you’re enjoying it and if you guys want to go back to that when we call rap that’s cool but right now.

00:05:18 – 00:10:02

I need to see this. Can I ask you about the directing side of this when you’re directing and it’s adult film and they’re in the moment you you’re you’re stopping them and say I need you to do this and how does that affect getting back into things because if we were engaging in some and somebody was a Heo. I need you to stop for or second because I need you to do this. I’d be like I can’t you’re. What are you doing exactly when you’re directing that scene to keep everything flowing flowing right so there’s a couple of things one. I think is important a lot of times when people look at performed really at any profession they think like I could do that right right except for me I can’t do that. How does she even get her likelier and I thought I gotTa say God Damn those nails. I don’t put those things me right so I’m and there was some fisting last night but you know what people I let me think about it. You you are an artisan. You’re you create and you do things for for media purposes so you do know what it’s like behind the scenes and but when people may look when they look at your job they may think like Oh. She travels with her husband and you know there’s a couple of shows right but don’t know everything that takes for you to be via professional in that setting and I think the best way to say is that the the costars were really professional like they are professionals and that’s the difference of being able to get into your body in such a way that I can take a break and maintain this sexual energy. I can take a break and Dan jumped back into my work but got no. I was GONNA say. I guess I filled in the moment of asking that question to to remember that. These are actors right there that this is their. This is their job. This is what they know to do. I just associated with the physiological physiological sensations where you’re kind of like to get back in. I’m thinking about my own pleasure and how I would just be focused on that as opposed to you acting out a scene right no that makes sense and so I use the for me. It’s about edging. ’cause I in order for meat. I think everyone one has a different way of staying engaged and whenever I’m in those types of scenes I’m thinking from an edging perspective like it’s coming. It’s coming like It’s kind of that that it’s almost like. I’m playing with the director even more so than my partner with like you’re going to. You’re going to let me you’re going to let me come. No okay okay. I’ve coming. I mean I sorta described. Edging is yeah. I’d like you to just give a little more. It’s when you take your partner or partners to almost to the the brink of having an orgasm and then you withdraw that pleasure that stimulant and it may not even be orgasm it just may be bringing them to a point of like you know enjoyable bowl pleasure and then you withdraw it so it can be very frustrating. It can be very fun. it’s challenging and I think for adult entertainers. There’s that is part of the challenge of how I can allow myself to be seamless in in in my acting but all at the same time deal with all all of these external factors now we take breaks at different points in time it was like. Oh you know okay you. You WanNA put us in a different position. Let me go run and use the restroom. give give me a minute. I just need to compose myself. My knees hurt. Let me stretch ow I want. My orange sports drink refresh answered yet so not not naming any names but I could see myself one in my sports drink next to me right for how long did the scene take last took us and there was lots of interviewing going on so I would say that the sex itself went on for about two and a half hours. Olot Yeah Yeah yeah a whole lot of acting it is the cool thing is because they really were doing things that they enjoyed eight and so to kind of go back to your question. There were aspects where I was like okay. That’s really nice that you want that but I do need to open this up a little bit more to some other activities for for the viewer and then also for your your co star who maybe doesn’t want to Bite your thighs for fifteen minutes. He’s tired yeah you know his jaw. He hadn’t trained for that now. I think that the notion that porn born performers are enjoying their work.

00:10:03 – 00:15:05

is one that falls into this gray area because for example your sex educator and we’re offering telling people that remember that these are acted out scenes. They’re not necessarily a reflection of reality and in that messaging I think the desire the genuine pleasure that genuine connection between performances loss on one hand. We don’t want people to see porn and think they can do everything in porn right because that to our two and a half parachute is getting cut down to twenty minutes twenty minutes so on one hand. We don’t want people to compare themselves right and feel that an emulation is necessary. Zarian and the absence of comprehensive sex education that acknowledges pleasure and talks about different ways people have sex people use porn as their model but on the other hand were also also saying hey it’s not real you don’t have to be like that so I think the humanity of performers gets lost in that completely where you’re almost treated as as just these robots and bodies but there is more to it than that so you talked about these three folks one of whom is your your partner gets your life partner king enjoying themselves and even if you need to send the crew home allowing them not allowing but making space for them to continue after and I think people would be fascinated by the notion that performance would be enjoying themselves to an extent that after the pay is cut after the cameras Cud God they might continue. Is that something you’ve observed as a performer as director where people have wanted to continue because they’re just having a good time so I think the the industry is is a small community. It may seem larger but it it really is small in a sense that I have seen people make really great connections. I’m so like these three the three King Barbie and Zelina have worked together before and I’d go as far as to say that we’re all friends at Lisa g good peers in the industry and these are people that I would hang out with and so for our our field company Royal Fetish films. It’s incredibly important that we allow allow connections to be made so that there is a level of authenticity. That’s being brought to the screen do we always have like you know a couple of hours to hang out like no you should at least we like to do in our pre interviews like talk about what it is that you like. what it is that you. WanNa do again today and know that you’re going to get pieces of that. It may not be the entire scene but we’re going to honor that you’re going to get some pleasure for showing up today you know because we know that we’re going to get a a good outcome out of it. You WanNa work with us and so I think when I talk about the industry being small that a lot of times it’s people that you know that that you are working with that you actually may WanNa hang out after we have the tendency not so much as continue having sex but we’ll go oh and eat go out to eat together after shoot way better than sex especially after having sex for two hours and that’s so much more intimate again in my opinion then then maybe staying after and having sex but allowing that space and not shaming it if it happens then that’s cool other for other folks. It’s like you know I really liked the way you do. This and I’m not seeing anyone right now or I’m an open relationship right now. Do Do you want to hang out and do you want to put it on camera like no. I just kind of want to like feel good. Okay cool so it’s kind of like knowing your your friends and the resources that they have and being able to reach out and ask for that if you need it and there must be a component of having something that’s just for yourselves because when you’re putting either your life or your sex life or one performance development of it on display you want to enjoy your body to you. WanNa do it in a way where you’re not worrying about the angle all of the cameras we’re not being direct right unless that’s what you’re into which is also and it is and it’s nice also to know within our community that that sex can be seen as pleasure right so It doesn’t mean that we’re going to get be talking about getting married. You know were it doesn’t mean that now I have to meet your mom like we can. We can have sex and we can enjoy it and we’re all tested or Ito keep keep up a certain standard of testing so that also helps to in the vetting of you know casual partners. How do you manage pleasure for performance versus pleasure for the personal so for me. There is the the exhibition side of like yeah like they’re watching a and then then these other people are going to watch in the money like all of that that gives me pleasure for performance. I liked that It’s enjoyable like thinking like Oh. I’ll be sleep deep like next week and this’ll be selling and I’ll wake up and see the alerts.

00:15:05 – 00:20:06

That’s that’s cool yeah that the idea of I’m working now and then this is going to be passive income. It’s just another form of a residual income. It’s just not what I think. Everybody thinks but you go to bed a new up and you’re like Yup Yep. That’s what I thought yeah. I mean when I sell something from like three years ago on light year and you have your own company. You have many companies. I definitely want to talk looking therapy practice but you also mentioned Royal Fetish Films Production Company and this is ethical porn. can you tell people explain explain to us what that means to produce more and why it’s so important that people consume ethical porn and how we can access yours as well as other ethical porn on the mark absolutely. I think it’s important for me to make sure that our definition of ethical porn or the way that we approach ethical porn is I don’t want to necessarily set aside but that term is kind of like the term organic you know how you can stick organic label on anything now and so we do see that that happening so I just WanNa share sure like some of the practices that are that we value and why and under what standard we consider ethical so everyone that performs arms is there because they want to be there. That’s number one and is of the legal age to consent to being on film we don’t allow any substance use use of any kind to be used during our sets and so I think people have this perception and it is in some degrees of reality where people are like partying hard and oh I got wasted and then we shot this and that’s that interferes with the ability to give consent it interferes with the performance and it just interferes with someone being able to communicate their needs clearly so it’s something that we just don’t toy around with we you are a company that doesn’t believe in pushing stereotypes negative stereotypes. I’m really any stereotypes but you know so a performer performer is often relegated to a particular role because of either their race or their look or their ability or different ability. We don’t play the two that we ask them. What is it that you would like to shoot. What what would you and and a lot of times people say well? I’m I’ll give you a good one. I’m Asian so I normally play submissive and we go okay. We got the agent but what would you want to shoot. Well actually actually dominant in my real life and we’re like why don’t we bring that out. You know so that to me is a part of being ethical is not making assumptions and actually connecting with the performer former to find out what’s going to make them feel good about this product. There are performers that down the road may say you know I didn’t feel good about that and and you know they have to buy back their content or they have to deal with the fact that it’s on the Internet forever and we want to give people has much of an opportunity to know. Oh that they’re gonNA feel good and comfortable about you know the the work that they’re putting out so those are some of the the basic premises of course we respect people’s boundaries the hard limits off-limits off-limits any limits. everyone on our crew is responsible for the performers so it’s not just performer to performer the the way that we should is if the per production assistant sees someone being violated in any way then she is just just as much responsible as the person doing it and so that way everyone has a shared responsibility so it’s very communal feel and the reason why people should should support ethical porn companies. You should feel good about your orgasms. You should feel good about your smut. You should feel good about any product that you consume. you know there is already a lot of shame around sexuality but then when you add the layer to a of like. I don’t even know like was that person eighteen or not you know did that person really. WanNa be there. It’s hard to tell but I liked it but and then that struggle yeah that’s really interesting because we often talk about the detrimental effects of porn and they’re often overstated and they’re often not evidence based right. They’re based in assumptions but that added layer of creating content and so much of the content out there is rooted in stereotypes and often tied to feelings of shame so for example having the sex with somebody who’s barely eighteen and so that can further reinforce some of our own hangups sure and so on ethical porn gives people an outlet to explore sex that that is more authentic and if you read any of the research or around any sort of business communication and messaging they’re always saying the best you can do is to be authentic. The most appealing you can be as to show your greatest deepest authenticity and so you’d think we’d want the same in porn now.

00:20:06 – 00:25:07

I’m going to assume that I could be wrong. You can correct me if I’m wrong on that part of your journey to launching this company Royal Fetish Films came from your experience in the mainstream porn world which perhaps perhaps wasn’t as ethical where perhaps you face situations in which you’re power was lesser than others and you felt some sort of pressure her. I’m not saying that every performance goes through this. How did you find your way into this industry. And what was your first experience in the industry because everybody’s story is different. A friend buried for every performer has been victimized and that may absolutely not the case especially if they’re working with an ethical right producer so I why do I have a a nontraditional entry into the porn industry. I was well into my thirty’s already. I was into my career career. I was already you know providing therapy for a pretty large government agency in program management and had my children already. I was not right destitute in on the brink of homelessness. They’re kind of like those stories that people put in their in their mind and you have two masters degrees I do. I do so yeah had are those already so I didn’t do porno. Put me through school none of those things but I did have the the experience that I was having was as consumer of seeing like I am so tired of seeing specifically black women or women of color being relegated to these roles. I cannot identify. NFL WITH I was I I had to listen to porn. silent could not listen to the audio because I don’t speak though the way they would portray women of color people of color and you don’t sound like a chimpanzee that goes Chihuahua. Whatever great isn’t it but yeah I don’t. I it is not at turn onto me and you know a lot about porn. Is About getting in touch with your own fantasies. You know finding finding content that you maybe don’t want in your bedroom but you want it to like. Think about it to excite you in your bedroom ed room and I’m like no. I don’t WanNa be a stripper. Okay not that today. No I don’t WANNA be picked up at a hotel like no. I don’t want the pizza. Mana effed me. We know like like the world of being able to find a adult content that I found relatable was becoming more and more difficult. Oh the more I was accepting the fact that I actually want to watch porn and I WANNA like I wanna make it a lot but I can’t find it and instead of talking doing poorly about it and complaining like I’ll make my so king who had already been in the industry off on a we filmed something in just sorta Kinda like totally amateur. Let’s just see how this comes out and when I watched it and not to my own horn it really was like a that that’s it it’s two people that are expressing love with one another that their bodies move in sync with each other and there’s not over makeup or over wardrobe or you know there was the person who shot at she panned out and you could see our whole nobody not just like the four D. High Def of you know my ingrown hairs in old porn. They called it the Mitch. All Oh my gosh porn ended with the penetration. Now it ends with the money right right and nothing is necessarily wrong with the variety to be able to allow you to experience really what sex feels like and it’s it’s a journey a maybe a short journey or a a shorter journey but it still is where it’s like oh his body pressed against my like. I want to see that because I want to be able to then feel it so that is actually why I decided to get in the industry is that I would make the work that I wanna see so taking taking get us that further acting and being the films. It’s fun. I definitely enjoy doing a lot of dominatrix work and I enjoy doing sex with my partner. That is what I enjoy the most but as I have an eye for this I know I wanna see I’m getting feedback from other people. I don’t have to just keep it within myself and keep looking for opportunities for me to shoot I can brought in that by bringing what I want to see out of my out of my brain and onto the bodies of others so like last night was was an opportunity to do that as a director really cool so interesting to hear these your story in the story. Hello how you started your production company because it makes you wonder how we’re learning about sex you know.

00:25:07 – 00:30:03

How men are you know. There’s this primal desire that we’ve been taught. It’s like well you get a during. Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang and that’s it because that’s oftentimes import when in reality there are so many different things things that people want but we’re not being presented with the options to see it so are you also catering your production company he to what you’re talking to men and hey. What are you guys want to see because clearly. It’s not just this that you’re not a walk in the door. Bend over Blake finally always get into it. No I’m not some like every now and then wanted. Get do my thing as I’m sure everyone does. Some people people if people do but there’s I’m deeper than that man. Sometimes I am but it’s just that we see the adult industry in a very one dimensional way so you are engaging with the people that you bring on your performers and saying what so you want and I’m guessing you’re creating this wonderful database of information that you can shoot in the future if not today you can be like well. We know that we were getting this this and this and that rate so are you seeing things really evolve quickly in the industry where it’s like the type of films that you’re creating are changing for everyone so I certainly don’t want to be credited as like as being responsible for a movement or or for the shift. I think that I want to if I give credit to anyone it’ll be. Al Gore in the Internet because people are able to create their own content right so you are seeing different types chiefs of bodies being represented that would never be seen sexually all kinds of bodies. You are seeing different makeup so you know just let’s throughout the word. Queer he oh you were seeing queer. People have sex and that means a lot of different things right so I definitely think things are evolving because of that where you can search you know you can be up late just like I wonder if you know like black black dominatrix and white man three some transgender like you know having this thought bubble and you’ll you’ll find some relief I know right exactly you can think of it. There’s a point there’s a porn for you’re right and I think if if we’re doing anything it is empowering people of color that they can express themselves in a space of Kink we we’d fetishes. It’s okay for us to have fetishes. It’s okay for us not to be the fetish and to. It’s also okay for us to not to feel a lot of times. We will say like oh well like that person. That’s my favorite actress because she’s the only the only black actress that that I’ve seen growing up or something like that but it’s okay for you to honor that to see your body type your skin complexion but to not honor the stereotype that want more out of your adult entertainment and it doesn’t have be. Bang Bang Bang say like I it’s. It’s really cool to watch king like. I don’t know I mean to me. I’m so I’m so fortunate that it’s like why wouldn’t he be gentle like or why wouldn’t he tender tender or give his co-star hand and help her off the pool table. Hint for for lean coming. You know like why would he do those things but oftentimes men have only only seen porn performers. Be that kind of brute you know. Wasn’t there a degree of like posturing where you’ll mend need to kind of this idea that we need to pound hound on our chests and be like this is who I am. This is what I do when so for instance with your Burger King he can be the domme dominant but then offer his hand and it doesn’t make him any less dominant what we’re kind of adding to another layer right but that’s what I like about you. I’m like you’re the most sweet gentle kind of behind the scenes guy. If you haven’t met Brendan Line Person Brandon will come to my events. He’s got his own thing going on but hill it’d be running and finding cord for me never asking for credits super sweet but then you can turn into something totally different and I think if it’s not that I need both of those extremes but I like that there’s obviously nuance and complexity and on and it is it’s tiring for people of all genders but particularly to see see men painted one-dimensionally as these animalistic right. They can’t get enough and it takes a toll on them. Ams learners like it’s it can be emasculating if you don’t feel that way now jet-setting.

00:30:03 – 00:34:27

Jasmine is a very busy woman and has to run off but before you go. I’d love for you to just give me some perspective effective on hoping a therapist you’re licensed. Therapist affects your work all as an adult performer into her because I have a different perspective but I also also think different burden. He’s looking out yeah. It does it does. I think that was a part of me yesterday. That was like I’m not doing this anymore. Because making sure that everyone feels emotionally safe and you know probably checking in more times than normal like. Are you okay sure there were some some folks on the crew that this was their first time. I’m in shooting a don’t material so just making sure that they’re you know that they were okay as well but it comes natural to sit to check in pay attention to body language pay attention to tone of voice. Are things changing. Do we need to check in Something something. That’s important for me. Is that is remembering. I may be a therapist but I’m not their therapist. I can be very much aware of the nuances like Oh. There’s been a shift in mood mood so I can acknowledge it but I don’t have to you know stripped down from this role and cater to you in this way I may even send a message and I have sent a message to a Co Star and said I thought a particular point in time something shifted for you and I’m not really sure what that is or if I was reading being it properly but if so you know I’m open to helping you find someone to talk to so I don’t. I don’t shut it off I don’t. I don’t think that I can and I don’t want to sixty. Fifty percent of my clients are in the sex industry in some way shape or form as and with that I I love that we talk talk about everything that you can think of so performers that are experiencing financial difficulties depression raising their kids issues with their their their partners career choices. It’s nothing it’s really not different than anyone else seeing their therapist. The only thing is I don’t accent leave their job unless that’s what they WANNA do I don’t make an assumption that because they do porn they have trauma or that at their trauma the you know that they do have trauma that trauma is related to or porn is the outcome of it or whatever type of sex work that they do so. I think they are able to let their guard guard down a lot faster or they can say like oh sorry that have makeup all over my face. I just came from a shoot and the guy was like totally. Abreu impounded me out and and you know I just ran into session. I’m like okay. If you need a minute. Let me let me know and so they go. I’m so glad that I could just say that and it takes so much of the stigma often often. They’re able to actually be honest in therapy. I do get a lot of clients a huge number. It’s probably fifty percent of that. Sixty percent say that that they had a therapist but they didn’t know that they were in the adult industry. Oh my gosh I mean your work is such a part of you you do and I thirty therapists listening. We need to check ourselves in and asked do we attribute challenges struggles trauma to one thing especially when it comes to sex work so how lucky we are to have you in the field and I know certainly there are other sex workers listening. You’re a fabulous resource. I really would love to chat again about reconcile these two ends of the spectrum for your career and they are any necessarily different but socially shirt constructed so people can find mind you with Blue Pearl therapy. You’re on Instagram as jet-setting Jasmine yet and royal fetish films. Where can they access those Royal Fetish Badische. XXX DOT COM royal faddish xxx all right. We’ll be sure to listen to those. Thank you so much for chatting with US thank you thanks for the time. I can see Brandon’s mouth that he has so many more questions as usual chat again. Thank you so much for listening wherever you’re at. I hope you are doing great feeling great. You can do anything. Maybe I’ll take some some of Jasmine’s advice and try out some edging. We’ll be back next Friday and every Friday with a whole new episode You’re listening to the sex with Dr Jasser podcast. Improve your sex life improve your life.