August 19, 2019
Sexuality Superheroes: Caroline Colvin
Meet our newest Sexuality Superhero, Caroline Colvin. Caroline is a sex and relationships writer for Elite Daily, discussing a range of topics from sexual health to gender and sexuality. Check out her feature below. If you want to learn more, scroll down to the bottom for multiple links to her articles. Happy reading!
How did you find yourself working in sexuality?
It happened by (very fortunate) accident. I always knew I wanted to write for marginalized communities, so I could use my gifts as a journalist to advance intersectional feminist causes. Whether in convos with peers or concerted efforts as an activist, I’ve always sought to destigmatize the body and sexuality. This past fall, I saw that Elite Daily had a few openings — one of them being a sex and dating writer. Given my journalism experience and my passion for feminism, it felt like a good fit. Come to find out, it truly is!
What is the best part of the job?
The best part of the job is the positive feedback I get on my work. I don’t mean that in a self-congratulatory sense. I mean that to say I’m always so glad to hear that my work has helped people foster healthier romantic relationships, sexual relationships, or sense of self.
More than that, a lot of my friends and peers are black and brown folks, and queer and genderqueer people. The fact that I can empower them by making information on sexual health and pleasure more accessible? Incredible. I’m never going to stop cherishing that. This is literally the most rewarding job I’ve ever had.
What is the most challenging part of the job?
The most challenging part of the job is putting together stories in a way that addresses a variety of experiences. I strive to be mindful of diversity when it comes to gender identity, sexuality, and size — very important when writing about sex and dating for women and non-binary people. But I also try to be mindful of the diversity of ED readers’ romantic and sexual situations: one-night stands, casually dating or hooking up, friends with benefits, situationships, dating but undefined, committed in a monogamous relationship, committed in a non-monogamous relationship, etc.
What is your most important piece of advice that has the potential to revolutionize relationships?
It’s okay to say no — not just during sex, but as it applies to other aspects of a romantic relationship. Protect your energy. Because if you don’t: 1) You won’t be able to give back to your partner(s) or friends or family. 2) You’ll start to feel burned out. And 3) you will resent your partner for asking the question that put you in that position. When really, it could have just been a matter of drawing boundaries and remembering that you can say “no!”
It may be tempting, especially at the start of your relationship with your partner(s), to sacrifice everything for them — money, sleep, time. Yes, put in effort. But also make sure that giving emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial support to a significant other isn’t harming you in the process. Make sure you carve out time for yourself!
What do you do to decompress and take care of yourself given that you spend so much time helping and caring for others?
This is such a good question! I love spending time alone, either feeding my soul or pampering myself. My self-care routine does include typical components like face masks, or a candlelit bath and Netflix pulled up! Maybe pampering myself appeals to my hedonistic, Libra sensibilities. It can also be the fact that I was never taught about self-care growing up, and it’s something I desperately wish I had been when I was committed to mistreating my body (during my serious bouts of depression).
I also enjoy journaling. Dealing with chronic anxiety, I regularly feel like I’m being pulled in 100 different directions. Sitting in a park, by myself, big ol’ journal in hand, is therapeutic for me when I can’t get to my actual therapist. Journaling is a healthy way for me to decompress and work through my worries, without emotionally dumping on my friends and family.
And finally, masturbation, of course, is a great stress-reliever. For me, it encompasses the grounding, physical, and indulgent aspects of something like a face mask or an aromatherapeutic lotion. Similar to journaling, it also is a healthy way for me to pause the storm going on in my head and approach any worries I might have in a better head space, more relaxed.
What do you want people to know about your work as a sex-positive writer?
I try to always keep in mind that “sex positivity” means liberation from any sexual expectations. This also includes someone’s decision to abstain from sex. I’m committed to being as queer-inclusive and non-heteronormative as possible. Luckily, I have a great circle of LGBTQ+ peers and sources that I’m cultivating through my work, so I can give back to my community as well as reflect it.
Where can we learn more about your work?
You can check out my work on Elite Daily here (there will usually be something new, published every day from Monday to Thursday). You can also see me wear the hats of editor, writer and photographer with Cherry Magazine, an LGBTQ+ fashion, beauty, and wellness magazine I founded my senior year of college. You can follow Cherry on Instagram and on Twitter, and you can donate to our Patreon, too!