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Sex with Dr. Jess


May 27, 2019

Sexuality Superheroes: Kevin Patterson

This week, meet Kevin Patterson. Kevin is a polyamorous blogger and sex-positive podcaster. Kevin’s goal is to raise awareness about polyamorous relationships – the good and the bad. His blog, Poly Role Models, discusses the struggles, the history, and dynamics of being in a polyamorous relationship. Read his feature below.

How did you find yourself working in sexuality?

I’ve got this one thing I do really well. I talk about myself and my experiences in a relatable way. The good and the bad. I spoke at length about my experiences as a polyamorous black man and people just started listening. I wasn’t looking to blaze any trails, but suddenly that’s what I was doing. A partner of mine suggested that I start speaking in educational spaces and writing books. It all sounded way out of my range, but I did it anyway and have been pretty successful with it.

What is the best part of the job?

When I started out my polyamorous journey, I felt really isolated by way of race. I still socialized and I still dated, but I couldn’t help but spot how lonely it was. When I started speaking about my experiences, I got a lot of validation just listening to other folks relate my experiences to my own. Even just head nods from the audience made me feel like I wasn’t by myself. It’s made me work harder to create more black or POC exclusive spaces.

What is the most challenging part of the job?

The hardest part is just people being people. When we work together and prop each other up, we all do better, know better, and see more success. But a lot of people work as if they’re playing the Game of Thrones. There’s so many big egos and whisper campaigns and back stabbing. It’s really exhausting trying to navigate the landscape when you’d rather just cheer everybody on.

What is your most important piece of advice that has the potential to revolutionize relationships?

Let go of your expectations. It’s the root of our happiness. The harder we try to force our relationships to fit inside a mold, the less fulfilling they end up being. If you put more focus in appreciating it for what it is, rather than what it isn’t, you’ll be amazed at the kinds of things you find bring you joy.

What do you do to decompress and take care of yourself given that you spend so much time helping and caring for others?

I’ll let you know when I figure it out. Ha! Honestly, I’m really bad at setting things down and caring about myself. I have a high bandwidth for fielding the emotional labor of others. So, a lot of my friends and partners come to me when they need support. When it gets to be too much, I typically just give myself solo time to play video games, watch movies, or run a few miles. But like I said, I’m not great at that.

What do you want people to know about your work as an author & sex podcaster?

Everything I do is about giving myself and everyone else a platform to speak about their true experiences. That’s it. My blog, Poly Role Models, is just people talking about what polyamory looks like to them. My book, Love’s Not Color Blind, is full of other people’s true stories. We all have stories to tell and someone with a similar experience is desperate to hear them all.

Where can we learn more about your work?

While I haven’t kept to updating Poly Role Models lately, it remains as the most inclusive showcase of polyamory available anywhere. You can still check it out on Tumblr and Facebook. My book, Love’s Not Color Blind, is a break down of how race and polyamory intersect on an individual, event-wide, and community level. It can be found in stores but is easily purchased as an ebook or paperback on Amazon or as an audiobook on Audible.

I’ve also been writing inclusive science fiction with my friend Alana Phelan, The Polyamorous Librarian. Our first book, For Hire: Operator is a POC-centered, queer, polyamorous superhero novel. We’re currently working on the next novel in the series. Operator can be purchased as a paperback from Amazon and basically anywhere as an ebook. Information about me, Alana, and our progress on the series can be found on Facebook.

Kevin was also on the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast, check out his episode here.

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