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March 22, 2019

Sex Dolls, Semen, Squirting and Nervousness

Episode 99

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Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about swallowing, squirting, nervousness, physical affection and sex dolls.

Please find a rough summary of the podcast. We’re working on a transcript which should be coming soon!

Today we’re talking physical affection, sex headaches, semen swallowing, FMF fantasies and squirting.

Thank you to Desire Resorts for their support of this podcast.

But first…Sex doll smuggling. A Trinidadian man had his sex doll seized at the border after being in­formed that it con­tra­vened sec­tion 45 (l) of the Cus­toms Act as it has hu­man gen­i­talia. He is now suing Trinidad’s Cus­toms and Ex­cise Di­vi­sion and while I can’t comment on Trinidad’s import policies, I’m always concerned when the government steps in and ultimately dictates what you can and can’t do as consenting adults in the privacy of your bedroom.

I ran into this in the UAE when I was working in Dubai. My clients got in trouble for trying to import sex toys and they taught me an important lesson about how to take vibrators in to countries where they’re prohibited: put them next to your hair curler or straightening iron because then they look like they’re part of the same electronic components. And so far it has worked for me.

But I just thought this story offered a good reminder that we should talk about sex dolls because there are now sex doll brothels in Canada, Europe, Asia and they must be coming soon to the US – like a boy band, they’re always big in Europe, Asia and Canada first and then they hit the US. And I’ve seen so many lifelike sex dolls on display at trade shows and in sex clubs.

Our listener questions are piling up and it’s stressing me out a bit because I don’t like to leave you hanging, so we’re going to address a series of questions today.

1. A ‘buddy of mine’ is worried that something is wrong because he doesn’t always want to be touched – especially right after work or when he’s watching the game. His girlfriend gets mad because she wants to kiss or cuddle and he just feels smothered and guilty for not wanting to touch her. Is this a psychological issue? How should he deal with it?

Just as some people crave touch constantly, others abhor it. Wherever you fall along the spectrum of desire of physical touch, you’re perfectly normal. As long as you can function (i.e. go to work, maintain relationships), I wouldn’t worry about how little or how much touch you desire.

In your friend’s case, it sounds as though he simply wants some space and needs to clearly communicate his boundaries to his partner. He should let her know when and how he wants to be touched and clarify that there are simply times when he wants physical space. He shouldn’t feel guilty.

Many mothers complain about feeling “touched out” at the end of the day; their kids have been all over them all day and they just don’t want anyone else (i.e. their partners) to hug, kiss or initiate sex. Your friend may be experiencing something similar.

Compatibility in relationships isn’t rooted finding someone who wants the same things as you (e.g. you don’t have to share a mutual love of cuddling); compatibility involves working together to meet one another’s needs and accepting that one person cannot fulfill all of your needs everyday for the rest of your lives. If his girlfriend wants more affection, he can offer it at times and she can also seek it elsewhere — she could cuddle with the dog, get more hugs from friends and family or spend some time touching herself. Once you acknowledge that you’re not required to meet your partner’s every need (and they can’t possibly meet all of yours), you’ll likely cultivate happier, more satisfying relationships.

2. Is it safe to swallow your own semen?

It sure is! You can taste and swallow your own semen as long as you don’t have STIs like chlamydia and gonorrhoea because some STIs can be spread to other areas of the body.

Semen volume is 2 – 6 mL (1/2 a teaspoon to one teaspoon) and it’s not all sperm.

Sperm comprise about 2-5% of the seminal fluid and sperm is produced in the testes and stored in the epididymus (a reservoir in the back of the testicles).

The bulk of the seminal fluid comes from the seminal vesicles and this is primarily mad of up fructose and also includes proteins, ascorbic acid, amino acids, phosphorus, potassium and other nutrients.

Approximately 25% of the fluid comes from the prostate and this fluid is made up of acid phosphate, citric acid, calcium, zinc, and magnesium. And the final 1% comes from the bulbourethral glands, which create pre-cum.

3. Is it gay to swallow your own semen ? I am not gay.

No sex act makes you straight, gay, bi, pan or any other sexual orientation. You decide how you identify.

4. Is anal masturbation by dildos for men considered gay or not?

Putting things in your butt also does not make you gay. The fact that you’re into all this butt stuff does not make you gay. But the fact that you keep asking about being gay makes me want to remind you that it’s also great if you are. You decide how to identify. And wanting stuff up your butt isn’t a reflection of the gender of the partner you desire. You can want stuff up your butt and be attracted to men, women, all genders.

5. What do you mean when you say a little nervousness is good for you?

I’ve spoken about this on the podcast and on Instagram: it’s okay to be nervous and part of the thrill of pushing your comfort zone in bed or in business involves experiencing a small degree of nerves.

Research shows that regular people perform at their best when they are a bit nervous or anxious. A little bit of nervousness results in increased production of adrenaline that can help you to prepare, sharpen your reflexes and improve your performance. It’s like “flight or fight” light; you don’t want to be too stressed out and overwhelmed because then you get performance anxiety, but a little bit of nerves can help.

So don’t avoid things altogether because they make you nervous. Don’t close the door on a fantasy or a relationship scenario or conversation because you’re uncomfortable. A bit of discomfort may be a sign that it’s time to lean in, learn more, get vulnerable and see if it leads to something more exciting or pleasurable.

6. How do I introduce the topic of being with another woman to my boyfriend while he watches? What’s appropriate?

I’d start with porn. Watch scenes that turn you on so that you can share your reactions and tune into his.

There is a considerable arc between having a fantasy and fulfilling that fantasy and along that arc are a range of really hot activities. You might start by just watching FMF porn which is ubiquitous. Or you might start with Netflix. There are enough shows on Netflix that feature threesomes. And then maybe you talk about them – outside of sex and during sex. Maybe you simulate them with a blindfold and pretend you have a third party there. Perhaps you role play being the the third party. Perhaps you bring in a third party digitally over the phone via a phone sex operator. Perhaps you dial into a cam model site and play with another woman. Maybe you go to a sex club and just watch. And then maybe you follow through and act it out and maybe you don’t.

But this arc (or journey) from having a fantasy to living out a fantasy involves a whole series of discussions about what you like, why you like it, what’s appealing, what makes you nervous, what if X happens, etc. How far are you willing to go? How can we break this down if we aren’t exactly on the same page, but we don’t want to close the door.

I encourage you to listen to our podcast on Threesomes featuring Luna Matatas.

7. How do I get my boyfriend to make me squirt?

I suggest you try it on your own. Squirting, which usually refers to fluid coming from the paraurethral glands as opposed to the vagina, is associated with stimulation of the G-Spot. The G-spot is an area along the urethral sponge between the vagina and the bladder. It’s sometimes called the female prostate. It’s not inside the vagina, but you access it through the vagina.

This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.