March 22, 2019
Sex Dolls, Semen, Squirting and Nervousness
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Jess and Brandon answer listener questions about swallowing, squirting, nervousness, physical affection and sex dolls.
Please find a rough summary of the podcast. We’re working on a transcript which should be coming soon!
Today we’re talking physical affection, sex headaches, semen swallowing, FMF fantasies and squirting.
Thank you to Desire Resorts for their support of this podcast.
But first…Sex doll smuggling. A Trinidadian man had his sex doll seized at the border after being informed that it contravened section 45 (l) of the Customs Act as it has human genitalia. He is now suing Trinidad’s Customs and Excise Division and while I can’t comment on Trinidad’s import policies, I’m always concerned when the government steps in and ultimately dictates what you can and can’t do as consenting adults in the privacy of your bedroom.
I ran into this in the UAE when I was working in Dubai. My clients got in trouble for trying to import sex toys and they taught me an important lesson about how to take vibrators in to countries where they’re prohibited: put them next to your hair curler or straightening iron because then they look like they’re part of the same electronic components. And so far it has worked for me.
But I just thought this story offered a good reminder that we should talk about sex dolls because there are now sex doll brothels in Canada, Europe, Asia and they must be coming soon to the US – like a boy band, they’re always big in Europe, Asia and Canada first and then they hit the US. And I’ve seen so many lifelike sex dolls on display at trade shows and in sex clubs.
Our listener questions are piling up and it’s stressing me out a bit because I don’t like to leave you hanging, so we’re going to address a series of questions today.
1. A ‘buddy of mine’ is worried that something is wrong because he doesn’t always want to be touched – especially right after work or when he’s watching the game. His girlfriend gets mad because she wants to kiss or cuddle and he just feels smothered and guilty for not wanting to touch her. Is this a psychological issue? How should he deal with it?
Just as some people crave touch constantly, others abhor it. Wherever you fall along the spectrum of desire of physical touch, you’re perfectly normal. As long as you can function (i.e. go to work, maintain relationships), I wouldn’t worry about how little or how much touch you desire.
In your friend’s case, it sounds as though he simply wants some space and needs to clearly communicate his boundaries to his partner. He should let her know when and how he wants to be touched and clarify that there are simply times when he wants physical space. He shouldn’t feel guilty.
Many mothers complain about feeling “touched out” at the end of the day; their kids have been all over them all day and they just don’t want anyone else (i.e. their partners) to hug, kiss or initiate sex. Your friend may be experiencing something similar.
Compatibility in relationships isn’t rooted finding someone who wants the same things as you (e.g. you don’t have to share a mutual love of cuddling); compatibility involves working together to meet one another’s needs and accepting that one person cannot fulfill all of your needs everyday for the rest of your lives. If his girlfriend wants more affection, he can offer it at times and she can also seek it elsewhere — she could cuddle with the dog, get more hugs from friends and family or spend some time touching herself. Once you acknowledge that you’re not required to meet your partner’s every need (and they can’t possibly meet all of yours), you’ll likely cultivate happier, more satisfying relationships.
2. Is it safe to swallow your own semen?
It sure is! You can taste and swallow your own semen as long as you don’t have STIs like chlamydia and gonorrhoea because some STIs can be spread to other areas of the body.
Semen volume is 2 – 6 mL (1/2 a teaspoon to one teaspoon) and it’s not all sperm.
Sperm comprise about 2-5% of the seminal fluid and sperm is produced in the testes and stored in the epididymis (a reservoir in the back of the testicles).
The bulk of the seminal fluid comes from the seminal vesicles and this is primarily mad of up fructose and also includes proteins, ascorbic acid, amino acids, phosphorus, potassium and other nutrients.
Approximately 25% of the fluid comes from the prostate and this fluid is made up of acid phosphate, citric acid, calcium, zinc, and magnesium. And the final 1% comes from the bulbourethral glands, which create pre-cum.
3. Is it gay to swallow your own semen ? I am not gay.
No sex act makes you straight, gay, bi, pan or any other sexual orientation. You decide how you identify.
4. Is anal masturbation by dildos for men considered gay or not?
Putting things in your butt also does not make you gay. The fact that you’re into all this butt stuff does not make you gay. But the fact that you keep asking about being gay makes me want to remind you that it’s also great if you are. You decide how to identify. And wanting stuff up your butt isn’t a reflection of the gender of the partner you desire. You can want stuff up your butt and be attracted to men, women, all genders.
5. What do you mean when you say a little nervousness is good for you?
I’ve spoken about this on the podcast and on Instagram: it’s okay to be nervous and part of the thrill of pushing your comfort zone in bed or in business involves experiencing a small degree of nerves.
Research shows that regular people perform at their best when they are a bit nervous or anxious. A little bit of nervousness results in increased production of adrenaline that can help you to prepare, sharpen your reflexes and improve your performance. It’s like “flight or fight” light; you don’t want to be too stressed out and overwhelmed because then you get performance anxiety, but a little bit of nerves can help.
So don’t avoid things altogether because they make you nervous. Don’t close the door on a fantasy or a relationship scenario or conversation because you’re uncomfortable. A bit of discomfort may be a sign that it’s time to lean in, learn more, get vulnerable and see if it leads to something more exciting or pleasurable.
6. How do I introduce the topic of being with another woman to my boyfriend while he watches? What’s appropriate?
I’d start with porn. Watch scenes that turn you on so that you can share your reactions and tune into his.
There is a considerable arc between having a fantasy and fulfilling that fantasy and along that arc are a range of really hot activities. You might start by just watching FMF porn which is ubiquitous. Or you might start with Netflix. There are enough shows on Netflix that feature threesomes. And then maybe you talk about them – outside of sex and during sex. Maybe you simulate them with a blindfold and pretend you have a third party there. Perhaps you role play being the the third party. Perhaps you bring in a third party digitally over the phone via a phone sex operator. Perhaps you dial into a cam model site and play with another woman. Maybe you go to a sex club and just watch. And then maybe you follow through and act it out and maybe you don’t.
But this arc (or journey) from having a fantasy to living out a fantasy involves a whole series of discussions about what you like, why you like it, what’s appealing, what makes you nervous, what if X happens, etc. How far are you willing to go? How can we break this down if we aren’t exactly on the same page, but we don’t want to close the door.
I encourage you to listen to our podcast on Threesomes featuring Luna Matatas.
7. How do I get my boyfriend to make me squirt?
I suggest you try it on your own. Squirting, which usually refers to fluid coming from the paraurethral glands as opposed to the vagina, is associated with stimulation of the G-Spot. The G-spot is an area along the urethral sponge between the vagina and the bladder. It’s sometimes called the female prostate. It’s not inside the vagina, but you access it through the vagina.
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Rough Transcript:
This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Sex Dolls, Semen, Squirting and Nervousness
00:00:05 – 00:05:04
You’re listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sex and relationship advice, you can use tonight. Hey, hey, today, we are talking physical affections sex headache semen swallowing FM, fantasies squirting. But I sex doll smuggling. Before we get started a big thank you to desire resorts for your ongoing. Support of this podcast. Brandon’s a fan them and Brennan knows a little bit about sex dolls do. Well. Oh, maybe not do you not see the Sexton’s at the shows. Do not go explore their labia them. That is my very limited experience. But we’ll get into that in just a minute. Have you gone up close and personal with them are of okay, fully clothed? I’ve touched them make him one zero naked touching sex dolls with my privates. Well, we should contextualized. So at some of the trade shows and sex clubs and events. We work at unlike perhaps your workplace where they have paper samples. And light bulbs, by the way. My only reference point for an office job is the show the office. So I don’t know what else people do it offices realize they’re called my private parts, my private slick there are many of them sergeants surges. So that was a dead. Joe was big time. So at these shows at these trade shows at the sex clubs, we have sex doll sex toys, lube various other sexual Toma on display and the sex dolls have really come along. Yeah. I mean from what the the flash late. They used to be the equivalent of a sexual flashlight to flush lights or my bad. It’s okay. They’re not a circles. Now, they’re they’re the real deal, man. I want to have sex with a sex doll. Do you do? Oh, well, we can arrange that. I don’t even know where to go with arrange it through do a sex brothels. So there are sects prophets in Canada in Europe in Asia. Which means they’re probably coming soon to the US there like a boy band where they go to Asia Europe and Canada first. And then once they get sort of big, they’re all, right? We’re ready the American market the. Yeah, they get their street cred up here in Canada or over in Japan, Morvern Italy. And then they bring them to the state. So yeah, there are sects brothels with dolls here in Toronto. I didn’t know that if it’s something you wanna try you can go, and I was reading about these sex brothels. What are you going to say I want to know though? So you can go I have so many questions we need to talk. We need to go and do an interview at a sex doll brothel because what about multiple people use the how do you clean them? How do you? These are questions that are already running through my mind. So it’s quite a process, I was reading that it takes an hour to clean the sex doll, and they use it. Disinfectant that includes a UV light in the shape of a Fallas to clean out the vaginal canal. Now, you’re making a face foods. Which is why we need to videotape. The you. So that people know what I’m thinking. Well, right off the bat. Brennan said I want to have sex with a sex doll. And I feel like he might wanna temper or. Take that back renege on my comment. No, it doesn’t change. It. Still wanna do it? Okay. I’m I just wonder do you not wonder what it would be like come on lake? Would you want to have sex with secto? Maybe maybe and it’s interesting because as of late have been interviewed on sex dolls in sex robots several times because because of these brothels, and sometimes these interviewers or these journalists are kind of their Scoffing at it. And I’m thinking, but people are into this. And the reason I brought this up is that a Trinidadian man had his sex doll seized at the border few months ago after being informed that it contravenes section forty five of the customs act because it has team genitalia. And he is now suing Trinidad’s custom and excise division. And listen, I can’t comment on Trinidad’s import policies, but I don’t want to generalize about the Carribean. But I can just imagine in Jamaica trying to take a sex doll in. I can barely get my suitcase. Ace into Jamaica, right, Mike. My cousin was taxed and paid duty on her home printed wedding. What do you call those on for your program story wedding program, she had her wedding programs tax going into Jamaica? So I can’t even imagine trying to get a sex doll in. I don’t know about Trinidad. But I imagine they have somewhat similar histories somewhat similar somewhat similar economies. It’s funny. I ran into this in the UAE when I was working in Dubai, my clients gone in trouble for trying to import a sex toy. And these women do by taught me an important lesson that if you are trying to smuggle a sex toy into a country in which they are considered.
00:05:04 – 00:10:05
Contraband, you tape it on to your or latte, an elastic band around it onto your hair curling iron or your hair straighten her because then when it goes through the x-ray Ray machine, the electron it components, look like they’re part of it. I’m not an not advocating that you do. That I’m not suggesting that you break the law. But that is what I have done me. Those other people have done done at two. Oh, have you. Okay. I’m thinking about his Trinidadian fellow. I’m thinking weekend at Bernie’s. I’m picturing him like walking through customs with this sex doll. And it’s like, what do you say? What’s the scoop like of course, had genitalia? Let me just say that there’s no way extolled no genitally. What’s appoint he was not walking through like weekend at Bernie’s. If they’re anything like Jamaicans, guaranteed. It was in a cardboard box for sure. Case it even kind of weirder. Jetblue even accept cardboard boxes on the way to Jamaica questions without now anyway. Well, are we have other questions because our listener questions are piling up? And it’s stressing me out a bit. There’s so many questions because I don’t like to leave you hanging. So we’re going to address a series of your questions today beginning with a buddy of mine is worried that something is wrong because he doesn’t always wanna be touched by girlfriend, especially right after work or when he’s watching the game his girlfriend gets mad because she wants to kiss or cuddle, and he just feels smothered and guilty for not wanting to touch her is this a psychological issue. How should he deal with it? This person’s asking for a friend. He sure knows a lot of information about friends situation. But I’m fine with that Brandon. I mean other times when you don’t want me to touch you hundred percent when we’re kind of just depends on what’s going on oftentimes with worker other elements of my life. I don’t know. I don’t always feel I being touched when you cranky when I’m cranky when you’re. Thirty on really get to pouty now determined. Oh, will you? Okay. Yeah. No, definitely. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting to be touched. And isn’t that also just a part of being different human being some people want more physical affection than others and understanding your partner? Yeah, I’m gonna guess that the partner is making him contributing to his feeling guilty and saying, well, don’t you love me or were supposed to do this or other couples snuggle, or my, you know, my friends don’t run into this. So, you know, ultimately, I I’ve said before the compatibility in relationships isn’t rooted in finding someone who wants the same things as you. But it does involve working together to make sure you meet one another’s needs and accept it one person cannot fulfill all of your needs everyday for the rest of your life. So if this girlfriend wants more fiction, maybe he can give it at other times. Maybe she can get affection. Elsewhere to like, maybe she can cuddle with the dog. Maybe she can get more. Hey, ostrich room this gentleman walking in and being like, here’s the dog. You’d be happy. If I handed you I’d be that’d be amazing. But you know, you can get more hugs from friends or family or spend time touching herself. And I think that it’s important to acknowledge that you don’t have to. You’re not required to meet your partners every need. They can’t meet all of yours. So you’ll have a happier relationship. I hear this for mothers often mothers with young children say that they feel touched out at the end of the day because their kids have been all over them touching grabbing wanting to be picked up, and they just don’t want their partner to hug or kiss or or initiate sex at the end of the day they’ve gotten their fill, and they just want some space, and it’s interesting that he says that when he just gets home from work or when he’s watching the game. So what’s important with physical affection is that you communicate your needs to your partner. But also that your specific about that communication. So if you say things like I want to be touched more. Okay. That’s a little bit helpful. But not as helpful as saying, I really like to be touched in this. This way, I wanna be held from behind while we’re watching TV, or if I were to say, I don’t want you to touch me so much that probably wouldn’t go over as well as if I said, I I really love you. But right after work, I just need ten fifteen twenty minutes to decompress or I love hanging out with you on love to cuddle in watch Netflix with you tomorrow. But tonight, I’m watching the game. And I just wanna watch the game without the distractions. The issue probably being how to communicate that because I can picture it. Now with a lot of I’m just have some friends and couples in my mind, where you’re bringing that up on the spot is very difficult as opposed to bring it up at a time. When you’re not having that argument, you know, you walk in and you’re like, I don’t want to be touched right now and your partner wants to be affectionate with you. And then it becomes difficult to kind of address it on the spot as opposed to addressing it at another time when it’s not an issue that you’re arguing or being discomfort over agreed great, you’re gonna get more out of conversations.
00:10:05 – 00:15:15
When tensions aren’t running as high. Maybe maybe this guy gets a lot of hugs at work. Maybe there’s a lot of hugs. Maybe maybe he’s a puppy Wrangler. I think I wanna be a puppy rang. That’s your dream job man for sure. Absolutely. All right moving on. Because I have a lot of questions this. I have three questions that came from. I think the same person is it safe to swallow your own semen. Is it gay to swallow your own semen? I am not gay. He wrote that I’m not saying that is ENA masturbation by dildos for man, considered gay or not. So we’ve got all these questions along the line of. All along the lines of perceived actions that are associated with being gay. Although they, of course, do not make you gay. So let’s start with is it safe to swallow your own seaman. Yes. Please tastes swallow your own semen as long as you don’t have S T is like Columbia and gonorrhea because some SGI’s can be spread to other areas of the body. Brennan, have you tasted your semen or have not why not I don’t really want to would you consider it for educational purposes yard, just so, but I not high on my list of things to do. Okay. So how I don’t want you to do anything. You don’t want to pressure. We’re having conversation. And like, I don’t know. I’m just not not really I mean, I would do it. I just is not high on my list. All right. So I was thinking about using you as a Guinea pig that we should probably go to a sex doll brothel in you could try a dollar if you want to and report back, and then do I have to take my own. Something to separate thought. Separate Guinea pig. Experiments will tell you that when I was a teenager at played hockey knowing narrowing down the pool of people that people can figure out who this might be one of the guys aid is on semen using the appropriate terminology, which is not what we called it. Like, you call it even call it. Whatever drawn ges Elliott is on Jez you say eight it sounds like a knife and fork TIMMY during gives on the pinkies up. Right. And no, I think it was like he twisted. Awesome. Knuckle children at the back of the bus ’cause we played hockey and took buses to the games. And then he ate it like as a dare. So he masturbated on the bus with all of his friends people think all hockey players are messed up now. Okay. I mean, did they all consent to his masturbating in the back there? I think it was just whatever interesting. It’s not like we’re all circled around watching him. He was doing his thing. Okay. Not a circle jerk. It was. Not a circle jerk. Anglo-dutch rudder action was not going. Okay. So he and so why was it? So funny, I’m laughing now more just because of the shock value that was associated with at a time. I can tell you that up until you, and I got together I did not actively engage in these types of conversations with my friend, my friend, my friend that youth comes man, it’s tell he does have one friend. But we didn’t have these kinds of conversations. And now, I mean, I really feel in a lot of ways that I’m much more of an open book, we talk about all sorts of topics and I think willing to push the boundaries. So when this happened, it was more kind of shock value. And I didn’t see him do it. I had heard about it. So this could just be a fairytale where you on that bus till? I was on said bus when the he pleasure himself. But but he didn’t do it in front of everybody. I mean, it was at the back. He was at the back of the bus. It was like, oh, man. Yep. He did it hang on his second. You were on the bus when he pledged himself. Did he wait till another bus ride to eat it? I I can’t remember that was just the way the story went. And honestly most of that bit of a blur. Don’t remember much from like yesterday morning and before that so it’s hard to remember I five years ago. I just appreciate that. You said he ate it. Instead of drank it because I picture him with a spoon and a bowl. And I as someone who likes to eat pizza with the knife and fork the utensils matter to me there you go pizza takeover over spooned silver spoons suffers pound. I’m sure that’s not what you had on a hockey bus in your teenage years, four, founder, Glen Krause. Okay, the Siemens not gross the dirty fork has grow. So. Yeah, you can taste and swallow your own semen, no sex act makes you straight gay BI. I pan or any other sexual orientation, you decide how you identify. And I was thinking do you know, what it seem it? We’re seeming comes from. I know where it is rejected. I was gonna talk a little bit about semen because people, you know, this guy came up to me at a show recently. I don’t know if I talked about this on the podcast yet. But he got angry at me for not talking about the health and mental and spiritual benefits of swallowing semen for women, by the way, he was very specific that it’s women who can benefit from swallowing semen and I- politely nodded, which I probably shouldn’t have because I had a lineup of people at my table.
00:15:15 – 00:20:07
We were we were doing a book signing. Okay. I’m not that popular. There were like two people. Was there Brennan’s friend was there? So there was someone waiting at the table. Now is a big show. So he, and he says this to me that I, you know, chastises me for not bringing up the spiritual and mental health benefits of swallowing semen four women. Not sure why it’s different for women than men and that extra few swallowed his own or to sit any I tried to disengage. Wjr. So I then he said we clearly you’re not interested in talking with me. Did you tell him? You know, I wish I had you were there. Do you? Remember what I’m talking about? I’m unit Arkansas you what I thought of him. Do you want me to thought he was a tool? Oh, which a hammer. No. That is a useful tool. He was non useful tool. Yeah. He was a guy who wanted to tell me that I didn’t cover everything he wanted me to cover, and anyhow I just want to dispel the myth that there are any releasing deficient health benefits from swallowing. And in fact, we talked about swallowing and the Spiderman last week. So if you didn’t listen, it’s at the very end listen to the Spar may be two weeks ago. But sure, okay. The in semen you have first of all when you Jack late you Jackie late about two to six Mila leader. So that’s about a half a teaspoon to a teaspoon. And it’s not all sperm. They’re different so sperm comprise about two to five percent of the semen or seminal flu. Did and sperm is produced in the testes and stored in the epidemic the reservoir in the back of the testicles and the bulk of seminal fluid. The bulk of semen comes from the seminal vesicles, and it’s made up of mostly toasts like sugar, basically, and it also includes proteins in sorbic acid, and phosphorus and amino acids, potassium and some other nutrients, but it’s such a small load as Brandon would call it that it’s not like taking a multi-vitamin taking your boat like a new protein bar. Well, no, they’re out there. There’s an entire cookbook on cooking with. Big guys at the gym. You’ll man let’s go get. Let’s go get a shake I like Lara bar seaman shape. Thanks nice thought. And then there’s another quarter of the fluid that comes from the prostate, and this is made of acid phosphate stick to trick acid calcium, zinc magnesium, and then you’ve got a little bit. Like one percent that comes in the form of pre come. So this poor person just wants to know if you can swallow around seaman, and now I’m going on my semen sermon. But it’s it’s fine to swallow. You’re not going to get the benefits that you might read about in maximum like I remember reading a headline that if you drink semen, you’ll no longer be depressed. If you drink semen you’ll live longer, and so what they’re doing is. They’re extrapolating from all of these content ingredients so calcium, zinc and magnesium and fructose in protein and saying if you drink semen, but you’re not drinking it in the quantity of protein shakes. So it’s not a protein shake, you could also eat dirt and get those same minerals. Is that true? I’m sure there are mineral. So if they’re using that headline right to cure. All right. Then I could probably argue the same thing about eating a lot of things you find side on the ground. Get point good point. You’re Mr. science, babe. Google me galumph cook. A lotta me if you go Brandon, wait, go Google, Brandon where just Google Brandon wear and see what comes up, and well and o’reilly’s has. Shows up I sent it into Google myself. So this person also wants to know if it’s gay. No, it’s not gay. And then they wanna know if anal masturbation by dildos for men is considered gay. So same thing putting things in your, but doesn’t make you gay. It doesn’t make you straight. The fact that you’re into all this, but staff and swallowing semen doesn’t make you gay. But the fact that you keep asking about being gay makes me also want to remind you that it’s great if you are gay. So if you’re gay straight if you’re by if you’re pan, however, you decide to identify. That’s awesome and wanting stuff up your, but isn’t a reflection of the gender of the person or people you desire. You can want stuff up your butt and be attracted to men or women all genders pen sexually oh so pan sexual often refers to beat not necessarily being attracted to whether it’s emotionally or sexually to people based on gender. So you. Could be attracted to people regardless of what gender they identify us. That’s my best definition. And if you want a better, probably more sinked in concise definitions, go back to the episode with eight a Mandalay and have a listen as well.
00:20:07 – 00:25:00
So yes, while semen put things up your, but you might be gay. You might not be gay that’s up to you. Now, I got a question, and I’ve I’ve received this question in many forms as of late because in a recent Instagram post, I believe perhaps on the podcast is well, I said something along the lines of nervousness can be good. And so this person says what do you mean when you say a little nervousness is good for you when it comes to sex, and what I’m trying to say is that it’s okay to be nervous. And part of the thrill of pushing your comfort zone in bed or in business involves experiencing a small degree of nerves because research shows that regular people like us. So we’re not Olympia NHS or masters. We perform best when we are a little bit nervous or anxious because that nervousness results in increased production of adrenaline and other physiological reactions that can help you to prepare and sharpen your senses and sharpen your reflexes and improve your performance. It’s it’s sort of like a light version of the fight or flight response. So you don’t wanna be too stressed out? But an because then you get overwhelmed you get performance anxiety. But a little bit of nerves can help you to perform at your optimism or see people who are nervous than the offset the nervousness by consuming copious amounts of alcohol, which is like if you’re out, you know, the musical. I gotta have a drink can ease the nerves, and I feel like, and that’s the whole whiskey dick, oh, you’re talking specifically about sex kind of cutting the nerves down a little bit. Yeah. And I think that has to do with our desire to avoid discomfort. But a little bit of discomfort is a good thing. And in fact, if something makes you uncomfortable. You don’t wanna close the door on it? Whether it’s a fantasy or relationship scenario or simply a conversation in your relationship. And I think that’s what we do we run from discomfort instead of realizing that discomfort is a sign that it’s actually time to lean in and get closer in learn more and see if it leads to something more exciting or pleasurable from enough legs perspective, right? I really hope performed at my best. When I am a little anxious about whatever playing hockey or from whatever sport on playing, right? You don’t wanna get so anxious that you’re shaking that you’re not breathing properly cited for what you’re about to do. Yeah. And it’s a sign that you care about right? So people always ask me because if you’ve heard me speak on stage. I don’t think I sound nervous at all. I feel very confident. That’s where I feel my most confident, but I’m nervous for every damn speech. I give because I care about. Everyone. I it’s not that. It’s the end of the world if I screw it up, and I have that safety net to tell myself. Okay. What would be the worst thing if if you bombed onstage if you forgot what you were going to say if you fell if you misspoke, what would be the worst thing won’t nothing really like the consequences are not huge for me. But I’m still nervous because I’m I’m definitely eight hype. And I like to be good at things, and we had a an event here in Toronto at our house on the weekend. Can I say this is that it won’t? So it was an event for Brandon’s company and the staff were all invited with their partners. And we were talking about the importance of relationships for entrepreneurs in sales staff because they’re in real estate, and certainly you spend long hours working, and you know, you can’t so plans on family sometimes and you prioritize your business over your partner. And so we were looking at ways to address some of these challenges, but I was saying Brandon, I don’t. I’ve ever been so nervous for speech in my life. And it’s because it was a smaller group. It was twenty people a fewer and Andy was in my house went off really really well, and everyone really enjoyed it. But I don’t think they tell you. If they didn’t know, I would agree. You’re probably right. But at the end of just based on the conversations everybody really had a good time. So verbs kept you sharp peak performance. Well, I was nervous because I also know them. All right. I know most of your staff and most of their partner is in. So there’s a there’s an added degree of pressure of not wanting to screw up. And it’s interesting because I’ve done this speech for sales professionals probably a hundred times, but because I knew them, and it was in my home. We actually did it in in our living room. But that yeah. The nerves made me work harder. Like, I was more prepared for this speech because I was so nervous. It mattered. Exactly. And I I wanted you to pay me. Well, that’s checks in the mail. I’m playing in a beer league d division hockey game tonight playoff. And I’m nervous about it. Yeah. Yeah. I come watch.
00:25:00 – 00:30:09
Oh, man. Is there a bar at the arena, though, there’s not so you won’t because so I can’t make it. Okay. So don’t avoid things because they make you nervous. The nerves are actually a good sign. I’ve got a few more questions. I wanna power through this person wants to know, how do I introduce the topic of being with another woman to my boyfriend while he watches, what’s appropriate. I don’t know how to begin this conversation. I’d start with porn because you still yet. You see these scenes all the time. And so you can just watch porn that turns you on you can share your reactions in tune into his, and I was one of remind people that there’s always a considerable arc between having fantasy or sharing fantasy and actually fulfiling that fantasy. So the idea that I have a fantasy, and then I share it with my partner. And then we do it is a little bit. I think too simplistic and to linear because use the word arc, but maybe it’s more a series of fluctuations and between sharing fantasy and actually engaging that fantasy are a range of other really hot and exciting activities. So you might start by just watching this type of FM F porn. So two women either man is watching or participating, and that type of porn of courses. Ubiquitous get it any. Where are you might just start with net flicks? Because there are enough shows on Netflix that feature some form of a m f m no FM at threesome. And then maybe you just talk about this fantasy like outside of sex during sex, and then maybe you actually have sex with a blindfold on and pretend that it’s happening. Maybe you role play being the third party. Maybe you bring third party in on as a phone sex operator. Right. Maybe you have sex with a phone sex operator, he watches, and then maybe you take it up a notch to A Cam model sites. You have some sort of sexual engagement and play with a Cam model, and he can watch maybe go to a sex club. And you just watch other people who are doing this. Maybe you follow through enacted out one day. Maybe you don’t, but I’ve just named a few possibilities. But this arc or journey involves a whole series of discussions about. What you like why you like it? Why it’s. Appealing. What makes universe? What if ABC happens? How are you willing to go? How are you able to break pieces of this fantasy down if you’re not exactly on the same page, but you’re not ready to close the door. So I do encourage you to listen to our podcast on threesomes with Luna Matas and will put the link on our site or you can just find it. If you look Luna Matata Zain sex with Dr Jess, but I think there’s a this is kind of fun process. You had a good point. And I do think that using the media you’re consuming, whether it’s mainstream media or porn to start the conversation is good spot. Because then you don’t even have to talk about yourself to begin with you can just say, oh like that that taught or she looks like she’s enjoying that. Or he seems to be jealous that he’s watching. You can ask questions like what you think about that. Or would you want to try something like that? Or maybe you don’t start with would you wanna try because you don’t want to close the door right away or seal the deal right away? What do you think of that for Ropel lottery? Good options to to dip your toes in. No that jumping cannonball on your way into this is the personally just speaking from like my own perspective. I don’t know that it would be the best way. I’d wanna go about it. Because I feel like in theory and fantasy it’s great. There are so many other things that you have to consider when there’s a human being who you’ve you’ve engaged to participate with L. However, I know a customs officer in Trinidad where you can actually get a deal on a sex doll. Actually, that’s a good option was going to say that would be a good option. Although for most of us the cost of a sex doll is prohibitive, which is why think these sex doll. Roth brothels are cool idea. All of this to me sounds like boils down to incremental like conversations that you’re having to see what the other partners comfortable or not comfortable with. And if you’re in tune with your partner, you probably pick up on some of those things where okay, we’ve talked about it. But there was some red. There was some resistance or discomfort. I know that maybe I’ve pushed not pushed, but I’ve gone as far as I can. And maybe this is where we’re comfortable today. Right. Like alternately, I would want you to feel uncomfortable. And I don’t think you would want me to feel uncomfortable. So once you picked up on that I feel like you probably push pause wherever we were. Yeah. And I think actually one thing I neglected to mention is perhaps you might perhaps wanna share your fantasy of being with another woman first. And then you don’t even have to talk about his watching if that’s taking it to whole other level, and I have seen couples where in which the woman wants to be with another woman, and she either wants to do it on her own or she only wants him to watch.
00:30:10 – 00:35:15
And he might respond by saying, no, I only wanna do it if I participate, and so that’s a conversation. You have to have because you’re not entitled, of course to be with another woman. Just because she’s another woman, I think sometimes people think with it’s the same. Same gender is me. Than a um not cheating or be he should feel lucky because of the straight male porn fantasy of two women being together. So I encourage you just keep that conversation going. It sounds like you’re already on the right track. ’cause you really considering things. And then we’re going to close out with one last question. How do I get my boyfriend to make me squirt? Well, first and foremost, I suggest you try it on your own squirting usually refers to the fluid that comes out of the pair Perry wreath wrote glands as opposed to vagina for those who aren’t familiar with squirting. It’s really popular right now because of squirting porn it’s associated with stimulation of the g spot. And if you watch porn it. It’s like a big gush. There’s a super soaker nine thousand up the Jonah in real life. It’s not always like that the g spot tends to be the area that leads to a escorting or a Jacqueline orgasm. And the spot is an area along the urea throw sponge between the vagina and the bladder. So what that means is if you reach into the vagina, you can feel the g spot poking through on the upper wall just half an inch to an inch in there for most people, so not very deep at all. It’s not inside the Jonah as I said, it’s sandwiched between the upper wall of the Jonah and the inner wall. All of the bladder. Sometimes they call the g spot the female prostate and pressure against that spot can lead to a quite a full bodied orgasm because of the Vegas nerve association. But what I really recommend because this is a big topic. Is that you go back and have listened to the G spots and squirting episode of the podcast to get even more info at you might find that toys really lead to squirt her orgasms when they put a lot of pressure on the spot, you’ll also might find that pressing on your stomach while you’re having sex. So on the very very lower end of your abdominal abdomen can lead to squirting. ’cause what you’re doing is. You’re pressing on the bladder which presses on the g spot through its other wall, kind of laughing because you’re like oh squirting for popular right now, really trendy. It’s on vogue described it as well. The the scientific description Patrice people like no the perio- Ruth. You know what I mean like in here? Yet stimulating your Graefin Burg’s spot. I had another guy. Get mad at me the other day because I did a g spot speech, and I didn’t mention why it was called the g spot named after this research, Dr gray from Burg he was another device from the toolbox. He was really mad at me. He was actually just testing the I think. Yeah. But here’s the thing, folks. I don’t know everything about anything like I just I have my limited amount of expertise. And it’s very very possible that, you know, lots of things many things about sex and relationships that I don’t know. That’s okay surprises me. Or actually was Rulli. I opening for me was if you look at the people who approach you and feel comfortable bringing this to your attention. It tends to be the same group of people who feel compelled entitled to come until you what you’re doing wrong or not addressing properly at these sessions. It’s it’s. It’s us white guys. White dudes straight like white guys come into telling other people what they need to cover kinda surprising unsurprising to me. Well, surprising to me anymore tension to it. So I hope that helps with the squirting question. But I do recommend you go. Listen to that podcast at try pressing on your lower stomach wall pressure on the g spot. It’s a little bit more complex than that. So it has to do with your breathing. It has to do with releasing oftentimes g spot orgasm feels more full bodied because we believe that the Vegas, nerve communicates. The pleasure from the g spot area in the Vegas nerve wanders throughout the body. So you might feel it like in in your arms and your shoulders in your face at the other thing, we know about g spot orgasms is that they tend to feel more as though you’re bearing down like you’re pushing something out of your vagina, whereas the more common clitoral orgasms, it feels like you’re Tensing up and releasing. So you’re breathing. And the way you allow your muscles to react like if you tense up, you might not have that sensation. So go have a listen have listened to that one. Other similarly good toys on the market for the g spot as well. There’s one that I really love cold, the we vibe Nova, and the we’ve I’ve Nova is a rabbit type vibrator, but it’s the next generation of rabbit vibrators because it has a nice big arm that curls inside the Jonah against the g spot.
00:35:15 – 00:37:23
And then this bendable arm that curls on the outside against the clitoris. So not only are you, you know, perhaps likely to have a g spot orgasm, but also clitoral orgasms. So, you know, I always say that squirting isn’t a circus performance. You don’t get a prize for squirting farther than your neighbor. But will maybe if you are at the right party. You do I don’t know. But it doesn’t mean that you are having a bigger orgasm because you squirt more. So with all of this again, I always recommend that you just enjoy the process have a good time. If you squirt you squirt, and you have to do more laundry. Right. Some people love it some people don’t so we’re going to stop right there with thank you to you for sending in your questions than I have so many more I have to get to. But please do keep sending them. Thank you desire resorts. Thanks, babe. Learned a lot today. Did you lose tons to learn? Okay. So we’re right. Are we ready to consider the sex stall escapade on totally ready to consider the sex doll escapade? I also was very interested in what that gentleman had to say about certain activities being associated with being gay when reality not just activities, right leg. It’s kind of interesting when you think about that. Well, does it make you wonder if you don’t want things or you don’t do things because of the you raised in homophobic world? But it’s just interesting when you think about it from that perspective reminder about what Penn sexual is fence, you play was really the the different ways to get to that Finci. Fulfillment was really interesting. Yeah. So we’ll have hopefully Brandon at a sex doll brothel, very soon. We’ll be podcasting from there. Really? Why not sure why not do you want me in the room or do? You wanna be with the doll by yourself? We need we need to start having some conversation. Okay. We’ll have that one off air. So folks, we’re gonna let you go. Now. Thank you so much for listening. Thanks again to desire resorts will be back next Friday and every Friday morning with new episode. You’re listening to the sex with Dr jazz podcast, improve your sex life, improve your life.
