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March 29, 2019

38 Sex Questions Answered

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It’s our 100th episode! We’re answering rapid-fire questions on everything from jealousy, uneven breasts, and birth control to penis flavours, positions and sex toys. Tune in and keep the questions coming.

Sex Questions Answered: Rapid Fire Round

Rough Transcript:

It’s our 100th episode! Yay us!

Thanks so much for listening and for sharing with your friends. If you like the podcast, please do share it and write us a review online.

And thank you to Desire Resorts for being our headline sponsor – you know we love their clothing optional beaches and cruises and we welcome any questions you might have about their vacations since the concept is so unique.

And speaking of questions, we’re going to be answering 100 sex and relationship questions to celebrate our 100th episode. We’ve been collecting so many questions from you and we want to answer as many as possible so we’ll be doing a rapid fire round today and I’ll do my best to answer as many as possible. We’ll probably have to continue in next week’s episode.

Some of these questions come from teens and some come from grandparents, so it’s quite a wide range. Brandon: are you ready?

1. Can pre cum get you pregnant?

Yes – it can. If there is sperm present in the urethral tract, pre-cum can carry this sperm into the vagina and it can eventually meet with an egg.

2. Does the birth control pill make you gain weight?

People report that it does, but research from 44 studies suggests that it’s temporary — perhaps a side effect of fluid retention. But ultimately, you know your body so if hormonal birth control is affecting your energy, sleep, mood, these factors affect your weight. You also have non-hormonal options like the copper IUD, condoms for the penis, internal condoms that can be worn inside the vagina.

3. If your vagina is only 6 inches (in depth?) how can a 7″ or 8″ penis fit inside?

The average vagina is not that long in an unaroused state. It’s shorter than 4 inches on average. First, the entire penis cannot possibly slide inside and secondly, we believe that the cervix tents as you become aroused, muscle relax and the fornices also provide a little extra space to accommodate the object or penis of your choosing. The average penis length is far below 7 or 8 inches.

4. Should I still use a condom if I’m on the pill and we’ve been together for 2+ years?

Whether or not you use condoms isn’t a matter of how long you’ve been together. It’s a matter of health practices like testing, lifestyle factors (like do you take your pill reliably and do you need a backup method?) and risk factors (e.g. are you monogamous?). It’s a personal choice, but if you don’t use condoms, remember that the pill provides zero protection to reduce STI transmission.

5. Why is one breast bigger than the other?

The body isn’t symmetrical. Just like your feet are slightly different sizes and your eyebrows will never be twins – only sisters – one breast is usually bigger than the other and that’s cool. No one is going to notice but you and even if they do, they’re not going to care. If you do notice any changes in size or shape, let your healthcare practitioner know so they can decide if any tests are necessary.

6. How do I deal with a jealous child? He’s 12 years old.

• Remind them that it’s normal to feel jealous and the jealousy sometimes isn’t rational.
• Focus on governing behaviour — not the feeling itself. It’s okay to feel this way, but you don’t want to be mean to your brother. Tell a story about a time you were jealous and how you responded to normalize the feeling; if you regret your response, admit it and suggest how you might respond today. Drop the comparisons and generally focus on your child’s strengths to build up their self-esteem.

7. Does being on the birth control pill for a long time prevent you from having kids/getting pregnant?

The pill is a reversible form of birth control which means that you can get pregnant when you stop using it. One of the largest studies tracked over 59,000 women from 7 countries. 2000 went off the pill to try to get pregnant:

21.1 percent got pregnant one cycle after stopping birth control and 79.4 percent got pregnant within a year of discontinuation.

8. Why do I get so many blood clots and chunky blood when I am on my period?

• Mixture of blood cells, tissue from the lining of the uterus, and proteins in the blood that help regulate its flow
• Coagulation is normal
• See your doctor if they’re larger than a quarter in size or you have to change pad/tampon every hour (could be a sign of a medical issue)

9. Does vaginal douching really work to clean everything out?

You really don’t need to clean your vagina. Douching can alter the PH and good bacteria and lead to increased risk of infection and inflammation which can also increase your risk of STI transmission. If you want to clean the vulva on the outside, go ahead – use water and a mild soap, but you don’t need to wash inside. It cleans itself out which is why you see discharge in your underwear throughout the month.

10. What is normal discharge? How do I know if it’s healthy?

The normal colour can range from clear to a milky white and the volume changes with your cycle. If it’s yellow, grey or greenish or if the smell changes, get checked out. It could be an infection, an STI, irritation or related to another health condition.

11. Is there any magic pill or surgery that will shorten my period or permanently stop the painful symptoms?

See your health practitioner if the pain is interfering with your daily life. And ask about the possibility of birth control options like the IUD or pill to help with your cycle. I’m not a medical doctor and I’m aware that the pill and IUD are certainly not for everyone. There will be people who have adverse reactions, so you need to talk to your medical practitioner and know your own body.

12. How long does Plan B work? Is it like a long period?

Plan B, the emergency contraceptive that you take when the condom breaks or your partner has ejaculated inside of you and you don’t want to get pregnant, is ideally taken within 12 to 72 hours after ejaculation. It works in several ways to stop the release of an egg, thicken cervical mucous to reduce fertilization chances, and thin the lining of the uterus. It does not work if you’re pregnant, so it’s not an abortion. Your period might come early and some people report it being a heavier period. There are no permanent side effects and it’s not a form of regular birth control.

13. I was going to perform oral sex, but the guy’s penis was green and mucky, what does that mean?

It could be an infection and they should see a doctor and get tested. Remember that many STIs are easily treated with simply antibiotics, so please always get tested so you can get treated. If you get treated for bacterial STIs, you’ll likely clear them without issue. If you don’t get treated or tested, they can lead to serious health consequences including infertility and chronic pelvic pain.

14. What is a good position to have an orgasm for a woman?

Everyone is different, but you might want to try lying on your stomach with your hand underneath so that you have something to grind against. You might also want to try any position that allows you to rub against your partner.

15. What does a penis taste like?

It depends. It doesn’t have much of a taste in many cases. It tastes like skin – sometimes salty.

16. Why do guys get their scrotum pierced?

It could be for pleasure, aesthetics or just a personal preference. If you have a scrotal piercing, please reach out because we’d love to share your perspective.

17. Why are some people so attracted to older men as lovers?

There is an allure in power and some people want to be lead and taught and play the role of the student. In some cases, it’s about money and that’s okay if you’re honest with yourself and hopefully with your partner. I think the flip side is why are we so attracted to youth when it comes to physical appearance?

18. Dr. Jess, how do you stay fit?

I move a lot. I don’t go to the gym, but I hike, play sports and walk whenever I can.

19. Do you have to suck dick for your man to have sex with you?

Nope. You don’t have to have oral sex or do anything else you’re not into. If you’re not into something, you might want to consider why you’re not into it and if it’s important to your partner, you might want to consider ways to incorporate parts of it into your routine. But you’re not obliged to do anything you don’t want to do. I do want to remind you that sometimes social norms influence what we do and don’t like; so for example if you don’t want to do something because you associate it with being shameful or dirty, perhaps you want to reexamine these attitudes.

20. What’s your best sex toy recommendation?

Right now I’m really liking the We-Vibe Wish. And I like the Womanizer – if you haven’t tried it, it’s like no other toy on the market. Well there are imitators, but I’ve tried them and they break down.

21. Brandon talked about a toy he likes, what is it called and do you have a discount code?

The We-Vibe Pivot.

22. What’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?

On the highway while Brandon was driving. Terrible idea. Don’t do it.

23. Why do I have neck and back pain after I masturbate?

It could be related to muscular contractions. Have you tried changing positions? And are you holding your breath? When you hold your breath, you might find that your muscles also contract in response. Try breathing more slowly, sitting or lying more comfortably and taking your time.

24. Any tips to relieve vaginal dryness?

I want to talk to a naturopath about this, but you might consider a vaginal moisturizer like Damiva. And of course, you might also want to consider a silicone based lube for sex play like Astroglide X.

25. How do I ask my partner to schedule sex?

If you’re like Brandon, send them an iCal invite. Send them a sexy message so that it’s fun. Check out an app called InTheMood to make sure you’re flirting even when you aren’t having sex.

26. Is it okay to be a virgin at 26?

Yes. You don’t have to have sex with a partner. Virginity is a complex and imperfect concept, but if we’re talking about P in V sex, 1 in 8 consider themselves virgins at age 26. There is no rush.

27. What to do about smell of my lips before oral sex that makes me self conscious.

First consider what messages you’ve received that make you believe that you don’t smell good. The number of people I’ve met who like a little natural scent would surprise you. Second, if you want to clean up, just wash up and separate your lips a little. Then when you hop out of the shower, consider air drying a little to get rid of some of the moisture.

28. How can I make my spouse more comfortable with their sexuality, and make them feel more comfortable in their own body? Hoping to reignite the spark in the bedroom.

Big question and we’ll do a full segment on this. The short answer: get comfortable with your own body and sexuality first. That comfort and confidence is contagious. But remember that your expectations are your own, so don’t put them on your partner. And give compliments freely without expectation of anything return.

29. I’m blind. How can I flirt and create connection without eye contact?

Great question. You’re going to be more of an expert at this than me because you likely have higher functioning senses of touch, smell and sound. So I suggest that you start there. Talk more. Tell them what you’re feeling and thinking. Ask questions. With a partner, touch more often in a non-sexual way. Use different tones of voice and volumes to communicate your mood. I’d like to ask an expert to weigh on this one too.

30. How soon can you take a pregnancy test after sex?

You can generally take a pregnancy test on the first day of missed period (which is approximately 2 weeks after conception) but some tests like “first response” (online calculator) can detect the pregnancy hormone 5 days before your expected period start date.

31. What does a vagina taste like?

Heaven. Just kidding. Every one tastes different. Sometimes it’s really plain like bread. It sort of tastes like a mouth. Sometimes it tastes salty.

32. Do you guys swing?

Nope. But check out our podcast on our experience with the Lifestyle here.

33. How many times is too many for having the same fight with no resolution?

I’d be less worried about the number of times and more focused on how you fight. Are you aiming for resolution or are you aiming for a win? If you’re stuck on the same fight over and over again, try writing down what you want to get out of it. What are you willing to do to resolve it and what do you want from your partner. Focus on that first part first.

34. Is it okay to suck on toes?

Sure! Have a shower first if you’re worried about bacteria from the ground.

35. How do you step up the sex drive after breastfeeding for so long?

Be more selfish – in life and in bed. Ask your partner to go down on you to put you in the mood. Ask for a foot rub when you get home. Give up one of your other chores or responsibilities so that you have some time to relax.

36. How many times per week/month does the average person have sex?

Age and relationship status (as well as whether or not you have kids and how long you’ve been together) play a role in sexual frequency.

37. Couples who constantly squabble and argue over useless crap, why and how to make it stop?

Try the 99 rule for your fights. Ask yourself if this will matter when you’re 99 years old. If not, let it go. Another approach: Check in weekly to talk about what’s going on in your life. Don’t wait until something is wrong to talk about your relationship. Ask yourself what you’re trying to achieve. Ask yourself if you’d talk this way to your partner in front of your boss or a best friend. If not, take responsibility for your own behaviour. This is a big question for a rapid fire round, so we’ll also explore this more in an upcoming segment.

38. How do you manage expectations when 1 person has a higher sex drive than the other? Who gets to “win” the battle? The person that wants it more or the person who isn’t down for it?

Both. Let’s create a win-win. We have a podcast on sexual frequency that I suggest you listen to. But for now, accept that neither of you is right or wrong. But if you want to stay together, you need to find some middle ground to satisfy both of your expectations.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

38 Sex Questions Answered

00:00:05 – 00:05:04

You’re listening to the sacs with Dr Jess podcast sex and relationship advice, you can use tonight. Hey, hey, it’s the sex with Dr Jess podcasts are hundred episode one hundred year for us. It’s pretty press digital high fives all around I’ve been told I give a really bad. Hi five. Excellent. Digital high five very ago. Yeah. I’m noncommittal with high five is probably my German shoe. Maybe that’s it. I’m pretending. I wanna high five you. But really, I just want to mime high five you, okay? Thank you so much for listening for the last ninety nine episodes. Thanks for sharing with your friends. If you like the podcast, please share it. Right. As a review online. We really appreciate it. And of course, we’re looking to reach more people because happier relationships mean more stable world and thank you to desire resorts for being our headline sponsor from the onset. You know, Brandon? I love their clothing. Optional beaches and cruises, and we always welcome any questions. You might have about their vacations because the concept is so unique a lot of questions about about desire and always happy to share in the hockey change guys. I play hockey with. I mean. Yeah, they ask a lot of questions. Yeah. Everywhere. Some of the corporate speeches people are fascinated by it, and it’s not it’s not that crazy when you think about it. Everyone could see naked buys if they take the clothes off too. But I think if you never have it sounds quite out there. And then once you’ve been there like we have it’s like. Another bean ass-. Sure. Young take leave it. Well to celebrate our one hundred episode we are going to be answering one hundred sex and relationship questions and we’ve been collecting so many questions from you. And we want to answer as many as possible. So we’re going to do a rapid fire round today. And I’m gonna do my best to answer as many as possible at will probably have to continue in next week’s episode. I don’t think we can get through a hundred is going to be like Alex trebek in jeopardy. Yes. You give me the answer. And I asked the question using good to be back. You know, we would screw that up. I already I’m confused. Does any what I already confused? What is confused about the answer is ever? I watch jeopardy as you know on net flicks. Oh, I know. I hear it all the time. And I do it to collect information. Because I think I’m going to remember the trivia, but I don’t I watch it to pick up on social cues from all the contestants the parts where the contestants. L? They’re funny or memorable stories. I have a good left with that. Right. Alex one time. I went in an elevator and stories. Oh alec. I also like elevators. I think for me. You know, there are so many stories to tell. But I think we just leave it at just is a sexologist. That’s really where it ends. And then end to begins. I’d probably get a rather than a round of applause. I’d probably just get laughter. I think people would think I’m joking likely. Yeah. I was in a wedding party once and they did introductions of each member of the wedding party. So they’re like noon, so and so is studying for their PHD in museum creation studies and all this stuff for each person. And then when they they announced just O’Reilly has been friends with the groom since two thousand and she is a sexologist and everyone thought it was a joke. The wedding was also an Ottawa. So I mean does that give some context to it? I don’t think I should say the tagline for oughta Arkansas, then the city that fund forgot. I love you ought to come on the capital of Canada. I think a lot of people think the capital of candidates Montreal mall, real or back. But it’s auto and actually auto was a really beautiful city city that fund forgot now it’s a fun city shout out. All right. So some of these questions that we received I can tell come from teenagers and some of them come from, you know, middle age folks and some of them come from Molyneaux like myself. I am actually what you call an older millennial ozone. What it is. What am I like a baby, boomer whatever I’ll roll? And some of them come from grandparents. So we’ve got quite a range so Brennan are you feeling ready? I’m was do this. All right. So number one rapid fire. We good, okay? I’m going to do my best brand is going to host from here on out. Oh, man. Okay. Let’s do this. Are you ready? All right question. Number one, Ken, pre come get you pregnant good question.

00:05:04 – 00:10:11

Yes. It can if there is sperm present in the retail tracked from another Jackie relation pre come can carry the sperm into the Jonah, and it can eventually meet with an egg. So it’s possible to get pregnant from pre common. It’s also possible to transmit S T is from pre come into question. Number two does the birth control pill. Make you gain weight. So if you’ve ever been on birth control or have talked to anyone birth on birth control. You know that people say it does so research from forty four studies that I was reading suggests that the weight gain is actually temporary. It’s a thought to be a side effect of fluid retention. But ultimately, here’s the thing, you know, your body. So if a hormonal birth control like the pill is affecting your weight, it could be your energy, your sleep, your mood, all of these factors affect your weight. So, you know, your body best and you have non-hormonal options as well. So talk to your health practitioner, like there’s the copper at UD. There are condoms for the penis. There are in internal condoms that can be worn inside the Jonah so do explore your options if a man gains weight while their partner is on birth control since that normal is sympathy weight sympathy way young go ahead and drink those extra beers or anyone of any gender. A definitely what use it, though, if it would depend how many partners I have. If I only had a female partner, and she couldn’t get pregnant, I guess, I wouldn’t be on birth control. But some people are on pills for other reasons. Making a joke of it that we could gain weight sympathy weight but entering the new ticket all series from the guy who doesn’t really drink from the guy who does. All right, cool question. Number three, if the jury is only six inches deep. How does a seven or he didn’t penis fit inside? Okay. So the vagina in fact is not that long in anaerobic states. It’s not generally six inches long on average it’s shorter than four inches may be three and a half on average. And I’ve looked at so many studies on this over the years, first and foremost, the entire Pena’s can’t go totally inside because there’s just you know, like the abdomen and all the stuff happening there. So the whole thing isn’t going in there. But I will say that as you become aroused the cervix so the neck of the uterus. The kind of at the back of joining it tense up. And lifts sort of to make extra space the muscles. Relax, and there’s too little foreign is’s. And so forces are like cold, the sax there’s little spaces on the side that also have extra room to accommodate the object vegetable dildo or penis of your choice. But if you are having sex with a penis, let’s just also remind ourselves that the average length of a penis is far shorter than seven eight inches. There’s a cul de sac called a sack driving through subdivision abandons in real estate. There you go sex in real estate mazing question. Number four. Should I still use a condom if I’m on the pill and we’ve been together for over two years? I don’t think whether or not use condoms is a matter of how long you’ve been together. I say it’s a matter of health practices like testing lifestyle factors, like if you’re taking the pill. You take it reliable reliably every day at the same time. If you don’t you probably need, a backup method like condoms, and then risk factors for STI transmission. Like, for instance, are you monogamous, ultimately, it’s a personal choice. You know, every educator is gonna say use condoms, but we also have to acknowledge that it’s your choice. What you do? It’s a personal decision. But if you don’t use condoms, and if you’re using condoms remember the pill provides no protection to reduce STI transmission. And for anyone who is having sex. Make sure you’re getting tested regularly whether using condoms or not drop those good answer. Thanks or number five. This is not my question or maybe it is why is one of my breasts bigger than the other. Oh, it’s sort of like eyebrows. Which I struggle with. On fleet. No mine are not never on fleet. They are sisters not twins. So the body isn’t symmetrical. So your feet are different sizes. Your hands are different sizes one breast is usually bigger than other. And that’s totally cool. No one’s gonna notice. But you even if they did notice they don’t care if you notice any changes though in the size or the shape of your breasts, just check in with your health care practitioner. So that they can advise you as to whether or not other tests are necessary throughs may be hitting the gym real hard getting serious pump on now. That’s why the right boob is better than the left. That’s why you’re right. Forearm is bigger than your left. Forum farm. It’s from jacking off so much, right? From six to use both hands. Number six. How do I deal with a jealous child? He’s twelve years old. Oh, so I talk about jealousy. A lot. I’m so first and foremost, I would remind the child or anyone that it’s normal to feel jealous and sometimes the feelings and the thoughts we have in response to jealousy aren’t rational.

00:10:11 – 00:15:16

And that’s okay. Because we don’t always have to be rational. So I would focus on the child’s behavior in response to the feeling of jealousy as opposed to trying to Aratu Kate the feeling itself. So I would tell them. It’s okay. To feel this way. Let’s say they’re jealous of their brother. You can say it’s okay to feel this way. But you don’t want to be mean to your brother. Remember, the reasons you love your brother. I would also really encourage you in this has to do with anything in terms of I guess parenting or role. Modelling teaching tell them about an experience. You’ve had with jealousy. Tell them about a time you were jealous and how. He reacted. And it doesn’t have to be a good story. It could be a negative story where perhaps you aren’t pleased with the way you reacted. You regret the way you reacted. And then you can discuss how you might react or how you wish you would react to that feeling in the future because I think sometimes when we feel negative emotions I think especially with children, they feel like they’re the only one when in fact, everyone has experienced jealousy. And then if they’re jealous, for instance of a sibling, just be careful about comparisons and generally focused on your own child’s on this child’s strengths to keep building up their self esteem. So you don’t have to get too hung up on the feeling itself. But look at the attached behaviors and other ways to build self esteem phony because when a road this question, I thought it had to do with sex until I saw that it said he’s twelve years old, which doesn’t mean that still couldn’t be sex related question. But that’s kind of where my mind went Yano. This is from a parent, I presume are number seven does being birth. Being on the birth control pill for a long time prevents you from having kids or getting pregnant so the birth control pill is considered a reversible form of birth control. So that means you can get pregnant when you stop using it. So if we look at some of the larger studies, you’ll see that women have people who want to get pregnant have success getting pregnant when they go off the pill. It’s about one in five who get pregnant with actually the first round and about eighty percent get pregnant within a year of stopping the Pell grants or great answer. Would you really be able to verify but verify everything? So how’s my house my interviewing skills going? So far, you’re doing great. Do I need like a monster truck Sunday approach number eight? Why do I know? It’s not working out. Okay question. That’s Sunday Sunday. Number eight. Why do I get so many blood clots and chunky blood when I’m on my period, also the blood what is being expelled from your body is a mixture of blood cells. Parts of the lining of the uterus tissue and the proteins in the blood that help to regulate its flow. So some coagulation is normal what they say. And so I just wanna be really clear that I’m not a medical doctor. But what they say is that you should see a physician if they’re or your health practitioner, if they’re larger than the size of a quarter these blood clots, and and it doesn’t mean that you have to be alarmed, go checked out get checked out, please. Or if you have to change your pad or tampon every hour because it could be a sign of something else. Now, I don’t know what the rule is for menstrual cups will have to look that up interesting. Okay. Number nine. I have a follow up to this question. Does vaginal douching really work to clean everything out. And my follow question is what are you keeping up there that everything he’s to be cleaned out? Just sounds like I clean everything up sandwich. Leftover from. So there are a lot of questions about but is birth control. So you don’t really need to clean your vagina. And in fact, Yutian douching can alter the ph in the good bacteria in that can actually lead to an increased risk of infection, and inflammation. So that can also increase your risk of STI transmission. So it’s cool to clean the Volvo on the outside. Go ahead just use water in your hand. And maybe like a mild, soap if you want to but you don’t have to wash inside. And you don’t have to do the thing with the vagina is that it is self cleaning oven the vagina cleans itself out, which is why you see discharge in your underwear throughout the month. Those male created things here we talking about because I don’t think there’s a deuce for the male ball sack. I wish there was it’s a Doug. You know, what that’s my new business idea? It’s a ball dunk the ball dunk. All right. All right. All right. Okay. Number ten, what is normal discharge, and how do I know if it’s healthy? Okay. So back to ducts charge. So discharged is the way your body cleans out what it doesn’t need the normal color of discharged tends to range from pretty clear to milky white, and you’ll notice that the volume and the consistency changes with your cycle.

00:15:16 – 00:20:01

So when you’re ovulating, for example, you’re gonna see it’s different than when you’ve just had your period, you want to pay attention to the color. So if it’s yellow or gray or greenish, or if you find that the smell is changed get checked out. It could be an infection. It could be an another STI it could be just irritation, and it could be related to another health condition. So you know, whatever’s going on if you have access to medical care, please use it and be your own advocate. Okay. Number eleven is there a magic pill or surgery that will shorten my period or permanently stop the painful symptoms. And if we’re talking about magic pills is there one to lengthened the penis. You know, I actually got that question. All the time really just me trying to be funny, but that’s clearly a serious question. So if the pain you’re experiencing on your period is interfering with your daily life check with your health care practitioner. They might recommend again, I can’t recommend anything, but you might find they recommend birth control options like the UD or a pill to help your cycle. And I really want to acknowledge that the pill and the IUD are not necessarily for everyone. There will be people for whom that’s not a good fit. So please talk to your medical practitioner and also know your own body, but there is no magic pill. No your body. Good answer. I swallowed a pill this morning really just something found on the street or. So folks, I hosted the global morning show the morning show on global TV this morning, which was super excited to me while I co hosted it as a guest with Carolyn McKenzie. And it was really fun because it’s a national show, and we got to talk about a range of topics and in the last segment Kyle be their health hack person was teaching us all these different health packs, and one of those hacks was how to swallow a pill because some people have trouble swallowing appel. And so he’s like, well, I have swallowing hack for you. So here’s me on live national television. Trying not to say anything about a soloing hack trying to stop myself from saying something about the Spiderman as an alternative to swallowing hacks just random pills there. He had make museum pills for what he said was that if you most people put their head back in order to swallow, but if you lean your head forward the pill floats to the top in it’s easier to go down. I guess that works for seamen time. You just needing to swallow bunch bills. Yeah. Okay. Well, I’ll have to take pills annoyed. Get it. Get it. Just down kind of weird. I know how to Bill fast. Well, that’s what I did on national TV. This morning is wallowed with of schooling put to good use. Thank ally. Also squatted on a Squatty potty. Okay. Number twelve. I didn’t go I didn’t go and I didn’t push. Don’t push. Okay. Number twelve. How long does plan B hollandaise plan B work? And is it like a long period? Okay. So plan B is an emergency contraception. And you take it say when the condom breaks when somehow your partner has ejaculated inside of you, and you don’t want to get pregnant. So it’s ideal taken within twelve to seventy two hours after the Jackie Shen in or you can take it right away. But ideally within seventy two hours, and it works in several ways it to stop the release of an egg and to stop the sperm from getting to the exa thickens the cervical mucus to reduce the chances of fertilize -ation thins the lining of the uterus. It does not work if you’re pregnant, so it’s not an abortion. It’s not terminating a pregnancy. And some people say like their period comes early that month. Some people report having a heavier period, but in terms of permanent side effects. There aren’t really any. Well, there is not gonna affect your fragility. And I just. Of course, it’s not a regular form of birth control. So it’s not what you wanna be doing. So if you do plan on having sex or there’s a possibility you’re having sex consider your options in advance. I haven’t heard of a lot of people using plan B as a form of birth control that no that’s a good point. Because there is of course, some controversy around it because people don’t want reproductive Justice and women to have control over their bodies. You know, there are people who are you that they’re people taking it too much or same thing with abortion that people are using it as a form of birth control. But that’s pretty negligible of crazy RA next question. Okay. I was going to perform oral sex. But the guy’s penis was green and mucky. What does that mean are while you’re well this happens? Okay. So stuff can happen, and you can get an infection and just simply see a doctor get tested and remember that.

00:20:01 – 00:25:01

So most S T is are not discernible. So the most common symptom of STI is no symptom at all. So don’t assume that you can look for. The greenness or some sort of strange just charging that you’ll find it this person, obviously saw it and I want to really stigmatize listen. If you get an I’m many as TI’s like bacteria less is are quite easy to treat with antibiotics, please get tested, so you can get treated if you get treated for these bacterial ST is for example, you’ll likely clear them without an issue. But if you don’t get treated me can’t get treated unless you get tested. They can lead to release serious health consequences, like infertility end chronic pelvic pain pain topic pregnancy. So get tested get treated shouldn’t have responded that way. But I just think that if my penis was green in Mookie that I wouldn’t be trying to get oral sex. What would you be doing probably going to the doctor? Okay. But Brent you’re really good about going to the doctor. You’re one of those people who goes to the doctor when you have a symptom, and I struggle, I’m not one of those people. So I know that gender roles suggests that men are less likely to seek medical treatment. But our roles are a little bit. Swap. And it’s good because you keep me on my toes to go. Joe was last time we went to the dentist. Listen, brandon. By centennial cleanings are all we need those. I mean, the doctor once every fifteen years, I I am do for the dentist. I went to the doctor the day thought I had twenty twenty vision. And it turns out blind is a bad now. No. But there was a significant difference folks, if you’ve seen pictures of Brandon on Instagram, so you don’t usually see them with glasses, but he has glasses. And when he wears them. It’s like a whole new man, we’ll nude. So you may not be as board of him as I might be. She’s a who. I like those glasses. Let’s call you clerk, that’s executives any other name. Yeah. That’s exactly are wicked. Okay. All right next question. What’s it? Good position for a woman to have an orgasm. Okay. So everyone’s different. But some specific suggestions try lying on your stomach with your hand kind of underneath cupping your lips in your clip. So that you have something to grind against any position that allows you to rob and grind either against your partner’s leg or against if he has a penis against your partner shaft or against their pelvic bone. But do what feels good for you and China to do just what you see in porn, so often important. There’s a lot of the getting on top bouncing up and down like a chimpanzee that. Porn, and that that’s fine. But for many of us bouncing straight up down is not gonna lead to org. So I don’t have to keep delivering pizzas we talked about pizza important, and how much of delivery it bothers pants off now that but can I eat the pizza? I that is my issue with pizza horn our next question. What does a penis to slake I’ve never had one? But no just kidding. It depends. It doesn’t in many cases. It doesn’t have much of a taste kinda tastes like skin. Sometimes it’s a little bit salty. It might taste like somebody’s lips. But everybody’s a little different cool or about halfway through number sixteen. Why two guys get their scrotum pierced at it could be for pleasure. It could be aesthetics. It might be a personal preference. Hey, if you’ve got a scrotal piercing, please reach out to me because we’d like to share your perspective ’cause my scrotal sac is not while existent and your scrotal sac is. Not yet. Can’t do the piercing thing, man. I don’t know like tweets their own. But for me, personally, I’m just gives me the shivers. I’m like, oh and sticking needle through there. You have very sensitive scrotal sac. Yep. Let’s put it out there. It’s true. Like, if I accident, you know, what I don’t like needles being penetrated through my scrotal, sac say that what if somebody misses as that qualifies a sensitive. Okay. It’s sensitive next question. Why are some people so attracted to older men as lovers? Well, I think regardless of gender there’s an allure in the power of age and experience, I think when it comes to sex there so much pressure. So many of us just wanna be led and Todd and kind of play the role of of student in bed, and, you know, in some cases, I think younger folks are attracted to older folks because they have resources and money, and I think that’s okay too. If you’re honest with yourself and honest with your partner, and Flint, I think the flip side is why are we so attracted to use when it comes to physical appearance because we’re all hung up on looking twenty five years old or looking twenty one years old or partners who look really young? So there’s two sides to the coin threshold to each thing. It’s like once they’re like seventy five it’s like, yeah. No, not so interested anymore. So I think this question actually came from from a teenager. And so like me as old ancient I’m like old, man.

00:25:01 – 00:30:01

Ancient one. All right next question. Doctor Jess, how do you stay fit? Maybe maybe it’s eating desserts. Let’s just stay fit guys this week. I had the most delicious dessert it was a flawn on top of a raspberry Tarum assu. And so the flawn was inbetween sort of a South American flawn and a French creme caramel at which is one of my favorite desserts. And then the chairman sue was in-between Tirumala, sue and a trifle, and it was raspberry infused at was at this coffee. Shop in Toronto called Neo even bought bought an extra one to take home later. She brought it home, and I got to look at it and they’re beautiful. So what’s funny was I was sitting there in the coffee shop, you sit very close to people. And here, I am I buy a sandwich too. Because I don’t only wanna have dessert. I was like, okay better have lunch while before it have this desert, and so ate my sandwich. And then I’m eating this flawn on top of a raspberry. Infused chairman, sue, and I think I was making noise because the owner comes over and he’s like he’s like do you like it? I’m like, I love it. And then the girl next to me is like, yes, she likes it. Something wrong with her. So how do I stay fit? I think I move a lot. So I don’t go to the gym. But when I get the chance to walk if I get the chance to play sports if I get the chance to hike, I do it. So I’m not I don’t get hung up on it. And also, I think people ask me that because I look a certain version of fit, but the reality is you can’t just tell if someone’s fit from looking at them, and so just because I’ve shared what works for me. It doesn’t mean it will work for you. And I’m definitely far from fitness expert. I know Jim lake seven times in the last eighteen years member once I had gym membership yet that was like flushing money down the toilet. That’s that’s how Jim stay in business. They don’t expect you to come or you were a winner for them. All right next question gets this one gets all raw. Can I read it in like, a raw voice? You can do whatever you you have to suck dick for your man to have sex with you, do I personally. No, you don’t have to have oral sex or do anything else. You’re not into if you’re not into something. I do suggest you consider why you’re not into it. And if something is important to your partner, and they really like it, you might wanna consider ways to incorporate maybe parts of it into your routine. Like if you don’t wanna suck on it. Maybe use your hand with lube if you don’t want it in your mouth. Maybe you do it with a condom if you don’t like the taste. Maybe you use a flavored Lou. But let’s be clear. You’re not obliged to do anything. You don’t wanna do? And I just think it’s important to remember. Sometimes social norms and cultural norms influence what we do and don’t like, so it’s not always an innate like or dislike. So for example, if you don’t want to do something because you associated with being shameful or dirty, your slutty, you might wanna reexamine these attitudes. But bottom line, you do you. Okay. What is your best sex toy recommendation as so right now, I’m really liking the we vibe wish I love the texture of it. So it’s called the we vibe wish and it’s this almost computer mouse shaped turquoise, plush vibrator, and it just fits really nicely along the around the outside. It’s this kind of rounded tip app. That’s nice and gentle, but the vibrations are really rumble empower ‘full, and you can it’s actually massage to I also really liking the womanizer. So if you’re not familiar with the womanizer, and you haven’t tried it. It is like no other toy on the market. There are certainly imitators, but I’ve tried them and they break down. So the real thing is the womanizer. And what they okay, it’s this little device and the head of it sits over the head of your clubs and they use tiny little bursts of air. So I know they call it. Pleasure air technology. But I’m just gonna call it. Tiny little really quick bursts of air. And it creates like a us suctions in sation. So it’s nice over the Clint, it’s nice over the labia. It’s it’s really nice. So check out the womanizer. The speaking of personal soldiers wasn’t the wish the one that. I had on the plane. I was using on my neck one day over you. Remember that an Air Canada flight my neck was killing me. And of course in your carry on you have all these sex toys because you always do. I was like forget it, man. I’m taking this one out and I’m using it right here. Yeah. That was a and is the woman is the one that has that giant billboard off one of the major highways Tronto. Yes. So it went viral this week. There was a story from pink cherry, which is a retailer, and it was an ad with the womanizer and the tagline. The headline was scream your own name. Great. Yeah. And at one I think it’s gonna win some advertising awards.

00:30:01 – 00:35:07

Cool. Yeah. Alright Brennan talked to vote a sex toy he likes. What is it called? Do you have a discount code? That was the we’ve vibe pivots. So in the same family from the same brand as as the wish so the pivot is a penis rang all at Brennan, describe it. Yeah. You sure you do a much better job of describing. But it is just that. It’s a ring. It’s got a vibrating part that sits down on, you know, on the on the boys and on your balls. And it’s a ring that you wear Bernice of your penis, you’ll at one and I allow you to explain it. And then I’ll tell them how it feels. Okay. You tell them how fails that’s fine. It’s like sirens and snowflakes and rainbows for your ball sack. I hate snowflakes. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Forget this no flakes. It’s like unicorns and rainbows and leprechauns. This is just kin weird. You have some ideas of pleasure like a uniform envisioning right now you ever seen. What is it? Twenty two jump street where they do that drug and on the one side of the screen is he’s really trip and bad. And it’s terrible. On the other side. What’s his name? Channing Tatum is having a great trip and he’s like unicorns these floating in the air. Anyway, it’s like that for your boss. It sounds good. And I don’t have a discount code, but I can ask about one anyway, great well link on the website to that as well. Okay. Next question. What’s the craziest place that you’ve ever had sex on the highway while Brennan was driving? It was a terrible idea. It felt good at the time for me not for him. Don’t do it. While you do. Not do that. Or to concentrate do as I say, not as I do. Those bad. Okay. Next question. I why do I have neck and back pain after I masturbate? Oh, so having a headache or a neck acre backache after sex it happens, and it could be related to just the contraction of muscles. So you might try changing positions. You also might be holding your breath. So when you hold your breath, you might find that your muscles contract more significantly or regularly. So try breathing more slowly sitting or lying comfortably and take your time. I was gonna say don’t jerk off all doing somersaults, but yours is probably much more accurate answer. If you jerk off while doing somersaults, let me know, and we might consent to leaving that video. Any tips to relieve vaginal, dryness. All right. We need to power through this so many questions. So I do wanna talk to a naturopathic this and learn a little bit more in an upcoming segment. But you might just want to start with a vaginal moisturizer like Dimitrova D A M I V A. And so this is a moisturizer? You used just like moisture as your face at night. I it’s not specifically for sex. It’s for regular moisture. And then of course, if you are having sex use a silicone base lube like Astra glide ex that stays nice and slippery. All right next question, HUD, would ask my partner to schedule sex. Oh, if you’re like, Brandon, send them an I Cal invite. It’s actually it’s a Google calendar. Invite just to be clear, I add it to my Eichel. It’s much easier to add external invitees to Google calendar. Invite leave it at that juice getting around I think just send them a message. So that it’s fun rather than I think sometimes we get frustrated that our partners won’t do something. And. Sometimes you just have to do it yourself and the more you do it without complaining the more. They’ll heed your requests. Also, check out an app called in the mood to make sure that you’re flirting even when you aren’t having sex, right? Is it okay? To be a virgin at twenty five years old short and simple. Yes. You definitely don’t have to have sex with a partner in virginity is a bit of a complex in imperfect concept, but if you’re talking about putting a penis in a vagina, the new data suggests that people are many people are waiting longer to have sex so one in eight twenty six year olds consider themselves virgin, all right. Just a handful more would we do it the smell of my lips before oral sex that makes me self conscious? I guess what? What should I do about the smell of my lips for Earl sex? So I’m going to assume they’re talking, but they’re ladylike their Volvo lips as opposed to the lips on their face. So first and foremost, please consider what messages you received that may. Make you believe that you don’t smell it. The number of people I’ve met who like a little bit of like a natural sent with surprise you. And then Secondly, if you do wanna clean up just wash up in the shower separate, your lips you can kind of clean in between them. And then sometimes it’s the moisture that has a little bit more of a musk to it. So when you hop out of the shower kind of just wave your hand over it to air dry to get rid of some of that moisture and see if that makes you a bit more comfortable, how do I make? How do I make my spouse more comfortable with their sexuality and make them feel more comfortable in their own body? That’s a big question for rapid fire segment.

00:35:07 – 00:40:09

I’d say the short answer is start with yourself. Get comfortable with your own body on your own sexuality. I that comfort. And I the confidence is contagious. And remember that your expectations are your own suit on put them on your partner, give lots of compliments without expectation of anything in return. And oftentimes when people ask me about changing their partner. I wanna bring it back to you. I wanna bring it back to what can you change about yourself to grow and improve rather than focusing on your partner juiston. Okay. I’m blind. How can I flirt and create connection with icon tact-? That’s a great question. You’re going to be more of an expert at this than me because you likely have higher functioning senses of touch smell sound taste. So I suggest that you start there. In terms of sound, you can cultivate, sound talk more encourage your partner to talk to you. Tell them what you’re feeling in thinking ask them how they’re feeling ask questions. And if you have a partner touch more by us the sense of touch to touch in different ways in non sexual ways in gentle ways in ways across the body that have nothing to do with the genitals or the breasts or other traditionally considered a rajini stones used different tones of voice in different volumes to communicate your mood. And this is a question. I’d like to further expand upon probably with an expert who knows more than I do interesting. Okay. Last requests, how soon can you take a pregnancy test after sex? Okay. So generally, you take a pregnancy test on the first day of your missed periods. So that’s approximately two weeks after conception or ovulation are after relation. So but some tests like the first respond first response brand of test. I think that’s what it’s called. They have an online calculator, and they say they can detect the pregnancy hormone five days before you’re expected periods start date so five days before you’re supposed to get your period. But you’re probably gonna get more false negatives at that time ’cause the that hormone level will be lower. That’s might more lay person’s understanding what does join a tastes like delicious. No. I mean, everyone tastes different in the same as the peanuts. Everything tastes different sometimes of China tastes, kinda like plain like bread. Sometimes it tastes like mouth mouth is a good description because every mouth tastes different in. And do you have any? To add. Human beings may sometimes maybe a little bit salty. If you’re looking all around chances are you’re not just in one spot or you’re exploring area, and let me just remind you so of divine is actually what’s on the insights, you probably not really tasting the John you’re probably tasting the valve on the outside unless you’re really getting in there. All right next question. Do you guys swing while we us this question a lot at no, we don’t. But you can check out our podcast on our own personal experiences with the lifestyle in a previous podcast. So I’ll linked to that on our blog pages while I believe this is the last question for today. I thought we were gonna get farther to go further. Okay. Well, here we go. How many times is too many for having the same fight with no resolution how I feel like I could on this head. I’ve had we’ve had a lot of fights about the same issue. And you thinking of specific issue thinking of number of the shoes. I don’t know an I’m only referencing. My own like fights that we’ve been where it’s my issue. Like, I know that it’s my issue. And man, I feel like some of these fights going on for ten years and sometimes they’re better, and they don’t serve and they resurface later on. So I don’t know the is there necessarily a right answer for the number of times. Because if you’re constantly working at it will. Yeah. It’s forty two. Okay. I’ve already lost. You know, as Brandon said, I’d be less worried about the number of times you’ve had a fight and more focused on how you fight. So are you really aiming for resolution or you aiming for a win because the former is going to produce a better result than the ladder in if you’re stuck on the same fight over and over again, you might want to consider writing down what you wanna get out of it. What are you personally willing to do to resolve the issue, and what do you want your partner to and please start with yourself? I ’cause it’s easy to make a list of what your partner should do. But it’s interesting Brandon that you say, it’s my issue. And I don’t think that there’s ever a attention or an argument between us that isn’t also my issue. I agree. But I’m making specific reference to issues that I know exist like my own issues that I’m like man, I’m doing the same thing. And I see myself, and I catch myself. You know, how I’m responding to something when a certain topic is a little too sensitive, and I catch myself, and I’m like man, I’m going back there.

00:40:09 – 00:45:02

I’m doing it again. So in that respect, I know that I’m doing that wrong again just from reflecting on it personally. But sometimes it’s hard to break those habits like sometimes it’s really hard. You can be you know, you can talk about it to you’re blue in the face. But in the heat of the moment class you revert back to that instinctual behavior. I always find that when in fighting so I can get really hot really quickly and really worked up and then in the fight you have moments of lucidity see really got a capitalize on that moments on those moments of lucidity and ask yourself, what am I trying to achieve here? What do I want out of this? And I do think that the issue is people are trying to win. The I see that a lot. I see that in my work specifically where it’s like people want to destroy somebody else in an argument or negotiation when really aren’t. Both parties trying to find common ground like isn’t that? Ultimately what you’re trying to do relationships. No differently. You’re trying to find a resolution to the problem. I think that’s part of the issue that in all of our lives. We create winners and losers and in businesses. Well, and then we are expected to have these specialized negotiation, empath empathy skills in our intimate relationships. But we haven’t cultivated them. Elsewhere. I and so I think we were seeing shift toward that. That’s why I do the work. I do I’m lucky to get to work in corporate where they realize that relationships matter, whether it’s the relationships you have at home or the relationships you have with your co workers. So I think we’re seeing a shift in younger folks, especially are really the driving force behind this understanding that feelings emotions have a place in the workplace. We’re not robots you can’t remove emotion from business, and I think that has a bit to do with gender and being emotional being associated with being female being a woman and women for years. Being taught be more masculine in order to succeed in what we’re realizing is that if you look at those two things femininity and masculinity as either traditional roles or even as different expectations of energy what we need is a blend of the two again, regardless of gender because a woman somebody who identifies as a fam- can be masculine in many ways and can be feminine. And and the same goes for people identifies men. Well, deep. Okay. Let’s let’s do some more. All right fire through is it, okay? To suck on toes. Yeah. Maybe have a shower. If you’re worried about bacteria, and you’ve been walking around on the ground. But yeah, suck on those toes or how’d you step up the sex drive after breastfeeding for so long? I think if you have a young child, and you’ve been breastfeeding you might benefit from being more selfish. I find that at that stage in your life. It’s transitionary stage. You tend to be so focused on everyone but yourself so can you be more selfish in life and in bed? Can you say to your partner, I could use a foot rub to help relax me? And put me in the mood or go down on me. And let’s see what happens or can you give up one of your chores or other responsibilities? So that you just have time to relax because if you’re feeding him going to guess that you are exhausted. I’m going to guess that you are sleep deprived. And your schedule is probably overdrive. So at ask for what you need, and you don’t have to be a super human or how many times per week or month does the average person have sex. Oh, so age in relationship status as well as whether or not you have kids, and how long you’ve been together play a role in how often you have sex. If you’re looking at say a married couple in their forties with kids. I think it’s around thirty seven to forty five they’re having sex some. Where between two to four times a month. So they say so the the most commonly reported answer in the largest study, I know from the states is several times per month to weekly so-. I interpret that to mean two to four times a month if you are younger, you’re probably having more sex. If you have a young child, you probably having less, I also think people lie and over report how often they have sex. If you have if you masturbate you have sex forty times a month is normal share that’s fine to do enroll the energy. Well, that’s another issue with even these questionnaires. So what does sex count if it’s just with yourself to sex count? If one of you doesn’t orgasm dissects sex count. If it’s a different if it’s oral sex perces penetrative sex. So I I’m really less worried about averages in more worried about you deciding what works for you and communicating to your partner talked about robots sex dead. Remember one of the other podcasts that we just did. If it wasn’t the last one the one before that, can you imagine reporting them. Members people having sex with sex dolls. Robots? Robots whenever Brennan has already promised to go to the sex doll brothel and report back to us. All right couples who constantly squabbling argue over uses useless crap.

00:45:02 – 00:48:57

Why? And how do you make it? Stop. I I’ve talked about the ninety nine rule before, you know, ask yourself will this issue matter to me when I’m ninety nine years old if not can I let it go. Another option is to just have weekly check ins with your partner to talk about what’s going on in your life. So you don’t wait until something is wrong to talk about your relationship. Because oftentimes when you have a conflict in your relationship or someone snaps at the other you argue over as you say useless crap. It’s because you’re in a mood about something else. Something might be bothering me at work. And I just haven’t told you. So if I give you some context and say, listen, I’m having a really hard time with this at work, or I’m having a really hard time with my sister or brother right now, it can just provide a little bit of a backdrop so that you better understand what I’m going through. And then I think with every conflict I said it before ask yourself what you’re trying to achieve right? And would you do like the way you talk to your partner? Like, would you talk to them this way in front of someone else in front of your mother or father best friend or boss? Us and this is a big question for rapid fire round too. So I think this is a a good topic to explore in further depth moving forward vulnerability angle in so many brings that up for when you bring that up. I find it really breaks down walls. Absolutely. It’s disarming. So okay. One more. Okay. How do you manage expectations? When one person has a higher sex drive than the other who get there’s a two part question here who gets to win the battle. Okay. So I just talked about win win. Right. So can we create a win win? You know, we have a podcast on sexual frequency that suggest you go back and listen to but for starters. I think we need to move away from that perspective of who gets to win. Neither of you is right. Neither of you was wrong. But if you wanna stay together you need to find some middle ground to satisfy both of your expectations. Right. You can’t always be right? If you wanna have a partner, so there are ways to find middle ground, and it’s not going to be perfect. Like if I want it, you know, once week and you want five times a week. It’s not that we’re going to have at two point five or two point seven five times a week. But we do have to look for a ways for for the person who wants it more to take care of themselves and to look for alternative ways of having sex. And if the person who doesn’t want it as much is open to boosting their sex drive. What lifestyle changes can we make and how can your partner facilitate those lifestyle changes, right? If you don’t wanna have sex because you’re. Stressed out? Well, how can you partner help to alleviate that stress as well? So you have both have to take responsibility for finding that middle ground. Okay. I know there’s so many more questions, but I know Brandon has to go. He’s he’s got many things to do. People to see I’m a businessman businessman. Lots of business. So we’re gonna TRAN rapid fire through the rest to them next week. But I love all of these questions in love that there is such a broad range. So thanks for interviewing me, those grew. Good answers dancers get job. You wanna close us out? I feel like I need to practice more. Okay. Just throwing you in the fire. Yup. Pretty much. I’m going to say a big thank you to you for listening. Of course. Thank you so much desire resorts for your ongoing support of this podcast, wherever you’re at hope, you’re feeling great. Hope you’ve learned something please do share feel free to leave us review. If you’ve got the time and check us out on Instagram. I am at sex with Dr Jess and Brandon is Verity Brandon. Okay. You can find him off of my Justice. All right. Have a great week wherever you’re at. You’re listening to the sex with Dr Jess podcast, improve your sex life, improve your life.