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Sex with Dr. Jess


March 29, 2019

38 Sex Questions Answered

Episode 100 (1)

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It’s our 100th episode! We’re answering rapid-fire questions on everything from jealousy, uneven breasts, and birth control to penis flavours, positions and sex toys. Tune in and keep the questions coming.

Sex Questions Answered: Rapid Fire Round

Rough Transcript:

It’s our 100th episode! Yay us!

Thanks so much for listening and for sharing with your friends. If you like the podcast, please do share it and write us a review online.

And thank you to Desire Resorts for being our headline sponsor – you know we love their clothing optional beaches and cruises and we welcome any questions you might have about their vacations since the concept is so unique.

And speaking of questions, we’re going to be answering 100 sex and relationship questions to celebrate our 100th episode. We’ve been collecting so many questions from you and we want to answer as many as possible so we’ll be doing a rapid fire round today and I’ll do my best to answer as many as possible. We’ll probably have to continue in next week’s episode.

Some of these questions come from teens and some come from grandparents, so it’s quite a wide range. Brandon: are you ready?

1. Can pre cum get you pregnant?

Yes – it can. If there is sperm present in the urethral tract, pre-cum can carry this sperm into the vagina and it can eventually meet with an egg.

2. Does the birth control pill make you gain weight?

People report that it does, but research from 44 studies suggests that it’s temporary — perhaps a side effect of fluid retention. But ultimately, you know your body so if hormonal birth control is affecting your energy, sleep, mood, these factors affect your weight. You also have non-hormonal options like the copper IUD, condoms for the penis, internal condoms that can be worn inside the vagina.

3. If your vagina is only 6 inches (in depth?) how can a 7″ or 8″ penis fit inside?

The average vagina is not that long in an unaroused state. It’s shorter than 4 inches on average. First, the entire penis cannot possibly slide inside and secondly, we believe that the cervix tents as you become aroused, muscle relax and the fornices also provide a little extra space to accommodate the object or penis of your choosing. The average penis length is far below 7 or 8 inches.

4. Should I still use a condom if I’m on the pill and we’ve been together for 2+ years?

Whether or not you use condoms isn’t a matter of how long you’ve been together. It’s a matter of health practices like testing, lifestyle factors (like do you take your pill reliably and do you need a backup method?) and risk factors (e.g. are you monogamous?). It’s a personal choice, but if you don’t use condoms, remember that the pill provides zero protection to reduce STI transmission.

5. Why is one breast bigger than the other?

The body isn’t symmetrical. Just like your feet are slightly different sizes and your eyebrows will never be twins – only sisters – one breast is usually bigger than the other and that’s cool. No one is going to notice but you and even if they do, they’re not going to care. If you do notice any changes in size or shape, let your healthcare practitioner know so they can decide if any tests are necessary.

6. How do I deal with a jealous child? He’s 12 years old.

  • Remind them that it’s normal to feel jealous and the jealousy sometimes isn’t rational.
  • Focus on governing behaviour — not the feeling itself. It’s okay to feel this way, but you don’t want to be mean to your brother. Tell a story about a time you were jealous and how you responded to normalize the feeling; if you regret your response, admit it and suggest how you might respond today. Drop the comparisons and generally focus on your child’s strengths to build up their self-esteem.

7. Does being on the birth control pill for a long time prevent you from having kids/getting pregnant?

The pill is a reversible form of birth control which means that you can get pregnant when you stop using it. One of the largest studies tracked over 59,000 women from 7 countries. 2000 went off the pill to try to get pregnant:

21.1 percent got pregnant one cycle after stopping birth control and 79.4 percent got pregnant within a year of discontinuation.

8. Why do I get so many blood clots and chunky blood when I am on my period?

  • Mixture of blood cells, tissue from the lining of the uterus, and proteins in the blood that help regulate its flow
  • Coagulation is normal
  • See your doctor if they’re larger than a quarter in size or you have to change pad/tampon every hour (could be a sign of a medical issue)

9. Does vaginal douching really work to clean everything out?

You really don’t need to clean your vagina. Douching can alter the PH and good bacteria and lead to increased risk of infection and inflammation which can also increase your risk of STI transmission. If you want to clean the vulva on the outside, go ahead – use water and a mild soap, but you don’t need to wash inside. It cleans itself out which is why you see discharge in your underwear throughout the month.

10. What is normal discharge? How do I know if it’s healthy?

The normal colour can range from clear to a milky white and the volume changes with your cycle. If it’s yellow, grey or greenish or if the smell changes, get checked out. It could be an infection, an STI, irritation or related to another health condition.

11. Is there any magic pill or surgery that will shorten my period or permanently stop the painful symptoms?

See your health practitioner if the pain is interfering with your daily life. And ask about the possibility of birth control options like the IUD or pill to help with your cycle. I’m not a medical doctor and I’m aware that the pill and IUD are certainly not for everyone. There will be people who have adverse reactions, so you need to talk to your medical practitioner and know your own body.

12. How long does Plan B work? Is it like a long period?

Plan B, the emergency contraceptive that you take when the condom breaks or your partner has ejaculated inside of you and you don’t want to get pregnant, is ideally taken within 12 to 72 hours after ejaculation. It works in several ways to stop the release of an egg, thicken cervical mucous to reduce fertilization chances, and thin the lining of the uterus. It does not work if you’re pregnant, so it’s not an abortion. Your period might come early and some people report it being a heavier period. There are no permanent side effects and it’s not a form of regular birth control.

13. I was going to perform oral sex, but the guy’s penis was green and mucky, what does that mean?

It could be an infection and they should see a doctor and get tested. Remember that many STIs are easily treated with simply antibiotics, so please always get tested so you can get treated. If you get treated for bacterial STIs, you’ll likely clear them without issue. If you don’t get treated or tested, they can lead to serious health consequences including infertility and chronic pelvic pain.

14. What is a good position to have an orgasm for a woman?

Everyone is different, but you might want to try lying on your stomach with your hand underneath so that you have something to grind against. You might also want to try any position that allows you to rub against your partner.

15. What does a penis taste like?

It depends. It doesn’t have much of a taste in many cases. It tastes like skin – sometimes salty.

16. Why do guys get their scrotum pierced?

It could be for pleasure, aesthetics or just a personal preference. If you have a scrotal piercing, please reach out because we’d love to share your perspective.

17. Why are some people so attracted to older men as lovers?

There is an allure in power and some people want to be lead and taught and play the role of the student. In some cases, it’s about money and that’s okay if you’re honest with yourself and hopefully with your partner. I think the flip side is why are we so attracted to youth when it comes to physical appearance?

18. Dr. Jess, how do you stay fit?

I move a lot. I don’t go to the gym, but I hike, play sports and walk whenever I can.

19. Do you have to suck dick for your man to have sex with you?

Nope. You don’t have to have oral sex or do anything else you’re not into. If you’re not into something, you might want to consider why you’re not into it and if it’s important to your partner, you might want to consider ways to incorporate parts of it into your routine. But you’re not obliged to do anything you don’t want to do. I do want to remind you that sometimes social norms influence what we do and don’t like; so for example if you don’t want to do something because you associate it with being shameful or dirty, perhaps you want to reexamine these attitudes.

20. What’s your best sex toy recommendation?

Right now I’m really liking the We-Vibe Wish. And I like the Womanizer – if you haven’t tried it, it’s like no other toy on the market. Well there are imitators, but I’ve tried them and they break down.

21. Brandon talked about a toy he likes, what is it called and do you have a discount code?

The We-Vibe Pivot.

22. What’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?

On the highway while Brandon was driving. Terrible idea. Don’t do it.

23. Why do I have neck and back pain after I masturbate?

It could be related to muscular contractions. Have you tried changing positions? And are you holding your breath? When you hold your breath, you might find that your muscles also contract in response. Try breathing more slowly, sitting or lying more comfortably and taking your time.

24. Any tips to relieve vaginal dryness?

I want to talk to a naturopath about this, but you might consider a vaginal moisturizer like Damiva. And of course, you might also want to consider a silicone based lube for sex play like Astroglide X.

25. How do I ask my partner to schedule sex?

If you’re like Brandon, send them an iCal invite. Send them a sexy message so that it’s fun. Check out an app called InTheMood to make sure you’re flirting even when you aren’t having sex.

26. Is it okay to be a virgin at 26?

Yes. You don’t have to have sex with a partner. Virginity is a complex and imperfect concept, but if we’re talking about P in V sex, 1 in 8 consider themselves virgins at age 26. There is no rush.

27. What to do about smell of my lips before oral sex that makes me self conscious.

First consider what messages you’ve received that make you believe that you don’t smell good. The number of people I’ve met who like a little natural scent would surprise you. Second, if you want to clean up, just wash up and separate your lips a little. Then when you hop out of the shower, consider air drying a little to get rid of some of the moisture.

28. How can I make my spouse more comfortable with their sexuality, and make them feel more comfortable in their own body? Hoping to reignite the spark in the bedroom.

Big question and we’ll do a full segment on this. The short answer: get comfortable with your own body and sexuality first. That comfort and confidence is contagious. But remember that your expectations are your own, so don’t put them on your partner. And give compliments freely without expectation of anything return.

29. I’m blind. How can I flirt and create connection without eye contact?

Great question. You’re going to be more of an expert at this than me because you likely have higher functioning senses of touch, smell and sound. So I suggest that you start there. Talk more. Tell them what you’re feeling and thinking. Ask questions. With a partner, touch more often in a non-sexual way. Use different tones of voice and volumes to communicate your mood. I’d like to ask an expert to weigh on this one too.

30. How soon can you take a pregnancy test after sex?

You can generally take a pregnancy test on the first day of missed period (which is approximately 2 weeks after conception) but some tests like “first response” (online calculator) can detect the pregnancy hormone 5 days before your expected period start date.

31. What does a vagina taste like?

Heaven. Just kidding. Every one tastes different. Sometimes it’s really plain like bread. It sort of tastes like a mouth. Sometimes it tastes salty.

32. Do you guys swing?

Nope. But check out our podcast on our experience with the Lifestyle here.

33. How many times is too many for having the same fight with no resolution?

I’d be less worried about the number of times and more focused on how you fight. Are you aiming for resolution or are you aiming for a win? If you’re stuck on the same fight over and over again, try writing down what you want to get out of it. What are you willing to do to resolve it and what do you want from your partner. Focus on that first part first.

34. Is it okay to suck on toes?

Sure! Have a shower first if you’re worried about bacteria from the ground.

35. How do you step up the sex drive after breastfeeding for so long?

Be more selfish – in life and in bed. Ask your partner to go down on you to put you in the mood. Ask for a foot rub when you get home. Give up one of your other chores or responsibilities so that you have some time to relax.

36. How many times per week/month does the average person have sex?

Age and relationship status (as well as whether or not you have kids and how long you’ve been together) play a role in sexual frequency.

37. Couples who constantly squabble and argue over useless crap, why and how to make it stop?

Try the 99 rule for your fights. Ask yourself if this will matter when you’re 99 years old. If not, let it go. Another approach: Check in weekly to talk about what’s going on in your life. Don’t wait until something is wrong to talk about your relationship. Ask yourself what you’re trying to achieve. Ask yourself if you’d talk this way to your partner in front of your boss or a best friend. If not, take responsibility for your own behaviour. This is a big question for a rapid fire round, so we’ll also explore this more in an upcoming segment.

38. How do you manage expectations when 1 person has a higher sex drive than the other? Who gets to “win” the battle? The person that wants it more or the person who isn’t down for it?

Both. Let’s create a win-win. We have a podcast on sexual frequency that I suggest you listen to. But for now, accept that neither of you is right or wrong. But if you want to stay together, you need to find some middle ground to satisfy both of your expectations.

This podcast is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

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