February 25, 2019
Sexuality Superheroes: Reece Malone
This week’s Sexuality Superhero is: Reece Malone. Reece is a sexuality star, delivering a wealth of knowledge through his online courses and sexuality consulting. Whether its an individual or a couple, Reece is well-practised in issues dealing with intimacy, sexual satisfaction and so much more! Check out his feature below:
How did you find yourself working in sexuality?
In my youth I was curious about many aspects of culture and society, including sexuality. I didn’t receive any information about the “birds and the bees” from my parents and truly believed that babies came from storks. I also believed that dads can birth kittens and everyone had the capacity to birth a cute pet. At 8 years old, I began asking questions about different aspects of sexuality. A lot of questions. Unfortunately my questions were often met with negativity leaving me with a feeling that I asked something bad. Asking my parents about sex was off the table so I turned elsewhere to find answers.
I evolved to become a container of sexuality information which eventually lead me to a position as a full-time sexuality education program coordinator and trainer with my local LGBT2SQ+ resource centre. To build my professional capacity and cultural awareness, I took courses in human sexuality, stumbled on sexology as a profession, and realized that I can combine my interests as both an educator and clinician.
To this day, I still ask sexuality questions. This time it’s to support other professionals build their capacities and to help
individuals and relationships unpack and explore their thoughts, feelings and experiences.
What is the best part of the job?
As a public educator and private therapist, there are so many incredible parts of my job. It’s a privilege and honour to witness transformation as well as personal and professional growth. It’s knowing that my space is a shame-free safe container for those to express feelings, emotions and experiences that they’ve deeply harboured, sometimes for years. And it’s being a part of a process where individuals cognitively shift and put into action social and organizational change.
What is the most challenging part of the job?
As a clinician the most challenging part of my job is to hold space for those to express deep visceral pain and struggle. There are topics that are difficult to hear, such as consent violations or when children are negatively affected. There are also difficult situations such as when secrets or infidelities are revealed, or when a partner turns to the other and says, “I don’t love you anymore.”
As an educator the most challenging parts of my job is when a gender or sexual diverse youth shares that their parents do not love them unconditionally or when a professional in the field participates in practices that don’t align with inclusion or equity.
Any kind of gatekeeping that affects wellness and self-determination really annoys me.
What is your most important piece of advice that has the potential to revolutionize relationships?
Park goal-centred sex and the language of failure. In intimate, sensual, erotic or sexual encounters focus on “pleasure not pressure.” I ask individuals and relationship to treat the phrase as a mantra. If we centered pleasure we begin to release the language of failure, or all or nothing.
What do you do to decompress and take care of yourself given that you spend so much time helping and caring for others?
Ritualistic practices and maintaining firm boundaries centre and anchor me. Mindfulness practices, exercise, connecting with nature, drinking a lot of water, nurturing meaningful relationships, connecting with my loved ones, cuddling my dogs and practicing gratefulness. Chocolate, dancing, a glass of wine and laughter helps too.
What do you want people to know about your work as a sexuality consultant?
Being a sexuality consultant can take on many forms. My interests are broad. I provide therapy, coach, deliver training, research, strategize, guide program development and facilitate organizational change.
For those interested in the field of sex and sexual health, I advise folks to envision what they see themselves doing then build their capacities that will make their professional goals a reality. Be consistent with personal development and connecting with others for input and constructive critique. The reality for many of us is that the profession can be isolating and difficult to financially sustain. It’s not as glamorous as people think especially if you don’t fit media expectations or not well connected. For many it’s a passion and an altruistic profession.
Where can we learn more about your work?
Currently I’m working on a number of projects with an incredibly talented team. I’m thrilled to collaborate with Dr. Jess on the development of our Mindful Sex online program, as well as our Six Steps to Overcome Rapid Ejaculation program. Also, I’m collaborating with Mariotta Gary-Smith, Marla Renee Stewart and James Wadley on the development of a sex therapy clinician’s guide working with racialized and culturally diverse individuals and relationships. Finally I’m a co-investigator along with Matthew Carron and Robin Westmacott on exploring the mental health of trans populations throughout medical transition.
Reece Malone is a certified sex therapist and sexuality educator. Since 1992, he has delivered high-quality evidence-based workshops and presentations in the education, healthcare, social services and private sectors. Diversity, equity, inclusion and social justice in sexual health and wellness is central to his practices. With a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and Masters in Public Health, he is often consulted on policy development in gender and sexual diversity while at the same time maintaining a private practice working with diverse individuals and relationships. Incorporating a holistic approach to sex, sexual health, and sexual wellness, Dr. Reece’s training includes clinical sexology, sexual enrichment and empowerment and resolving sexual concerns including low desire, rapid ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, delayed orgasm, anxiety and sexual functioning, infidelity, and identity-based concerns. Dr. Reece’s sexual health message and brand “Pleasure Not Pressure” often attracts full-house and sellout public events alike.