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July 9, 2018

Questions to Deepen the Bond With Your Partner

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Dying to uncover your partner’s deepest fantasies and most profound vulnerabilites? All you have to do is ask!

During the initial stages of dating, we tend to ask probing questions to get a better sense of a potential partner’s personality and history. But why not take a chance and ask similar questions to a long-term partner? You never know what kind of answers you’re going to get or where the conversation may lead.

Asking questions that encourage your partner to share previously unrevealed information or be vulnerable has the potential to deepen your connection.

The former facilitates the sharing of new information, which has the potential to reignite the passion chemicals and feelings you experienced when you first met. On early dates, you were constantly learning, sharing and discovering new things about your partner — the associated anticipation, curiosity, and excitement helped to ignite dopamine, serotonin, and adrenaline, which contributed to feelings of passionate love and interest. You can recreate these feelings with questions like:

  • What is one thing about your high school years that you’ve never shared with anyone?
  • Who was your role model growing up?
  • Describe your perfect week.
  • If you could change one day in your life, which day would it be?
  • Tell me about your first kiss.

Questions that require you to be vulnerable increase intimacy by stripping back the layers that make us seem strong, confident and “perfect”; vulnerability is essential to intimacy because it’s a natural state. We are all vulnerable and when we show it, we show our most authentic selves. Some questions in this category might include:

  • What is your greatest fear?
  • What do you really believe happens when we die?
  • Who are you most jealous of?
  • What was your most embarrassing moment?
  • Is there something in your past that you’ve had trouble getting over?

The spirit in which you ask these questions will influence your partner’s response and willingness to share and open up. Obviously, you want to begin from a place of love and respect and be willing to share your own stories and insights however uncomfortable you may feel.

If your partner isn’t keen to open up right away, do not pressure them. Continue to express love and support and with time, you’ll cultivate the trust and safety that underpins comfort in vulnerability.