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March 27, 2018

Would You Invite Your Ex To Your Wedding?

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Meghan Markle & Prince Harry are getting married and sources report that some of their exes are on the Royal guest list. The Twitterverse, news outlets, and gossip columnists have expressed their disapproval and Jess sat down with Jeff to respond to the critics on The Morning Show.

1. A number of etiquette experts have admonished the Royal couple insisting that marriage represents new love, which leaves to space for old loves. Do you agree?

Nope. Love is not finite. You can love your life partner in an intimate way and love friends and family in similar or different ways. Just as you can love multiple children or parents without the deepening love for one diminishing the love for another, you can still care about an ex AND be completely committed and loving toward your partner. If the two people getting married are comfortable inviting someone, their families, friends etc., etiquette experts should respect their wishes.

2. Why might you want to invite an ex to your wedding?

An ex isn’t just an ex; they’re a person. They may be a friend, a colleague, a member of your community — if they’re important to you before you get married, chances are (hopefully), they’ll continue to be important after you wed. Weddings today are not just about two people. Weddings have a history of representing the union of families and social groups and despite the shift toward love-marriages, they retain this history to some degree today. This means that you want the people you care about to be a part of your wedding. So if you still care about an ex and they’re a part of your life, you may want to include them on your guest list.

3. Is their situation different because they’re Royals/celebrities?

Certainly. When you run in tighter circles (e.g. you’re a Royal/celebrity, you live in a small community, you date within the LGBTQ community), cutting ties with every person you’ve ever dated may not be realistic. Harry and Meghan can’t just go meet new friends at a meetup or on their community basketball court like the rest of us.

4. What if one person wants to invite an ex and the other doesn’t?

This isn’t a wedding list issue. This is an issue you need to discuss now — before you get married. I’m not suggesting all exes should be on your guest list. This is entirely up to you. But you do want to ask yourself some questions: Why do you want to stay in touch with your ex? Or why do you not want your partner to be in touch with their ex? How do you each feel about this person and what joy, love, and support to they bring to your lives — individually and/or as a couple?

Check out my personal thoughts below…