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Sex with Dr. Jess

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February 5, 2018

Common Sex Questions Debunked

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1. How often should a couple be having sex/ how often is normal?

  • The average is “several times per month to weekly”, but ultimately what works for one couple will not necessarily work for another, so you need to communicate your needs to the each other.
  • Sexual frequency is positively correlated with increases in happiness; this relationship is curvilinear maxing out at once per week
  • One study found that increasing sexual frequency from once per month to once per week results in a happiness boost equivalent to $50K USD, but I’m more concerned with quality over quantity.

Check out my podcast on sexual frequency here.

2. How important is foreplay?

  • All sexual pleasure is “sex”, so the acts that we consider foreplay, including kissing, have the capacity to produce pleasure and connection.

3. For couples who are super busy – is it wrong to schedule sex?

  • Scheduling sex is a great idea. Oftentimes if you wait until you’re in the mood for sex, you may never have it. This is because desire doesn’t always occur spontaneously.

4. If you want something a little spicy or want to mix things up in the bedroom  – how do you approach that or talk to your partner about it?

  • Use pop culture as your reference. One of the easiest ways to talk about difficult subjects involves using fictional characters as a starting point.

5. Is it appropriate to ask your partner how many partners they’ve had?

  • It’s natural to be curious and it’s fine to ask, but first you might want to ask yourself why you’re so curious. Are you simply looking to satisfy curiosity or is there response tied to your own validation, insecurities and judgment. It’s normal to experience feelings of insecurity and learning to express these emotions can heighten intimacy. Learn more about the formula for intimacy here.