September 8, 2017
Sex Terms You’ve Never Heard: CBT, AMDL & More!
Jess is joined by sex educator extraordinaire Sunny Megatron who shares her knowledge of kinky sex terms. From CEI to SPH, you’re sure to learn something new in this episode!
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This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
Sex Terms You’ve Never Heard: CBT, AMDL & More!
Hello. Hello. This is Jessica O’Reilly at Sex With Dr. Jess, your friendly neighborhood sexologist. And I am here today and you may be able to hear it in my voice, but I’m grinning from ear to ear. Here about today’s topic. I’m really excited for the topic and for our guests, because we’re going to be talking about sex terms, sex acronyms, sexual fantasies, and some of them are really fun. Some of them are really edgy. Some of them are new to me. In fact, I’m really excited for today’s episode. Now, before we get started, I want to remind you that this episode of Sex With Dr. Jess is brought to you by Desire Resorts, this magical Kingdom down in Mexico, with two locations where you don’t have to wear clothes and you are free to be your sexual erotic powerful selves. Check them out at Desire Resorts. Now, this week, in my weekly research roundup, I was reviewing some data from a study in Quebec those good old French Canadians that focused on sexual fantasies and concluded that most fantasies from swinging to threesomes to BDSM are technically classified according to the data as normal or common. Now, a team of scientists at the University of Montreal asked 1517 French Canadian adults, while Quebec residents about their sexual fantasies, and then they rank them according to intensity and frequency. And what they found is that the majority of the fantasies that made it onto this list fell into the common or typical range, meaning that more than half of us, as Canadians have had these fantasies. So from being watched to having sex in public to filming ourselves to being forced to have sex, these are all classified. Most of these fell into the common or typical range. And as I read through this list of sex acts, it’s a good study, but I thought to myself, yeah, these fantasies seem pretty typical. They’re not particularly edgy, not very shocking. I mean, there was some pea play in there where you urinate on one another. But I hear from people all over the world, from all walks of life, people who are artists and people who are CEOs. And what I find I hear is that their fantasies really go beyond the list that was included in this study. Their fantasies, the ones I’m hearing about, which are also fairly common, weren’t mentioned. So today I want to delve in to some of the fantasies that we don’t talk about as much. Maybe some of the fantasies that don’t make it into the research and not just fantasy sex acts. And there are so many that I’ve had to narrow it down. And this is why I’m excited because I’ve decided to narrow it down to sex acronyms because, you know, they’re fun. And I recently I was inspired by Sunny Megatron, a fellow sex educator, and I saw Sunny’s video on CBT. So she did this video on CBT. Now to me and to many of you CBT probably stands for cognitive Behavioral therapy. That’s what I studied. Many of you have probably engaged with CBT at some point in time, but that is not all it means. So I thought I need to get in touch with the fabulous setting Megatron and chat with her about CBT and some of these other sex acronyms. So it is my pleasure to be joined by sex educator extraordinaire Sunny Megatron. How are you, Sunny? Oh, I’m doing great. Thank you for having me. I’m super excited. I’m excited for this. Now. Sunny and I met working on her television show Sex with Sunny Megatron, maybe two years ago. Is that correct? Yes. It’s about two years, maybe three. It’s time gone by that fast. Something like that. We’re getting older here, older and better, like a fine wine. Yes. Now your show really pushed the boundaries. You had some really interesting and exciting stuff on there. Was there anything on your show that really stood out as the edges that you’d seen on mainstream television like you had everything from Pi sex to clown sex to dogging. There was a lot. And even though I teach about this stuff, I also indulge in a lot of it in my personal life. So some of it was like, yeah, this is every Tuesday, whatever. But there were a few things we did a segment on for mycophilia where people enjoy the feeling of insects crawling over their skin and they find it erotic. And although I’m completely openminded there’s, that saying, your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is still okay. And it’s like, cool if that gets your rocks off. Great. But I hate bugs. So I was literally standing on the arm of a couch in the corner while they were filming it like, there are quite a few interesting things that we covered. Oh, my goodness. I could not have all those bugs. I mean, I could have them crawling on me for, like, fear factor for the $10 million. Right? Definitely would not be arousing to me. I’m with you there. But people like you and me, we get that it’s arousing for other people. And so we’re here to support them in their journey, even if it’s not for us now, I probably couldn’t be in the room with the bugs like you. I might not be able to be there, but maybe we can offer some tips on making it safer and more pleasurable. What kind of bugs were they? All sorts of things. From crickets to the giant cockroaches to maggots, you name it. They had them and the crickets started escaping, and they were hopping. I mean, I was having a nervous breakdown. It was intense. Okay. Crickets, I could handle cockroaches and maggots. Absolutely not. So I guess we all have a different line. Yeah, I’m okay with the crickets. I also don’t like potato bugs, but I don’t mind ants, right. Tell me something. Do they cover their orphanage to ensure that the bugs don’t go near their orphans or in their orifices. No, this was a person who had a penis. So there’s only really one major orifice. And I think that was clenched enough where they’re going to go in there. Yeah. No. The anus is not easy to crawl into. Right? The eyes? Not so much. What about the ears? There were a couple of times where it was more like, oh, he’s going in my ear and it was a giggle like. And he just kind of moved his head a little. He enjoyed it. He really enjoyed it. And that was the point. Wow. All right. And that is called again. Can you repeat the term for me? Because for mycophilia or mycophilia. All right. So everybody’s going to go Google that one. I’m sure there’s some YouTube videos, or they can check it out on your show. Now, I did watch your show. I didn’t see that episode, so I’m going to have to go searching for it. Yeah. All right. Now we’re going to get into some of these sex acronyms. And what I’m thinking is that I’ll do a little bit of a rapid fire round with you to find them, and then we can pick a few to flush out because there are so many we can’t go over all of them. Okay. All right. I’m going to start with some more obvious ones. I will read the acronym and you can flush it out or just define it for us. Does that work for you? That works perfectly? All right. So let’s start with BDSM. Bdsm is an acronym that covers the umbrella of all kinky things. It’s bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadomasticism. Okay. Excellent. And lots of you are probably familiar with that one. How about and we’re going to cover some of these in just a moment, folks. But let’s fire through them. How about SSC? Ssc is safe, sane, and consensual. It is the cornerstone of everything that we do in BDSM. All right. And then we have an alternative here. Rack rack. Yes. Rack is for people who practice BDSM. That maybe say that SSC doesn’t quite cover it. These are for people who play maybe a little bit more extreme that agree that anything we do, no matter how simple or easy it may seem, has inherent risk. And we all have to be responsible for the risk that we’re undertaking when we engage in those scenes. Right. And it stands for risk aware, consensual kink. All right. Let’s get to this one. Cbt, I shared your video on my Facebook page recently. Cbt does not stand for cognitive behavioral therapy and Sunny’s world. Yeah. Well, sometimes it’s chicken bacon, tomato sandwich when I’m hungry, but when I’m feeling kinky, it’s cock and ball torment or torture. Okay. And how about SPH small penis, humiliation, fetish? We’re going to have to talk about that one. And I’m hoping everyone can understand my Canadian accent here with the Alphabet. Hopefully there’s no ZS. Okay, J-O-I Jack off instruction. Oh, I think I’d be very good at that one. How about this one CEI that’s come eating instruction, which is sometimes the finale to Joi. Oh, my goodness. I like how this comes to you so quickly, so easily. That is female lead relationship. Okay. And how about DDLG? Ddlg stands for Daddy Dom little girl, but you can always switch it up and be Mommy Dom little boy or any combination. Okay. And here’s what we’ve been talking about a lot lately. A-B-D-L. Yes, that is adult baby diaper lover. Okay. We’re going to talk about that one. And CFNM closed female nude male. I like the sound of that. That’s basically the opposite of every newscast and every television show and every magazine editorial. It really is. I enjoy it very much. W-A-M. That’s wet and messy. More commonly, people may have heard of the fetish called Splashing, where people pull out a tarp and rub pudding and different food items all over themselves. So that’s what that is. We need to talk about that. And this one I’ve covered a little bit on my podcast in the past with a researcher, but it’s ASFR, yes, that is alt sex robot fetish, sometimes called technosexuality fun. And it’s interesting because even mainstream sex toys are crossing over into this territory now with their ability to control things from across the globe. Yes, this one is very interesting. I hear a lot about this. I receive a lot of questions. A-B-F. That is adult breastfeeding fetish. Okay. And how about OTK? Oh, that’s not over the knee socks. It’s over the knee spanking. Okay. I went shopping and I was like, oh, this is a little label for OTK socks. I was like, oh, are those socks I should wear when I’m getting spanked? Oh, my God. I found that amusing. So you find, like, your fashion crosses over into your sex life. Oh, yes. And here’s one that I think most of us have a Bob, a battery operated boyfriend. Right. So not particularly kinky, but it can come in different forms. Yes. And then you opened with, I think, a line that I love so much. And I don’t even know who coined this term or this phrase, but it’s so important. Ykimk yes, that stands for your kink isn’t my kink. But your kink is. Okay. So, for example, when we talked about the bugs, even though, personally, we’re both like, oh, that’s not for me. We still don’t want to kink shame other people because that might be their thing. And that’s perfectly fine. Yeah. And I think that’s so cool, because I know that some of the fantasies that I play out. First of all, they’re not particularly aligned with my personal identity. So my sexual identity is different than the person that I live as all day long. And that’s not necessarily the case for all kinky people, but I know that people would think, why would you be into that? Like, what could possibly turn you on about that? But I don’t necessarily need a full explanation. I just know that it feels good to have this happy, healthy relationship. So we got to talk about some of these. So let’s start with CDT, because you recently put out a video on crack and ball torture. So what is Cauca ball torture? What does it entail? And what is its appeal? Cock and ball torture can entail a bunch of different things. It can be as simple as just taking your hands and giving a good squeeze to the point of pain. It can be bondage where you take shoelaces and small rope and wrap it up. And there are all sorts of different devices you can use. There are ball stretchers ball weights, you couldn’t put clips and clamps. Really, your imagination is the limit. You can do lots of things. A ball busting is another one where people actually enjoy being full out, kicked in the ball, sometimes with people wearing thick heady boots. And whatnot now, when it comes to the appeal again, that’s going to be all individual, depending on the person. But what we tend to see is for a lot of people, there’s a very fine line between pleasure and pain, and that has to do with the chemical release, in some cases being similar, right? Exactly. Yes. And for some of us, some of us were like, no, my pain and pleasure are clearly in two opposite poles. But for some of us, those wires get a little bit crossed. And what can be perceived as painful to some people can be pleasurable for other people. Now I’ve talked to some folks, especially those that are into things like ball busting, where some of it also has a psychological component that oftentimes will go back to their middle school years. They might say that I was on the playground and there was this one girl who was kind of flirting with me and kind of bullying me, and we’d wrestle around. And one day she just out and out kicked me in the balls. And I don’t know what it is, but ever since then, I’ve attached some sort of eroticism to not only the pain of being kicked in the balls, but the humiliation of maybe being taken by a girl on the playground. And so that becomes embroiled in their fantasy and their sexual arousal, too. And that excitement, that tying of eroticism to a feeling of humiliation or an early experience of excitement that can make sense as the brain learns to associate the erotic with objects. For instance, we know this when it comes to fetishes that female rat has sex with a male rat that’s wearing a coat. She may become aroused simply by the coat. You learn to associate objects, experiences, feelings or even times in our lives with erotic pleasure. So that’s really interesting. And all of those, you can squash them, you can pull them, you can stretch them, you can torture them. Now it’s all about context, though. I really want to highlight that this doesn’t mean that when this person’s walking down the street, they want to be kicked in the balls. Correct. Correct. It all goes back to either SSC safe, sane and consensual, or risk aware consensual King. The number one thing in both of those acronyms is consent. These acts are consented to. They are negotiated between all parties involved, and they’re very carefully planned out and done with thought and care. Ok, let’s talk about another. Which one do I want to pick? How about CEI come eating instruction now in mainstream porn that is primarily directed at heterocuples, the person who eats or swallows the com is usually the female, but CEI usually refers to the opposite. Correct? Absolutely. Yes. Now this is oftentimes coupled with the acronym we talked about Joi Jack off instruction. So this will involve usually a male who is in the submissive position. Maybe he is being instructed by a dominant. It may be a female. It may be a male, whatever their sex partner is, but ordered to actually eat their ejaculate. Sometimes it could be, oh, yeah. This is a treat. And sometimes it could be again, that humiliation and embarrassment. You know, I can’t believe you’re making me do this again. This is a role play. It’s not non consensual, but it’s part of the act. Oh, I can’t believe you’re making me do this. All gross, but I’m doing it for you. And that’s the appeal. That’s really fascinating to me, because sometimes I think playing the submissive role allows us to experience sex acts and behave in a way that we wouldn’t normally embrace because we’re in the submissive role because we’re being told to do it. We can do things that, in fact, we wouldn’t want to admit we’re into, but we are into. Does that make sense? Oh, it absolutely does make sense. And a lot of these acronyms that we had gone over specifically deal with men being in the submissive role and oftentimes not always. But oftentimes it’s a woman who’s in the dominant role. And I find it really fascinating how a lot of these fetishes or acronyms go together. Maybe you’ll have a scene where you do Joi and CEI and CBT all at the same time. And one of my theories is, as men growing up in North America, you have a certain set of expectations, what you may commonly be heard called in the media, toxic masculinity. You’re expected to be masculine in charge, be muscular and full of testosterone and kill the bugs and take out the garbage. And do we can warrior projects. And when you’re a man in the submissive role, it’s suddenly okay to just take all of those societal pressures away. The things that maybe haunt you during your daytime. You’re always trying to live up to these impossible masculine expectations where this is. Hey, it’s a mental vacation. You can be the weak one. You can be the one who’s crying, you can be the one who’s emotional or dependent, and it’s okay. And the person you’re playing with still wants you right. So that can be really cathartic. That makes sense. And I wonder, as toxic masculinity becomes eroded because we do see more men embracing their vulnerability, talking about their emotions, embracing roles that have been traditionally and culturally assigned to women. I wonder if some of the appeal of some of these kinks will, in fact, begin to dissipate because they don’t require that same escape. So the sex side might subside in terms of some of these activities, losing some of their appeal. But we see progress in real life around gender roles. I don’t think that’s something that we’re going to see today, but I think it’s a good time in history. I know we have a lot of negative news out there, but I think for the first time, people in positions of privilege are speaking out against their own privilege and looking to support the oppressed and not to get too political. But I think it’s a very interesting time. And ten years from now, we might see some of this now, back from politics to CEI with the common eating instruction. One part that I find fascinating is that we don’t talk about a natural inclination just to want to know what it tastes like. It doesn’t mean you want to put it in a milkshake. But you must have some curiosity as to what it tastes like. For instance, again, in straight mainstream porn, the women are always tasting their juices, right? They always give it a lick or a suck. And so I think most women can say, yeah, I’ve tasted what it tastes like. Doesn’t taste like much. But men again, because of rigid roles around masculinity, I don’t think are allowed to say, yeah, like I’ve tasted it just to see what it tasted like. Right? This kink offers them permission to embrace that taboo. Absolutely. I wholeheartedly agree with you. And it’s funny because you’ll talk to some men who are raised in very rigid cultures where they’re expected to be heterosexual, and they avoid anything that might question their masculinity or heterosexuality. And you’ll ask them like, oh, I’ve never tasted it. That’s gross. And I think to myself, Come on, you have you’re just not admitting it. When we were kids, we tasted our snot, right. Neither is delicious. But we did it. Yeah. And I always say it can taste good or fine, but it’s not an ice cream sundae or something like that. Exactly. I know that again, in porn, they make it look like it’s the most delicious, like red wine, Super Tuscan they’ve ever tasted as they swish it around their mouth. There’s such silly contradiction in which a woman is expected to love the taste of it, and men are supposed to naturally hate it. And I think again, as we allow ourselves permission to blend our gender roles, we’ll probably see some of these kinks shift to more inclusive, too. So the commuting instruction one is very interesting to me. The other one that I see a lot of that I want to talk about is the ABS adult breastfeeding. Can you tell me a little bit about what this involves and what you think some of the motivation might be for this? And many people have engaged in this, even by accident. Postpartum when you scored a little bit comes out, well, adult breastfeeding. There’s a number of things going on. I think one of the major things is, well, as you had said, it’s a taboo. It’s something we’re not supposed to do. So anything we’re not supposed to do, we kind of want to do. But the breastfeeding relationship implies a feeling of tenderness, of comfort, of connection, of emotional vulnerability that I think is a lot of the appeal as well. Yeah, it’s interesting because anytime we talk about anything intergenerational or anything that involves families, I think people family members. Sorry, people get pretty freaked out. But what you have to remember is that whether it’s like breastfeeding or the term milk, right. We know milk is really a misnomer. Milk stands for mom. I’d like to fuck, and I don’t, right? I don’t mind if my guests do. Of course, these fantasies are more connected to a desire for confidence and experience and the role of somebody taking control and being your teacher. It’s not really about your mom, right? It really is about, as you said, that role of caretaker. So with the breastfeeding fantasies, with the adult breastfeeding, how do you play this out? Like, are there toys for this? Are there tools and accusing milk in there? Right? At least for me right now, I know there’s no milk in there. How do people play it out? Well, one the obvious is if they have recently giving birth and they have melted great, you can actually induce lactation, even if you haven’t been pregnant. It’s not difficult. It may not always work, but if you start a pumping schedule as you would do it, let’s say something like five times a day, 15 minutes. You’d really have to devote a lot of time to this. There are some people that actually use the tens unit. The little thing that you get when you have back problems, the little pads and it makes electricity go in your back. It makes your muscles feel better. You can actually employ one of those to have some milk come in. Now, you’re not going to get your full milk. You’re going to get the precursor that colostrum. But you can make that happen even if you haven’t recently been pregnant or you aren’t pregnant. Now, I did not know that. All I was thinking about was that movie Meet the Soccer, where he’s wearing those, like prosthetic breasts to breastfeed. Do you remember that? Yes. I was thinking maybe there are toys like that. You know, it’s interesting because I’m trying to recall and this isn’t personally a fetish I have. So there might be. And I just haven’t seen it, but I’ve seen a lot and I don’t recall coming across anything, but, you know, there’s got to be something. Now I’m going to have to look into that, right? It’s got to be out there. It’s probably very expensive because it’s not particularly popular. It’s not like your typical bullet vibe mass produce in the millions. So that’s not one you’re into. Is there one on the list that I read out that you are into that you’d be willing to share? I really enjoy. And I think you made a comment about this when we went by the closed female nude male CFNM. Now I in my personal life consider myself a dominant and I play with men. I play with women. Gender really doesn’t matter. But one thing I do notice is when I play with men, typically men that consider themselves generally to be heterosexual or on the heterosexual side of buy a lot of the subservient man, like the come eating instruction, the Jack off instructions, the humiliation based things come out now with clothes female and nude male. I typically go to parties, and oftentimes you’ll see these as parties where there’ll be a number of women. For example, one I went to was like a brunch sort of thing where we had a couple of men completely nude serving us the food, but also at our feet, rubbing our feet. Hang on. I got to stop you. Thanks for the invite to this party. Oh, yeah, I know, right. These are so much fun, so much fun. And part of it when I talk to the men is obviously they like being submissive to women, but it’s the humiliation. Oftentimes we’ll make them stop. Put that tray of food down, bend over and spread your ass cheeks open and put yourself on parade for us, jiggle your butt around and they’ll turn red that we’re objectifying them and putting them on display and just treating them as our toys. And sometimes that even goes to for dessert. Maybe that’s a sexual act that you have to perform on me, not for your pleasure but for mine. Okay. But with consent, of course, with consent. Absolutely. And this is interesting because I really see something strong in many of these acronyms that really has to do with the subverting of gender roles. And you use the word objectification. And women, we are tired of being objectified, obviously. But men, on the other hand, don’t have many opportunities to feel like sex objects to feel desired. They don’t walk down the street and receive compliments, and we may not like walking down the street and being whistled at. But for men, they have the opposite, which is almost the absence of feeling desired. So this is really interesting. And the subverting of gender roles in so many of these acronyms, and maybe it’s just the ones I chose, I don’t know, some sort of Freudian desire there. No, it is interesting that I have honestly found. I think there really is a societal trauma when it comes to men. All of these expectations are upheld to and all of these things that they’re forbidden to do or feel or engage in. And I see them really coming out in all of these fetishes. One of my theories is why a lot of these submissive man fetishes have acronyms is because a lot of men seek out professionals to do these things. So you might see an ad in well, back in the day, a newspaper now on the Internet where instead of writing everything out, hey, I’m looking for some Joi ending up with some CEI. It’s one a good way to disguise what you’re talking about. So only those in your inner circle know what you mean, and it’s just shorter and easier to type out. Right. That’s really interesting. One thing that has come up with a number of these, and this will be the last question before I know you have to go is the feeling of humiliation and tying humiliation to the erotic. Can you speak to that a little bit? Because I think if people aren’t into humiliation, they’re thinking, Why would you want to do that? Like something must be wrong with you. The wires must be crossed when, in fact, it has to do with taking a negative emotion and putting a positive spin on it. Absolutely. And humiliation is one of the things I think that’s most misunderstood. My partner Ken and I, we actually teach a whole afternoon intensive on erotic humiliation, deconstructing what it is and what it isn’t. First of all, humiliation is really subjective based on who you’re dealing with and who you are and what you find to personally be humiliating. Usually when you say to your average crosssection of the population, humiliation, they go immediately to thinking, those are the things that hurt me the most for me. I don’t want you to call me stupid or fat or ugly or useless. I would never play with those things when it came to erotic humiliation because that crosses my line. But something playfully humiliating might be my example. Before I’m going to take you and parade you around and make you shake your butt in front of all the people because I know it embarrasses you in a not an intense way. It’s not degradation. It’s more a little bit of shame, a little bit of embarrassment, lighter humiliation. So anyone who’s playing with erotic humiliation has to find kind of that equivalent for them doesn’t cross the line. We use the word shame there, and I think that’s a really important piece, because in our culture, sex and shame are so intrinsically linked. And some of these kinks allow us to rewrite the meaning of shame and reattach shame to the erotic in a more positive way. So there is a psychological side. I don’t think that we definitely don’t have a linear path description in terms of the data as to how some of these potentially negative emotions or traditionally negative emotions become erotic. But I do think that there is a rewriting of our personal sexual histories in some cases. Absolutely. I think it’s really important to remember overall that when you’re playing with kink, kink is not generally about whatever physical act you happen to be performing. It is about what is underlying in all of this, which is the mental. And for a lot of people, they can find it therapeutic. So as you said, maybe you’ve experienced legitimate humiliating experiences in your past and you walked away from those feeling like crap, feeling awful about yourself. Now, as you said, you can replay those again. But now you have control over how it ends. You can give that a happy ending, both literally and figuratively, instead of what you experienced early in life and over time, you’re healing yourself, maybe without even realizing that’s what you’re doing right. So it’s a reclaiming of some of these experiences and emotions. I like that now. I wish we had more time to go into all of these, so perhaps I’ll have you back in another time and we can flesh out more of these acronyms. Where can people find you? Miss Money Megatron? Yes, you can find me in a couple of different places. One is at my website, which is just at sunnymegatron. Com. My partner Ken and I also just started a brand new sex podcast. It’s called American Sex and that’s at americansexpodcast. Com. And as you said, you saw one of my YouTube videos. So I’m on all social media. When it comes to YouTube, Snapchat, just find me an at tag, Sunny Megatron, and I’m pretty much everywhere. Awesome. Thank you so much for your insights and for sharing a little info about your own life, too. I find that people really like to hear that, and I like to hear it because I’m learning from you as well. Thank you. I had a great time and I would love to be back anytime we’ll have you very soon. Thanks, Sunny. Thank you. All right, folks. So that is a lot of information from CBT to ABS to OTK to ABDL. I know there’s a lot of info in that rapid fire. I can’t believe it. Sonny didn’t even miss a beat, right? I just say W-A-M. She’s wet and messy. She doesn’t even have to think about it. So we’re going to post these below on our website as well. If you want to read through them, and I’ll see if I can get some good links for you. I’m sure Sonny has some videos to which I can link as well. Wherever you’re at. However, however you feel about these terms, these sex acts or simply sexual fantasies know that you are okay. You’re going to be just fine.