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Sex with Dr. Jess


July 5, 2017

5 Ways to Have the Best Orgasm Ever!

The glorious orgasm is a central feature of sex and some might describe it as the ultimate experience of pleasure. However, the paths to orgasm are varied and there is no perfect formula of reaching the big-O. Some women rely on the power of vibrations, while others are more likely to reach climax with a little help from a friendly tongue.

And though a rare few can reach the heights of ecstasy through breast play and fantasy alone, the experience of orgasm can be highly elusive. An estimated ten percent of women have never had one and the vast majority (approximately two-thirds) do not reach orgasm consistently during intercourse alone.

While positive body image, fantasy, reduced stress levels and engagement in a variety of sexual acts are positively correlated with the experience of orgasm, we have a few more specific suggestions designed to help you discover new pathways to bigger, better orgasms:

Running Water

If you have a detachable shower head and have never tried it out as a sex toy, you’re in for a treat! Of all the physical approaches
hg_raindance-select-hand-shower-woman-holding-hand-shower-up-2_463x463to orgasm, experimenting with running water is the one that my clients rave about the most while learning to climax. Even if the water alone is not enough to create a wave of orgasmic pleasure, the smooth, cool (or warm) sensations can awaken nerve endings and help you to relax before you reach the main event. Just be sure to avoid spraying water directly into the vagina.

“Forget the battery-operated boyfriend! My shower head is my best friend when I need a quickie. It only takes a few minutes and I’m spent.” Carrie, 44.

Cross Your Legs

If you want to experiment with orgasm during intercourse, try crossing your legs to create a tighter sensation and increase friction against the inner bulbs of your clitoris. The snug sensation that results from the combination of squeezing your legs together and the swelling of your inner clitoris might be just what you need to take you over the orgasmic edge. Depending on what position you choose, you may need some extra lube for this one and don’t be surprised if the sensation between your thighs is the highlight of this experience. Some of the nerve and circulation pathways that traverse the genital region also extend into your thighs making this area a hotbed of sexual energy.


Try squeezing and releasing these muscles in quick succession as you approach orgasm or experiment with slow tensing and relaxing with eKegels-for-menach stroke during intercourse. Some women find that very shallow penetration (with a toy or penis) in conjunction with rhythmic Kegels can produce earth-shattering multiples.


Stimulate the Vagus Nerve

The longstanding debate with regard to vaginal versus clitoral orgasms has finally been put to rest with the majority of experts agreeing that there are many pathways to orgasm. Beyond the pudendal, pelvic and hypogastric nerves, which are thought to be activated through the clitoris, vagina and uterus respectively, scientists have now discovered another pathway to orgasm: the vagus nerve. This wandering nerve not only innervates the pelvic region allowing activation through the vagina, cervix and uterus, but actually bypasses the spinal cord altogether en route to the brain. Researchers Dr. Barry Komisaruk and Dr. Beverly Whipple reached this conclusion when observing the brain activity of women with complete spinal cord injury.

1405-orgasm-esp-artIf you find that traditional forms of clitoral and vaginal stimulation do little to awaken your orgasmic response, you might want to explore the power of the vagus nerve which meanders all the way from the brain stem to the pelvic region. Try curling three fingers up against your G-Spot  (just inside your vagina on the upper/stomach wall) while simultaneously pulsing against this area from the outside using a flat palm. Alternatively, you might want to explore the orgasmic potential of your cervix with a long toy or vibrator. And since the vagus nerve really is a wandering pathway, try stimulating other parts of your body and allow the erotic sensations to spread beyond your genitals. Who knows? You might be one of the lucky few who can reach orgasm from stimulation of your belly button or lower back!

Grind On The Outside 

Forget all the poking, prodding and penetrating and focus on a little rubbing and grinding against the exterior portion of your lady parts. Wrap your hand around your entire vulva or press a flat vibrating toy against the outside as you grind against the hidden legs, bulbs and shaft of your clitoris. Try pulsing, rubbing, pressing and sliding along its full length (and width) until you find a technique that works for you. Take this technique into your partnered play and find positions like the CAT or the Snake that allow you to replicate this approach during intercourse. Shift to the side so that your vulva rubs up against his thighs or shift upward so that your clitoris can grind against his pelvic bone. If all else fails, just reach down with your hand or lie on your stomach with a toy between your pelvis and the mattress as he slides in from behind.