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Sex with Dr. Jess


March 27, 2017

Spice It Up In The Bedroom Tonight!

The challenge of keeping your relationship exciting and fulfilling is universal. Relationship and sex therapists report that reigniting the passion is one of the most common challenges their clients face despite the fact that few people discuss the struggle publicly.

When long-term couples struggle to “spice up the bedroom” it’s often because they have stopped taking the time to make one another feel special by trying new, exciting and fun things — in and out of the sack. It’s easy to fall into patterns and feel like you’ve done everything under the sun, but there is always a new adventure or sexy activity you can try. Start by trying something simple like setting aside a few hours with your sweetie to reconnect. The process of spicing up the bedroom can be fun and help increase intimacy and connection with your partner. Check out the video below for more info!

Trying new things can have several positive benefits on your relationship including:

  • Releasing dopamine in the brain
  • Activating the brain’s reward system
  • Giving you the same exciting feeling when you first fall in love

Simply exploring a new restaurant, going for a hike in a new place or trying a new sex toy can be enough to activate these passion chemicals!

We came up with 50 ideas for how to spice up the bedroom that all involve sex, play and flirting in some fun way! Start slowly and don’t try to dive into everything all at once. Experiencing the journey is the best part.  And if you try something new and don’t like it, that’s fine too. You don’t have to like everything on the list, as even if you don’t like what you try, you’ll still reap the benefits of having had the adventure with your sweetie.

Try teasing (and heightening) your senses by taking one of them away with a blindfold. We’ve worked with couples who’ve been together for over 20 years who report that using  a blindfold for the first time  changed their lives. A blindfold is one of the simplest and most pleasurable sex toys. When you take away one of your senses, it takes the rest of your senses to the next level.

If you’re feeling shy about the options for new activities to try, that’s ok too. You can pick and choose where you want to start and leave the rest for another time. And if your desires change, you can always come back to the list and try what’s left.

bj class slider imageThis post was written by Hunter Riley from Self-Serve Toys. Hunter Riley is the manager of operations and outreach at Self Serve, a sex educator, speaker and social media maven. She helps young adults find their voice and comfort level around conversations about sex and sexuality. After earning degrees in psychology, Spanish and journalism, she moved on to teaching classes in English and Spanish about pleasure, sex toys, communication, safer sex, consent, oral sex, kink, non-monogamy, birth control and more! She has authored several sex columns for newspapers and online media outlets in New Mexico including the Daily Lobo, the Santa Fe Reporter and Albuquerque Free Press. She has partnered with organizations like Planned Parenthood, the University of New Mexico, UNM Hospital, Enlace Comunitario, Santa Fe Care Center and more. Anyone interested in hiring Hunter or learning more about the services she provides can contact Hunter via email: for more information.