May 12, 2016
How to Talk About Sex!
Excerpted from Dr. Jess’ book Hot Sex: Tips, Tricks and Licks
Oral sex isn’t always about getting on your knees and puckering up. Some of the best oral sex (think long-term payoff) can be taken care of standing up or sitting at the dinner table—through real, honest communication. Getting oral with your partner is probably the most important thing you can do to cultivate a red-hot sexual relationship. So start talking!
It may not be easy to do, but the more you practice the easier it gets. If a topic is awkward, use these four tips to get started:
• Talk when the time is right. Initiating a serious conversation about sex right before you’re about to get hot and heavy isn’t always an ideal. you’re more likely to rush through the discussion if you’re goal is really to get down to business. So set some time aside when sex is off the table: Start talking about sex while you’re out for coffee, having lunch, or driving to work.
• Be honest with yourself first. To communicate effectively with your partner, you first need to know exactly what you want. So take some time to jot down your needs as well as your biggest fears. Bring these to the table when you talk to your partner and be honest about your vulnerabilities and uncertainties. Talking openly about your insecurities helps your partner understand your perspective and reduces the likelihood that you’ll manifest those issues in an untoward (and less attractive) manner at a later date.
• Make requests—not complaints. Talk about your hottest turn-ons and steadfast turn-offs, but be mindful that sex is a highly sensitive subject. Frame your statements in terms of personal feelings as opposed to attacks and accusations. If there is something your partner does that drives you crazy (and not in a good way), try expressing yourself in terms of preference rather than criticism: “I prefer when you suck hard as opposed to tickling with just the tip of your tongue.” Straightforwardness and tact need not be mutually exclusive.
• Listen and ask questions. The sex talk will be easier and smoother if it’s a two-way exchange as opposed to a lecture. If you’re naturally more inclined toward verbal expression than your partner, take a step back and encourage him or her to open up so the conversations isn’t one-sided. Listen intently and ask for clarification as needed.
Those who report the highest levels of sexual satisfaction often spend more time talking about sex than having sex. Some even say that serious sexual conversations increase their sex drive because their erotic juices start flowing in their minds, lips, and bodies.
Image courtesy of mamiverse.com