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Sex with Dr. Jess

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November 3, 2015

Should We Be Having More or Less Sex?

Happy couple in bed

This morning on Global TV’s The Morning Show, they ponder the question: should we be having more or less sex? Terry Crews and his wife, Rebecca King Crews attribute a boost in relationship satisfaction to a 90-day ban on sex while Natasha Bell of The Telegraph insists that having sex with her partner within the first hour of arriving home is the marriage-saver. Check out the video below for Dr. Jess’ thoughts.

A note from Jess:
I love both Natasha’s and Terry’s approach to keeping the spark alive. Sensory and sexual deprivation helps to cultivate desire, while setting a sex deadline encourages you to start sex even in the absence of desire. So which approach should you choose? I suggest you blend the two according to your needs and personality types.
If you’re more of an explorer, a sex fast may be just what the doctor ordered as it offers a few unique benefits:
  • Absence builds desire
  • When your usual stimuli are absent, the brain cultivates new stimuli (i.e. you’ll learn to crave one another in new ways and identify novel traits of attraction)
  • When you finally reengage in partnered sexual activity, it may feel new and different which can intensify experiences of pleasure
If you’re more of a planner, setting sex deadlines may be the perfect M.O., as you’ll likely end up having more sex. We can’t wait for desire to spontaneously appear, sometimes we have to unbutton our shirts, get dirty and make it happen. You may not be in the mood from the onset, but if you open yourself up to the possibility of sex, you won’t regret it in the end.