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Sex with Dr. Jess


April 4, 2012

5 Secrets To Sexual Compatibility

Sexual compatibility

What the pros know

As a sexologist, clients come to me with a wide range of issues: from broken penises (please don’t come to my office — go straight to the hospital and don’t pass GO!) to the joys and complexities of multiple orgasms, each person’s story is unique. But as much as every story is personal and one-of-a-kind, the issue of sexual compatibility in relationships is a theme that arises with almost every client I see.

This is because sexual compatibility matters in relationships. Thanks to the rules of monogamy, achieving a degree of compatibility in bed is essential to relationship success and satisfaction. Check out these five tips for understanding and developing sexual compatibility:
Sexual compatibility takes work

Like all good things, sexual compatibility doesn’t always develop naturally — it really does take work. This is because sexual desires and expectations are highly personal, so even if you share a lot in common with your partner, there are bound to be discrepancies.

Could you imagine having to eat the exact same food, in the exact same quantity, at the exact same time as your partner for the rest of your lives? It would be impossible (and unhealthy) to do so because your bodies are so incredibly different. But somehow we expect our partnered sex lives to fall naturally into place and are let down when it doesn’t.

Our levels of desire, turn-ons and turn-offs change with time, so ongoing communication is indispensable to compatibility. And if there is one area of compatibility that matters most, I believe it’s the willingness to work on a relationship. If you and your partner value your sex life, and are willing to put in the same amount of effort, you’re more likely to be compatible.


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