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Sex with Dr. Jess


September 8, 2009

Because It Feels So Darn Good

Because it feels so darn good

Women want sex. That’s right. Today’s empowered, educated, confident women are not afraid to embrace their love of sex. It feels great to say it and do it!

A study conducted at the University of Florida found that women and men in committed relationships reject gender stereotypes and embrace similar attitudes toward sexual pleasure.

But for those women who are in relationships with men who want it less than they do, a number of issues can arise. Some men feel emasculated or intimidated by their partners’ active libidos. And women, who may have been conditioned to associate desirability and arousal with being pursued, can find that their desire wanes when their partners are less enthusiastic.

To address this challenge, both men and women need specific reassurance from their partners. This is very simple, but many people disregard the power of words. First, tell you partners how you feel! Tell them how badly you want them, how good it feels to be with them and how they make your heart (and other body parts) pound with pleasure. Then you can also communicate your reservations, challenges and needs.

Second, both men and women need to get over gendered prescriptions of behaviour. Contrary to marketable myths, women are not from Mars and men don’t hail from Venus. We share commonalities and differences regardless of gender and though we are socialized differently, we should celebrate and not polarize or exploit our diversity.

It is not necessary for men to always be the ones initiating sex. Women can also do it so very well with their sexy talk, walk, glares, caresses, stripteases, handcuffs, thigh-highs, erotica, kisses and so much more. You get the picture. Gender roles should be fluid and men and women have the right to experiment with a range of behaviours.

Each couple needs to strike their own balance with regard to who initiates sex. It is unrealistic to expect it to be perfectly split down the middle, but couples need to communicate to convey their concerns and expectations.

And when one partner wants “sex” more often than the other, it is time to re-examine and expand our definitions of sex to include a wide range of oh-so-satisfying activities. Masturbation, watching or reading erotica, oral sex, manual sex, phone sex, internet sex, erotic massage and an infinite number of other activities can keep your sex life exciting and address the challenge of desire disparities within a relationship.

When one partner is too tired to engage in a particular sexual behaviour on a given night (or day), there is sure to be a happy compromise that doesn’t require as much energy, but can be equally satisfying. Playing with different sexual activities and watching the way your partners respond not only enhances the sexual experience, but also cultivates intimacy within a relationship.

Here’s to all the women who love sex and their partners who love them!

Have fun experimenting and always practice safer sex.