By Johanna Lyman
Despite nearly five decades passing since Betty Friedan wrote The Feminine Mystique and ushered in a new wave of feminism, many women are still uncomfortable initiating sex. If you’re not one of those women, congratulations! If you are, read on.
Sex seems to be the last wave in the feminist movement, which began in the 1800’s. Two hundred years later, we are beginning to understand that it’s good... really good... to be a woman. Women have skills that men can’t touch. And yes, men have skills women can’t touch, but we’re beginning to realize that doesn’t make them better. We are beginning to honor the feminine essence, and I say that it’s about time.
One of the great things that happens as we honor the essence of the feminine is that we let ourselves lighten up and play a little. If you’ve never initiated sex before, or do it rarely, you might be a little intimidated. Don’t take it so seriously! It’s really not that complicated, and most men are ridiculously easy to seduce (I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course). The feminine likes to be provocative. She appreciates herself as a sensual and sexual being. So put on your sexy on (remember, sexy is not a dress size) and use these tips, offered by Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, Sexologist PhD, to initiate sex with your sweetie.
How To Initiate Sex
1. Let Him Know He's On Your Mind: Send a provocative text during the day. It doesn't have to be steamy (unless you want it to be!), but could be as simple as "I miss you" or "I'm thinking of you." In relationships, we often stop flirting and this is one of the primary reasons that sex becomes stale and/or infrequent.
2. Share Your Sexy Secrets: Tell him about a sexy dream you had to get his mind churning. Try to incorporate him into the story you tell so that it's easier for him to picture the scene.” (Remember, guys are visual creatures; use this to your advantage!)
3. Get Hands On: Start with a massage -- work your way down his back to his thighs and let your hands brush "incidentally" against his hot spots.
4. Kiss! The lips are our most exposed erogenous zone and kissing sets off a flurry of chemical and nerve activity in the brain and throughout the body. Kissing also promotes intimacy through the release of oxytocin -- and rumor has it, kissing feels good! Play with your lips and see where it leads.
5. Spice it Up: O'Reilly didn't mention this, but it's my favorite way to initiate sex. Dress up in something you know your lover likes, then casually walk into the room. Give him a sexy stare, a hint of a smile, then turn around and saunter away. Don't touch him, but stay near him. Bend over to pick up a book, and glance at him over your shoulder. A few minutes of this, and he'll be begging for you.
Not sure what to wear? Try heels and fishnets, or heels and a short dress, or heels and lingerie. It should be obvious that you're teasing him and inviting him to want you.
O’Reilly also noted that initiating sexual or affectionate activity doesn’t have to lead to intercourse or orgasm. This made me ponder the delicious torture of getting your guy... and yourself... all riled up just before you go out to dinner with friends or over to your parents’ house. Sometimes the anticipation is better than instant gratification.
I mentioned that most men are easy to seduce. So easy, in fact, that a simple “Hey, let’s have sex!” will likely have them taking of their clothes in seconds. But I know you want to have more fun with it than that, and that’s a good thing. Not only will seducing your man in these suggested ways result in sex, but it will have an added benefit.
When you surprise your man with seduction, and really when you surprise him in any positive way, you increase his level of attraction to you. Most men crave variety, so any and all the ways you can mix things up and take him by surprise will keep him on his toes, which will increase his desire for you and increase the chances that your relationship will not only survive, but thrive.