Canada, you’re getting saucy! According to the 2012 Canadian Living Sex Survey, 36 per cent of respondents had sent a sexy photo or video to a partner – up from 30 per cent last year.
But sexting – sending seductive text messages, photos or videos – isn’t as simple as it sounds. What should you write? How do you photograph yourself in a flattering way? Most importantly, how do you keep communications private with your partner?
For those of you who haven’t tried sexting, or if you’re not sure you’re being as effective as you could be, we have some expert advice on sending sexy text messages. You may as well do it right, because once a text is sent you can’t get it back!
7 tips for successful sexting
Jessica O’Reilly, a Toronto-based sexologist, says her first tip is to ease into sexting. "Some light flirting can gradually unfold into hot and heavy sexts while allowing you to test the waters and your boundaries," she says. So take things slowly – you don’t need to send your hottest note or photo first.
You can also start off slow by saving specifics for the bedroom. Rather than be explicit in your sexts, be suggestive. "If it feels unnatural and awkward to share something overly sexy, be a subtle flirt," says Andrea Syrtash, a relationship expert and the author of Cheat On Your Husband (With Your Husband) (Rodale, 2011).
Sext in the affirmative. "Start your sext with something like, 'I want to...' rather than ‘We never...,'" says Syrtash.
Similarly, O’Reilly recommends that you choose your words carefully. "A picture may be worth a thousand words, but when it comes to sex and fantasy, naughty talk can actually go a lot further than a close-up photo,” she says. "If you’re intimidated by dirty talk, start with some sexy compliments. Stroking the ego can be even hotter than stroking the you-know-what."
Play with punctuation and adjectives. "It may not sound sexy, but an exclamation point can go a long way when it comes to sex," says O’Reilly. "Note the difference between 'I’m coming.' and 'I’m coming so hard!'"
When it comes to photos, you can never be too safe, even if you trust your partner wholeheartedly. You may want to take close-up photos instead of longer shots that include your face. O’Reilly says these are not only a safer, but they can be fun for your partner to decipher. Leave something to the imagination!
If you’re still hesitant, take a cue from some of O’Reilly’s clients, "who take nude photos of their erotic spots, but add a temporary tattoo to throw off unwanted peepers. Brilliant and sneaky!" she says.
3 things NOT to do when sexting
Don’t send sexts to an unwilling participant. "Make sure your partner wants your sexy pics first," says O’Reilly. "Sending naked photos without consent from your recipient amounts to harassment."
Don’t keep your sexts on your device. Once you’ve enjoyed them, delete them, particularly if you have a company phone or have children who have access to your phone – "unless you’re OK with them seeing your saucy photos and suggestive notes," says Syrtash.
Finally, don’t rush your sexts. As with anything, rushing can lead to errors. And you certainly don’t want to end up accidentally sending your risqué photos to your boss or neighbour!